Ten Bullet Post, Oct. 31st.
* I drove through Milwaukee yesterday on the way to pick up some tea I can only find in one store in the entire city. I can't imagine better autumn weather. Huge piles of leaves seemed omnipresent, a warm wind blew stray leaves through the streets, and a grey sky hovered two feet above my head.
* My car is acting weird lately. I drive a 95 Saturn, with close to 140,000 miles, so I worry when A) winter draws near, and B) the car appears to struggle. My gas mileage is down, too. I'm hoping to ride this baby to 200,000 miles. Why do people buy new cars?
* I've been teaching my sons to sing this line from that new Tenacious D song:
"If you are snooty
Then sniff in my booty"
I don't think they get it, but they laugh anyway.
* Last night I put down the Thoreau for a bit and read from Gaiman's "American Gods". I love the part in Cairo, Illinois, describing the quiet first night of winter. I'm looking forward to the snow.
* Tomorrow November starts. November is usually my most difficult months in terms of depression and the like. I don't deal well with howling winds on Sunday afternoon, with the sun falling at what feels like noon, unless I can curl up on the couch with a book. I do feel like the worst of my autumn depression is over, however. I'm in a pretty good place now. We'll see. I don't want to give that end too much power.
* My sons and I played football in the back field yesterday after school. I love those hours. All three can catch pretty well, and they tackle each other with complete abandon.
* Is it wrong to spend fifteen bucks on sixty bags of tea? If I ever become unemployed, I'm going to have to stop. I picked up some Bija "Cold Stop", which both my wife and myself currently swear by when ill, and some "heart hawthorn", which I tried last night and liked quite a bit.
http://www.florahealth.com/flora/home/canada/products/tg7.asp
* Yesterday the new Utne Reader arrived. I had to subscribe for a class a couple years ago, and I thought I only subscribed for a year, but that sucker keeps showing up on my doorstep. The editors' "aren't we cool for saving the world...and we're fit and rich, too!" stance bugs me, but I read anyway. Some of the ads are interesting. I've promised my wife to never attend graduate school again, once I finish my doctorate, but the weird "ecology spiritual Masters degree" programs or whatever out west sound, well, at least as if they'd be different.
* I have to drive to the Dells for state meetings this week. I could leave either Wednesday night, after the kids are asleep (I want to make sure I seem them Wednesday for a while), or very early Thursday morning. I'm leaning towards Thursday morning. I won't be home until Friday evening, then I teach all day Saturday. Tough week.
* My youngest son is up way too early, despite my wife's valiant efforts to get him back to sleep. Looks like he'll be taking messed up sleep cues from his dad.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Sunday, October 29, 2006
Ten Bullet Point Post, Oct. 29:
1. I've lived in Wisconsin for nine years now. In Wisconsin the kids trick or treat the Sunday before Halloween, unless Halloween is on a Sunday, when they'd trick or treat on the actual holiday. I found this weird when I first moved here, but I'm used to the practice now. I also, as a parent, don't mind the prescribed fourPM to sevenPM hours, but they would have driven me nuts as a kid.
2. I've discovered the less I answer email on weekends the less email I get on weekends. This is a good thing.
3. My middle son, age six, said "why do our parents do this madness to us?" to his older brother. We were in the van, getting ready for downtown business trick or treating.
4. That reminds me, trick or treating is no longer a one day event. We trick or treated at the downtown businesses yesterday, had a Halloween party at church, and I think we have another one at the library this week. I don't mind, I guess.
5. Is it wrong to snag candy from your kids' trick or trick bags after they fall asleep?
6. I watched "Sketches of Frank Gehry" last night. Great movie. I'm trying to track down a poster with his squiggle drawings on it, but I can't find one. Maybe he's only available at prices I can't afford.
7. Vic Chesnutt's "Ghetto Bells" arrived yesterday. I snagged it from ebay for $4.50, including shipping. I was the only bidder. How did that happen? The CD sounds great...I listened to it twice while cleaning. Tomorrow I want to listen at work, in my office, where I can hear a bit better.
8. My dog and I walked through the woods this morning. Man, we both needed to get into the woods, more than I realized. Most of the leaves are down, so we crunched through the paths amid the bare trees. We could see fish (I have no idea what kind, although I probably should know) fighting up the creek. The air was wet, too...my sinuses cleared up quickly. I felt better all day for the work. It's not like I never work out...I've played basketball or rode the bike the last few months. My dog, eleven, did well walking, too. I'll miss her when she's gone. I'm glad she's here now.
9. Daylight savings time started tonight. I was surprised sunset didn't arrive earlier. I guess the shortest day isn't until early December. Right? It's only 8:37, which is good, as I'm not tired yet. Maybe I should lay off the tea.
10. I haven't attended church much lately. The services and community haven't meant much to me over the last few months. I suppose I have to go back sooner or later, with the kids, but I'll hang out in the corners and empty storage rooms, reading.
1. I've lived in Wisconsin for nine years now. In Wisconsin the kids trick or treat the Sunday before Halloween, unless Halloween is on a Sunday, when they'd trick or treat on the actual holiday. I found this weird when I first moved here, but I'm used to the practice now. I also, as a parent, don't mind the prescribed fourPM to sevenPM hours, but they would have driven me nuts as a kid.
2. I've discovered the less I answer email on weekends the less email I get on weekends. This is a good thing.
3. My middle son, age six, said "why do our parents do this madness to us?" to his older brother. We were in the van, getting ready for downtown business trick or treating.
4. That reminds me, trick or treating is no longer a one day event. We trick or treated at the downtown businesses yesterday, had a Halloween party at church, and I think we have another one at the library this week. I don't mind, I guess.
5. Is it wrong to snag candy from your kids' trick or trick bags after they fall asleep?
6. I watched "Sketches of Frank Gehry" last night. Great movie. I'm trying to track down a poster with his squiggle drawings on it, but I can't find one. Maybe he's only available at prices I can't afford.
7. Vic Chesnutt's "Ghetto Bells" arrived yesterday. I snagged it from ebay for $4.50, including shipping. I was the only bidder. How did that happen? The CD sounds great...I listened to it twice while cleaning. Tomorrow I want to listen at work, in my office, where I can hear a bit better.
8. My dog and I walked through the woods this morning. Man, we both needed to get into the woods, more than I realized. Most of the leaves are down, so we crunched through the paths amid the bare trees. We could see fish (I have no idea what kind, although I probably should know) fighting up the creek. The air was wet, too...my sinuses cleared up quickly. I felt better all day for the work. It's not like I never work out...I've played basketball or rode the bike the last few months. My dog, eleven, did well walking, too. I'll miss her when she's gone. I'm glad she's here now.
9. Daylight savings time started tonight. I was surprised sunset didn't arrive earlier. I guess the shortest day isn't until early December. Right? It's only 8:37, which is good, as I'm not tired yet. Maybe I should lay off the tea.
10. I haven't attended church much lately. The services and community haven't meant much to me over the last few months. I suppose I have to go back sooner or later, with the kids, but I'll hang out in the corners and empty storage rooms, reading.
"The thrills of joy and thrills of pain are undistinguishable".
Thoreau, Walden
I have been an academic administrator for close to three years. The dean and assistant dean offered me the gig, much to my surprise, after 1) the department damn near fell apart, and 2) nobody else wanted to be chair. Now, I'm stupid. It's not that I'm ambitious for a huge office or lots of power. However, I have this nagging desire to prove myself. I have my theories as to where this desire emerges. As a teenager I managed to get kicked out of two high schools (ok, one "asked me to leave", but I get the feeling that I had replied "no", they would have been most insistent that I consider other options) and did time in a suburban teenage prison. I'll save the details for another post. However, once the powers that be declared me slightly (or more than slightly) insane, I had a hard time separating pathology from personality. For example, were I to fight with my girlfriend, I could not discern whether or not my drug-addled habits were to blame or I had legitimate concern. You second guess yourself a lot after lock-up.
So...after I arrived at my third high school, fresh out of prison, I worked my ass off. I managed, over the years, to plop myself in positions where I most certainly did not belong, well above my natural skills. Hence a thirty-four year old finds himself the chair of a major academic department in a small private university. How the fuck did that happen?
I worked hard, too. I think I did pretty well. However, as I get older, I find myself less and less ambitious. This is a good thing. I signed up for a two year term, which was extended, due to my dean's selective hearing, to three years. I've started my third year. The clock is ticking. I've spent too much time of the past years, esp. the last few months, up late at night worrying about this conflict or that document. I've sent way too many harried emails in the middle of the night. Last Monday morning I arrived at work before 3AM. I'm thirty-seven now. Time to stop. I've proved myself.
I think I'll struggle with cultivating habits that do not belong to a guy with two masters degrees and an ABD doctorate in thirteen years. I'll need to meditate. I'll need to walk. I'll need to keep my fucking mouth shut around the department. I'll to consciously walk away. These last few months I've been so tired. I would like some energy back. I want to write poetry again. I'm very aware of time. I'm constantly counting years, watching my kids, aware of my own mortality. I also know I could disappear from work and, after some brief confusion, the place would move on. I've seen too many talented people leave with hardly a ripple to think I matter that much. I'd rather find something I want to do. I think I can keep my job and disengage some. I hope so. More later.
Thoreau, Walden
I have been an academic administrator for close to three years. The dean and assistant dean offered me the gig, much to my surprise, after 1) the department damn near fell apart, and 2) nobody else wanted to be chair. Now, I'm stupid. It's not that I'm ambitious for a huge office or lots of power. However, I have this nagging desire to prove myself. I have my theories as to where this desire emerges. As a teenager I managed to get kicked out of two high schools (ok, one "asked me to leave", but I get the feeling that I had replied "no", they would have been most insistent that I consider other options) and did time in a suburban teenage prison. I'll save the details for another post. However, once the powers that be declared me slightly (or more than slightly) insane, I had a hard time separating pathology from personality. For example, were I to fight with my girlfriend, I could not discern whether or not my drug-addled habits were to blame or I had legitimate concern. You second guess yourself a lot after lock-up.
So...after I arrived at my third high school, fresh out of prison, I worked my ass off. I managed, over the years, to plop myself in positions where I most certainly did not belong, well above my natural skills. Hence a thirty-four year old finds himself the chair of a major academic department in a small private university. How the fuck did that happen?
I worked hard, too. I think I did pretty well. However, as I get older, I find myself less and less ambitious. This is a good thing. I signed up for a two year term, which was extended, due to my dean's selective hearing, to three years. I've started my third year. The clock is ticking. I've spent too much time of the past years, esp. the last few months, up late at night worrying about this conflict or that document. I've sent way too many harried emails in the middle of the night. Last Monday morning I arrived at work before 3AM. I'm thirty-seven now. Time to stop. I've proved myself.
I think I'll struggle with cultivating habits that do not belong to a guy with two masters degrees and an ABD doctorate in thirteen years. I'll need to meditate. I'll need to walk. I'll need to keep my fucking mouth shut around the department. I'll to consciously walk away. These last few months I've been so tired. I would like some energy back. I want to write poetry again. I'm very aware of time. I'm constantly counting years, watching my kids, aware of my own mortality. I also know I could disappear from work and, after some brief confusion, the place would move on. I've seen too many talented people leave with hardly a ripple to think I matter that much. I'd rather find something I want to do. I think I can keep my job and disengage some. I hope so. More later.
Friday, October 27, 2006
Bullet Point Update/October 27th, 2006
* I'm writing at 3:20AM, the second time this week when I've been up pretty much all night. I like the quiet of insomnia, but the rest is a pain in the ass. I read somewhere that insomnia makes you hungry. I agree with that. I eat all day when I'm tired. I have to sit in meetings all day today, so at least maybe I'll get some rest. I doubt anyone will notice if I tune out.
* I feel like I've missed this entire autumn, weather-wise, and I'm not happy about it. I hereby declare I will take my dog for a walk this weekend, and I will not be sad at the fact that most of the leaves have already hit the ground. I was in the my car, in a school parking lot, earlier this week, and the leaves swirled through the air around me. Very cool.
* I can hear mice cruising through the walls around me as I write. The mice don't bother me, but I'm glad my wife sleeps well.
* I've got nothing against the Tigers, but I'm glad the Cardinals have a decent shot at the series.
* I've been reading "Walden" lately. I thought I had read the book when I was younger, but if I did, I didn't read in much detail, because I'm enjoying the book immensely this time around, and I only remember an earlier respectful interest.
* More later, maybe. Should sleep.
* I'm writing at 3:20AM, the second time this week when I've been up pretty much all night. I like the quiet of insomnia, but the rest is a pain in the ass. I read somewhere that insomnia makes you hungry. I agree with that. I eat all day when I'm tired. I have to sit in meetings all day today, so at least maybe I'll get some rest. I doubt anyone will notice if I tune out.
* I feel like I've missed this entire autumn, weather-wise, and I'm not happy about it. I hereby declare I will take my dog for a walk this weekend, and I will not be sad at the fact that most of the leaves have already hit the ground. I was in the my car, in a school parking lot, earlier this week, and the leaves swirled through the air around me. Very cool.
* I can hear mice cruising through the walls around me as I write. The mice don't bother me, but I'm glad my wife sleeps well.
* I've got nothing against the Tigers, but I'm glad the Cardinals have a decent shot at the series.
* I've been reading "Walden" lately. I thought I had read the book when I was younger, but if I did, I didn't read in much detail, because I'm enjoying the book immensely this time around, and I only remember an earlier respectful interest.
* More later, maybe. Should sleep.
Sunday, October 08, 2006
Sunday Morning, Oct. 8th, 2006, 6:36AM
Bullet Post Update:
* Last night M, my wife, and neighbors planned a bonfire in one of the local front yards. I wasn't in the mood. I stayed home, read Walden, and fell asleep by nine. I woke in the middle of the night but managed to get back to sleep, a rarity lately. This morning my sister and her kids are driving up from Illinois to meet M and the kids at the Milwaukee Zoo. Since I skipped the bonfire I should probably hit the zoo. I'll negotiate how long we're going to stay and make a decision.
* I've been reading Sarah Vowell's work over the last few weeks. I think I've read all the titles except the radio one (bad reviews, first book, although I'm interested in what she has to say about WZRD, since I worked for years at that station). I'd rate the books, in order from best to worst, as 1) Party-Cloudy Patriot, 2) Assassination Vacation, and 3) Take the Cannolli. She stays away from the romantic relationship dissection way more than Sedaris or Klosterman and focuses on depression and history a lot more. Worth reading.
* I am physically afraid to read Cormac McCarthy's "The Road".
* I am drinking a lot of Bija tea, either the anti-cold or the "deep cleanse" variety. I had no idea that the "deep cleanse" tea is meant for people with constipation. Trust me, the tea works.
* The house has been clean lately. I've been cleaning more on weekends in my "get away from work" effort. I should do more outside, though...never sprayed the sealant on the cedar this summer, and I should put the anti-dandelion crap down on the lawn soon.
* My favorite movie as of late is "The Devil and Daniel Johnston". I also snagged a CD of some of his older material, along with a set of covers from other artists.
* It's October ninth. The weather channel predicts temperatures above seventy. That's just wrong. It's fall, dammit. At least tomorrow the temperatures are predicted to dip into the fifties.
* Next weekend M flies east to visit friends. The boys are I are solo. I'm considering hiring a babysitter Saturday afternoon, just to be safe, but I think the weekend will be fine. It's all about the planning...making sure I hit the supermarket on Friday, all that.
* More later. Almost dawn. Need some tea.
Bullet Post Update:
* Last night M, my wife, and neighbors planned a bonfire in one of the local front yards. I wasn't in the mood. I stayed home, read Walden, and fell asleep by nine. I woke in the middle of the night but managed to get back to sleep, a rarity lately. This morning my sister and her kids are driving up from Illinois to meet M and the kids at the Milwaukee Zoo. Since I skipped the bonfire I should probably hit the zoo. I'll negotiate how long we're going to stay and make a decision.
* I've been reading Sarah Vowell's work over the last few weeks. I think I've read all the titles except the radio one (bad reviews, first book, although I'm interested in what she has to say about WZRD, since I worked for years at that station). I'd rate the books, in order from best to worst, as 1) Party-Cloudy Patriot, 2) Assassination Vacation, and 3) Take the Cannolli. She stays away from the romantic relationship dissection way more than Sedaris or Klosterman and focuses on depression and history a lot more. Worth reading.
* I am physically afraid to read Cormac McCarthy's "The Road".
* I am drinking a lot of Bija tea, either the anti-cold or the "deep cleanse" variety. I had no idea that the "deep cleanse" tea is meant for people with constipation. Trust me, the tea works.
* The house has been clean lately. I've been cleaning more on weekends in my "get away from work" effort. I should do more outside, though...never sprayed the sealant on the cedar this summer, and I should put the anti-dandelion crap down on the lawn soon.
* My favorite movie as of late is "The Devil and Daniel Johnston". I also snagged a CD of some of his older material, along with a set of covers from other artists.
* It's October ninth. The weather channel predicts temperatures above seventy. That's just wrong. It's fall, dammit. At least tomorrow the temperatures are predicted to dip into the fifties.
* Next weekend M flies east to visit friends. The boys are I are solo. I'm considering hiring a babysitter Saturday afternoon, just to be safe, but I think the weekend will be fine. It's all about the planning...making sure I hit the supermarket on Friday, all that.
* More later. Almost dawn. Need some tea.
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