Today was productive, and I’m rewarding myself with a Rolling Rock and a couple of Hershey’s kisses. Yes, I live wild and dangerously, fear my rock and roll lifestyle.

This morning I woke by six or so, I think, after a solid nine or so hours of sleep. I needed to catch up after the short post-Chicago slumber. Last night I woke at about twelve, but I was able to fall asleep again, so I was feeling pretty healthy in the morning. I did the stairmaster for the length of an “Office” episode (about twenty two minutes), ate breakfast, showered, and dropped the boys off at school. After quick errands to the library (returning Clerks) and the mailbox (returning “Helvetica”, which I highly recommend), I hit the dining room table with the laptop. I lit a candle, turned on some Mum, and started answering a week’s worth of emails. The morning passed quickly and without incident. When N and his friend Brock arrived home, around lunch, I moved to the library and spent most of the afternoon grading papers. Man, my brain was fried by 3:00PM. I don’t know how some people sit in front of a computer all day at work. I’d lose my mind. Anyway, when I returned home I watched some post-Sunday football news, hung out with the kids then returned to the dining room table to finish an article I started a long time ago. I incorporated some colleagues’ feedback into the mix and sent the article on its way. Oh, I forgot to mention this morning I received an email from a student I taught way back ten years ago in Chicago. She’s doing well. The email was a trip…good news.

Ok, the two older ones are ready to read upstairs. I’m not prepared for my 9AM class, although I know what direction I’m headed with it, so I have to get to work early. I’d take some melatonin, but I’m drinking. Only half a beer, though. We’ll see. Good night.

Just past 8:30AM, Sunday morning, bright and sunny. N opened the blinds in the Wii room about a half hour ago, and the boys wanted to play Wii, so I rose. T is watching some Christmas movie starring Danny Devito and the hated Matthew Broderick while M goes through Christmas ads on the couch. I shouldn’t be awake, I guess, but here I am. Today I’ll take it easy. Maybe I’ll make some cookies.

Yesterday was a good day. M took the boys to a local Christmas parade in the late morning, so I had the house to myself for a couple hours. I delayed my Chicago departure for a couple hours to hang out. The last few times I’ve visited I went down too early and ended up exhausted by early afternoon. I left home near one, stopped at work to water all the plants, and drove south. The roads were smooth and clear until the Cumberland toll booth, where the traffic past the toll booth was bad enough to cause motorists to wait at the toll booth for the traffic past the toll booth to break before we could pay the toll. I don’t know that I’ve ever seen that before. I left the Kennedy at Cumberland instead of Higgins, cut through the depressing three-flat streets near the el, and hooked up with Dan a little further down on Higgins. We took Dan’s car. After a bit of confusion (I was four blocks off on the address) we found the new Taco and Burrito House on Central. The space is clean and open, with waitresses, like a real restaurant. They didn’t change the food much, though, so I was satisfied. They make the best tortas in the world. Too many onions in the burrito this time, though. Don’t mess with the perfect recipe, people. Some guy knocked on the window and tried to sell me fake gold, though. To what is the world coming when I can’t eat dinner at the TABH without some asshole banging on the window? Do I really look like the type of guy who would wear fake gold? What’s the north side become? Whatever. We decided to drive down to Reckless instead of Harlem-Irving place, since we had time to kill, so we weaved our way east. At Reckless I bought Vic Chesnutt’s “Silver Lake” (his material can be remarkably hard to find). At Borders I found a photo book of Chicago churches for four bucks. Four bucks! It’s a huge hardcover, too. Earlier J called and said he wouldn’t be able to make the meeting because of a tennis tournament, and while I was in Borders G called, out of nowhere, looking for a ride to the gig. No sweat. We took LSD up to Lawrence and cut across to pick him up. D tried to turn into a thrift store parking lot and I had to take evasive measures. We picked up G and hit the theatre about thirty minutes before the film was set to start. D was convinced next to no one would show, but a pretty good crowd had formed, all the punk rockers smoking out in front of the Portage theatre. Ok, I realize I haven’t mentioned the film lately. Here’s the website. It’s a history of Chicago punk from 1977-1984.

http://www.regressivefilms.com/

They had cool Chicago flag/punk rock t-shirts and posters in the lobby, but they didn’t have my size, so I passed. I snagged a diet coke and we hit our seats. I’m glad we got their early because D was way wrong. I would estimate about 1,000 people showed. The movie started about thirty minutes late. The crowd was a bit rowdy at first but settled down quickly. I thought the film was excellent, even though most of the bands were slightly before my time. In fact, at one point the filmmakers imply that my generation of punk/hardcore interlopers ruined the scene. Yay for us! The movie probably spent a bit too much time on performance footage, and a couple of bands could be dropped without ill effects (Verboten? Not necessary), but the film did speak to the stubborn Chicago pride evident in the music of the period (and just after). I would have focused less on some of the shitty early bands and more on late period gigs that emerged as leaders once people actually started showing up at shows. Next to nothing on Out or Order? Criminal. No real discussion of how everyone came out for the Naked Raygun shows? Just wrong. G said the filmmakers were “overtly reverential” of the scene grandpas, and he’s right. I would have added a couple years and included Lost Cause, Jesus Lizard, No Empathy, and Screeching Weasel. Maybe they’ll do a sequel.

After the gig J wanted to get a drink, but I had been up since 4:30AM, so I wanted to get the hell on the road. Dan dropped me off at the car and I drove north. I turned on Stars of the Lid and opened a diet coke. Man, I was tired. I struggled to keep my eyes open. I opened the window every now and then and kind of freaked as I half-nodded every couple of minutes. Still, I reached home, a little after midnight, and crashed by two.

More later. I’m glad the sun is out.

A couple of local kids were killed in a crash on 1-43 yesterday. Here’s the story:

http://www.jsonline.com/story/index.aspx?id=689485

Now, I obviously think of my own kids after reading about tragedies of this nature. T and I talked this morning about carefully choosing who is going to drive where, etc., and I know there is no guarantee my kids will live past college, etc. I’ve done the whole “hug them because you don’t know how long they’ll be here” thing today as well. I want to open this conversation a bit wider, though, to include how small towns respond to the death of its children.

Two of the boys involved in this crash were football players. In turn, I assume the crash will get additional press coverage and an extra layer of grief added into the mix. I do have to ask, though, what if these weren’t football players? Would the grief be as intense? Were these kids punk rockers, would a different sheen cover the crash? I think it would. There would be more subtle, implied blame placed on the kids unless there was no way in hell they could be help responsible (e.g. the kid who died earlier in the year when stopped at a stop sign).

I don’t want to go into details now, but this town doesn’t treat its off-center very well. Chicago didn’t, either, when I grew up, so perhaps this is a planetary concern. I want to think this through. More later.

Yesterday was decent. I was up early, before 3, and I worked out on the elliptical before anyone rose. After six T and I drove to Kohls and picked up some shirts. He was a good sport about the trip, sort of carried away in the black Friday excitement, and we had fun. After Kohl’s we hit Target. I bought a slew of DVDs and a couple DVD sets at insanely low prices. T and I were separated for about ten minutes, while he looked at toys, but after a couple minutes of somewhat frantic searching we found each other. I trust him. The rest of the day passed easily. I worked out again, read Jane Eyre, hit the coffee shop with T and S, and let the hours pass. I should have worked on the Italy journal. Oh, I also watched the first couple season one Office episodes.

Today I’m driving down to Chicago for the film on the history of punk rock. I’m still not sure of the exact plan, but besides the plan, I also want to hit the Taco and Burrito House on Central. I should burn a couple discs for the drive, too. Ok, more later.

I’m sitting in the rocker, again, this time listening to Chopin’s Nocturnes while the boys take a bath. They want to watch a Tom and Jerry Christmas thing in a couple minutes, so I thought I’d write while the first floor is quiet.

Despite all our family traditions flying out the window, this Thanksgiving has been decent. This morning we were all up pretty early, before seven, so T and I decided to take Shadow for an early walk. T wanted to check out the downtown Christmas tree. Snow and ice, however, covered the streets and sidewalks, so we only walked a block before turning towards the cemetery and letting Shadow run between the graves while we crunched over the white grass. We hit the coffee shop after dropping Shadow off at home. The coffee shop was doing great business, surprisingly, while Tristan and I sat in the center chairs, near the fireplace, and read. He delved into another one of the Harry Potters while I read Jane Eyre. I’m enjoying the book quite a bit. I did run into a minor tiff, really my fault, with the coffee shop employees when I asked for a receipt because I was confused as to the high cost of tea filters after I gave T money to buy some. However, the little emo girl seemed more confused than anything, and I think we’re ok. I’d hate to piss off the coffee shop girls. They were talking loudly, though, about some party they attended last night. Keep it down, ladies. Some of us are trying to read. T picked up hot chocolate for his mother before we returned home. S was mad he wasn’t asked to hit the coffee shop with his brother and me, but he was playing Wii when we left, so he wasn’t mad for long. I bet he’ll want to go tomorrow, though. The shop opens at 4AM. Maybe we’ll go early.

Oh, I forgot to mention that the paper was two and a half hours late today, the most important newspaper day of the year. Our delivery person sucks. I apologize, Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, but it’s true. After ten years of consistent service, you’ve finally hired a moron. My condolences. Fire her ass. Do not mess with my newspaper. I apologize if I sound overtly negative, but it’s the newspaper, and I live for the morning newspaper.

The rest of the day passed pretty well with a couple of minor bumps. N is sick, so we skipped the annual ride to Stein’s for a Christmas tree, although I get the feeling M didn’t want to go anyway. She slept most of the afternoon while I made dinner. We ran out of toilet paper. I love my wife dearly, but she was the worst need-anticipator, if I may coin a title, I have ever met. She has no concept that if we have one roll of toilet paper left, she should probably buy more so we don’t run out tomorrow. She found a store and bought some today or else we would have wiped our ass with paper towels or something even more disgusting. I also couldn’t find some Thanksgiving dishes, which led to a two minute tirade about the house’s cluttered condition. M just doesn’t care. She doesn’t see anything as messy. Oh well.

The actual dinner was good. M did the turkey. I didn’t eat any, of course. I made a barley/vegetable soup and a shepherds’ pie. The former turned out better than the latter. Maura’s leftover mashed potatoes were excellent, though, and I love the cranberries out of the can and the rolls (which I almost burned). M did the dishes while T and I watched a special on the history of video games. Oh, I also worked out on M’s new stairmaster thing for twenty minutes. Man, I work up a sweat on that device. I guess I’m glad it’s here on the days when the roads are too slippery for running.

I’m feeling slightly claustrophobic, the usual holiday thing, but I’ll be ok tomorrow. I half feel like a beer or two, maybe something clean and light, like a Rolling Rock. Maybe I’ll give it a shot. Good night. Happy Thanksgiving.

I’m in the rocking chair this morning, corner of the dining room, rocking to the humidifier. I’d turn on some music but M wants to do her stairmaster thing in a minute and she’ll want to watch tv. I don’t mind. The boys are upstairs, cleaning the “Wii” room so they can test out the new Stars Wars Lego game they received for earning good report cards. I’m feeling ok, despite a slight sinus threat.

Man, I forgot about the importance of Thanksgiving break. I have said, over and over again, that Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, but I forgot about its place in the rhythm of the academic semester. I arrived at work early Monday morning and dove into paperwork. I walked out of my office at about 8:30 and the staff, secretaries, etc. were in the hallway talking Thanksgiving. I went back into my office and emerged about thirty minutes later. Everyone was still talking. The week takes on a calm, mellow feel. Yesterday I bought into the feeling. I taught pretty well, I think, although I had to rag at my afternoon class (via email) about attendance. Between classes I wrote up my shopping list, trash talked in the football pool, found videos of people crashing into each other for M (she esp. liked one in which a ref accidentally took a football to the nuts), checked out the black Friday ads, and otherwise avoided gainful employment. I got the hell out of the building by four or so because T had drum lessons. Man, I was exhausted, and I’m still tired. It’s that ‘If I have to do any serious intellectual work in the next forty-eight hours I might collapse” type of feeling. I hope none of my students have much on their plates for the weekend. I don’t know how they could handle it. The office is open today, and I thought about cleaning the office, grading a bit, etc., but I think I’ll skip the drive (snow coming) and maybe finish that article on which I’ve been working and read some “Jane Eyre.”

Last night was decent, by the way. M and the boys were watching a Harry Potter film (the fourth? I can’t keep track), so I cut over to the library to pick up a reserved copy of “Jane Eyre.” The copy was pink and tiny. I’m not sure a less manly book has ever been printed. I decided the text (not the book, if you know what I mean) was unreadable, so I returned the book and drove south. Costco was open, and we needed diet coke, so I swung through the superstore and grabbed a few things. Rain, winter rain, the kind that isolates you no matter who you’re with, poured down. I jumped a couple exits and hit Borders. In light of an upcoming property tax bill, I’ve been trying to avoid spending too much cash, but I had a 25% coupon, so I thought I’d pick up a cheap copy of the Bronte book. I found a clean print for eight bucks and hit the register. Two cute college girls, both new at their jobs and teaming up at the register, fawned over me for buying “Jane Eyre.” I swear, single men, if you want to strike up conversations with smart girls, carry a copy of “Jane Eyre” with you. It’s like magic. Anyway, the coupon wasn’t valid until tomorrow, but whatever, I bought the book. When I arrived home N and I chatted for a while (he recommends Chinese food for Thanksgiving), I read the first couple pages of the book, and I fell asleep.

We had T and S’s parent/teacher conferences this week, by the way. They were interesting. I never thought I’d have to advocate for talented and gifted services, but I guess I have to do so. S is off the charts, and T seems pretty high as well. T’s teacher can handle everything pretty well, but S’s is brand new. She’s still figuring out the landscape. More on that as everything develops.

I’m really looking forward to the next couple of days. I need a break. More later.

I’m in the rocking chair, in the corner of the dining room, writing while M and the boys watch “Ratatouille”. Everybody’s pretty tired. M says she was up all night because T slept in our bed and kicked her a lot. I was up by 2:30AM, not sure why, I thought I’d sleep later because I hadn’t slept well the night before. I felt pretty rested, though, at 2:30. I was surprised to find the hour so early. I watched some tv, checked email, etc., before eating breakfast and getting ready to leave for work. Everyone was up a little after five. You can see why I rented a movie today. Hopefully everyone will be asleep soon.

I was busy today. I drove to work before dawn, radio off (I turned on NPR, but they were talking about Palestine again, so I turned it off…why does NPR talk about Palestine so much?), and watered the plants, wrote up an alumni survey, and posted the update by 7:30. The dean and I chatted for a bit, I hung some student work in the hallways, and I set up my computer for a Skype chat with L. The chat went pretty well, but the wireless is a bit shaky inside my office, so the chat wasn’t perfect. Anyway, we set up a pretty good powerpoint/plan for Friday’s digital portfolio conversation. I walked to Blockbuster (movies) and Jimmy John’s (lunch) a little past ten. The wind was blowing pretty hard but the walk did me well. I haven’t worked out enough lately, and I eat everything in site when I’m tired. After lunch P and I talked about movies, downloading, and football. I let me 11:00AM freshmen work on their papers. Man, they’re starting to look tired. After that I met with a student, nothing serious, taught the 1PM class (even more tired than the first class), and caught up with F after she threatened to quit because everyone was bugging her about crap out of her control. I offered to pick up dinner, but M already had made lasagna, but I still get credit for asking. Unfortunately she used wheat noodles, rendering the lasagna chewy and pretty much inedible, so I bagged dinner. I’m ready to sleep.

Quick note…I’ve started the oral history of The Replacements book that just came out this month. So far, so good, except for the fanboy start. The format is almost identical to the “Please Kill Me” oral history of punk.

http://www.amazon.com/Replacements-Over-Shouting-Oral-History/dp/076033062X/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1195084835&sr=8-1

Late, almost 10:30PM, I should go to sleep soon. I might sleep on the couch because I know the kids will wake me before seven. I need to hit work by eight. I’m driving some students to a clinical site in the University van. Rock and roll.

Today was almost a painfully good day. I guess the day didn’t start particularly well. T woke me at about 6:30, wanting to play Wii, and I rose a bit later. Still, I slept for a solid ten hours (thanks, melatonin!) and felt rested, even if the hour was too late for a pre-work run. I arrived at the office by 8 or so, cleaned off my email, sent out a bunch of mail, arranged a Franciscan reading group, and planned for the rest of the week. At eleven my freshmen presented some posters/papers/powerpoints they created on historical leaders. Man, the freshmen did a great job. It was one of the moments when I felt like I actually knew what I was doing, as a teacher, and I haven’t had many of those this semester. I mean, my teaching has been fine, I guess, but I’ve been largely out of the classroom the last few years, and I’m teaching way too many credit hours for solid prep, so I’ve felt slightly off my game. My game is returning, I’m happy to say. At lunch I ran U errands, picking up the van keys and dropping off some steno, before teaching my early afternoon class. They were slightly more tired, but I expect that after lunch, so I couldn’t complain. I worked in the office for an hour or so and left by 4:00PM. On the way home I picked up a couple more houseplants. The cooler weather always motivates my desire for extra house/work greenery. When I arrived home T had a friend over. We played football for a while in the yard before jogging downtown and back. I suck at after-work running, but the air was perfect, the sky grey, and I got in a good rhythm. When I returned I caught a quick shower and ate dinner. M and I have been into quality olive oil and wheat bread since I returned from Italy. Heaven. The boys went off for their second “quiet time” night, which was somewhat of a disaster, but as we’re working the concept slowly into the family, I can expect some confusion. After quiet time T, S and I chatted on the couch while M and N read upstairs. We joined them a while later, when N asked me to talk him to sleep. I have a great time with him right before bed. We chat in the dark until he tells me to be quiet because he’s tired. Then I ask him more questions. It’s fun. After the boys were asleep M and I watched “Chuck”. I read “Nova Swing” after she went upstairs. Here I am. Great day. I almost can’t handle days like today. I want them to last forever. Good night.

A little after eight, gratefully tired, but I still might take some melatonin before bed. This morning I woke late to a crash in the living room. Apparently M fell off the couch, scattering milk and cereal everywhere. I miss all the good times. Anyway, I was up late last night, from midnight until about two, because my sinuses again went slightly berserk. Plus, I had a weird, violent dream involving students shooting up my old neighborhood. Interesting. The morning was tough. I didn’t get a chance to run and the kids were mega-needy. M said her car was making strange noises on the way to church, so she turned back (I was taking my car), but I didn’t hear anything. Church sucked. We were late, so I kept the boys downstairs, but their classes didn’t come down until thirty minutes after the service started. Oh, one good event…I stood outside and watched the boys play together on the church playground. They stood on a tire swing and teamed up to swing it in circles. I have fun watching them work together. We decided to leave after 11. M was upstairs with one of her friends, one of our neighbors who wanted to check out the church for herself. S’s new Sunday teacher is cute, by the way, and I recommended she get moved to the teenagers’ classroom so attendance improves. The boys and I watched some football until M arrived home. I ate lunch (provolone/spinach sandwich) and walked Shadow through downtown and back. We were planning on checking out “The Bee Movie” (not my choice), but S didn’t want to go, so he and I stayed back while M took T and N to the film. S and I had fun. We were going to play baseball, but he couldn’t find his glove, so we hit the coffee shop instead. We took books with us, but S wanted to sit at the window counter, so we talked and watched gulls circle the harbor. I love our coffee shop. I hope they’re making enough money to survive. Five different tables were taken today, a good sign, but at least two people are always working, and when I run the math on how to pay them, etc., I hope people are buying a lot of coffee. I’d hate to see the coffee shop close. After the coffee shop S and I returned home. He played on the computer while I turned on Stars of the Lid and answered work emails. Man, I love Stars of the Lid. “The Tired Sounds of Stars of the Lid” is one of my favorite albums. I kind of wish the movie had lasted six hours, keeping the house quiet, but M, T, and N played on the front porch after they returned, so the house never went quite loud. I went on a mad cleaning binge before dinner. I also imposed a thirty minute “quiet time” session after dinner in which the boys could do whatever they wanted as long as they did it quietly upstairs. T drew in the Wii room while S and N played with their action figures. Not bad. Later I read some Harry Potter to the two older boys and a couple books with N. Like I said, melatonin tonight. I want to get up early and run before work. Good night.

Ok, I have some time, early in the evening, in the November stretch when the sun falls before 5PM and I’m bouncing off the walls with nothing to do. In turn, I thought I’d move away from the journal for a bit and knock out a ten bullet post. Here we go:

I’m reading M. John Harrison’s “Nova Swing.” I like the book. I’d hate to see him pigeonholed as a science fiction writer (reminds me of Gaiman in that way). This book is larger, more thematically interesting, than you would expect from traditional science fiction. The whole “event site” concept is working for me.

Vic Chesnutt is a genius. I listen to “The Salesmen and Bernadette” a lot at home, and I would argue that “About to Choke” is probably an even better record.

Guilty pleasure: Vanessa Carlton’s “Heroes and Thieves."

Last week I watched part of “An Evening With Kevin Smith.” Did I mention that already? Anyway, Mr. Smith is good in the open stage format, most of the time, but the college students on the Q and As are embarrassing. I snagged “Clerks” from the library. Maybe I’ll watch it later. I also have “The Squid and the Whale”.

“30 Rock” is my favorite television show. The party scenes in this week’s episode were priceless.

I’ve written decent drafts of four or five poems. Maybe I’ll post one next week.

I was probably too hard on T today about some brother conflicts. Sometimes I hear my dad’s voice in mine. I suppose that’s inevitable. I’m a lot different than him, I know.

November is usually a very difficult month. I can’t complain this year. Everything’s fine. I haven’t had that “just get me through the day so I can go to sleep” feeling I know so well.

Church has bored me lately. I don’t want to ditch the congregation, but I’m not getting much out of attendance. Something is in the air in the sanctuary, some controversy. I can smell it.

I’ve hung out at home a lot on weekends due to gas prices, environmentalism, and anti-workaholic sentiment. Still, I wouldn’t mind the office tonight. Quiet and dark.

My mother just left, and I feel like committing either suicide or homicide. Take your pick.

A sample afternoon exchange:

Mom: I got botox this week, and I didn’t get it to get rid of wrinkles.
RA: I don’t want to know. I don’t want to know. I don’t want to know.
Mom: Someday you’re going to have medical procedures, too.

I feel like burning down the house to get rid of the stink and gross feeling of my mom’s presence. A shower won’t do it. That woman drives me fucking insane. Anyway, I’m working doubly-hard to make sure I don’t let her presence in my life, as small as it is, infect my existence, but it’s hard. Deep breaths…meditation…etc. Anyway, if I ever needed reminding as to why I cut them off, days like today serve their purpose. What a sullen, useless existence they lead.

Ok, enough on that. I may go see “Control” this afternoon. The movie is only showing at one small theater in Milwaukee, but I really want to see the movie after reading the review, including James’ review over at Asshole of the Century. Check it out:

http://aholeofthecentury.blogspot.com/2007/10/control.html

M, I think, knows I need to get out of the house, and I hardly leave, anyway, so she’s cool with it. Sometimes I think she’s trying to make sure I don’t just hang around my immediate family all the time. Compared to most dads, it seems, I’m around a lot. This is esp. true, I think, during hunting season in Wisconsin. If I wanted to get out of the house more I would pretend I was a hunter (er, a stretch, one must admit, for a vegetarian) so I could ditch four days a week from Labor Day to Christmas. When do those fuckers work? Anyway, I might check out “Control” today. If not, I’ll get out of the house in some way, shape or form. Maybe I’ll hit the coffee shop with “Nova Swing.”

This week was fine, but I’m ready for Thanksgiving and the end of the semester. I stayed home from work Thursday morning due to a Wednesday night sinus insomnia bout. I wrote an article about leading through crisis while I was up, at least. The dean scheduled a DVD taping session (some commercial/promotional thing) for 2PM, and I felt badly for missing the gig, so I drove into work for thirty minutes of lights in my face and lapel microphones. Yesterday I hit a couple of meetings, worked in the office, and arrived home pretty early. M and I watched the Thursday night shows (Office, Scrubs, 30 Rock…30 Rock was the best by far) and I fell asleep early. This morning I skipped running (probably a mistake). N and I set up some new houseplants. I’m tempted to take the larger greenhouse from the basement and put it in the dining room. Hm. I could really use another smaller one. Still, I’m feeling good about how little money I’ve spent lately, so I’ll keep that roll going until Christmas. More soon.

This has been a long week, and the week, well, it’s only Thursday. I’m not sure why I’ve felt so tired lately. Maybe the time change, along with the cooler weather, is contributing. I don’t know. The last few days have been productive. I’ve winged my classes, for lack of a better term, but they’ve turned out ok. I feel like I’m re-learning how to teach this semester after a couple years when I wasn’t in the classroom all that much. I’ve also stayed later (for me, anyway) at the office, until 4:30 or 5, catching up on the last of paperwork before I disappear. Tonight I read with N, too, before bed. He and I have hung out more lately. We’ve had fun. Later M and I watched “The Bionic Woman”, and I let myself fade into that sort of thing for a while.

I’m feeling comfortable with myself as of late. A colleague, an insecure woman, was trying to give me static today, and I let it roll of my back. I think teaching the freshman leadership course causes me to reflect upon my own leadership in the light of what I’m teaching. In turn, I could kind of step back and say “who gives a shit what that bitch says?” and mean what I say. She’s got her own issues. I’m doing good work. I’m having fun. Nothing to fear.

On Sunday I collected my poem notes into four or five pages or drafts. I’m tempted to sit in on a couple of poetry readings, to see if there’s a place where I could read, but surprisingly few opportunities of that nature exist in the Milwaukee area. I’ll keep my eyes open. Good night.

Whoo, I’m tired out of nowhere. The sun has already fallen, the trees menace against the last of the light, and daylight savings time has officially fallen back. We’re just past five and the night has arrived. Does this mean dawn arrives early tomorrow?

Today has been fine. This morning Shadow and I walked through the wet autumn woods, then back through town, before church. We saw at least four or five dogs out on leashes, near their houses, where apparently their owners left them and slept late. Interesting. We also watched the city workers set up the downtown streets for sewer work. On a Sunday? I was surprised. I cleaned a bit before T, S, and I left early for church so we could hit the greenhouse for plants. The boys were good, running through the aisles, checking out the Christmas displays, before we picked out three plants (one for N, too) and snagged a huge bag of soil. Reminder…I MUST water plants tomorrow at work. Anyway, N was sitting under a table, waiting his brothers, in the church basement while M busied herself with “first Sunday lunch” preparations. I could sense a difficult hour brewing, and I was not wrong. N did not want to go upstairs for the first half hour of kid-school (away from his regular class, when the RE director brings all the little kids together and more or less talks at them for thirty minutes), so he, S and I sat in one of the classrooms and chatted with Doug about his goats and chickens. Afterwards I caught a couple minutes of the service. I don’t know. Something seems wrong at church lately. I can’t quite nail the specifics. People look tense. N was upset with his teacher (something about his inability to draw a proper star), so he and I left just as his class ended while M, T, and S stayed for lunch. N asked to watch television, a sure sign he’s not feeling well, so I plopped him in front of Spongebob and made our lunches. Later I watched most of the Pack game and made chocolate chip cookies (first batch great, second batch slightly burned). S and I hit the coffee shop where cute emo teenagers fawned over his long hair and I read “Nova Swing”. I thought about hitting work tonight, but I doubt I will. I just transcribed some poem drafts into the computer, and maybe I’ll stay up and grade some papers, but I also want to get up really early and hit work by six. Good night.

Here are those for Italy pics I promised...these hang right above my house's entry way now...the first is over LaVerna, a Franciscan retreat up in Tuscany, the second of Assisi's piazza (sp?), the third of Assisi from just outside the city, and the fourth is of the Colisseum. More when I do the whole Italian trip in blog-form.

Five children, ages four through nine, are spazzing out in my house at the moment. My two oldest sons reciprocated sleepover invitations last night, so we added two kids to the usual Friday night mix. The event went pretty well. Videogames, sports cards, and dart guns go a long way towards entertaining these guys. They also caught part of the Bucks game, but no one seemed to want to hang out and watch television with so much stimuli available, so M and I watched “The Office” while the kids owned the second floor. I thought about driving into work (forgot to water the plants, dammit), but I decided against the ride and hung out at home instead. I read the first thirty pages of Harrison’s “Nova Swing” (excellent so far), slept a little, then snagged a blanket and my mp3 player and hit the corner rocking chair. I listened to some Vic Chesnutt and Stars of the Lid while looking through some poetry books. I like Kooser’s poetry repair manual. I like the fact that he makes it clear right off the bat that you’re not going to make any money from poetry, that you’re not going to get famous, and that critics’ perceptions don’t matter much. I work with English professors, thank you, and I can support that assertion. In turn, I felt validated in my desire to work through poetry on a different level than twenty years ago. My vision, if you will, would including writing thirty to fifty solid poems or so by next spring or summer, print up maybe 100 copies into a small book, and send them out to my friends, free or charge. That’s it. Life is short. I don’t care about getting published. Anyway, I took a slew of notes that could turn out into poems later then fell asleep on the couch without drinking. Not a bad night. I’m really fascinated by the question, “What do I want to say?” before I sit down and work through poetry. I used to sort of wait for the words to pour out. I like the idea of controlling the flow, of tailoring it towards what I want to get across.

Anyway, I also framed four Italy photos (LaVerna, the Assisi piazza, a shot of Assisi from the edge of town, and the Colosseum). I'd post a couple pics here, but blogger's running slow. I'll add them in a couple hours. I also framed a huge new Redon poster I snagged from the MOMA site for two bucks, plus four bucks postage! Can't lose. I rearranged some posters on the dining room wall, and I think they look pretty good.

Shadow and I walked through downtown this morning. I’ll write more later, when the space is quiet.