Just past 5:00AM, Tuesday morning, and the hour actually feels earlier, if that’s possible. I guess it is possible since daylight savings time passed Saturday. I’ve been up for an hour or so. I’m not due at work until ten. I could go back to sleep. Nah. I’m up.

Last night I took some melatonin before bed since I wanted to sleep early and rise early. I guess I slept fine but I had nightmares for the second night in a row and woke to that cellular depression I know pretty well. Hello, old friend. Welcome back. You know, I find return trips to the land of depression interesting, when I can step back and observe them intellectually, because they provide insights into both my past and who I have become. When I feel that deadening desire to stay perfectly still, well, I remember that from my adolescence and early twenties and to an extent even a few years back. The sense of hopelessness diminished significantly over time. But I can’t say the effects are minimal. I assume the cumulative impact of years of depression will kill me sooner rather than later.

I also read that melatonin can cause nightmares. Bad drug! Bad drug!

Ok, I should probably work out but I don’t know that I’m in the mood. Perhaps I’ll get dressed and hit work. Photo shoot this morning. Meeting at 11:30. Home early afternoon. Why do people work normal hours?