Well, the last post of the year may be the hardest. This morning Shadow refused to eat again and seemed to struggle getting around the house. The vet visited mid-morning. He believes she has cancer. We can either put her through a series of painful tests that, while identifying the problem, will probably not provide a path to a cure, or we can keep her comfortable until she’s in pain. Then we’ll make the call to let her move on.

I’m slightly buzzed now. Allow me to write my dog’s eulogy.

I first met Shadow in my second year, I think it was my second year, as a teacher at St. Ailbe’s School in Chicago. She, a collarless stray, wandered onto the playground one December day because, I assume, three hundred kids seemed like fun. As winter had arrived and she had no place to stay Shadow slept in the school boiler room for the first three nights I knew her. By the way, slight sidebar, Sister Kathryn, you fucking rock for letting us keep a dog in the school’s basement for three days. After talking it through with M we decided to take Shadow home. She promptly barfed all over my Lesabre, fought with the cats, and conned her way out of her bed in the bathroom and into ours within a week. What do I remember the most about our first year with Shadow? I remember the way she tilted her head the first time she heard voices (Billie Holiday) come out of a stereo speaker. I remember M, frustrated with her first teaching job, standing in the backyard, smoking, while Shadow played nearby. I remember Shadow leaping over the fence to play with the neighbor’s dog. What the hell were we thinking? That was dangerous. I remember walking with her around Chicago and thinking of how small she looked on the city streets.

For the last eleven years, most of Shadow’s life, she’s lived in a small Wisconsin town. My memories of Shadow revolve around home. I loved the way Shadow would put her paws on the windowsill and watch the street. I’ve sat on the back steps with her probably 500 nights, watching the stars, listening to the bats circle above us. I’ve walked hundreds of miles with her down the bike paths and woods. Shadow was a beautiful dog who rarely needed a leash and rarely, if ever, bit anyone. She was wonderful with my sons. My oldest son’s first word was, in fact, “Adow”. I believe she taught them about love, trust, and the souls of animals. I owe her forever for her role in the raising of my sons.

In close to fifteen years I slept away from Shadow maybe thirty nights, and ten of those were in Italy last year. She always slept next to me, whether I was on the front porch, the couch, or in my bed. She charmed the neighbors and chased the rabbits. She stole liberally from tables and licked my tears away. She has the best heart, the most trusting, innocent heart, I have ever seen. She taught me about goodness through a decade and a half when that lesson was more important than anything. In some ways we became adults together; I grew into a teacher and raised my children with Shadow at my side. I love her, and I will miss her for the rest of my life. Perhaps I’m just trying to make myself feel better, but I believe in the afterlife, I believe in souls all around us, and I hope and pray that I will feel her presence and she will feel mine. It’s not fair that we’re not dying at the same moment.

I won’t let you feel any pain, Shadow. The vet said you weren’t in pain. When you are, when it hurts and there’s nothing we can do, I’ll hold you as you pass on to the next world. You’re my girl. I owe you that. Thank you for everything.

I’m on the couch, a little after eight, looking down at Shadow. I’m worried one of these nights I’ll go to sleep and wake to find her dead. Perhaps that’s the best way for her to go. She’s fading quickly, I fear, after a few weeks of shoulder problems and a quickly disappearing appetite. I keep looking for a reason, something I can do, but I’m not sure if one exists. You know that phrase, “keep her comfortable”? That’s what I’m trying to do tonight. This morning Shadow ate a little bit of egg, but not much, and she’s hardly moved from the futon since. She never ate a lot anyway but it’s strange that she doesn’t want to move at all. My poor little girl. I love her.

M and the boys are in Florida. Yesterday I drove them down to the airport. We arrived early and completed our pre-flight rituals with time to spare. The boys and I checked out the small airport museum while M checked the bags. Then we snagged pizza and let pennies spin down the circle-spinning thing near the bookstore. I stood near the security entrance and watched until my family was out of sight. I miss them already.

Since I was in the city I decided to consolidate commutes and made a few stops on the way home. First, after a frustrating parking search, I found a spot on third and snuck into Downtown Books. Goddamn, that building is amazing. I’m not sure how many floors it contains (four?) but books are crammed twelve feet high across every imaginable space, and these are large rooms, like narrow warehouse spaces. I ran into my neighbor Jim, a structural engineer, and he said I should get out as soon as possible because the building could fall at any minute. He might have a point. I cruised the stacks quickly, but despite the presence of hundreds of thousands of books I couldn’t find anything worthwhile I didn’t already have. The selection was interesting, to say the least. Most of the cheaper paperbacks were dead novels and forgotten genre fiction. I stumbled on a couple funny sections, e.g. an entire shelf devoted to the same remaindered “Lord of the Rings” edition and a box of Toni Morrison novels which someone appeared to (wisely) abandon at the foot of the “M” shelf. I need to take my friends to see this place.

I hit Whole Foods next, where I picked up more quinoa and Indian simmer sauce. Then I stopped at Borders, uselessly, and finished errands with a reserve shelf pickup at the library. What did I do next? I don’t remember. I drove home, worked out, showered, ate dinner, and read a while (Architecture of Happiness). A quick beer and some Beethoven later and I was asleep.

Shadow and I rose early. I worked out to a creepy history channel program on the nature of lust. After a shower and breakfast I hit Kohls with a “return credit” card for a new coat, massively cheap pajama pants (five bucks!) and two pair of special athletic underwear, one of which is orange and of a highly questionable sense of fashion. I also stopped at the Grafton post office, where most of both mailing packages and buying stamps is automated. I'm nerdily excited by 24 hour access to the post office. I stopped at the library again for a movie (Smart People) before returning home. After lunch I cleaned the kitchen cabinets, disposing of ancient prescription medicine and moving some food and dishes into basement storage. The kitchen looks great. Later I braved the grey, lightless afternoon for a new drill at Home Depot (necessary) and three films at Blockbuster (not necessary, but helpful since I’m staying inside the next few days). I watched “The Footfist Way” after a bath. The film was smart and funny, just what I needed. I followed the movie with another “Architecture of Happiness” session. Now I’m half-writing and half-wondering if Shadow has to pee. Snow is falling.

More tomorrow. I’m locking the doors and staying inside. Good night. I miss my family.

Merry Christmas morning! I’m up way too early. I’ve been up since 1:30AM or so, thank you, excitable small children, and I’m quickly approaching the sleep/waking point of no return. Odds are I’m staying up. What the hell. I’ll sleep later. Thank God we never do that “drive to this family then that family then this family” thing on Christmas Day. I’m parking my ass on the couch and watching some basketball.

Yesterday was a pretty good day, except for the incident in which a snowplow almost creamed N in the alley. Let us not talk about that incident. Anyway, the snow was light and beautiful, and the air warmer, so we played outside in the morning. M and her mom went out for lunch/shopping near noon. We’ve all been stuck in the house between the bad roads and subzero temps, so any respite is welcome. Once they returned I hit the office to water the plants, clear out my email, and play loud music. The space was clean and welcoming. I love my office. Afterward I swung by Borders and then Schwartz’s, where I picked up a copy of “I Have The Right To Destroy Myself” before flowing down PW road to church. Now, I haven’t attended church in a good two months, and we haven’t given them money for a good six, so I could feel a few eyes on me as I entered the sanctuary. Remember, I used to be on the board. I sat in back near M’s mom and chatted until my ADD kicked into gear and I walked around the lobby and peered in the windows during the program. The boys did a great job. After the program everyone retired to the basement/church hall for a cast party, if you will. I hung out for thirty minutes and talked with the lady who plays violin for the MSO. She’s very nice. Then I gathered up the kids and drove home. M and her mom stayed to clean up. The boys and I fired up the stove, cooked the pizza, and watched tv. M and her mom followed not long after but M had to return to church because she forgot her camera. I think Christmas stress is getting to her. I hid upstairs and read my new book until I fell asleep, probably before eight.

We’re ready for a good Christmas. Good morning, everyone.

Christmas Program Pics!

Man, I have not been in the mood to write in the journal lately. I’m not sure why. I think I spent so much time writing and reading with the end of the semester that the last thing I wanted to do was apply a sustained thought to paper. I thought I had adjusted to the rigors of a semester but the first two weeks of December always wear me down.

Anyway, at the moment I’m in the local library’s quiet room. I not only have the quiet room to myself, I think only two or three other people are in the building. The roads fucking suck and I think most citizens decided against braving driving. I don’t blame them, but I needed to get out of the house. Over the last few days I’ve spent more time reading in the bedroom than anything. M’s mom is here, and the visit has been fine, but I don’t want to watch the Today show or whatever and I don’t want to be rude and change the channel on her. I have home court advantage, I can go upstairs and read. No problem. This morning I thought I’d drive to the office but my car spun out on the road to the highway so I turned around, picked up my laptop and Herodotus, and hit the library.

I’m in an ok place, emotionally, but I’m scared of wasting my time off. If the weather wasn’t oppressive I’d spend more time in the city. I’ve never been to Downtown Books, I want to check it out, and I could use a couple hours in the Art Museum. Tomorrow’s Christmas Eve. If the roads are better maybe I’ll get out of the house in the morning. We’ll see.

What else is going on? A publication on academic leadership accepted another of my articles. Yay. I finished that awful Tucker Max book and picked up the Herodotus again. Last night M and I hit an Italian restaurant down the highway (she has gps on her phone now, by the way, which helps you search for restaurants…interesting) then browsed in a bookstore before the subzero temps chased us home. The boys are great, as usual, but growing bored quickly. We’re less than forty-eight hours from opening the gifts than should keep them busy for a while. Everyone leaves on Monday for five days. I might check out the MSO on New Year’s Eve.

Am I scattered enough for you today? My apologies.

Gingerbread house pics!

Snow pics! Everyone's off from school this morning.

New specs and karate!

Monday morning, a little after six, no one up yet. T especially needed the sleep. He attended the YMCA lock-in and reported he didn’t sleep at all. Yesterday he was all groggy, so I’m glad he’s sleeping late today. Shadow’s crashed on the futon. I woke near 1:30 but fell asleep again near two and managed to stay that way until after five. Yay me.

The weather channel website says wind gusts are pushing forty. The house creaks with their influence. The temperatures are barely above zero, too. Long day. I’m working at home this morning, finishing grades, paperwork, etc. Later I’ll pick up my new glasses, if they’re ready, and head into the office, where I’ll assist with the MAT benchmarks and probably not arrive home until 8:30. I miss the boys on nights when I don’t see them until after they’re in bed.

Yesterday I cleaned and reorganized my home office shelves, worked out to Gossip Girls, and probably ate too many cookies. I may pull back on working out. I’m pushing too hard and I can’t shake this cold. After noon I watched a bit of the Pack game before driving over to graduation. The ceremony was boring but at least fifteen minutes shorter than usual.

I’m not happy lately. I’m tight and self-protective. I’m not sure why.

6:19AM. Rare that everyone’s still asleep this late. I hope they’re warm.

Yes, that's me in August of 1991. Damn, I was hot.

Whoo. Never underestimate the intensity of the end of the semester. I’m exhausted. How do I summarize? I’ll skip the first few days of the week. Suffice to say I worked a lot. Wednesday in particular was productive. Oh, I should mention that M was off on Tuesday so she and I white-knuckled the shitty roads down to Bayshore, where M bought a shirt and we trolled the Trader Joe’s aisle for new things to eat. Ok. That’s it through Thursday.

Thursday morning I attended the boys’ school Christmas program. I don’t fit in very well among the other parents, I’m afraid, so I sat way on the side near where the kids enter (after a couple years I’ve learned where to sit), read Murakami, and waved at each of my boys as they entered the gym. The boys did a great job. I was proud. Afterwards I ran through the freezing cold to the car and drove to work. My neck hurt, and I was slightly under the weather, but I attended my 11:30AM meeting and managed to get some work done in the afternoon. By 3 or so, when the student teachers arrived, I felt seriously ill. After walking through each student’s portfolio I left the group to the new teacher panel and drove home. Pulling into the garage I couldn’t stop shaking. I willed myself inside, took a shower, huddled under the warmest sleeping bag, and shook myself to sleep. At 4AM N crawled into bed with me. I rose, went downstairs, canceled my only appointment for the day, and remained, exhausted, on the couch for most of the morning. I watched the surprisingly good “Don’t Mess With the Zohan” but couldn’t raise the energy to clean. After the boys arrived home I hung out for a while then snuck upstairs to read (Gaiman’s “Graveyard Boys”, from the reserve list, so I put down the Herodotus for the weekend) and listen to Stars of the Lid. I fell asleep by 7 and didn’t wake until 4:30. God, I needed that sleep. Today I felt much better but still weak. I cleaned a little (always a sign I’m feeling better) until my mom arrived at 9:30AM (thirty minutes early, par for the course). Luckily T had a game at 10:45AM, so I managed an hour long reprieve with the mp3 player and book on the bleachers. Afterwards we stopped by Best Buy for a new video game (Forgotten Realms?) and the first Gossip Girls season. After my mom left I worked out to the first episode. I’m still tired but I’m glad I worked out.

T’s got a friend over. They leave for a YMCA lock-in pretty soon. Everyone’s spazzing out in the house. I’m trying to get M to watch Gossip Girls. Quiet. I need quiet. More later.

T and M are off at a birthday party (I think the party revolves around “Bolt”), while N watches The Justice League and S plays Pokemon on DS. After M returns home I might go upstairs and finish The Possibility of An Island. I already worked out an hour but I almost feel like working out again. What the hell, maybe I’ll watch the Cowboys/Steelers and knock out another half hour.

Last night I fell asleep on the futon in the living room. That worked out well, actually, as I slept like the dead and benefited from the humidifier about five feet from my head. This morning, after I woke, I worked out to High School Musical 2: The Pop-Up Edition with T and S. I felt bad because N wanted to play but S more or less ignores him, so I leaned on S to at least give him an answer. T and I hit Costco and Best Buy after a couple neighbor kids arrived to play with the younger kids. We had fun, cruising through the Costco aisles and checking out computer games at Best Buy. Now, I don’t know, I don’t run as a big of a risk of job loss as some people, I like to think, but I still remain careful of what I buy and the like, so we left Best Buy empty handed and picked up necessities (in my eyes, anyway) at Costco. T ran off to play computer after we unloaded the food. M watched the X-Files movie while I read a bit and cleaned. No more army men set-ups on the dining room table! It’s too hard to eat with the crap everywhere.

Last night’s seasonal depression was rough. When the winter sun fades the night sky feels as if it’s inches above my head. I did Tai Chi and tried to read. For the most part it worked.

I hope T is having fun at his party. He’s a great kid.

Tomorrow should be an interesting day at work. If I stay focused I may be able to stay home Tuesday and Wednesday. The forecasters are saying we could get heavy snow Tuesday, so staying home might be a decent option. We’ll see.

T and S snowboard!

I don’t care how many times I experience the end of the semester, the last couple weeks before graduation are always a bitch. This past Thursday and Friday were particularly awful. I won’t go into details.
So what about today? Today has been ok. I’ll start with last night. M and I watched 30 Rock and The Office while the boys played upstairs. I finally returned to The Possibility of An Island, after a rare couple of days away from books, and read for a solid hour before falling asleep on the couch. I stumbled upstairs near midnight and crashed in the guest bedroom. Later, towards dawn, I had a strange dream about riding with Shadow on Amtrak through Indiana. At one stop we got out to walk around and the train left without us. For some reason I called LM from work to pick us up. I saw her at a meeting yesterday. Maybe that’s why she was on my mind.

T was up and downstairs by five, probably in part due to the St. Nick’s celebration. Shadow and I joined him a little later, fired up some coffee, and checked email. T and his brothers, once they were up, let M sleep until 6:30AM before waking her and attacking their St. Nick’s gifts. Each kid got candy and army men. My kids are into sugar and violence. The boys played with their new set-ups for a good couple hours. I jumped in the car and hit the supermarket and donut shop. Our donut shop rocks. The building smells like a bakery although the booths and formica are more indicative of a fast food restaurant. An old woman got my donuts (only six) before I walked through the snow, drove past the snowplows, and returned home. I skipped working out Friday, the first day off in three weeks, so I climbed on the elliptical for an hour while watching “21” and some new Travel Channel show in which a guy takes on food challenges across the nation. He won this one, by the way, by eating some five pound steak in a half hour. Something like that. After a shower and breakfast T, S and I drove over to the hill for snowboarding. Goddamn, the wind and air were cold. I lasted about twenty minutes before hiding in the car. The boys joined me soon afterwards. We spent the rest of the afternoon watching “The Princess Bride” while M worked upstairs on her laptop. T is off singing at some crazyass outdoor choir concert. No thanks!

I’m tired, man. But I’m not sure what to do tonight. I think I’ll read now. Snowboarding pics later. Good night.

I’m in the rocking chair, quarter after 5PM, writing while the kids watch some Garfield movie. Pretty soon I’m going to shave, get my clothes ready for tomorrow, and bathe. I’m hoping to be in bed by eight. Snow is falling, and I want to take advantage of the calm, breathing night.

Last night T, M and I stayed up late and watched “Hancock”. The movie was surprising in its quality. I had no expectations and no complaints. This morning N woke me early after I fell asleep on the couch. No big deal…I was ready to wake anyway. After inhaling a couple cups of coffee, I started cleaning the first floor until I drove over to Best Buy and bought a Sims game. I’m in the mood to clear my head and maybe it’ll help. Later we bought a Christmas tree at the little stand near the Congregationalist church. I finished cleaning and worked out to the first half of the Pack game while M hit the store in advance of the snowstorm. Later Shadow and I walked through the cemetery, just as flakes started to fall, where the trees were shaking to the point where they appeared alive. I was glad to see her run. She’s still got life in her. I made pasta rolls for dinner, listened to NPR, and here I am.

Suddenly I’m tired. I survived you again, November. Well-played, but I win.

Three more quick waterpark pics...

Three cool purchases over the last year!

1. A new showerhead. You wouldn’t think a new showerhead would be all that cool, but I dig this motherfucking piece of metal. Shoot me. I think this is the one, but I’m not sure mine has twelve…I think mine has eight settings. I could be wrong. Anyway, the mist setting rocks. ROCKS, I tell you. I feel a little better every time I take a shower.

http://www.bedbathandbeyond.com/product.asp?order_num=-1&SKU=14673431

2. Two Day of the Dead pieces that I’m counting as one purchase. I have this piece on my desk at work…it reminds me, in a weird way, to not take what I do too seriously.


http://www.lafuente.com/product.php?pid=996

2A. This is in the home office now…I like the glow at night. I like nightlights in general, by the way.


http://www.lafuente.com/product.php?pid=4389

3. This Herodotus edition arrived yesterday. I’m saving it for the end of the semester/Christmas break. Can’t wait.

http://www.amazon.com/Landmark-Herodotus-Histories/dp/0375421092/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1228074602&sr=8-1

The boys are about to watch “Space Chimps”. I’m not proud.

Today was a weird day. This morning I tried to lift but didn’t have the energy. After some coffee and a shower I grabbed T and stumbled towards the library. The space was empty. I read in the downstairs lobby while T searched for books and harassed the librarian. Later, restless, I drove into the office, watered the plants, and prepared for the week. I thought of grading papers but didn’t have the focus. Instead I stopped at Michael’s and bought what I hope is the last of the boys’ Christmas presents (a few more art supplies and a “green” easel, apparently green art supplies are not in high demand as they were heavily discounted). My restlessness remained so I accessed the energy to lift and complete an hour on the elliptical while watching the bizarre foods guy visit Sicily. I showered, ate (man I love yogurt and granola) and snagged the computer from my “Civilization” obsessed children.

I don’t know how much of this movie I can watch. The second floor is calling me.

Three to six inches of snow should arrive tomorrow night. I’m ready.

The house is messy. Tomorrow I’ll clean and clear my head. I hit the ground running Monday and Tuesday is the last of my marathon teaching sessions, so I want to be prepared.

I’m in a somewhat strange mental state right now. I wonder if it’s the right kind of cognitive dissonance. Remember, the anniversary of my teenage incarceration is only a few days away.

N seems frustrated lately, but he’s getting better, I think. He can be hard to read. I’m never quite sure how he’ll react to most stimuli. I suppose in some ways that’s good.

More later, with pictures. Good night.

On the couch, just after 5PM, black Friday. My latest CD mix is playing while T and N search for S, who is hiding behind the glider, about five feet to my right. He’s an enormously patient hider. I’ve been misdirecting his brothers. M just called me evil. Ha.

The last days have been active but exhausting. Wednesday night we did Thanksgiving dinner, shepherd’s pie, roasted vegetables, etc. I crashed not long afterwards. Thursday morning I worked out to some special on the White House and wasted the morning waiting to head up to the waterpark. We left near one, checked into the suite, and hit the waterpark. I ran up and down the stairs with the boys, repeating the largest two waterslides, until I found a table near the edge of the pool and tried to relax with a book. Two hours passed before we stumbled back to the suite, where the boys watched television and I called pizza places until I found a Papa Johns open a couple miles from the hotel. I drove through the overwhelming Sheboygan night, past the faded, lightless houses to the pizza place. That town may have been decent at one point but goddamn, you leave downtown and the ghosts of decade-dead industrial productivity and the nearby workers haunt the winter streets. The guy at the overlit Papa Johns told me the place had been dead and he had been getting paid for doing nothing all day. I sat on a plastic chair and looked at an apartment circular while I waited for the pizza. After taking a different route back to the hotel, I found the boys and we scarfed down the food before returning to the waterpark for a couple more hours. Later I slept on the lower bunk because N and S didn’t trust the bunk beds. I was ok. I read and listened to my mp3 player, mentally programming the disc to which I’m listening now, until falling asleep.

This morning I woke near five and hit the hotel workout room by 5:30AM. I ran five miles in about an hour, nothing too fast, but I didn’t want to push the knee. If my knee wasn’t injured I could do some serious time on the treadmill. Anyway, I needed the workout as I felt I had eaten like shit the two previous days and the pizza alone left me feeling blah. After I showered T, S and I sat in the hotel lobby. They drank rare (for them) sodas while I drank coffee. They’re old enough to run off on their own for a while so I read the papers while they explored the hotel. T threw quarters on the carpet and tried to predict on which design (anchor, wheel, compass) the quarter would land. We returned to the hotel room to find N in a very bad mood. He recovered within a few minutes and ate breakfast. We spent a couple more hours at the waterpark before T and I left at eleven (M and I drove separately, in case you’re confused). T and I have shorter attention spans for that type of experience. M, N and S stayed at the waterpark while T and I stopped at Kohls. The checkout line easily contained 150 people. Most of the line-waiters held what appeared to hold one or two items. I don’t understand why people would wait an hour to buy one shirt. Anyway, Target didn’t look much better so T and I drove home. He sat in the back seat, listening to the mp3 player, and I cleared my head. Later he watched The Hulk while I cleaned the kitchen and started the disc. M dropped off N and S and left for the stores.

I’m ready to stay inside for a couple days. My knee hurts. I love my family, but I’ll be hiding upstairs if you need anything. Good night.

A few quick pictures from the past week...

1. T and S in front of the tacky lobby fountain. We were hanging out in the lobby while N and M slept.
2. T in front of Lake Michigan at sunrise...S taking the picture.
3. Dancing on the tables in the suite!
4. Thanksgiving dinner...S providing lounge music.
5. Yes, we have snow. And yes, we throw it.

More later, whether you like it or not...:)

I’m sitting in the rocking chair, a little after noon, while T watches television and N and S are off in the house somewhere. M is working today. I do an awful lot of covering for my wife’s 60% job, and it’s starting to piss me off, but she swears it’ll get better soon. I don’t like doing a shitty job at my 100% position to cover for M. This is her first semester, however, so hopefully the time conflict will disappear soon.

So the last few days have been hell on wheels. You know how that first day of a long weekend hits you with an exhaustion that almost leaves you ill? That’s where I was at last night. Today I’m a bit better. Later today the boys and I will make Thanksgiving dinner (yes, I know it’s Wednesday, more on that in a second). After M comes home we’ll eat and maybe watch “Fred Claus”. I want to hit the bedroom early with a book because I haven’t read much the last couple of days and I could use the sleep before a busy couple of days. Tomorrow night we hit the waterpark. Sunday I’ll drive into the office to make up for today’s missed office time. Saturday I hope I can rest.

T has been all over the place today. Sometimes he’s, well, constantly underfoot. I had to rag on him about the habit today. I think he understands. He needs to learn to be more self-sufficient with his time. After we talked he drew (did a great job, actually) upstairs at the hallway desk.

I guess it’s starting to feel like winter. Last night I loaded groceries in from the car in the 5PM dark. The world felt lifeless. I turned on the full spectrum light and watched basketball until 10PM, way past my usual bedtime.

More later…I think I’ll start cutting up sweet potatoes.

Sunday evening, close to 6:30, although the hour feels much later. November is creeping to an end. Have you noticed how late Thanksgiving falls this year? My students are pissed I’m not canceling Tuesday night’s class, but I can’t because our last session is only seven days later. Oh well.

I slept twelve hours last night. Well, Shadow woke me by walking back and forth in the upstairs hallway near 3:30, but after I let her out and back in the house I fell back asleep and didn’t wake until seven. Goddamn, I felt miles better than yesterday. This morning I read the paper, showered, cleaned, and answered email while M shopped for Christmas presents. Later I lifted weights and knocked out 60 minutes on the elliptical while watching the Bears manhandle the Rams. Then T and I hung out while I finished laundry, burned discs, built playlists, and caught up on minor tasks like quitting Netflix and ordering a book from Amazon. Later T and I grocery shopped for our Thanksgiving dinner at the increasingly lame and crowded local supermarket. I made pasta for dinner, made tomorrow’s lunch and arranged tomorrow’s clothes, and took a shower. I’ll probably read myself to sleep soon.

The late afternoon light scares me. More later. M’s running the goddamn hair dryer.

I was just talking with some people about Chicago tourism...and...it's cold out...so I'm revisiting some summer Chicago pictures...

N is building at the dining room table, playing on his own, while T and S play Guitar Hero upstairs. They were surprised I knew the words to “Rock and Roll All Night.” Ha.

Yesterday was stone-cold exhausting. I was up early for thirty minutes on the elliptical followed by an hour of basketball. Upon my return home I lifted weights (harder lately, not sure why), showered, answered email, and drove south to the office. A slew of meetings later I left campus. Goddamn, what a long day. The boys were watching “Journey To the Center of the Earth” (the new one), so I slammed some pizza and beer down my throat, took a bath with “The Learners”, and collapsed into bed. This morning I woke at four, thinking the hour was later, and finished the book before trying (and failing) to fall back asleep. After reconciling my approach to my waking state I showered, ate, and checked out the black Friday ads on the computer. Nothing in the ads looks too interesting. No sweat. We’ll be up at the waterpark that morning anyway. I cranked DBT (Southern Rock Opera) and drank coffee on the couch. The library opens in twenty-six minutes. T has books on reserve. Later he attends a birthday party at a nearby roller rink. I’ll sit in the lobby and read. What about tonight? Maybe I’ll watch a movie. I’m tempted to visit the office in the morning. The visit isn’t necessary but I thrive on the quiet and could use prep time before the mad pre and post Thanksgiving rushes.

More later. I’m still not fully awake.

The boys are upstairs doing something that’s shaking the house. I’m worried I won’t sleep well tonight. This afternoon I used my new coffee grinder to prepare some Starbucks-brand coffee I bought at Costco. A couple cups of that and I was FLYING. Will I sleep tonight? Too early to tell. I think so.

This morning I woke a little after four and managed thirty minutes on the elliptical between five and five-thirty. Before six I drove over to the Y. A friend promised to leave me a guest pass at the desk so I could play hoops, but the girl at the desk, a student at my University, let me sneak into the building. Awesome. Twelve months have passed since I last stepped on the YMCA court. For the previous seven years I played three or four times a week. Truth be told I don’t miss basketball much. Seven years in Wisconsin, plus four or five in Chicago, left me burnt out. Still, I had fun playing with the same group of guys and after a few minutes my rhythm returned. I wasn’t awful. How’s that for a ringing endorsement? Still, I doubt I’ll play again, and I’m not joining the YMCA.

After returning home I started lifting weights but decided to bag the session and pick up the routine Friday. All the pushing and shoving in the key left my muscles off-kilter. I showered, ate, answered email, and started cleaning. After nine I hit the library (nothing), Target (coffee grinder), Kohls (nothing), Costco (a lot), and Pick and Save (a little). I put everything away, ate a quick lunch, and began the cleaning/laundry session in earnest. Ninety minutes later the house was clean enough for writing. I can’t write when the house is messy. Have I mentioned that? I drank coffee and worked on an academic article. This subject (boring, I won’t go into it) isn’t all that intense but I’m struggling to get my head around what I’m trying to say. Excuse my language, but I think you’d have to be retarded not to know already what I’m trying to say. Still, this struggle worried me I usually find academic prose a breeze. I pushed through an hour as the sun set and the house grew dark. I walked from room to room, turning on the lights, and started dinner (lasagna rolls). I listened to Schumann because NPR was too depressing. I also made tomorrow’s lunch and folded laundry, so I can take some solace from domestic productivity even if I couldn’t write for shit. M and the boys didn’t arrive home until just before five because of some school activity, but the timing was perfect as I had just putting dinner out as they entered. I had planned on leaving the computer off for the night but I wanted to tackle the article again (goddamn academic prose isn’t getting the best of me!) so I fired up the machine and felt better about the results. Dan called, so he and I chatted until I came downstairs to finish the journal. Now I’m turning off the computer. Good night.

I’m on the first floor, just before 6PM, catching up on the journal. This morning I woke by 3:30 or only to discover last night’s harsh weather knocked out our net connection. Since there’s nothing else to do at 4 in the morning I worked out to a first season “30 Rock” episode, showered, and headed to the office. Have I mentioned I love the office early in the morning? No one shows up until 8:15 (unless Sue next door arrives early, but she and I get along), so I can crank my music and monopolize the copy machine. I caught up on email and the last of the week’s grading then cleaned my office. My only class of the day featured presentations, so I took a seat in the back of the room and let my students do the work. By noon they were finished, so I hung out with Terry and talked with students arriving early for the 1:10PM classes until, at 1:30PM, I decided my 1:00PM student appointment wasn’t showing. I swung by Blockbuster for a couple movies and drove home. The house was cold, as M insists on turning the heat down to 64 when we’re gone, but I punched it up to 68 before getting ready for a second elliptical stint. Just as I was climbing on the machine my cell rang. The dean and associate dean wanted to talk through some major university gossip related to building/office moves. No sweat, although my dean, much to my chagrin, refused to put my request for a pet monkey into the package for which we’re asking the leadership board. She never lets me get my pet monkey. Later M dropped off S and N before T’s drum lesson. The two younger boys played on the computer while I finished working out. M and T took forever to get home, due to a late eye doctor appointment, so N and I ate dinner while S waited for his older brother. I feel vaguely wired now. From where is that coming?

I think I’ll hit an upstairs bedroom with a book soon. Remind me to breathe.

I apologize for the stretch between entries. Amidst exhaustion, seasonal depression, and social calendars the journal sat neglected for over a week. Allow me to make amends.

I suppose I should start with the weekend. On Friday afternoon Dan and I met in Roscoe Village before The Hold Steady/Drive-by Truckers gig. We hit Powell’s (nothing), Reckless (double-nothing, except shared mockery of hipsters), and Taco and Burrito House (torta and junior burrito, thank you). Although the sun hadn’t set yet we wanted to make sure we snagged prime parking (my car was already stashed on Lawrence) and a balcony. The peanut brittle kid aka PBK (don’t ask) wasn’t due until about six so we parked near my car and sat in the Borders across the street from the Riviera. I drank coffee. We sat in the corner and chatted until PBK arrived. He told an insane story about a friend who met a girl from China on the internet and wants to fly over to visit her. The mood was relaxed, very calm, as we had time to kill and hung out until near 6:30, when the doors were set to open. My knee was slightly fucked from early morning running (I should have known better than to ditch the elliptical on a concert night) but I stumbled up the stairs to the balcony’s first row. Dan and PBK laid claim to extra seats, which left me uncomfortable as the venue filled, but the security didn’t seem to mind (of course, they were the least manly security guys I had ever seen…it was like the Doobie Brothers were providing security) and no one asked us to move. Both bands, honestly, struggled through their sets. The encore, however, during which both bands came out and played along with each other’s songs, was top notch. After the gig we walked PBK back to his car, cut through a side street to our dual automobiles, said goodbye, and headed home. I listened to the Dalai Lama’s book on meditation on the highway and arrived in the garage just past 2:00AM.

A few hours later I was awake. My dead legs directed me to the couch, where I sat until close to eleven, when I fell back asleep and slept until two. M and N left for a birthday party while T, S and I hung out at home. T and I watched part of Hellboy 2 until he decided the film freaked him out too much and left the room. I didn’t work out and instead finished “The Wordy Shipmates” and started “The Learners”. Rain fell most of the day, and I took advantage of the grey, inert late afternoon and early evening to read and relax.

On Sunday morning I lifted, knocked out an hour on the elliptical, and managed 175 crunches. I felt a ton better, although still somewhat lame, as I needed an entire day to recover from one concert. Anyway, M took the boys to church while I cleaned the first floor and started laundry. I love cleaning on Sunday mornings. Later M and I finished Hellboy 2 before she took the boys to Madagascar 2 (she claimed the boys wanted to see the film, but I know she did as well). While they were gone I read, finished cleaning, and caught up on some internet activity. Later I took “The Learners” upstairs and read until about 6PM, when the early evening bore down on me with the seasonal depression I recognize from my youth. You know, the kind when you want to crawl under your blanket and stay there until, oh, March. But I was ok. I slept pretty well, woke this morning at four, worked out for thirty minutes, and headed to work. The day passed slowly but productively. I rolled through my emails, worked the floor circuit, and forced myself to grade assessment plans. Since I arrived so early (before seven) I didn’t feel guilty about leaving at 1:30 (although I almost nailed one of my colleagues in the parking lot…helps if I look behind me before I back up). I thought I was getting sick but another thirty minutes on the elliptical while watching a Travel Channel special on the Tibetan Book of the Dead, along with post-shower coffee, brought me back to health.

Ok, the boys are claiming the computer mouse is broken, and I should probably make dinner. More later.

I’m sitting in the living room, vaguely irritated, either from the diet coke switch or from lack of exercise, of which I can’t tell. Or maybe neither. I’ve had three cups of coffee already, but I’m forcing myself to take a day off from working out because yesterday I struggled on the treadmill and I could tell my body could use a break. Now I’m close to bouncing off the walls. Oh well. Maybe I’ll go for a walk after M and S get home.

So last night we attended the Milwaukee Symphony Orchestra’s concert. I had a great time, and I think M did as well. She said, as we were leaving, that she felt like she had done something “grown up”. Now, as some of you know, thirteen, fourteen years back, when we lived in the Wrigleyville or Roscoe Village neighborhoods (we moved) of Chicago, we had a Chicago Symphony Orchestra subscription. The tickets weren’t expensive; six dollars a person per concert for the worst seats in the house. However, we were so broke we’d take the bus to the concerts so we wouldn’t have to pay for parking. Last night was much different. First, we went out to dinner beforehand, Milwaukee Ale House, although I felt like an idiot in my tie. I’m convinced I don’t wear formal clothes well. Still, dinner was great. With time to kill we stopped by my office and picked up my suit jacket before driving downtown. With Chicago in the back of my mind I expected to drop fifteen bucks on parking before walking four blocks through a blistering wind. Of course, I forgot we were in Milwaukee, where we paid five bucks to park in a garage adjacent to the concert hall. And by “adjacent” I mean “a heated skywalk that connects the two buildings.” Rock and roll. We hung out in the lobby for a few minutes before finding out seats, up near the top of the hall but not at the very top, as we can afford more than six bucks a concert these days. Our row and the rows behind us were about 80% full but the three rows ahead of ours were empty. We conferred with nearby patrons and decided our row was the cutoff of the price range. In Chicago, if my memory serves me well, empty seats were scarce to the point of nonexistence. Once the concert started people spread out into the empty rows and we had room to stretch. Awesome. Now, the MSO may not be the greatest symphony in the world but there is no substitute for live classical music and the orchestra knew what they were doing. I hope they have enough funding to continue for a long time. I liked the first piece (Beethoven’s 3rd piano concerto, which Maura said she recognized from cartoons) but the second piece (Mahler’s fourth symphony) bored me. You know what I loved? Intermission. I like standing in the third floor lobby and looking down on the cars passing in the street. We have four more concerts in the series and I’m looking forward to them all.

We arrived home near 10:30. I drove Calvin the babysitter home, slipped him forty bucks, and read for a while before falling asleep on the couch. T came down near 6 so I stumbled upstairs and slept for a couple more hours. After waking I made coffee and took a shower. As mentioned above I decided not to work out today. M and the boys attended church without me. I cleaned, showered, and set up D and D. We were delayed slightly due a lack of ten-sided die tragedy but the adventure went well. Later M took S to a party, then left to shop/work, so T, N and I have hung out all day. We watched some football and finished “Get Smart”. Well, T and I did, N drew and played on the computer. I tried to read some Vowell but the kids kept interrupting me, so I fired up the computer, checked the scores, and started writing. I’ll probably get everything ready for tomorrow, take a bath, and hit bed with a book early. I want to get up early to lift and work out in the morning. Good night.

Noon just passed. The boys are upstairs, at least S and N are upstairs, T might be out front playing with his Heroscape guys. M might be out there with him. She just returned from a local bead shop, where a “going out of business” sale features everything 60% off. Who in goddamn hell would open a bead shop in Port Washington, Wisconsin? God bless you, American small business owners.

So yesterday was a long but not horrible day. The conference was a joke. I’m estimating the state paid anywhere from 20 to 25 grand to throw the conference, and goddamn, it was motherfucking useless. During the intro the lead organizer, a friendly woman, from what I can tell, actually displayed every single item in the swag bag, e.g. “Look! You got headphones!” Holy crap. Then I attended the first panel which, in the name of informality, was a complete mess. No one, panelist or audience, knew their role. I gave up and left around noon. My knee was tight after thirty minutes on the treadmill and thirty on the elliptical (all before 5:30AM) so I was worried about the ride home but the knee held. I left the interstate at 33 near Portage and rode the two lane highway, straight like an architect’s, to its eastern terminus. I passed through Horicon, Fox Lake, Beaver Dam, all the small Wisconsin towns enduring the gray, bristling, sunless November Friday. When I neared the lake I detoured to Blockbuster (“Get Smart”) and Target (check for Wii games) before stumbling into the house. Fatigue was taking its toll by now so, after some quick Indian food/rice I settled on the couch with the movie. Anne Hathaway is gorgeous…the rest of the movie ok. M and the boys returned, so we hung out for a while until they turned “Nim’s Island” on. I read upstairs then fell asleep until seven, when M and I watched “The Office” and “30 Rock” before falling asleep for the second time.

After sleeping like the dead I woke near six. I lifted and worked out while watching “Gray’s Anatomy” (M was on the elliptical while I lifted, so she had the remote) and “The Amazing Race”. Afterwards T and I hit the library, Best Buy (he saved enough money for a Wii basketball game), and Costco. I’ve decided that I don’t want to pour diet coke chemicals in my gullet every day so I’m switching to coffee. I bought Dunkin Donuts coffee at Costco and made a few cups once we arrived home. Dunkin Donuts coffee tastes like punk rock. At least the caffeine edge is off. For now. And I haven’t had a diet coke since yesterday. Yay me.

Tonight M and I are listening to the Milwaukee Symphony Orchestra play Beethoven and Mahler. Tomorrow is a necessary rest day. Stay warm. The wind is blowing hard today.

Very early Friday morning, around 3:30AM, in a Wisconsin Dells waterpark hotel room. I’m worn out. I’m past my third week of an hour of cardio a day, plus weightlifting and crunches. Do I need a day off? I haven’t watched a movie in forever.

Where to start? Ok, let’s get the election over quickly. I was up by four and in line at the polls by 6:15AM. An elderly woman with long grey hair was first in line; I was second. We didn’t talk much. I forgot the travel book so I fished Rollins from my car. I read and listened to NPR while the line grew. By the time the doors opened about 150 people were waiting to vote. After some initial confusion as to which ward I belonged I voted (black marker in Wisconsin, not the touch screen) and got on the road to work.

Later that night I stayed up to watch the returns. Since the election was over, really, by eleven (do you still bother voting in Hawaii if you know the election is over?) I didn’t have to remain up all night. I watched Obama’s speech from my elliptical; Grant Park looked great. Well done, hometown. I was proud to be both an American and a Chicagoan.

The rest of the week has been fine but busy. Shadow hurt her shoulder, too, and I’ve been worried about her. She can hardly put pressure on her front right leg. We carry her out to the yard and back and help her up on the couch.

Yesterday I taught in the morning (thought the class went well) then tried to get on the road to the Dells by noon but couldn’t get out of the office until closer to one. A huge, end of the world rainstorm descended on I-94 just west of Madison. I almost pulled over; the Saturn slid all over the road. But the storm ended within twenty minutes, right when the highway bends north, and I checked into the hotel near four. I briefly visited the end of the day meetings, worked out, and, as I was ravenous, ordered an Uno’s deep dish pizza. The outlet mall across the street was open, so I bought a shirt at the Gap for four bucks before picking up the pizza. I stopped at the gas station for a newspaper and, after much thought, decided not to buy beer. It was a tough call, as I was in the mood. Then I inhaled the entire pizza upon my return to the room. I felt guilty of the calories, but goddamn, I was hungry. I really need to read more about this health thing; I’ve reached the point where I’m pushing myself too hard and I’m not sure I’m using my energy well. Maybe I should refine my techniques. Anyway, I was so drained that I could tell, immediately, that no work would get done tonight. I read Vowell and collapsed into bed, then switched beds because of hallways noise. Did I mention that the resort upgraded me to a suite? Why not give the suite to some family with kids? I don’t need three beds and two bathrooms.

I’ve been listening to Sigur Ros’ “()” a lot.

That’s it for now. Good morning. Consider yourself updated.

So everyone snagged an extra hour of sleep but we pay for the additional sixty minutes with an early, oppressive sunset. This annual darkness, which makes me think of vampire movies, is somewhat of a personal legend. I’m combating the blanketed feeling by drinking green tea under the full spectrum light. It’s working.

So I was in a bitchy mood for most of the morning but I’m fine (if discombobulated by the time change) tonight. I didn’t work out early because N and I were up, followed quickly by his brothers and later by his mother and grandmother. Instead I showered and drove down to the office. I graded papers/gcasts, answered email, and cleared a few menial tasks from the back of my mind. The floor wasn’t empty; another faculty member, a staff member, and a stats study group (poor bastards) were all working. I turned down my music and finished what I could before leaving around ten. Since M and her mom were still at home I decided to stop at Michaels and pick up a frame with a 40% off coupon. Some poor girl working the register couldn’t figure out why one lady’s loot wasn’t discounted, and I, fourth in line, wasn’t in the mood to wait so I put back my frame and left. Thirty minutes after inhaling some Indian food and rice I closed the doors between the living and dining rooms and lifted while watching the football pre-game shows. I tried to run outside and failed, but returned and managed a solid hour on the elliptical while watching the Pack/Titans. Goddamn I needed the exercise. All the weekend’s stress and business could have spiraled me into previous habits (e.g. eating everything under the sun, avoiding workouts) but I gritted my teeth trough the first ten minutes of cardio and I’m glad I did. A quick shower later and I felt much better than two hours earlier. I suppose M’s mom’s departure lifted my spirits as well. She wasn’t horrible this time around. But I feel like she wants the boys to be something other than what they are; she tolerates rather than loves them. I cooked an early dinner (pasta and vegetables) than snuck upstairs with the travel book.

Ok, I haven’t done bullet points lately. Here we go:

1) I’ve had “The Band’s Visit” from Netflix for close to a month. I also have “La Dolche Vida” (did I spell that right?). Both are draining my account, but I usually watch films later at night and my workout/reading schedule has me in bed fairly early. I’m not sure what I can do differently. “Get Smart” comes out Tuesday, too, and I want to see that, of course.
2) We have symphony tickets for next Saturday, then I’m in Chicago for The Hold Steady/DBT concert the following Friday. And I’m in the Dells for state meetings Thursday night and Friday. I’m leaving the house. Hold on to your hats.
3) Should I drive into work tomorrow? Not sure, my friends, not sure. I’ll probably work at home, at least through the morning.
4) I feel guilty getting my iced tea from Starbucks instead of the local coffee house, but sometimes the local coffee house takes too goddamn long. But I don’t trust the smartass kid working the Starbucks window not to fuck up my iced tea. What’s it going to take to keep him from adding sugar? At least he has a sense of humor. He fucked with me last time by saying “Sweetened, right? No, I’m kidding.” The little fuck had me going.
5) My ear feels more or less better.

N and I have been up since 4:30. Well, 4:30 with the whole “fall back” thing, but 4:30 by the official definition. We’re watching television and trying to stay quiet. Why is he up so early? Hm. I'll lift and work out later, I guess.

Yesterday I felt aimless. After thirty minutes on the elliptical, while M and her mom were out shopping, I thought I was done for the day on all levels. My energy was nonexistent. Still, I’m not very good at doing nothing, so as soon as M returned I jumped in the car and went to Michaels and the library. I tried sitting in my favorite chair with the travel book but my concentration failed me. The house was empty upon my return (everyone went to “High School Musical 3”) so I cleaned and channel-surfed. Later I ran four miles. My knee held up pretty well until the bike path’s uphill stretch. Still, I was glad my knee cooperated at all. After a shower and some pad thai I curled up in the bedroom with the travel book while M, her mom, and the boys played loud board games downstairs. I don’t remember when I fell asleep, but it was before double-digits.

I’m not sure what I’m doing today. M’s taking her mom to the airport in the early afternoon. If I wasn’t dreaming Tristan threw up in the middle of the night. I’m restless already. Happy Sunday morning.

Today is the first of November, although Halloween is still in the air. November is my least favorite month, but we have an agreement, November and me, to stay out of each other’s way as much as possible. I don’t complain about the dead sky and November doesn’t mind if I curl up on the couch and read all Sunday.

I considered driving to Chicago today but decided against the trip because 1) I’ve been driving a lot lately, 2) my ear hurts, and 3) I’m going to Chicago in two weeks for The Hold Steady/Drive-By Truckers gig. So today is wide open, almost like a free day. M and her mom are off shopping. The boys are on the computer, but I’ll probably kick them off soon. I haven’t worked out yet and the first stirrings of the desire are starting in my legs. I wouldn’t mind stealing some library time later. M, her mom, and the boys might check out HSM3 this afternoon so as long as I work out this morning the library is an option. Goddamn, I love the library on cloudy afternoons.

Yesterday was decent. I woke, lifted, and finished thirty minutes on the elliptical by 6:30. Then I hit work, gossiped with Preston, and facilitated a somewhat frustrating but productive meeting until eleven. I tore the hell out of the building and took the lake road to Whole Foods, where I picked up a dozen cans of Indian food and more blueberry granola. Have I mentioned how much I love Jyoti Indian food? I’m still working through all the options, but I’ll report my favorites soon.

http://www.jyotifoods.com/pages/catalog.html

After returning home and eating lunch I hung out with the boys for a while (N was putting together lego sets…he’s quite good) before completing the daily elliptical hour to last night’s “30 Rock”. A shower later and I was on the road back to work. Sometimes Friday afternoons are my most productive. The floor is usually deserted and I’m driven to eliminate paperwork so I don’t have to think of it over the weekend. A few interruptions slowed me down but I managed three hours of productivity before leaving near 5:30PM. The air was growing colder and darker. I hauled ass home, took a bath, and hit the bedroom with the travel book. The boys, back after trick or treating in a neighboring town, read with me. N fell asleep on my shoulder. I crashed before nine. Rock and roll, ladies and gentlemen, yes, rock and roll.

I’m listening to Stars now. What a great band.

Happy All Saints Day, by the way.

Trick or Treat!

I’m sitting on the couch while S and N watch a Spongebob Halloween special. I cancelled class this morning for the first time in years. An ear infection (I think) has rendered me close to useless. I can’t remember anything (e.g. street names), string together a coherent thought, or even drive with confidence. I hate being sick. Tomorrow morning I MUST attend an important meeting. If my ear isn’t well by then I’m visiting my angry, somewhat terrifying doctor.

So what did I do today? Well, first I sent out some work emails. Then I ate breakfast and took a shower under the orgasm-inducing new shower head (even though said shower head still has some bugs, e.g. it shuts off at weird times). I hit the library to return some books/movies and picked up “Baby Mama” for M and her mom and a travel book edited by Bourdain for me. Then I worked out for thirty minutes while watching some special on hot dogs (Superdawg made an appearance). The workout cleared out my ear a little and felt ok. I don’t have to think much when I work out. Then I framed a few new pieces, hanged them, and worked out for another thirty minutes before showering again and cleaning the front porch. M arrived home with mom not long after. We talked for a while (I showed her the kindle online, she might want it for Christmas) while I screwed around online. They’re off picking up T and visiting Costco now.

M says I should slow down on spending cash. She’s probably right. In the last couple weeks I bought the new showerhead, prints, some Day of the Dead art, and tools. Now, these are things I’ve wanted for a while, and now that M’s working we can afford them, but I agree, I’ll slow down now.

I’ve also eaten too much Halloween candy but nothing epidemic. My weight plummeted earlier in the week. Strange. I didn’t expect that. I was down thirty-five pounds on Wednesday…I’m probably still close.

Ok, more later. Stupid ear.

The boys just returned from trick or treating. Pictures to follow.

Today was quite productive. I fell back asleep until about 7, woke, lifted weights, and ate breakfast (eggs). After a shower I started laundry and knocked out a decent complete draft of a revised course. Then I jumped on the elliptical, finished an hour while watching the football pre-game and the start of the Bucs/Cowboys game, and showered again. M made rice and I opened one of those cans of Indian food I picked up at Whole Foods. Whoo, it was good. I’ll try to get the exact name and post it in the future. After lunch I picked up tea at the local coffee shop and finished a second syllabi draft and departmental update at the library. I also snagged “Vantage Point” for M and her mom from the “Lucky Day” shelf. When I arrived home I caught up on football and ate dinner (tofu/mozzarella/spinach/mushroom salad) and answered the door when trick or treaters rang. We had a shitload, probably 100, many in groups of ten to twenty. I wonder if groups from out in the country drive into town. I always feel badly for the kids soloing with their parents. They don’t look very happy. I hope the parents treat them well. Since I had the house to myself (everyone else was out trick or treating) I burned some CDs for friends and loaded up a new playlist on the mp3 player. The playlist is on now (Fountains of Wayne’s “Valley Winter Song”, to be specific).

Not a bad Sunday night. Candles burn in all the jack-o-lanterns. Good night.

2:32AM. Yay. One of the boys (N, I think) came in the room. M ushered him back to bed but I couldn’t fall back asleep. I guess that’s expected when I fall asleep before nine. Another rocking Saturday night in scenic Port Washington, Wisconsin, ladies and gentlemen. It just occurred to me that the bars are still open. Maybe I should get a beer.

Today was decent. This morning I hit the last of the autumn farmers markets. The vendors all said “see you next year” instead of “have a nice day” or whatever. I guess the air was cold but I wasn’t freezing, and most of the stands had a decent amount of vegetables left for sale. Oh well. Next year. After returning home I knocked out an hour on the elliptical while watching the end of a Travel Channel show on weird McDonalds and the end of that show on Jerusalem’s underground. I upped the crunches to 150, showered, and started laundry. The boys had free video game rein for a while so I ate lunch and watched some of the Badger game. Later M and N left for a birthday party up at the pumpkin farm. I could tell M didn’t want the other boys to hang out on electronic devices all day so I gathered them up in the car and drove to Whole Foods. We had fun. T and S are old enough to walk through the store on their own without constant monitoring as long as they stick together. They whored at the free sample stands while I picked up bulk blueberry granola and weird Indian food in cans. Kelp tempted me, believe it or not, but the package was too small for the price. The boys chose lime soda and we got back on the road, where they counted political signs (heavy Obama territory around UWM) and made up songs. Whole Foods is about the same distance as the farmers market; maybe I’ll start driving down to the city on Saturday mornings now that the farmers market is done for the year.

T and S returned to their electronic devices upon our return home. Dan called, so we talked about school issues (I still think most “walk throughs” are stupid) and the like. I had falafel for dinner and mostly avoided the first wave of Halloween candy. The front porch was a disaster so I marshaled the kids into a cleaning force then decided, while they were on a roll, to get them to clean their room. They didn’t like the idea but they did a decent job. Of course, I had to lean on them, esp. N, about every five seconds to stay focused. Later I also had to lean on T for almost breaking a new Day of the Dead night light. I love that kid, I swear, but sometimes he goes into outer space. I struggle with the balance of high expectations and pushing my kids to do the right thing and remembering my oldest son is ten years old. I imagine most dads go through the same struggle. I’m amazed at how resilient T can be; he seems perfectly happy ten minutes later. I love him.

Anyway, later I continued with the Sedaris before falling asleep. Today should be interesting. I was planning on driving into the office but I’m not sure I will because bad weather is supposed to move into the area. Here’s the weather channel website quote:

“Windy. A few showers from time to time. High 49F. Winds W at 25 to 35 mph. Chance of rain 40%. Winds could occasionally gust over 50 mph.”

Those winds are a bitch on the highway. I mean, they’re not horrible, but they’re reason enough to avoid driving to work on a Sunday. Maybe I’ll hit a coffee shop with the laptop instead.

I hear yogurt and blueberry granola calling me. Good night/morning.

T's latest comic, title, "What the bleep?"

The boys are on the couch with me. Well, T is on the couch with me, drawing, one of his comic strips, while S paces back and forth eating pretzels and talking about video games. T, by the way, adds sound effects to his comic strips as he draws.

I think M and N are upstairs.

This has been a long week and I’m somewhat frustrated with my lack of productivity. I taught pretty well, I guess, and I facilitated/attended a shitload of meetings, but it seemed like every time I sat down in my office to write and revise syllabi somebody came through the door with a boatload of bullshit. Oh well. I might go into the office Sunday and I will shoot, I tell you, anyone who stops by to chat.

What’s been going on at home? Not much. The space is clean, more or less. Tonight we took the boys to Tello’s, a restaurant in town, because M had a gift certificate. I’m not big on taking the boys out just yet. The two older boys are ok but N is still too young to sit still for long and I feel like I have to monitor him every second. Restaurants aren’t fun or relaxing when you have to be ever vigilant. I’d rather order a pizza and eat at home. However, I can see M’s point…the boys need to learn to do the restaurant thing sooner or later.

I just kicked T off the couch for kicking my computer three times in a row.

What else happened? I attended both boys’ football games. T played well, his last game of the year, S was fine, I chatted on the sidelines with a couple women I know who are on the Obama campaign. Rain has fallen the last few days, like the rain I expect on my birthday, cold and hard. The cooler weather is welcome. I’ve knocked out 60 minutes on the elliptical every day except Tuesday and lifted early in the morning Sunday, Wednesday, and Friday. I can’t walk down the hall at work without someone commenting on my clothes. I guess that’s ok.

The boys are driving me a bit nuts now. S keeps trying to look at the screen. Hard to type when the boys keep asking you questions (“how did you get so fast at typing, dad?”) every two seconds. They’re good kids. I’ll miss this when they get older.

More later. Oh, I finished the Bryson and started the Sedaris. Good so far.

When was the last time I wrote? Friday? Well, this weekend was decent. The weather held up for what feels like the last warm stretch. The wind is picking up as I write and rain should arrive by morning. I’m ready for cold, grey late October.

I don’t remember what I did yesterday. Oh, I ran errands, cut the grass, hit the farmers market, etc. Nothing too exciting although I wasn’t looking for excitement. I managed to work out for an hour and felt pretty good. Last night I fell asleep early. This morning I woke early, around six, and hit Target by eight for a dining room lamp. My eyes settled on a floor lamp with a cool shade (sort of like the one I have on my office shelf) but I passed a few table lamps on such intense clearance that I couldn’t resist the bargain. I picked up a decent lamp, purchased a new shade, and drove home. My energy was flowing by this point so I cleaned out my car, took it to the vacuum place, carefully emptied the garage window of broken glass, took the glass to the gas station for disposal, filled up the car with gas, framed a picture, hanged the picture in the bathroom, lifted weights, and knocked out thirty minutes on the elliptical while watching the Bears/Vikings game. Then, while M was at some church thing and T had a friend over, I cleaned the office, living room, dining room, kitchen, upstairs hallway, and upstairs bathroom before knocking out another thirty on the elliptical. Not a bad day, eh? I also made acorn squash with apples, blueberries, and brown sugar. Tonight I’m going to try to read and get to sleep early. Tomorrow will be a long but hopefully productive day in the office. I need to give form to some syllabi ideas.

I’m ready for autumn. I don’t feel as if it’s here yet…too warm. Bring on the cold.

M and the boys are finishing the latest Indiana Jones as I write. I’m tired…this was a hellspawn of a week. Where do I start? How about with Wednesday? I went into work early, came home to hang out with T, who was home sick, went back to work in late afternoon, met S at his football practice, then came home and got the kids to sleep because M was sick. After everyone was asleep I went on a mad, stress-induced cleaning jag. I felt like I was totally in action/reaction mode, and I was kind of loud and spazzy by the end of the night. On Thursday morning I hit the coffee shop because I was afraid I wouldn’t get anything done in the office before class started if people kept coming in to talk with me. M called near 7:45Am and said the doctor called and said T had strep. So I picked up T and took him to work, where I taught assessment while he played Nintendo DS in my office. I don’t think I strung together a coherent thought throughout the entire session. Later T and I picked up strep medicine for both of us, came home, and collapsed. By the way, if there was any advantage to T’s stretch of sick days it was the fact that he and I watched the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy together. Anyway, by about dinnertime last night I was ready to collapse. By this morning I had been up in the middle of the night two days running.

I decided, not long after waking, that I needed a calm, mellow day in Port. After everyone left for school I burned some discs and gathered a few packages together. I hit the post office, sent the packages on their way, and returned home to work out. I lifted (up another five pounds) watched the last episode of the first season of Weeds from the elliptical. A quick shower later and I was on the road. First I hit the hardware store (full spectrum bulb, figured it was worth as the light wasn’t working, but the light appears to be broken, not the bulb), Michaels (white construction paper for N, charcoal and charcoal paper for me), Kohls (nothing), and Costco. Oh, I also picked up iced tea (snow buds) and loose tea (snow buds as well) at the downtown coffee shop. Clouds filled the sky, with the sun peeking through at intervals, and I felt calmer than I had in a week. M and the boys returned home not long after me. They peeled apples with this weird apple peeler device and made faces on plates with the apple slices. I ate a sub (Costco sub bread) for dinner and later discovered the bread had a shitload of calories. Oh well, I was hungry. After dinner Shadow and I walked through the autumn woods (see pics below). We returned home near dusk. M and the boys were watching the latest Indiana Jones, but I wasn’t in the mood, so I took a bath with Bill Bryson’s book on Europe before firing up the computer for the journal.

The boys seem wired now, but I’m pleasantly tired. You can smell autumn in the air. I have more to say, beyond the day’s blow by blow, but I’ll save it for tomorrow. Good night.

Shadow and I walked in the woods late this afternoon...here are some pics.

I am almost back from a thirty hour bout with the “please kill me” flu. Yesterday morning M called me at work and told me T had a sore throat and wanted to stay home from school. None of my kids abuse the fake illness route (in fact S has never missed a day of school in his life…it’s a weird point of pride for him…he calls it his “record”) and, since he’s old enough to stay home on his own, we agreed he could watch tv or whatever until after my 9AM meeting ended and I could drive home. He and I watched the first Lord of the Rings film and hung out on the couch. Near two or so I started to feel sick. By six I was shivering in the bathtub, the full-on flu rendering me pretty much useless. You know the flu that makes you say, “ok, I have to get up and walk across the room. I think I should walk across the room, but that’s pretty far. Do I really want to walk across the room? Ok, I’m going to work up the energy. Here we go. Straight across the room…now.” That kind of flu. So I cranked the heat in our room, crawled under my sleeping bag (god, I love that sleeping bag) and tried to sleep. I woke at eleven, read some Bryson, and fell asleep again on the couch until six. The night was warm and breezy, so I left the window open and took in the fresh air. This morning I downed two Tylenol. T and I watched “The Two Towers” (sidebar: Fuck, those movies are long) and by noon he wanted to return to school and I felt well enough to accompany N on his pumpkin farm field trip. Todd from next door and I carpooled since adults don’t fit on the bus. The field trip was a success. I’m glad I went, as I had attended both T and S’s kindergarten pumpkin farm field trips as well. Plus I feel badly for the kids who sort of wander around on their own. But the kids had fun, I think, and most of the parents seemed fine.

I’m tired but I think I’ll hit Costco and maybe OfficeMax. Tomorrow I’m breaking my “work at home Wednesday” rule and driving into the office. I need to put in an appearance after a couple days at home. Plus, I’m sick of my living room. More later. Good night.