I’m on the couch, 11:01AM, practicing relaxation. The football pre-game shows are rotating with the news. N is playing video games while M, S and T are at the YMCA. This morning has been fine. I was up around six, at the Y by seven, and finished working out by eight. Since then I’ve cleaned the first floor and started laundry before eating a vegetarian brat and sweet potato fries for lunch. I could sit on the couch most of the afternoon. Maybe I’ll try.
Yesterday was pretty good as well. What did I do? I don’t quite remember. Oh, we attended the Grafton Christmas parade yesterday morning. That was kind of fun, really, watching the kids scatter for candy as every few floats passed. T and I drove down to Borders, where he picked up American Gods and I snagged a free latte. Later I took a finished Almond’s so-so Rock and Roll Can Save Your Life and took a long bath with Woodcutters.
This week looks busy. I’m going to take today easy. I have no idea what I’m teaching tomorrow. I’ll figure something out. Have a great Sunday.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Friday, November 26, 2010
Why hello, intrepid blog readers. I apologize for the delay. The last two weeks have been suckass busy and exhausting, and as I’ve corresponded with many of you on the side, it’s not like I’ve abandoned writing or anything. But when I don’t catch up with blogging/correspondence I feel the nagging sense of incompleteness. I’m not kidding. So let’s dispense with the details and go with a general summary, shall we?
Oh, first, an arsonist is apparently trying to burn down the building in which I work. I’m not kidding about that, either. We’re moving offices in a few weeks, so Mr./Ms. Arsonist, could you hold off until Christmas break, when the building’s empty?
I feel like I’m teaching in fits and spurts this semester. I’ll go a couple weeks in which I suck, in my perception, then a few in which in I teach well. Next week is the last full five day semester stretch. I’m ready for fall of 2009 to be in the books, academically, so I can drop assessment class after about twenty semesters and focus on ASL 1.
This week has been interesting. Let’s focus on Wednesday first. M had to work so the boys and I cleaned the house (ok, the boys 10%, me 90%) before making a fairly kick ass Thanksgiving dinner of roasted vegetables, lasagna rolls, Heath-bar brownies, mashed potatoes, dinner rolls (the awesome brown and serve kind, full disclosure), etc. Then I felt like walking, but I didn’t want to walk in Port, as I’ve walked every possible route about 100 times, seriously, so I drove over to Cedarburg and walked their downtown. I thought the Christmas lights and soft drizzle would be relaxing but I was wrong. Cars whizzed over corners in the dark and the rain and wind grew stronger with every passing moment. My legs gave out after three and a half miles so I drove home and started drinking. After five beers I was properly drunk and collapsed into bed where I had nightmares for the second night in a row. I’m dreaming of people leaving me, of my old house, of my sad and evil parents. I should know better as I had a session Monday and I often go through nightmares stretches after sessions. On the plus side I’m feeling more solidified in the assertion that my parents tried to send the message that I was at fault for their abuse and I’m starting to frame perceptions in ways I should have years ago but the old, negative perceptual patterns are part of who I am and not easy to transcend. My therapist is encouraging me to let the emotions and memories come naturally. I’ve been framing therapy as a task at which if I work hard I’ll finish earlier. That’s not how it works. So the nightmares suck and left me tired but not so tired I couldn’t have fun with M and the boys down at the Field Museum on Thanksgiving Day. I hustled in the morning to put together a Glee/Eighties/Madonna mix, including Echo and the Bunnymen’s Bring on the Dancing Horses, a song I hadn’t heard for years but quite love.
We listened to the mix on the traffic-free drive down into my hometown while the boys read and played DS. The museum was cool, really, with all the dinosaurs and a cool exhibit on gold (including a penis shield that M, much to my amusement, said would put someone’s eyes out) and the African and Egyptian exhibits. The soil exhibit was boring as hell, I must admit, and after two and a half hours I was right with T in whining to go home. We took Michigan Avenue north, past all the pretty Christmas lights, then LSD up to Evanston and across on Dempster while I tour-guided for the boys all the way. We stopped at the Lake Forest Oasis and had an awesome Thanksgiving dinner of Subway (T, plain turkey on Italian bread), McDonalds (S, a hamburger without pickles), Sbarro’s (a slice of pizza each for N and me, although I ate about half of his), and some broccoli/beef concoction for M from Panda Express. We sat on the row overlooking the highway and watched cars pass. This was more fun that it sounds. Later, after arriving home, I ate Wednesday’s leftovers, watched a quarter of football, and read until Lunesta guided me into ten and a half hours of blissful sleep.
This morning I skipped black Friday, for the most part, and didn’t leave the house until 10 or so, when S wanted to hit Target (DVDs for me, overrated mint M and Ms for him, lines not long) and Half-Priced Books (two more Calvin and Hobbes collections, N can’t get enough of them). Later M and I worked out before I lifted at home and we took the boys back to the Y to swim, but they wussed out (easy for me to say, I didn’t swim) after about twenty minutes so we’re in for the night. T is off sleeping over at Nolan’s while Tanner is sleeping over here. I’m drinking coffee, 6:38PM. Don’t worry, this coffee is only guaranteed to keep me up until about 8PM. These early dark sunsets, esp. on grey days, kill me. Did I mention we have two full spectrum lamps now? They rule. You should get one.
I’m concurrently reading Steve Almond’s Rock and Roll Can Save Your Life and Barnhardt’s Woodcutters. I’m not in the mood for Moby Dick. I’ll get back to the novel eventually, it’s not hard to put down and pick up again.
Ok, that’s it for now. I hope your Thanksgivings are going well. More later. Stay inside.
Oh, first, an arsonist is apparently trying to burn down the building in which I work. I’m not kidding about that, either. We’re moving offices in a few weeks, so Mr./Ms. Arsonist, could you hold off until Christmas break, when the building’s empty?
I feel like I’m teaching in fits and spurts this semester. I’ll go a couple weeks in which I suck, in my perception, then a few in which in I teach well. Next week is the last full five day semester stretch. I’m ready for fall of 2009 to be in the books, academically, so I can drop assessment class after about twenty semesters and focus on ASL 1.
This week has been interesting. Let’s focus on Wednesday first. M had to work so the boys and I cleaned the house (ok, the boys 10%, me 90%) before making a fairly kick ass Thanksgiving dinner of roasted vegetables, lasagna rolls, Heath-bar brownies, mashed potatoes, dinner rolls (the awesome brown and serve kind, full disclosure), etc. Then I felt like walking, but I didn’t want to walk in Port, as I’ve walked every possible route about 100 times, seriously, so I drove over to Cedarburg and walked their downtown. I thought the Christmas lights and soft drizzle would be relaxing but I was wrong. Cars whizzed over corners in the dark and the rain and wind grew stronger with every passing moment. My legs gave out after three and a half miles so I drove home and started drinking. After five beers I was properly drunk and collapsed into bed where I had nightmares for the second night in a row. I’m dreaming of people leaving me, of my old house, of my sad and evil parents. I should know better as I had a session Monday and I often go through nightmares stretches after sessions. On the plus side I’m feeling more solidified in the assertion that my parents tried to send the message that I was at fault for their abuse and I’m starting to frame perceptions in ways I should have years ago but the old, negative perceptual patterns are part of who I am and not easy to transcend. My therapist is encouraging me to let the emotions and memories come naturally. I’ve been framing therapy as a task at which if I work hard I’ll finish earlier. That’s not how it works. So the nightmares suck and left me tired but not so tired I couldn’t have fun with M and the boys down at the Field Museum on Thanksgiving Day. I hustled in the morning to put together a Glee/Eighties/Madonna mix, including Echo and the Bunnymen’s Bring on the Dancing Horses, a song I hadn’t heard for years but quite love.
We listened to the mix on the traffic-free drive down into my hometown while the boys read and played DS. The museum was cool, really, with all the dinosaurs and a cool exhibit on gold (including a penis shield that M, much to my amusement, said would put someone’s eyes out) and the African and Egyptian exhibits. The soil exhibit was boring as hell, I must admit, and after two and a half hours I was right with T in whining to go home. We took Michigan Avenue north, past all the pretty Christmas lights, then LSD up to Evanston and across on Dempster while I tour-guided for the boys all the way. We stopped at the Lake Forest Oasis and had an awesome Thanksgiving dinner of Subway (T, plain turkey on Italian bread), McDonalds (S, a hamburger without pickles), Sbarro’s (a slice of pizza each for N and me, although I ate about half of his), and some broccoli/beef concoction for M from Panda Express. We sat on the row overlooking the highway and watched cars pass. This was more fun that it sounds. Later, after arriving home, I ate Wednesday’s leftovers, watched a quarter of football, and read until Lunesta guided me into ten and a half hours of blissful sleep.
This morning I skipped black Friday, for the most part, and didn’t leave the house until 10 or so, when S wanted to hit Target (DVDs for me, overrated mint M and Ms for him, lines not long) and Half-Priced Books (two more Calvin and Hobbes collections, N can’t get enough of them). Later M and I worked out before I lifted at home and we took the boys back to the Y to swim, but they wussed out (easy for me to say, I didn’t swim) after about twenty minutes so we’re in for the night. T is off sleeping over at Nolan’s while Tanner is sleeping over here. I’m drinking coffee, 6:38PM. Don’t worry, this coffee is only guaranteed to keep me up until about 8PM. These early dark sunsets, esp. on grey days, kill me. Did I mention we have two full spectrum lamps now? They rule. You should get one.
I’m concurrently reading Steve Almond’s Rock and Roll Can Save Your Life and Barnhardt’s Woodcutters. I’m not in the mood for Moby Dick. I’ll get back to the novel eventually, it’s not hard to put down and pick up again.
Ok, that’s it for now. I hope your Thanksgivings are going well. More later. Stay inside.
Sunday, November 07, 2010
I’m on the couch while T watches “Destroyed in Seconds” and Mack crashes between us. Pete is sleeping in the kitchen sun. Today’s bright and sunny. M and the other two boys are off at the Y.
This week has gone pretty well. A couple times I felt really calm. When that happens I recognize the state as something I used to feel regularly. I breathe and try to keep the sense of calm for as long as a stretch as possible. I thought I taught pretty well and did a decent job of avoiding working too much while getting a little ahead on course planning. Friday morning I hit the office by 5:30AM and got a ton done before heading out for a six mile walk around 10AM. Autumn is here, the air was cold and the wind is strong, but I listened to the eels playlist and dug the walk.
What else is going on?
• T is done with football for the year, thank God, and S’s outdoor soccer is finished, too. So this weekend was more or less event free. That ruled. I read a lot (finished The Unnamed earlier in the week, should knock out An Abundance of Katherines soon, then back to Moby Dick), caught up on television (the first Walking Dead was pretty good) and hung out with the boys.
• I’ve been eating way too much Halloween candy. Today I’m focused, though, and I’ll be fine. I know how to work out (even though I only did five, rather than six, days last week and Dr. L.’s encouraging me not to overdo the physical) and eat better.
• M and I took the dogs to the dog park on…let me think…Wednesday? That was fun, just circling the space and watching them glide through the trees. Dogs at full speed are beautiful.
• We’re down to the last four weeks of the semester, and one of those is Thanksgiving week. Wild, eh?
• I feel like cooking something today, but that would require me going to the store again. Maybe I’ll just make pasta. Yesterday I roasted potatoes from the farmers market. Is that hippy enough for you?
• On Thursday (I think) I sat in a coffee shop near work and went through about thirty poems I’ve written the last couple of years. They hold up better than I expected. I may be ready to publish something this winter or next spring.
Ok, I must move the laundry and avoid staying too busy. Have a lovely start of November.
This week has gone pretty well. A couple times I felt really calm. When that happens I recognize the state as something I used to feel regularly. I breathe and try to keep the sense of calm for as long as a stretch as possible. I thought I taught pretty well and did a decent job of avoiding working too much while getting a little ahead on course planning. Friday morning I hit the office by 5:30AM and got a ton done before heading out for a six mile walk around 10AM. Autumn is here, the air was cold and the wind is strong, but I listened to the eels playlist and dug the walk.
What else is going on?
• T is done with football for the year, thank God, and S’s outdoor soccer is finished, too. So this weekend was more or less event free. That ruled. I read a lot (finished The Unnamed earlier in the week, should knock out An Abundance of Katherines soon, then back to Moby Dick), caught up on television (the first Walking Dead was pretty good) and hung out with the boys.
• I’ve been eating way too much Halloween candy. Today I’m focused, though, and I’ll be fine. I know how to work out (even though I only did five, rather than six, days last week and Dr. L.’s encouraging me not to overdo the physical) and eat better.
• M and I took the dogs to the dog park on…let me think…Wednesday? That was fun, just circling the space and watching them glide through the trees. Dogs at full speed are beautiful.
• We’re down to the last four weeks of the semester, and one of those is Thanksgiving week. Wild, eh?
• I feel like cooking something today, but that would require me going to the store again. Maybe I’ll just make pasta. Yesterday I roasted potatoes from the farmers market. Is that hippy enough for you?
• On Thursday (I think) I sat in a coffee shop near work and went through about thirty poems I’ve written the last couple of years. They hold up better than I expected. I may be ready to publish something this winter or next spring.
Ok, I must move the laundry and avoid staying too busy. Have a lovely start of November.
Monday, November 01, 2010
Why hello, kind blog readers. Welcome to the first day of November. Let me move over to the table. That’s better. And how was your day?
November is my least favorite month, by the way. But I can’t say I totally hate November, so I guess I don’t have a totally least favorite month. February isn’t great, either, but one endures February like a champ in Wisconsin. Grit your teeth and suck it up. You chose to live here. Or your parents chose to live here, and God hates you because you were born to your parents or whatever. In any case, surviving February is a personal point of pride whereas November is like the dentist office waiting room of months without magazines. November is waiting for winter. And sometimes the cold, wet-cement grey sky is worse than the most intense blizzard. So, fuck you, November, at least until Thanksgiving, which I quite enjoy.
Anyway, today was a pretty good day. I was up at four, lifting by five, and in the office by 7:15. By nine I had accomplished quite a bit and I taught pretty well, too, keeping the students moving to avoid the Monday morning lecture dead-stare. I mean, I wasn’t a superstar but nobody fell asleep or looked angry to be there. Then I met with a couple friends/colleagues, got in the car, and drove to the Y for 45 minutes of cardio. I’ve been eating like shit (Halloween) so I needed the workout. I’ve been doing six days of cardio more often than not and I’ve been steady with lifting three days a week. After cardio I showered and ate lunch before hitting Dr. L’s for a pretty good session. Later I picked T up from school and played football with the boys in the back field, even covering T while S played quarterback. That was fun. After another Glee episode and dinner I took another quick shower and here I am. Pretty soon I’m going upstairs to read The Unnamed to another sleeping pill. Life is good. Happy All Saint’s Day. I’m practicing calm. I have to practice. This doesn’t come easily, but I’m getting better.
November is my least favorite month, by the way. But I can’t say I totally hate November, so I guess I don’t have a totally least favorite month. February isn’t great, either, but one endures February like a champ in Wisconsin. Grit your teeth and suck it up. You chose to live here. Or your parents chose to live here, and God hates you because you were born to your parents or whatever. In any case, surviving February is a personal point of pride whereas November is like the dentist office waiting room of months without magazines. November is waiting for winter. And sometimes the cold, wet-cement grey sky is worse than the most intense blizzard. So, fuck you, November, at least until Thanksgiving, which I quite enjoy.
Anyway, today was a pretty good day. I was up at four, lifting by five, and in the office by 7:15. By nine I had accomplished quite a bit and I taught pretty well, too, keeping the students moving to avoid the Monday morning lecture dead-stare. I mean, I wasn’t a superstar but nobody fell asleep or looked angry to be there. Then I met with a couple friends/colleagues, got in the car, and drove to the Y for 45 minutes of cardio. I’ve been eating like shit (Halloween) so I needed the workout. I’ve been doing six days of cardio more often than not and I’ve been steady with lifting three days a week. After cardio I showered and ate lunch before hitting Dr. L’s for a pretty good session. Later I picked T up from school and played football with the boys in the back field, even covering T while S played quarterback. That was fun. After another Glee episode and dinner I took another quick shower and here I am. Pretty soon I’m going upstairs to read The Unnamed to another sleeping pill. Life is good. Happy All Saint’s Day. I’m practicing calm. I have to practice. This doesn’t come easily, but I’m getting better.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
