640 posts...time to start over. I can be found at:
http://randomanthonywrites.blogspot.com/
Thanks for everything.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Monday, April 25, 2011
I'm on the couch, 6:08PM, N and T watching 30 Rock, the dogs sleeping next to me on the futon. S is off at soccer, M on the other computer. Tomorrow's lunch is ready, my clothes laid out, and I don't need to do anything until tomorrow. That feels weird and somewhat tense. I also read my work email and the 360 degree comments, i.e. the comments from my colleagues about my performance, are supposedly in my mailbox. That makes me nervous. What am I supposed to learn from this? I'll breathe. I'll learn what I can. Practice.
Ok, last night I did the sprint workout. That forty minutes kicked my ass, but in a good way. Preston says I should be careful not to pull a muscle. I probably pushed too hard last night, but I survived, and I felt the workout effects for a good hour after I finished. That's good. My body has grown too accustomed to the gym workouts. T wanted to watch Jackass 3 later, after I took a shower, and at first I said I'd fall asleep and he could watch it alone, but he said he wanted to watch it together so he could laugh at the funny parts with someone. He's a good kid. I crashed on the futon and half-watched. That was fun, really. Then I slept on the futon with Pete while M slept on the chair.
More later, I keep getting interrupted. Breathe.
Ok, last night I did the sprint workout. That forty minutes kicked my ass, but in a good way. Preston says I should be careful not to pull a muscle. I probably pushed too hard last night, but I survived, and I felt the workout effects for a good hour after I finished. That's good. My body has grown too accustomed to the gym workouts. T wanted to watch Jackass 3 later, after I took a shower, and at first I said I'd fall asleep and he could watch it alone, but he said he wanted to watch it together so he could laugh at the funny parts with someone. He's a good kid. I crashed on the futon and half-watched. That was fun, really. Then I slept on the futon with Pete while M slept on the chair.
More later, I keep getting interrupted. Breathe.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Happy Easter. I love Easter's message of hope and rebirth. Had I not been a slacker who doesn't like hymns I might have attended mass. Next week.
Today has been fine. Holidays are hard on M. She misses her family, wishes they were nearby, close enough so they could easily visit. M feels the holidays, especially minor holidays, are boring. We're usually together, all five of us, while the neighbors are off with relatives. I would say visiting relatives doesn't sound bad but I remember tense, endless afternoons at my grandparents' Northlake house. Without those visits I might not have become a voracious reader, but as I preferred avoiding ass-kickings I usually hid in dusty rooms or a clammy basement and read the hours away. So today, for example, when T and I were driving downtown and we saw a couple and a child gussied up in their Sunday best, headed to the Port Hotel restaurant, well, there but for the grace of God go I. And if the afternoon was boring, well, tense and endless is worse than boring.
We took the dogs to the beach early, around nine, and let them run leashless up and down the shore. Mack and Pete were 75% good except for a longass sprint back toward the power plant when they were supposed to stay close to us. Later I ate lunch, watched baseball, and discovered Redbox's awesome system through which one can find/order a movie online and pick said movie up at the appropriate Redbox. I also read a bit more in that book about fastballs and wrote a Tomato Red review draft. At seven I'm giving that sprint workout a shot. Have I mentioned the sprint workout?
http://sportsmedicine.about.com/od/sampleworkouts/a/30sec_sprints.htm
The gym workouts are getting routine. I'm hoping this jolt to the system will get my metabolism back in gear. Maybe the cemetery would make a good sprint path. More later. I couldn't lift today, by the way, my arms weren't up for the sets. That's fine. Listen to my body, I know.
I forgot to mention last night. First, I picked up T from a park in Saukville. He was hanging out with four or five very white trash kids who did not give exactly favorable first impressions. I drove four of them home, all but one new to me, and they were slightly more likable as the commute progressed. T's a good kid. He'll figure out with whom he should associate. I hope. Then M watched The King's Speech but the film bored me in about ten seconds so T and I headed west to Target for supplemental Easter supplies. Oh, I also helped M pack plastic eggs with foil-covered chocolate eggs and jellybeans that were really Starburst and, in turn, were edible. I was up later than usual, maybe 10:30, reading. Leaving bed this morning wasn't easy. Not sure why. The boys did a great job
with the egg search. I stayed out of the way.
Ok, maybe I'll clean, meditate, breathe, anything. The house is quiet. More tomorrow.
Today has been fine. Holidays are hard on M. She misses her family, wishes they were nearby, close enough so they could easily visit. M feels the holidays, especially minor holidays, are boring. We're usually together, all five of us, while the neighbors are off with relatives. I would say visiting relatives doesn't sound bad but I remember tense, endless afternoons at my grandparents' Northlake house. Without those visits I might not have become a voracious reader, but as I preferred avoiding ass-kickings I usually hid in dusty rooms or a clammy basement and read the hours away. So today, for example, when T and I were driving downtown and we saw a couple and a child gussied up in their Sunday best, headed to the Port Hotel restaurant, well, there but for the grace of God go I. And if the afternoon was boring, well, tense and endless is worse than boring.
We took the dogs to the beach early, around nine, and let them run leashless up and down the shore. Mack and Pete were 75% good except for a longass sprint back toward the power plant when they were supposed to stay close to us. Later I ate lunch, watched baseball, and discovered Redbox's awesome system through which one can find/order a movie online and pick said movie up at the appropriate Redbox. I also read a bit more in that book about fastballs and wrote a Tomato Red review draft. At seven I'm giving that sprint workout a shot. Have I mentioned the sprint workout?
http://sportsmedicine.about.com/od/sampleworkouts/a/30sec_sprints.htm
The gym workouts are getting routine. I'm hoping this jolt to the system will get my metabolism back in gear. Maybe the cemetery would make a good sprint path. More later. I couldn't lift today, by the way, my arms weren't up for the sets. That's fine. Listen to my body, I know.
I forgot to mention last night. First, I picked up T from a park in Saukville. He was hanging out with four or five very white trash kids who did not give exactly favorable first impressions. I drove four of them home, all but one new to me, and they were slightly more likable as the commute progressed. T's a good kid. He'll figure out with whom he should associate. I hope. Then M watched The King's Speech but the film bored me in about ten seconds so T and I headed west to Target for supplemental Easter supplies. Oh, I also helped M pack plastic eggs with foil-covered chocolate eggs and jellybeans that were really Starburst and, in turn, were edible. I was up later than usual, maybe 10:30, reading. Leaving bed this morning wasn't easy. Not sure why. The boys did a great job
with the egg search. I stayed out of the way.
Ok, maybe I'll clean, meditate, breathe, anything. The house is quiet. More tomorrow.
Saturday, April 23, 2011
I'm upstairs, leaning back in the green camping chair N set up next to the bookcase. The windows are open but the air is losing its heat. Kids and siren sounds filter through the screen. Birds, too.
Today is lost and directionless but not bad and probably necessary. After days or weekends like these I tend to manifest productivity. Isn't that why weekends exist? This morning, after restless sleep, I woke near 7, drank coffee, and took a shower. At nine I dragged everyone to the library. We parked on the street by the kids' section. T and I stayed upstairs while M, N, and S searched through the downstairs stacks. I found a couple baseball books, one on fastball pitchers and the other on statistics. The cable guy predicted a 10-12 window for phone repair, so N and I dropped off his mother and the two older boys before heading to Alterra's for a bagel, latte, and orange juice. The space was crowded but we snagged the table close near the counter and read for a solid half hour. I love those stretches. N will, hopefully, remember them.
The air was warm, well, warmer, around 50, and the water in the ground after a week's rain evaporated so I felt as if I were in a cooler and more comfortable version of Florida. I ate lunch, watched (with N) a documentary on the open oceans, and read the first forty pages of the fishing book. I'm restless. T needs a ride from Saukville in thirty minutes. Maybe I'll get him. The King's Speech sits in my backpack but I don't know that I'm in the mood. Tomorrow's Easter. I wouldn't mind hitting mass. Oh, I forgot to mention I worked out earlier, too, but I'm getting bored with the gym equipment so later I looked up sprint workouts online. I'll try a sprint routine early tomorrow.
There's a decent chance I'll get a sabbatical in the spring of 2013, by the way. Doesn't that sound forever away? I'd like to visit every county in Wisconsin, speak with a teacher or administrator about teaching, teacher training, etc., and write a book about it. The U will pay me to drive around the state and talk with educators. Sweet deal. The book's been on my mind. Some structural ideas are emerging. I think I could write a good one, combination travelogue, interview, academic, etc. book. Wish me luck.
Ok, I shouldn't eat anymore. What should I do? Read? Probably. Last night I finished Tomato Red but I'm not in the mood for a review yet. Maybe I'm spending too much time with words. More tomorrow. Good night.
Today is lost and directionless but not bad and probably necessary. After days or weekends like these I tend to manifest productivity. Isn't that why weekends exist? This morning, after restless sleep, I woke near 7, drank coffee, and took a shower. At nine I dragged everyone to the library. We parked on the street by the kids' section. T and I stayed upstairs while M, N, and S searched through the downstairs stacks. I found a couple baseball books, one on fastball pitchers and the other on statistics. The cable guy predicted a 10-12 window for phone repair, so N and I dropped off his mother and the two older boys before heading to Alterra's for a bagel, latte, and orange juice. The space was crowded but we snagged the table close near the counter and read for a solid half hour. I love those stretches. N will, hopefully, remember them.
The air was warm, well, warmer, around 50, and the water in the ground after a week's rain evaporated so I felt as if I were in a cooler and more comfortable version of Florida. I ate lunch, watched (with N) a documentary on the open oceans, and read the first forty pages of the fishing book. I'm restless. T needs a ride from Saukville in thirty minutes. Maybe I'll get him. The King's Speech sits in my backpack but I don't know that I'm in the mood. Tomorrow's Easter. I wouldn't mind hitting mass. Oh, I forgot to mention I worked out earlier, too, but I'm getting bored with the gym equipment so later I looked up sprint workouts online. I'll try a sprint routine early tomorrow.
There's a decent chance I'll get a sabbatical in the spring of 2013, by the way. Doesn't that sound forever away? I'd like to visit every county in Wisconsin, speak with a teacher or administrator about teaching, teacher training, etc., and write a book about it. The U will pay me to drive around the state and talk with educators. Sweet deal. The book's been on my mind. Some structural ideas are emerging. I think I could write a good one, combination travelogue, interview, academic, etc. book. Wish me luck.
Ok, I shouldn't eat anymore. What should I do? Read? Probably. Last night I finished Tomato Red but I'm not in the mood for a review yet. Maybe I'm spending too much time with words. More tomorrow. Good night.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Happy Good Friday. I feel as if I should attend services. The weather is excellent for churchgoing, all rain and wind, and I'd like to sit in the balcony off to the side and take in the readings and Gospel but not the hymns or the handshake of peace. My whole body feels tired, every muscle, but in a good way, matching the weather.
The last couple days have been pretty good. Ok, I'm going to stop grinding my teeth now. Breathe. Yes. This morning I rose at 4:10AM and hit the gym by five. Hardly anyone showed, probably people slept late for the holiday. I did forty-five minutes on the modified stairmaster and skipped crunches. I'll do those later. Then I showered, ate breakfast, and drove into the office. The two doors back by the maintenance parking lot were locked so I cut through the dorms again, where I flash my faculty ID and the desk clerk, who probably doesn't care who she's letting through into the lecture halls as long as that person doesn't stop by the elevators, waved me without as much as a glance up. I got a shitload finished, though, tedious and detail-oriented paperwork that requires or at least lends itself to isolation. Huge raindrops hung on the windows. I lit a candle and listened to eels. Paul the security guard stopped by for a chat but he didn't stay long as he was leaving at 7:30AM. Other than wrestling with the complicated new printer/copy machine the morning went well. After a quick consultation with M I drove south a couple miles to Trader Joe's. M likes their orzo so I snagged three bags, plus this new rice/orzo combination, along with tofu, marinara sauce, refried beans, and garbanzo beans. Tourists and family heading home for Easter, I imagine, were heavy on 43 north. I pushed past the highway amateurs. Later I watched the start of the last Harry Potter movie, but that storyline freaks the shit out of me, even though my ten and eight years old watched without a flinch. T was playing hoops in the rain so he and I played one on one while the wind brushed the mist sideways. That was fun, an enduring memory, even, and he's getting faster. He said “you're taller than me” and I said, “Not for long.” Then we drove over to Starbucks for free Earth Day coffee and Gamestop for Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2. T's been weird this week. First, he's on a self-imposed “no facebook” stretch that started after an insomniac night. Then he's hardly asked to hang out with friends. I'm not sure what's up, but he says everything's fine. We'll see. He's a great kid.
I'm drinking free coffee, reading Tomato Red, and probably will drink more coffee soon because I want to stay up tonight for The King's Speech. How in the hell did 5PM arrive? Have a good Friday.
The last couple days have been pretty good. Ok, I'm going to stop grinding my teeth now. Breathe. Yes. This morning I rose at 4:10AM and hit the gym by five. Hardly anyone showed, probably people slept late for the holiday. I did forty-five minutes on the modified stairmaster and skipped crunches. I'll do those later. Then I showered, ate breakfast, and drove into the office. The two doors back by the maintenance parking lot were locked so I cut through the dorms again, where I flash my faculty ID and the desk clerk, who probably doesn't care who she's letting through into the lecture halls as long as that person doesn't stop by the elevators, waved me without as much as a glance up. I got a shitload finished, though, tedious and detail-oriented paperwork that requires or at least lends itself to isolation. Huge raindrops hung on the windows. I lit a candle and listened to eels. Paul the security guard stopped by for a chat but he didn't stay long as he was leaving at 7:30AM. Other than wrestling with the complicated new printer/copy machine the morning went well. After a quick consultation with M I drove south a couple miles to Trader Joe's. M likes their orzo so I snagged three bags, plus this new rice/orzo combination, along with tofu, marinara sauce, refried beans, and garbanzo beans. Tourists and family heading home for Easter, I imagine, were heavy on 43 north. I pushed past the highway amateurs. Later I watched the start of the last Harry Potter movie, but that storyline freaks the shit out of me, even though my ten and eight years old watched without a flinch. T was playing hoops in the rain so he and I played one on one while the wind brushed the mist sideways. That was fun, an enduring memory, even, and he's getting faster. He said “you're taller than me” and I said, “Not for long.” Then we drove over to Starbucks for free Earth Day coffee and Gamestop for Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2. T's been weird this week. First, he's on a self-imposed “no facebook” stretch that started after an insomniac night. Then he's hardly asked to hang out with friends. I'm not sure what's up, but he says everything's fine. We'll see. He's a great kid.
I'm drinking free coffee, reading Tomato Red, and probably will drink more coffee soon because I want to stay up tonight for The King's Speech. How in the hell did 5PM arrive? Have a good Friday.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Why hello, faithful blog readers. I'm upstairs, in the green camping chair, under the full spectrum light. N pulled this chair upstairs a few weeks back and I salute his innovative tendencies because this camp chair fits the space well. I've been reading here, rather than in bed or on the floor, more often than not.
This week has been ok. I'm struggling with exhaustion/illness more than I'd like, three weeks after the wisdom teeth removal, and I can't seem to shake the recovery process. Not sure why. Yesterday I taught and by the end of the day my voice was gone and staff members were trying to send me home so I didn't die on the premises. Today, after twelve hours of sleep, I felt better. The boys and I hit Cabela's for a new net and Costco for mozzarella sticks although apparently Costco doesn't stock mozzarella sticks anymore so we settled for Nilla wafers. This afternoon I walked maybe five miles through the grey, forboding Wisconsin spring. Geese looked angry. And while the five miles wore me out more than they should I felt happy with the exertion. I tried to breathe and reframe the afternoon in a more positive light, and I 75% succeeded.
Tonight I think I'm starting Woodrell's Tomato Red. After 100+ pages from Bryson's book on houses I got bored with his meandering and I'm ready for something else.
Ok, I want to talk about suicide for a second. Don't be alarmed. I'm not going to off myself, not with the high quality drugs I can legally access, especially since I read the hydroxine label and discovered I can take two a night. Holy hell, I love that substance. When combined with Lunesta the trio of pills provide about a half hour of pharmaceutical bliss before I fall asleep. I want to take some right now but the hour is barely past six. That's ok. A couple hours. Anyway, back to suicide. Historically I've perceived suicide as a release valve, if you will, a way out if my existence became too painful or out of my personal control. And I doubt that'll ever change. But now, as I get older, I warily eye those who choose to end their lives with great empathy and a quiet understanding, like sighing air from my lungs and reaching across a table to someone I want to comfort. This has been on my mind, I think, because two people have killed themselves in downtown Port this winter. The first, a woman, leaped off the breakwater during a winter storm. The second shot himself on a bluff bench. I am not on that path. But I recognize the dead as speaking a language that I comprehend and never can unlearn. May their souls rest tonight.
T is watching Takers. He's in middle school, yes, with the worst movie tastes imaginable. I refuse to watch. Tomorrow the boys and I might hit the Imax for a film about the Hubble telescope. N is obsessed with space. Or we'll save the gas money and stay local. Not sure. I'm already bored with Easter break. Bring on the season's rebirth. Have a good Wednesday night.
This week has been ok. I'm struggling with exhaustion/illness more than I'd like, three weeks after the wisdom teeth removal, and I can't seem to shake the recovery process. Not sure why. Yesterday I taught and by the end of the day my voice was gone and staff members were trying to send me home so I didn't die on the premises. Today, after twelve hours of sleep, I felt better. The boys and I hit Cabela's for a new net and Costco for mozzarella sticks although apparently Costco doesn't stock mozzarella sticks anymore so we settled for Nilla wafers. This afternoon I walked maybe five miles through the grey, forboding Wisconsin spring. Geese looked angry. And while the five miles wore me out more than they should I felt happy with the exertion. I tried to breathe and reframe the afternoon in a more positive light, and I 75% succeeded.
Tonight I think I'm starting Woodrell's Tomato Red. After 100+ pages from Bryson's book on houses I got bored with his meandering and I'm ready for something else.
Ok, I want to talk about suicide for a second. Don't be alarmed. I'm not going to off myself, not with the high quality drugs I can legally access, especially since I read the hydroxine label and discovered I can take two a night. Holy hell, I love that substance. When combined with Lunesta the trio of pills provide about a half hour of pharmaceutical bliss before I fall asleep. I want to take some right now but the hour is barely past six. That's ok. A couple hours. Anyway, back to suicide. Historically I've perceived suicide as a release valve, if you will, a way out if my existence became too painful or out of my personal control. And I doubt that'll ever change. But now, as I get older, I warily eye those who choose to end their lives with great empathy and a quiet understanding, like sighing air from my lungs and reaching across a table to someone I want to comfort. This has been on my mind, I think, because two people have killed themselves in downtown Port this winter. The first, a woman, leaped off the breakwater during a winter storm. The second shot himself on a bluff bench. I am not on that path. But I recognize the dead as speaking a language that I comprehend and never can unlearn. May their souls rest tonight.
T is watching Takers. He's in middle school, yes, with the worst movie tastes imaginable. I refuse to watch. Tomorrow the boys and I might hit the Imax for a film about the Hubble telescope. N is obsessed with space. Or we'll save the gas money and stay local. Not sure. I'm already bored with Easter break. Bring on the season's rebirth. Have a good Wednesday night.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
written earlier in the day, didn't have net access in the cafeteria
I'm in the Thomas Jefferson Middle School cafeteria, 8:44AM, surrounded by chess nerds. Oh, I don't intend to sound mean, maybe just a tad sarcastic, as the chess nerds are a courteous bunch and kids could do a lot worse than chess on a Saturday morning. The locals could be snorting meth (you snort meth, right?) out in the woods or having unprotected sex in someone's garage. So, sure, chess is good.
I don't like chess. Although I've taught my children how to play as a rite of passage the game does nothing for me other than inspire a desire to end the game as quickly as possible so I can do something more interesting, like empty the dishwasher or put a new bar of soap out in the shower. S is a decent player, though, even without practice outside of tournaments. So here we are. I don't think I have to stay but rumor has it this tournament will be visible through the library windows so I thought I'd stick around for the opening matches. After that I'm not sure what I'll do. Rain and wind rule the day, perfect coffee shop weather, so perhaps I'll hit Java Dock or Smith Brothers. Or I could pick up the third Star Wars Legos installment. Either way. I have Bryson's latest in the computer case, too, so I could grab some hallway floor and read. I'm breathing and letting the day come.
Ok, nerd movement. Sometimes just said something about I couldn't quite hear/understand and all the kids are moving to the library. More later.
I'm in the Thomas Jefferson Middle School cafeteria, 8:44AM, surrounded by chess nerds. Oh, I don't intend to sound mean, maybe just a tad sarcastic, as the chess nerds are a courteous bunch and kids could do a lot worse than chess on a Saturday morning. The locals could be snorting meth (you snort meth, right?) out in the woods or having unprotected sex in someone's garage. So, sure, chess is good.
I don't like chess. Although I've taught my children how to play as a rite of passage the game does nothing for me other than inspire a desire to end the game as quickly as possible so I can do something more interesting, like empty the dishwasher or put a new bar of soap out in the shower. S is a decent player, though, even without practice outside of tournaments. So here we are. I don't think I have to stay but rumor has it this tournament will be visible through the library windows so I thought I'd stick around for the opening matches. After that I'm not sure what I'll do. Rain and wind rule the day, perfect coffee shop weather, so perhaps I'll hit Java Dock or Smith Brothers. Or I could pick up the third Star Wars Legos installment. Either way. I have Bryson's latest in the computer case, too, so I could grab some hallway floor and read. I'm breathing and letting the day come.
Ok, nerd movement. Sometimes just said something about I couldn't quite hear/understand and all the kids are moving to the library. More later.
Friday, April 15, 2011
I'm in the dark, 7:00PM, watching Tron with N and S. Man, this movie is boring. Rain is falling, wind is blowing, and I'm in for the night. I've already had a beer. This would be a great night for a coffee shop, maybe, but I'll stay home, most likely. Pretty soon I'll head upstairs and finish Travels With Charley.
So this week has gone well except for an insane insomnia stretch Monday night/Tuesday morning. I was tense Monday night and couldn't sleep. And couldn't sleep. And couldn't sleep. Finally about one I gave up and drove into the office. I was somewhat hallucinatory by this point but I managed to get a ton done in three hours. Then I drove home and did next to nothing all day in that nauseous, half-awake state. So at 4PM I took some high quality sleeping pills and crashed, hard, for fourteen hours. Wednesday and Thursday were busy but productive.
Last night I did the elliptical for 45 minutes after Cub Scouts. Man, I needed that. This morning I decided not to push myself and instead tried lifting for the second time this week. I couldn't get past the 2nd set. Tomorrow I'll try cardio again. This is opportunity, really, and I'm gaining back my health. Let me live.
So this week has gone well except for an insane insomnia stretch Monday night/Tuesday morning. I was tense Monday night and couldn't sleep. And couldn't sleep. And couldn't sleep. Finally about one I gave up and drove into the office. I was somewhat hallucinatory by this point but I managed to get a ton done in three hours. Then I drove home and did next to nothing all day in that nauseous, half-awake state. So at 4PM I took some high quality sleeping pills and crashed, hard, for fourteen hours. Wednesday and Thursday were busy but productive.
Last night I did the elliptical for 45 minutes after Cub Scouts. Man, I needed that. This morning I decided not to push myself and instead tried lifting for the second time this week. I couldn't get past the 2nd set. Tomorrow I'll try cardio again. This is opportunity, really, and I'm gaining back my health. Let me live.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
S and his friend Phoenix are playing Halo while I write at the dining room table. The dogs are outside. M, N, and T are out shopping. The windows are open but we're in one of those spring stretches when you could gain twenty degrees driving ten miles west. Bleh. I think I'll close the skylight and take a bath soon.
Well, I'm slowly recovering but not better yet. Yesterday my throat and sinuses were so sore I gave up and visited the walk-in clinic. The doctor prescribed some high-power antibiotic and today I feel better but not all the way together. My teeth hurt, too, and I've down more Ibuprofin (sp?) in the last seven days than in the last seven years. Plus I still have maybe three or four oxycodone (sp?) remaining, but I'm saving those for the evenings.
Are you sick of my talking of illness? I am.
So what else is up? I've been re-reading Steinbeck's Travels With Charley. Last night M and I watched the rest of the first season one Modern Family disc. I also caught up on sleep. This morning I hit Alterra's for an hour or so. Oh, I also made cookies.
Tomorrow I might stay home from work. There isn't a pressing reason to drive into the office; I can do most of the work at home. I'll also save the seven buck commute necessitated by rising gas prices. But I'll get bored at home so maybe I'll go anyway. Or Tuesday. I could always hit the art museum Tuesday afternoon if I'm in the office all morning. What do you think?
Ok, time to make more tea and write a Demian review. S and Phoenix are laughing at Halo, saying “You killed my little bunny!” to the television screen and cracking themselves up. Life is good.
Well, I'm slowly recovering but not better yet. Yesterday my throat and sinuses were so sore I gave up and visited the walk-in clinic. The doctor prescribed some high-power antibiotic and today I feel better but not all the way together. My teeth hurt, too, and I've down more Ibuprofin (sp?) in the last seven days than in the last seven years. Plus I still have maybe three or four oxycodone (sp?) remaining, but I'm saving those for the evenings.
Are you sick of my talking of illness? I am.
So what else is up? I've been re-reading Steinbeck's Travels With Charley. Last night M and I watched the rest of the first season one Modern Family disc. I also caught up on sleep. This morning I hit Alterra's for an hour or so. Oh, I also made cookies.
Tomorrow I might stay home from work. There isn't a pressing reason to drive into the office; I can do most of the work at home. I'll also save the seven buck commute necessitated by rising gas prices. But I'll get bored at home so maybe I'll go anyway. Or Tuesday. I could always hit the art museum Tuesday afternoon if I'm in the office all morning. What do you think?
Ok, time to make more tea and write a Demian review. S and Phoenix are laughing at Halo, saying “You killed my little bunny!” to the television screen and cracking themselves up. Life is good.
Friday, April 08, 2011
Man, I didn't realize this whole recovery process would take longer than a week. Yesterday after work I hit the gym for 45 minutes on the elliptical. That decision ranks high on my recent “dumbass decision” list. I survived the workout but my health plummeted toward evening. My body's too worn out for the gym and today, again, I have no energy.
This week has been ok, though. I drove to the office every day and got a lot done. If I hadn't I imagine the backlog would bother me, anyway, so I'm glad I didn't take time off, even if just about every night I collapsed as soon as I returned home. This weekend is wide open, at least, and I'm taking it easy. I'll read Steinbeck and wear my pajamas. This morning I hit Kohl's, where they didn't have futon covers, and Target, where they did. I picked one up before stopping at Costco for a few things (yogurt, Dayquil, pizza, laundry detergent). The skies are grey and the air cold, in the forties, but we're due for the seventies, believe it or not, Sunday.
Earlier this week I re-read Hesse's Demian, review soon. I've also been listening to the Kate Bush back catalog. I hadn't listened to her early material in a year, at least. That was kind of fun.
Boogers are running all over. I'm going to fold laundry and drink some tea. More later.
This week has been ok, though. I drove to the office every day and got a lot done. If I hadn't I imagine the backlog would bother me, anyway, so I'm glad I didn't take time off, even if just about every night I collapsed as soon as I returned home. This weekend is wide open, at least, and I'm taking it easy. I'll read Steinbeck and wear my pajamas. This morning I hit Kohl's, where they didn't have futon covers, and Target, where they did. I picked one up before stopping at Costco for a few things (yogurt, Dayquil, pizza, laundry detergent). The skies are grey and the air cold, in the forties, but we're due for the seventies, believe it or not, Sunday.
Earlier this week I re-read Hesse's Demian, review soon. I've also been listening to the Kate Bush back catalog. I hadn't listened to her early material in a year, at least. That was kind of fun.
Boogers are running all over. I'm going to fold laundry and drink some tea. More later.
Monday, April 04, 2011
I'm on the futon while T and N play Halo. Does it sound like my kids play video games 24 hours a day? That's not quite true, although I'll often write while they're playing.
I'm in that “not sure if I should work out” mode right now. Earlier I had taken my gear, planning on changing at work and driving straight to the Y, but the sore throat was sapping my strength so I went hope and watched the Brewers instead. They lost again, by the way, late in the game. Fuck! Get it together, Brewers! Stop fucking around! Anyway, I skipped the gym, stopped at Walgreens for Dayquil, and returned home. I'm losing my chronological thread. Let me start over.
This morning was ok at work. I'm way ahead, really, more than I expected. I'm glad I answered email and worked ahead last week. Most of the morning I cruised GR/FB and put together a set of benchmark artifacts for reliability/validity checks. Yay. I guess I also fine-tuned tomorrow's class and talked with some students. Not a bad day, really.
I'm calmer lately. Not sure why. I'm a little happier. More tomorrow.
I'm in that “not sure if I should work out” mode right now. Earlier I had taken my gear, planning on changing at work and driving straight to the Y, but the sore throat was sapping my strength so I went hope and watched the Brewers instead. They lost again, by the way, late in the game. Fuck! Get it together, Brewers! Stop fucking around! Anyway, I skipped the gym, stopped at Walgreens for Dayquil, and returned home. I'm losing my chronological thread. Let me start over.
This morning was ok at work. I'm way ahead, really, more than I expected. I'm glad I answered email and worked ahead last week. Most of the morning I cruised GR/FB and put together a set of benchmark artifacts for reliability/validity checks. Yay. I guess I also fine-tuned tomorrow's class and talked with some students. Not a bad day, really.
I'm calmer lately. Not sure why. I'm a little happier. More tomorrow.
Early Monday morning. The dogs are asleep, Mack on the chair, Pete on the couch. Someone's moving upstairs. I hear voices. I think N is up.
Last night I drank expired cold medicine (oops), took a lunesta, and read Demian until I crashed hard before eight. I woke a couple times, maybe near 11 and around 2, then rose at 3. I drank some throat coat (throat still a problem), checked in online, and watched a few old Buffy segments on Logo until about 4:30AM. Then I lifted for the first time in close to a week. M said the dentist said I shouldn't work out too much after the wisdom teeth operation because the blood would rush to my stitches and hurt like a bitch but I was fine, more than fine, really, as the few days off seemed to give my muscles time to regenerate. The lift was easy. After that I did the yogurt/protein, ate a little more breakfast, and watched the news while drinking coffee. Here I am. On Monday mornings I often have a difficult time leaving the boys. This is exacerbated, I think, by last night's early sleep and my leaning on them about video game fights and messy rooms. So I could be in the shower now, rushing to get ready, but I'm not in the mood.
Interruption...N and M are up early. N is now quietly wrapped up in a blanket watching The Most Extreme. His nose gives me problems at night. More later...have a good Monday.
Last night I drank expired cold medicine (oops), took a lunesta, and read Demian until I crashed hard before eight. I woke a couple times, maybe near 11 and around 2, then rose at 3. I drank some throat coat (throat still a problem), checked in online, and watched a few old Buffy segments on Logo until about 4:30AM. Then I lifted for the first time in close to a week. M said the dentist said I shouldn't work out too much after the wisdom teeth operation because the blood would rush to my stitches and hurt like a bitch but I was fine, more than fine, really, as the few days off seemed to give my muscles time to regenerate. The lift was easy. After that I did the yogurt/protein, ate a little more breakfast, and watched the news while drinking coffee. Here I am. On Monday mornings I often have a difficult time leaving the boys. This is exacerbated, I think, by last night's early sleep and my leaning on them about video game fights and messy rooms. So I could be in the shower now, rushing to get ready, but I'm not in the mood.
Interruption...N and M are up early. N is now quietly wrapped up in a blanket watching The Most Extreme. His nose gives me problems at night. More later...have a good Monday.
Sunday, April 03, 2011
Why good evening, blog readers. I'm on the futon, 5PM. The boys are playing upstairs. M is making grilled cheese. The dogs are chasing shadows in circles around the first floor. All afternoon rain, wind, and clouds have cartwheeled through the neighborhood. These Sunday nights stick in memory.
My throat hurts. Not sure why. This morning I woke with a soul-reducing sore throat. Tonight I'm taking cold medicine. I get the sense that boogers or whatever are running from my sinuses into my throat. This wouldn't be a big deal, I suppose, except I want to lift in the morning and I can't if I'm all snotty. We'll see. Maybe I can combine cold medicine, a painkiller, an anti-anxiety, and lunesta. Holy hell, I'll be flying.
So this morning I slept until close to seven-thirty and didn't hit the coffee shop as planned. Instead M went to the gym while I showered and ate breakfast. The boys fought about video games about 25 times before 9AM, so I made them clean their room and come up with a non-combative video game plan. I was pretty hard on them but this shit has endured long enough. Then I cleaned the first floor and finished Talking With Girls About Duran Duran on the couch while the boys returned to video games. Not a bad afternoon, really. I'm reading and writing a ton lately. I'm not sure why. I mean, I always read, I guess, days don't pass without my nose in a book, but I've been reading six of twenty-four hours since the surgery. I've also been reading fairly easy material, though, but no complaints, it's not like I'm reading Cosmo. After finishing laundry and watching a Bones I meant to drive to Alterra's but detoured to Borders. I don't know if they've been putting more material out on the shelves or what, but I found a shitload that I either passed on earlier visits or was recently place in the stacks. After just scanning the fiction I found another Bukowski, a couple Burroughs, a Leonard Cohen (looks weird), and a few more. Not a bad haul for 30 bucks. I drove home, answered email, and drafted a book review. Then I had fake chicken nuggets for an early dinner, put away laundry, put out tomorrow's clothes, made tomorrow's lunch, and cleaned the kitchen. Then back to the couch with Hesse's Demian. I haven't read the book in twenty years but today, with all the rain and wind, is a perfect day for Hesse. I'll write more on him later once I've delved deeper into the book.
I need blueberry tea. I refuse to call it “tisane” because “tisane” is a stupid word. Good night.
My throat hurts. Not sure why. This morning I woke with a soul-reducing sore throat. Tonight I'm taking cold medicine. I get the sense that boogers or whatever are running from my sinuses into my throat. This wouldn't be a big deal, I suppose, except I want to lift in the morning and I can't if I'm all snotty. We'll see. Maybe I can combine cold medicine, a painkiller, an anti-anxiety, and lunesta. Holy hell, I'll be flying.
So this morning I slept until close to seven-thirty and didn't hit the coffee shop as planned. Instead M went to the gym while I showered and ate breakfast. The boys fought about video games about 25 times before 9AM, so I made them clean their room and come up with a non-combative video game plan. I was pretty hard on them but this shit has endured long enough. Then I cleaned the first floor and finished Talking With Girls About Duran Duran on the couch while the boys returned to video games. Not a bad afternoon, really. I'm reading and writing a ton lately. I'm not sure why. I mean, I always read, I guess, days don't pass without my nose in a book, but I've been reading six of twenty-four hours since the surgery. I've also been reading fairly easy material, though, but no complaints, it's not like I'm reading Cosmo. After finishing laundry and watching a Bones I meant to drive to Alterra's but detoured to Borders. I don't know if they've been putting more material out on the shelves or what, but I found a shitload that I either passed on earlier visits or was recently place in the stacks. After just scanning the fiction I found another Bukowski, a couple Burroughs, a Leonard Cohen (looks weird), and a few more. Not a bad haul for 30 bucks. I drove home, answered email, and drafted a book review. Then I had fake chicken nuggets for an early dinner, put away laundry, put out tomorrow's clothes, made tomorrow's lunch, and cleaned the kitchen. Then back to the couch with Hesse's Demian. I haven't read the book in twenty years but today, with all the rain and wind, is a perfect day for Hesse. I'll write more on him later once I've delved deeper into the book.
I need blueberry tea. I refuse to call it “tisane” because “tisane” is a stupid word. Good night.
Saturday, April 02, 2011
My mom once said addictive personalities run in our family. I've never been into gambling, alcohol, or excessive masturbation (I think), but I tell you, man, I am LOVING these painkillers. I could take these pills on a daily basis for the rest of my life. Painkillers rule. They carry such a pleasant, spacy high, with none of the smoke or subterfuge. I want to hug them.
Today has been fine but I'm reeling a bit from the serious routine change. I can't work out, I can't eat normal food, and my energy level remains low. This afternoon I read Talking With Girls About Duran Duran on the couch while T played Black Ops with his friends via Xbox. Then I made a pretty good chocolate cake with cream cheese frosting from a Penzey's catalog recipe. After that I took a bath, gently chewed a couple tofu tacos, and tried to watch Tangled with the boys but our pay-per-view service isn't working, so we watched a Disney documentary on the oceans instead. Well, the documentary is still playing but everyone's ditched me. That's ok. I think T's staying up late for more video games. Mack just crashed next to me on the couch. Good dog.
The Brewers are losing.
Tomorrow I want to avoid the drugs for the morning and hit the coffee shops for, uh, a different drug, I guess. Ok, here are the options:
1) Java Dock: Local, funky, but a weird setup and unreliable wireless. The space is divided between two floors. The first floor leads to a narrow space, maybe ten by twelve, where you get your coffee. They can address only one order at a time and the area gets crowded quickly. The upstairs area is pretty cool, old tables, board games, etc., and I like the view. I feel like I'm spying on the passing cars. And when I'm with N and M on Saturday mornings Java Dock is usually the best option if we can snag a table even if there's no privacy and people are more or less on top of each other. Their hours are weird, though, and the hippy who runs the place will close at any moment. I get frustrated when I show up on a Saturday afternoon and they're closed for no reason I can discern.
2) Smith Brothers: Local as well, two blocks east of Java Dock, right along the main street near the harbor. Smith Brothers' primary con are their employees. I'd say about half are bitchy. I don't know why. Maybe they have a good reason. Also, their tea blows and sometimes the employees don't seem to know what they're doing. They've got a couple of regular counter people, I guess, who are good but you're rolling the dice every visit. The wireless is reliable, however, and you can't beat the view of passing cars along Grand and Franklin. The tables are a little small for real work but if the three wicker chairs are open near the fireplace the kids can get lost in their books and time passes quickly and easily. Smith Brothers gets the tourist business and, in turn, has a better chance of staying open.
3) Grafton Alterra's: I have to drive a couple miles to the Grafton Alterra's but it's probably the best of the three options. Their wireless is impeccable and the coffee excellent. Alterra's is a small, reputable chain, if you're not from around here and don't recognize the name, and they do enough volume to keep a couple people working the counter whenever they're open. The counter people are pros. Cons: Alterra's can get crazy loud and busy and if you're with someone getting a table can be difficult at peak hours. If I'm alone I usually snag a counter space, looking out over highway 60, where I can plug in the laptop and get to work. I trust Alterra's more than the Java Dock or Smith Brothers.
I don't know why I wanted to write about coffee shops tonight, but I did. Off to read. Good night.
Today has been fine but I'm reeling a bit from the serious routine change. I can't work out, I can't eat normal food, and my energy level remains low. This afternoon I read Talking With Girls About Duran Duran on the couch while T played Black Ops with his friends via Xbox. Then I made a pretty good chocolate cake with cream cheese frosting from a Penzey's catalog recipe. After that I took a bath, gently chewed a couple tofu tacos, and tried to watch Tangled with the boys but our pay-per-view service isn't working, so we watched a Disney documentary on the oceans instead. Well, the documentary is still playing but everyone's ditched me. That's ok. I think T's staying up late for more video games. Mack just crashed next to me on the couch. Good dog.
The Brewers are losing.
Tomorrow I want to avoid the drugs for the morning and hit the coffee shops for, uh, a different drug, I guess. Ok, here are the options:
1) Java Dock: Local, funky, but a weird setup and unreliable wireless. The space is divided between two floors. The first floor leads to a narrow space, maybe ten by twelve, where you get your coffee. They can address only one order at a time and the area gets crowded quickly. The upstairs area is pretty cool, old tables, board games, etc., and I like the view. I feel like I'm spying on the passing cars. And when I'm with N and M on Saturday mornings Java Dock is usually the best option if we can snag a table even if there's no privacy and people are more or less on top of each other. Their hours are weird, though, and the hippy who runs the place will close at any moment. I get frustrated when I show up on a Saturday afternoon and they're closed for no reason I can discern.
2) Smith Brothers: Local as well, two blocks east of Java Dock, right along the main street near the harbor. Smith Brothers' primary con are their employees. I'd say about half are bitchy. I don't know why. Maybe they have a good reason. Also, their tea blows and sometimes the employees don't seem to know what they're doing. They've got a couple of regular counter people, I guess, who are good but you're rolling the dice every visit. The wireless is reliable, however, and you can't beat the view of passing cars along Grand and Franklin. The tables are a little small for real work but if the three wicker chairs are open near the fireplace the kids can get lost in their books and time passes quickly and easily. Smith Brothers gets the tourist business and, in turn, has a better chance of staying open.
3) Grafton Alterra's: I have to drive a couple miles to the Grafton Alterra's but it's probably the best of the three options. Their wireless is impeccable and the coffee excellent. Alterra's is a small, reputable chain, if you're not from around here and don't recognize the name, and they do enough volume to keep a couple people working the counter whenever they're open. The counter people are pros. Cons: Alterra's can get crazy loud and busy and if you're with someone getting a table can be difficult at peak hours. If I'm alone I usually snag a counter space, looking out over highway 60, where I can plug in the laptop and get to work. I trust Alterra's more than the Java Dock or Smith Brothers.
I don't know why I wanted to write about coffee shops tonight, but I did. Off to read. Good night.
A little after noon, Saturday, a cool spring day. Well, I had the windows open but M thought the air was too cold so she closed them. That was ok. Enough fresh air for now.
I'm on the futon, surrounded by pillows, a sleeping bag on my feet, the sun appearing and disappearing on and off. N is reading the comics at the dining room table. T just abandoned the X-box. S is on the computer, I think, M making lunch. The dogs are in the crate until lunch's end.
My teeth feel ok, I guess, although apparently I'm supposed to ice them more often. Only today when I looked in the mirror did my cheeks look different. Oh well. I'm not out to impress anyone.
This morning I woke near six after nine hours of intense, chemically induced sleep. I stumbled downstairs and watched the news until N took over and watched last night's Clone Wars season finale. I took a painkiller and spaced on the couch for a while before showering, cleaning, and walking to the library. You can smell spring in a way that I struggle to describe; the greenery, while appearing dead, is coming to life. A couple minutes after I stumbled into the library T caught up with me. We talked a little with Brooke, the librarian, then walked home. The exercise, only a half-mile each way, wore me out. I wrote a book review, ate a little ice cream, and crashed on the couch with another Rob Sheffield book. M's about to turn on House.
I'm also drinking coffee, first time in a couple days. I need a latte. Maybe I'll hit Alterra's later, but my energy is still low. More tonight.
I'm on the futon, surrounded by pillows, a sleeping bag on my feet, the sun appearing and disappearing on and off. N is reading the comics at the dining room table. T just abandoned the X-box. S is on the computer, I think, M making lunch. The dogs are in the crate until lunch's end.
My teeth feel ok, I guess, although apparently I'm supposed to ice them more often. Only today when I looked in the mirror did my cheeks look different. Oh well. I'm not out to impress anyone.
This morning I woke near six after nine hours of intense, chemically induced sleep. I stumbled downstairs and watched the news until N took over and watched last night's Clone Wars season finale. I took a painkiller and spaced on the couch for a while before showering, cleaning, and walking to the library. You can smell spring in a way that I struggle to describe; the greenery, while appearing dead, is coming to life. A couple minutes after I stumbled into the library T caught up with me. We talked a little with Brooke, the librarian, then walked home. The exercise, only a half-mile each way, wore me out. I wrote a book review, ate a little ice cream, and crashed on the couch with another Rob Sheffield book. M's about to turn on House.
I'm also drinking coffee, first time in a couple days. I need a latte. Maybe I'll hit Alterra's later, but my energy is still low. More tonight.
Friday, April 01, 2011
Ok, strap in, folks, this post will be powered by 1) lunesta, 2) hydroxosine (sp?), 3) oxycoden (sp?). So...a sleeping pill, an anti-anxiety, and a painkiller. Whoo! Rock and roll. I'm starting to like pills a bit too much. I understand why people could get addicted. But whoo I like them.
So yesterday the wisdom teeth extraction took place. M and I drove down to Mequon Rd. She took over the desk negotiations, length of the procedure, etc. A nurse who reminded me of my colleague Lisa hustled me into the back room and did the blood pressure, questions about what I ate, etc. She hooked me up to a heart and breathing monitors and told me to breathe more. I tried, but apparently I wasn't breathing properly, so she stuck two plastic prongs up my nostrils, like my nose was an electrical outlet, and out poured the sweet smell of pure oxygen. Good start. Then the Dr. entered, along with another assistant, and put in the IV. The walls shook a little, I laughed, and I was out. The next thing I remember was waking a little while they were still fucking around in my mouth but I think the turned up the IV flow and knocked me out again. M and the nurse drunk-walked me to the car. Or so I thought. 45 minutes had passed during which we chatted with a nurse about post-operation care. These memories mostly escape me. The return drive home is lost to repetition memory, too, I remember stopping to to turn in a prescription. After arriving home I crashed on the couch and watched baseball between reading that book (can't remember the title) with advice from hipsters to magazine subscribers. I'll explain it later. I couldn't eat much, just soup and ice cream. The boys were fine getting home and I thought I was in pretty good shape. I didn't take the night painkillers, slept pretty good, and woke feeling close to normal. But after I cleaned the kitchen and ate breakfast I felt tired, so I sat on the rocker and finished “Inside Job”, the documentary on the economic collapse. Pretty good. I don't know much about economics but from what I can the film was well done. I decided I needed to get out of the house so I drove south to Borders. The ride down was fine, loud music, Kraftwerk, I think, and Taylor Swift. The biographies were set at 70% so I picked up a Bukowski memoir and some weird Burroughs dream book. The drive home was a bitch, however, and I questioned my decision making as soon as I hit the freeway. While I'm not proud of this history I do have a solid background driving under the influence of various chemicals (thank you, God, for hearing my prayers) and steered straight enough to land in the garage. I ate more ice cream and watched another Bones. Then M returned home and she watched two Bones, catching up to me, while I fucked around on the computer. Then I started feeling sick. The recovery guidelines suggest gargling with saltwater. As soon as I put the liquid into my mouth boogers poured from my nose. That was interesting. And a little while later, after watching some baseball (White Sox win) and some documentary on that Banksy guy, I started to feel out of it. I took the Bukowski book upstairs and finished in about four hours. I'm back and forth on Bukowski but I liked this one. More on that in the review. Now I'm listening to Mozart's Requiem, thank you, Mr. Bukowski, for reminding me of how great classical music sounds on drugs. Oh yes. Perfect. I'm going to get the boys to bed then maybe come down here, light a candle, and stay awake as long as I can, in the dark, with the Requiem. I doubt I'll last long. The drugs are doing their jobs. Good night. More tomorrow. I feel pretty good when I don't feel like I'm ready to die.
So yesterday the wisdom teeth extraction took place. M and I drove down to Mequon Rd. She took over the desk negotiations, length of the procedure, etc. A nurse who reminded me of my colleague Lisa hustled me into the back room and did the blood pressure, questions about what I ate, etc. She hooked me up to a heart and breathing monitors and told me to breathe more. I tried, but apparently I wasn't breathing properly, so she stuck two plastic prongs up my nostrils, like my nose was an electrical outlet, and out poured the sweet smell of pure oxygen. Good start. Then the Dr. entered, along with another assistant, and put in the IV. The walls shook a little, I laughed, and I was out. The next thing I remember was waking a little while they were still fucking around in my mouth but I think the turned up the IV flow and knocked me out again. M and the nurse drunk-walked me to the car. Or so I thought. 45 minutes had passed during which we chatted with a nurse about post-operation care. These memories mostly escape me. The return drive home is lost to repetition memory, too, I remember stopping to to turn in a prescription. After arriving home I crashed on the couch and watched baseball between reading that book (can't remember the title) with advice from hipsters to magazine subscribers. I'll explain it later. I couldn't eat much, just soup and ice cream. The boys were fine getting home and I thought I was in pretty good shape. I didn't take the night painkillers, slept pretty good, and woke feeling close to normal. But after I cleaned the kitchen and ate breakfast I felt tired, so I sat on the rocker and finished “Inside Job”, the documentary on the economic collapse. Pretty good. I don't know much about economics but from what I can the film was well done. I decided I needed to get out of the house so I drove south to Borders. The ride down was fine, loud music, Kraftwerk, I think, and Taylor Swift. The biographies were set at 70% so I picked up a Bukowski memoir and some weird Burroughs dream book. The drive home was a bitch, however, and I questioned my decision making as soon as I hit the freeway. While I'm not proud of this history I do have a solid background driving under the influence of various chemicals (thank you, God, for hearing my prayers) and steered straight enough to land in the garage. I ate more ice cream and watched another Bones. Then M returned home and she watched two Bones, catching up to me, while I fucked around on the computer. Then I started feeling sick. The recovery guidelines suggest gargling with saltwater. As soon as I put the liquid into my mouth boogers poured from my nose. That was interesting. And a little while later, after watching some baseball (White Sox win) and some documentary on that Banksy guy, I started to feel out of it. I took the Bukowski book upstairs and finished in about four hours. I'm back and forth on Bukowski but I liked this one. More on that in the review. Now I'm listening to Mozart's Requiem, thank you, Mr. Bukowski, for reminding me of how great classical music sounds on drugs. Oh yes. Perfect. I'm going to get the boys to bed then maybe come down here, light a candle, and stay awake as long as I can, in the dark, with the Requiem. I doubt I'll last long. The drugs are doing their jobs. Good night. More tomorrow. I feel pretty good when I don't feel like I'm ready to die.
(This post was written yesterday morning, Thursday, about 9:30AM)
On the futon, watching Bones (well, re-watching Bones, I've seen this already but Maura hasn't). In about a half-hour, maybe a little less, we'll head out to the oral surgeon's office. Supposedly I'll be home a little after noon. We'll see. I'm curious as to how long the sedatives will work. Will I sleep all afternoon? I have no idea. Sleeping all day seems a waste.
Everyone's home, by the way, and feeling happy to be home, from what I can tell. The boys are off at school. Last night I stayed up late since I wanted to sleep later this morning and not deal with the "no food or drink" instructions this morning. I listened to "Darkness on the Edge of Town", watched Bourdain's Ozarks episode (excellent), and watched Inside Job until the fatigue rendered me unable to comprehend the charts, etc. Then I read a little (some book with fake advice, don't remember the title, but pretty funny).
Ok, head spinning a little. More later.
On the futon, watching Bones (well, re-watching Bones, I've seen this already but Maura hasn't). In about a half-hour, maybe a little less, we'll head out to the oral surgeon's office. Supposedly I'll be home a little after noon. We'll see. I'm curious as to how long the sedatives will work. Will I sleep all afternoon? I have no idea. Sleeping all day seems a waste.
Everyone's home, by the way, and feeling happy to be home, from what I can tell. The boys are off at school. Last night I stayed up late since I wanted to sleep later this morning and not deal with the "no food or drink" instructions this morning. I listened to "Darkness on the Edge of Town", watched Bourdain's Ozarks episode (excellent), and watched Inside Job until the fatigue rendered me unable to comprehend the charts, etc. Then I read a little (some book with fake advice, don't remember the title, but pretty funny).
Ok, head spinning a little. More later.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
(From earlier today...)
I'm sitting under a tree, drinking a latte, near the Alterra stand at the Milwaukee airport. Hold on. I'm taking off my suitcoat. That's better. Milwaukee's airport inexplicably doesn't provide free internet access but, other than that mortal sin, I like the Milwaukee airport. How many airports have used bookstores? The space is open and I don't think I've ever seen the space what I would call crowded. Today's crowd is veering toward the business traveler variety. Where are they going at 1:20 in the afternoon? Home from a meeting or out to a meeting?
Anyway, although I'm sure I'm posting this well after I'm writing, today and last night were ok. Let's start with last night, shall we? After I logged off the blog I cleaned the kitchen, dining room, and office, minor cleaning, really, more making sure the counters were organized and blankets off the floor than real cleaning. Then I read from Love is A Mix Tape and crashed fairly by 8:30. This morning I rose by four but chose not to work out. My legs hurt. Maybe I've pushed too hard. When I put the numbers together I see almost three years of six days a week cardio. Only in the last couple months have I cut back to five days and the first year I was more likely to knock out fourteen or fifteen consecutive days without a break. My legs are telling me they can't handle the stress. But the rest of my body wants to bounce off the walls if I don't get the cardio. I'm not sure what to do. Bike? Maybe I'll work the bike into the mix. Tonight I want to stay up late (more on why in a second) so maybe I'll go for an uncharacteristic late night walk. I'm slightly wired but I'm not sure what to do. At least I've been eating healthier.
So this morning I arrived at the office by 6:30. By 11:30 I had refined next week's planning, answered email, outlined an assignment for the M/W class, interviewed a freshman, talked with a couple other students, and sent out an updated draft of the NCATE standard six crap. I swung by Borders but, alas, the same discounts ruled and I didn't buy anything. Then I hustled to an MPS school for an observation, took notes on laptop (I should have started this practice a couple years back rather than writing by hand and transcribing later), and drove to the airport.
A midget/dwarf/little person woman just passed.
Tomorrow my wisdom teeth are scheduled for removal. I dropped an extra couple hundred bucks for the good anasethia (sp?). I don't care. I've got a job. I want to be knocked out. I don't know if I've ever been medically sedated to that point before. I don't want to remember anything. Friday I'm off as well, avoiding a meeting, so I'll watch baseball and recover. Oh, that's why I want to stay up later tonight. After I wake tomorrow I can't eat or drink anything, including coffee. Set me up for failure, why don't you, oral surgeon. Anyway, since the appointment starts at 10:45 and I can't eat after 4:45AM I want to stay up until at least midnight, eating drinking, etc., then hopefully sleep until nine or so. M's taking me to the appointment. She's on spring break.
Ok, I'm going to read. More later.
I'm sitting under a tree, drinking a latte, near the Alterra stand at the Milwaukee airport. Hold on. I'm taking off my suitcoat. That's better. Milwaukee's airport inexplicably doesn't provide free internet access but, other than that mortal sin, I like the Milwaukee airport. How many airports have used bookstores? The space is open and I don't think I've ever seen the space what I would call crowded. Today's crowd is veering toward the business traveler variety. Where are they going at 1:20 in the afternoon? Home from a meeting or out to a meeting?
Anyway, although I'm sure I'm posting this well after I'm writing, today and last night were ok. Let's start with last night, shall we? After I logged off the blog I cleaned the kitchen, dining room, and office, minor cleaning, really, more making sure the counters were organized and blankets off the floor than real cleaning. Then I read from Love is A Mix Tape and crashed fairly by 8:30. This morning I rose by four but chose not to work out. My legs hurt. Maybe I've pushed too hard. When I put the numbers together I see almost three years of six days a week cardio. Only in the last couple months have I cut back to five days and the first year I was more likely to knock out fourteen or fifteen consecutive days without a break. My legs are telling me they can't handle the stress. But the rest of my body wants to bounce off the walls if I don't get the cardio. I'm not sure what to do. Bike? Maybe I'll work the bike into the mix. Tonight I want to stay up late (more on why in a second) so maybe I'll go for an uncharacteristic late night walk. I'm slightly wired but I'm not sure what to do. At least I've been eating healthier.
So this morning I arrived at the office by 6:30. By 11:30 I had refined next week's planning, answered email, outlined an assignment for the M/W class, interviewed a freshman, talked with a couple other students, and sent out an updated draft of the NCATE standard six crap. I swung by Borders but, alas, the same discounts ruled and I didn't buy anything. Then I hustled to an MPS school for an observation, took notes on laptop (I should have started this practice a couple years back rather than writing by hand and transcribing later), and drove to the airport.
A midget/dwarf/little person woman just passed.
Tomorrow my wisdom teeth are scheduled for removal. I dropped an extra couple hundred bucks for the good anasethia (sp?). I don't care. I've got a job. I want to be knocked out. I don't know if I've ever been medically sedated to that point before. I don't want to remember anything. Friday I'm off as well, avoiding a meeting, so I'll watch baseball and recover. Oh, that's why I want to stay up later tonight. After I wake tomorrow I can't eat or drink anything, including coffee. Set me up for failure, why don't you, oral surgeon. Anyway, since the appointment starts at 10:45 and I can't eat after 4:45AM I want to stay up until at least midnight, eating drinking, etc., then hopefully sleep until nine or so. M's taking me to the appointment. She's on spring break.
Ok, I'm going to read. More later.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Exhausted. What's wrong with me? Sometimes I think the cumulative impact of the last forty-one years catches up to me all at once. I'm not in a good place tonight, so I'm glad I wrote about positives yesterday because I read those and calm down a little.
Ok today I was up by five and at work by seven. From seven to 12:30 I graded, answered email, etc., with brief walks/visits every hour or so to keep my brain from overloading. I failed, and by the time I left to observe a student at a local middle school, I was pretty fucking fried. The student did ok, I guess, and I cut out by 1:20 and was on the stairmaster at the Y by 1:50. I don't know how people who work normal jobs, seven to five or whatever, survive. I'd fucking die. Maybe I'd adjust and take lunches, breaks, etc., more often. Or not work as intensely. I don't know. Anyway, I needed that workout. Then I returned home and lifted weights to the Bourdain Ozarks episode, took a shower, ate scrambled eggs, and finished a Bones. It's 5:36PM. The sun is still out. I should clean a little and then I'm going to read and fall asleep. Tomorrow I need to be up by four so I can work out at five because I'd rather work out early because I'm picking M and the boys up at the airport in the afternoon. Then I'm staying up late tomorrow night so I can eat and drink before crashing and waking late, I hope, before heading more or less directly to the wisdom teeth extraction appointment.
Bones said something interesting today. She repeated a Zen Koan that said, “If you want to find something, you've got to stop looking.” That made sense to me. Thank you, network tv. Must practice.
Ok today I was up by five and at work by seven. From seven to 12:30 I graded, answered email, etc., with brief walks/visits every hour or so to keep my brain from overloading. I failed, and by the time I left to observe a student at a local middle school, I was pretty fucking fried. The student did ok, I guess, and I cut out by 1:20 and was on the stairmaster at the Y by 1:50. I don't know how people who work normal jobs, seven to five or whatever, survive. I'd fucking die. Maybe I'd adjust and take lunches, breaks, etc., more often. Or not work as intensely. I don't know. Anyway, I needed that workout. Then I returned home and lifted weights to the Bourdain Ozarks episode, took a shower, ate scrambled eggs, and finished a Bones. It's 5:36PM. The sun is still out. I should clean a little and then I'm going to read and fall asleep. Tomorrow I need to be up by four so I can work out at five because I'd rather work out early because I'm picking M and the boys up at the airport in the afternoon. Then I'm staying up late tomorrow night so I can eat and drink before crashing and waking late, I hope, before heading more or less directly to the wisdom teeth extraction appointment.
Bones said something interesting today. She repeated a Zen Koan that said, “If you want to find something, you've got to stop looking.” That made sense to me. Thank you, network tv. Must practice.
Monday, March 28, 2011
At the Grafton Aterra's, No Doubt on the speakers, the space only maybe, oh, a quarter full. This morning I bought a new Brewers hat, returned the rented router to the cable company, and graded lesson plans.
Ok, I want to do something a bit different today. I want to write out a list of little things in the world that keep me going. Little things I like.
No Doubt's “Underneath It All”, since it's on now. Esp. the part when the lady (not Gwen Stefani, the other one) raps.
Tea. After dinner I'll fire up the kettle and drink tea. Lately I'm into the Numi dark vanilla. And the Stash blueberry tea. If I need caffeine I'll go with the green and white Stash mix. Oh, and iced tea, too. I get the feeling one of my kids' enduring memories of me will be how much iced tea I drank.
Candles, one on the dining room, one in the kitchen, burning while I'm watching tv or working on the computer.
The moment in which you add the milk to the chocolate, vanilla, butter, and powdered sugar and the pebble-like mixture becomes frosting.
Watching my kids read comic books.
The Hold Steady on the car speakers.
Coffee shops in this order: 1) Grafton Alterra's, 2) Smith Brothers, 3) Java Dock.
Funny/intelligent facebook comments.
Mack and Pete, esp. when they're digging through their “Kongs”, the hollow plastic toys in which we can put dog treats for them to remove.
Bones and Castle, but more Bones than Castle, lately.
The fact baseball season starts Thursday.
My office.
Feeling like all my work email is answered.
Sleeping pills, esp. when I've had about a beer and a half and take a lunesta. Don't try that at home.
M's laugh.
N focused intensely on a science television program or reading Calvin and Hobbes. Or N saying “I have a question” before he asks a question.
T flipping his hair to the side before I take his picture.
S doing math in his head or being formal and polite with a friend.
Cutting through downtown Port Washington.
The view just south of downtown Milwaukee, when you go over the hill and the horizon is dotted with church steeples in working class neighborhoods.
The folk art wing of the Milwaukee Art Museum.
Folding laundry.
Going to sleep early.
Cacti and plants in general.
The Japanese bushes along the backyard fence. I'm a half-assed gardener, at best, but those bushes keep growing and I'm pretty sure my anal neighbors are jealous. Rabbits hide behind the bushes.
Wind.
Driving my car after I've changed the oil, filled the gas tank, and passed through a car wash.
Making people laugh at work.
Feeling like I taught well.
Hanging out with Chicago friends.
Finishing a book and starting a new one.
I'll leave the list as-is for now. More later. I'm in a good mood, glad to be alive.
Ok, I want to do something a bit different today. I want to write out a list of little things in the world that keep me going. Little things I like.
No Doubt's “Underneath It All”, since it's on now. Esp. the part when the lady (not Gwen Stefani, the other one) raps.
Tea. After dinner I'll fire up the kettle and drink tea. Lately I'm into the Numi dark vanilla. And the Stash blueberry tea. If I need caffeine I'll go with the green and white Stash mix. Oh, and iced tea, too. I get the feeling one of my kids' enduring memories of me will be how much iced tea I drank.
Candles, one on the dining room, one in the kitchen, burning while I'm watching tv or working on the computer.
The moment in which you add the milk to the chocolate, vanilla, butter, and powdered sugar and the pebble-like mixture becomes frosting.
Watching my kids read comic books.
The Hold Steady on the car speakers.
Coffee shops in this order: 1) Grafton Alterra's, 2) Smith Brothers, 3) Java Dock.
Funny/intelligent facebook comments.
Mack and Pete, esp. when they're digging through their “Kongs”, the hollow plastic toys in which we can put dog treats for them to remove.
Bones and Castle, but more Bones than Castle, lately.
The fact baseball season starts Thursday.
My office.
Feeling like all my work email is answered.
Sleeping pills, esp. when I've had about a beer and a half and take a lunesta. Don't try that at home.
M's laugh.
N focused intensely on a science television program or reading Calvin and Hobbes. Or N saying “I have a question” before he asks a question.
T flipping his hair to the side before I take his picture.
S doing math in his head or being formal and polite with a friend.
Cutting through downtown Port Washington.
The view just south of downtown Milwaukee, when you go over the hill and the horizon is dotted with church steeples in working class neighborhoods.
The folk art wing of the Milwaukee Art Museum.
Folding laundry.
Going to sleep early.
Cacti and plants in general.
The Japanese bushes along the backyard fence. I'm a half-assed gardener, at best, but those bushes keep growing and I'm pretty sure my anal neighbors are jealous. Rabbits hide behind the bushes.
Wind.
Driving my car after I've changed the oil, filled the gas tank, and passed through a car wash.
Making people laugh at work.
Feeling like I taught well.
Hanging out with Chicago friends.
Finishing a book and starting a new one.
I'll leave the list as-is for now. More later. I'm in a good mood, glad to be alive.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
The pie turned out pretty well, maybe a bit too corn-syrup thick, but good. I ate maybe a third already then sealed up the plate so I wouldn't finish the sucker in twelve hours.
9:22AM, Sunday morning, futon strategically placed in front of the television. I've already knocked out 45 minutes of cardio. Weights later. This week I need to stay focused, as far as working out is concerned, because after Thursday's wisdom teeth removal apparently I'll be knocked out for a couple days. Did I mention the wisdom teeth operation coincides with the first day of the baseball season? Excellent. I can watch baseball to my heart's content with a valid excuse. Baseball's rhythms are perfect for recovery.
Ok, I promised to address last week's Chicago visit. Two friends were in town so we met downtown Thursday night through Saturday morning. We stayed mostly downtown, including a fun stint at the Museum of Contemporary Art, where I had to hide my water in the corner so a security guard wouldn't complain, and the lounge at the top of the Hancock. Yes, I'm aware this clashes with my legendary fear of heights. But the city lights were beautiful, surreal, almost unreal, and we sat in the dark and drank a couple beers without incident. Most of those around us seemed to be international tourists. While leaving we almost interrupted a couple making out on the elevator. We'll wait for the next one, thanks. We also stayed up late talking in the lobby. My social anxiety kicked in off and on but otherwise the weekend was exhausting but rewarding.
I also said I'd explain the sabbatical mention. Friday afternoon I finished the first draft of a sabbatical application for spring 2013. Sabbaticals seem more competitive than in the past, so I don't know that I'll get one now, but I'll nail the application sooner or later. I'm worried my teaching is fading and I could use a break to write and research.
So yesterday was a pretty good day, anyway. After finishing the pie I watched American Hardcore, which I had seen before but didn't remember well. Then I hit Smith Brothers and wrote a few letters while downing a latte. Later I made tofu for dinner, although I think I'm getting sick of it. We have tofu maybe twice a week. Then I Skyped with the boys in Florida, that was great, started the very boring The Tourist, and wrote a bit more while llistening to Chopin in the dark. I think I'll turn off the computer for a few hours. I'm hungry again. Good morning.
9:22AM, Sunday morning, futon strategically placed in front of the television. I've already knocked out 45 minutes of cardio. Weights later. This week I need to stay focused, as far as working out is concerned, because after Thursday's wisdom teeth removal apparently I'll be knocked out for a couple days. Did I mention the wisdom teeth operation coincides with the first day of the baseball season? Excellent. I can watch baseball to my heart's content with a valid excuse. Baseball's rhythms are perfect for recovery.
Ok, I promised to address last week's Chicago visit. Two friends were in town so we met downtown Thursday night through Saturday morning. We stayed mostly downtown, including a fun stint at the Museum of Contemporary Art, where I had to hide my water in the corner so a security guard wouldn't complain, and the lounge at the top of the Hancock. Yes, I'm aware this clashes with my legendary fear of heights. But the city lights were beautiful, surreal, almost unreal, and we sat in the dark and drank a couple beers without incident. Most of those around us seemed to be international tourists. While leaving we almost interrupted a couple making out on the elevator. We'll wait for the next one, thanks. We also stayed up late talking in the lobby. My social anxiety kicked in off and on but otherwise the weekend was exhausting but rewarding.
I also said I'd explain the sabbatical mention. Friday afternoon I finished the first draft of a sabbatical application for spring 2013. Sabbaticals seem more competitive than in the past, so I don't know that I'll get one now, but I'll nail the application sooner or later. I'm worried my teaching is fading and I could use a break to write and research.
So yesterday was a pretty good day, anyway. After finishing the pie I watched American Hardcore, which I had seen before but didn't remember well. Then I hit Smith Brothers and wrote a few letters while downing a latte. Later I made tofu for dinner, although I think I'm getting sick of it. We have tofu maybe twice a week. Then I Skyped with the boys in Florida, that was great, started the very boring The Tourist, and wrote a bit more while llistening to Chopin in the dark. I think I'll turn off the computer for a few hours. I'm hungry again. Good morning.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Oh, dear readers, I should write more. The blog is on my mind often but I haven't had time. I'll make time. I get much out of writing.
M and the boys are in Florida. T just posted a pic of a gecko on a sprinkler. I'm glad they're having fun. Later in the afternoon they'll take some boat cruise dangerously near alligators, my inter-species archenemies. I've asked M to text as soon as they get back in the car so I know they've survived the ordeal.
These stretches without the family are emotional minefields. If I'm not careful I'll break down. Last summer was the worst and I think the similarity between that situation and this weekend is both a challenge and a sign of progress. In other words, a silent house is a silent house, and the space feels familiar in its quiet. However, I've planned and implemented strategies (how very clinical, eh?) that have made the first twenty hours or so not only tolerable but, at moments, pleasurable. And I don't feel pleasure very often. Pleasure feels decadent in a giddy way.
So what's the difference? First, I didn't take the wrong medication. That helps. Second, I'm much more cognizant of the rhythms of isolation and how to harness these patterns positively. For example, I know that if I stay inside all day I increase the risk of breaking down. Same with getting very drunk. And I have to balance staying busy with leisure. And M and I are planning when we're going to talk so we don't fight when either of us interrupts the other or doesn't return calls. Also, if that were to happen, we're aware of the pattern and can short-circuit the conflict. And the weather, while cold, at least is tolerable with a later setting sun.
Let me outline the last twenty hours and maybe this will make more sense. Yesterday I dropped M and the boys off at the airport near 12:30. Although I usually hang out in the airport with them and say goodbye at security, this time our late arrival (everyone had morning school) and full parking lots made this impossible. My kids are awesome, by the way. They'll still hug me and talk about missing me and wishing I could come along. I couldn't ask for more. After they entered the check-in area I drove under a gunmetal grey sky and a huge-flake snowstorm (the white flakes and gunmetal sky left a cool contrast) to the south side Borders. This store is bigger than the one on Brown Deer, and I almost bought a couple Diaz and Murakami books for 50% off, but I decided that they'd sit on my shelf since I've already read both titles. If I ever want to read them again I'll check out library copies. After that I cut through a south side detour back to 43. Milwaukee's south side is foreign to me but reminds me of the area in which I grew up, so I felt strangely at home, really. Then I stopped at the Bayshore Trader Joe's. This was also a little weird as I was only buying for myself and trying to consolidate trips because I was sick of driving. I bought bread, ice cream, and a few other higher-quality than usual items I never get at Trader Joe's. The checkout girl was rattled because the guy before me in the line was an asshole so I tried to be extra friendly. Then I stopped at Pick and Save because I had a jones for Lienenkugel's light in cans. M had finished off the last twelve pack. Sometimes I have beer in the fridge but want a different kind of beer, so the Sam Adams can wait until summer or something. I also could have bought cheaper food at P and S than at Trader Joe's but no sweat, I didn't need much. After I arrived home I lifted weights (nothing good on tv), ate scrambled eggs, and watched a little Castle before getting bored and switching over to North Carolina ass-whooping Marquette. I watched a Bones, took a shower, and read The Basketball Diaries until I fell asleep. Oh, the dogs slept upstairs with me. That was fun except tonight I need to sleep more in the bed's middle because both Mack and Pete unintentionally (I hope) lay close and leave me little room.
This morning I drank a little coffee, caught up on Sportscenter, and showered. Showering and getting dressed early helps too, by the way. If I sit on my ass feeling gross all morning depression could get triggered. So I got ready and out of the house by 8:40 or so. I stopped at the dry cleaners to drop off a pair of suit pants I accidentally washed with the other clothes. Then I quick-inspected the lame indoor farmers market before walking across the street to the library just as the doors opened. Excellent timing. I picked The Fighter up from the new releases video shelf. I already had a Redbox copy but now I can return it and not pay the daily buck. After that I quickly cut through P and S for baking supplies. I decided to make a oats and honey granola pie this morning and a fairly complicated chocolate cake (more on that in a couple days) Tuesday. After P and S I hit Costco for more baking supplies, etc. I don't think I need any food except maybe more eggs until after M and the kids return. Then I came home, put everything away, started the pie, and here I am, in a good mood that doesn't feel normal to me. Yes, I can be in a good mood and not feel guilty. It's weird, but I have to remind myself of that.
Ok, the pie's almost ready to come out of the oven. More later. I still need to talk through last week's Chicago visit, the sabbatical application, etc. I've got time. Have a good Saturday.
M and the boys are in Florida. T just posted a pic of a gecko on a sprinkler. I'm glad they're having fun. Later in the afternoon they'll take some boat cruise dangerously near alligators, my inter-species archenemies. I've asked M to text as soon as they get back in the car so I know they've survived the ordeal.
These stretches without the family are emotional minefields. If I'm not careful I'll break down. Last summer was the worst and I think the similarity between that situation and this weekend is both a challenge and a sign of progress. In other words, a silent house is a silent house, and the space feels familiar in its quiet. However, I've planned and implemented strategies (how very clinical, eh?) that have made the first twenty hours or so not only tolerable but, at moments, pleasurable. And I don't feel pleasure very often. Pleasure feels decadent in a giddy way.
So what's the difference? First, I didn't take the wrong medication. That helps. Second, I'm much more cognizant of the rhythms of isolation and how to harness these patterns positively. For example, I know that if I stay inside all day I increase the risk of breaking down. Same with getting very drunk. And I have to balance staying busy with leisure. And M and I are planning when we're going to talk so we don't fight when either of us interrupts the other or doesn't return calls. Also, if that were to happen, we're aware of the pattern and can short-circuit the conflict. And the weather, while cold, at least is tolerable with a later setting sun.
Let me outline the last twenty hours and maybe this will make more sense. Yesterday I dropped M and the boys off at the airport near 12:30. Although I usually hang out in the airport with them and say goodbye at security, this time our late arrival (everyone had morning school) and full parking lots made this impossible. My kids are awesome, by the way. They'll still hug me and talk about missing me and wishing I could come along. I couldn't ask for more. After they entered the check-in area I drove under a gunmetal grey sky and a huge-flake snowstorm (the white flakes and gunmetal sky left a cool contrast) to the south side Borders. This store is bigger than the one on Brown Deer, and I almost bought a couple Diaz and Murakami books for 50% off, but I decided that they'd sit on my shelf since I've already read both titles. If I ever want to read them again I'll check out library copies. After that I cut through a south side detour back to 43. Milwaukee's south side is foreign to me but reminds me of the area in which I grew up, so I felt strangely at home, really. Then I stopped at the Bayshore Trader Joe's. This was also a little weird as I was only buying for myself and trying to consolidate trips because I was sick of driving. I bought bread, ice cream, and a few other higher-quality than usual items I never get at Trader Joe's. The checkout girl was rattled because the guy before me in the line was an asshole so I tried to be extra friendly. Then I stopped at Pick and Save because I had a jones for Lienenkugel's light in cans. M had finished off the last twelve pack. Sometimes I have beer in the fridge but want a different kind of beer, so the Sam Adams can wait until summer or something. I also could have bought cheaper food at P and S than at Trader Joe's but no sweat, I didn't need much. After I arrived home I lifted weights (nothing good on tv), ate scrambled eggs, and watched a little Castle before getting bored and switching over to North Carolina ass-whooping Marquette. I watched a Bones, took a shower, and read The Basketball Diaries until I fell asleep. Oh, the dogs slept upstairs with me. That was fun except tonight I need to sleep more in the bed's middle because both Mack and Pete unintentionally (I hope) lay close and leave me little room.
This morning I drank a little coffee, caught up on Sportscenter, and showered. Showering and getting dressed early helps too, by the way. If I sit on my ass feeling gross all morning depression could get triggered. So I got ready and out of the house by 8:40 or so. I stopped at the dry cleaners to drop off a pair of suit pants I accidentally washed with the other clothes. Then I quick-inspected the lame indoor farmers market before walking across the street to the library just as the doors opened. Excellent timing. I picked The Fighter up from the new releases video shelf. I already had a Redbox copy but now I can return it and not pay the daily buck. After that I quickly cut through P and S for baking supplies. I decided to make a oats and honey granola pie this morning and a fairly complicated chocolate cake (more on that in a couple days) Tuesday. After P and S I hit Costco for more baking supplies, etc. I don't think I need any food except maybe more eggs until after M and the kids return. Then I came home, put everything away, started the pie, and here I am, in a good mood that doesn't feel normal to me. Yes, I can be in a good mood and not feel guilty. It's weird, but I have to remind myself of that.
Ok, the pie's almost ready to come out of the oven. More later. I still need to talk through last week's Chicago visit, the sabbatical application, etc. I've got time. Have a good Saturday.
Monday, March 07, 2011
Yesterday I was at T's basketball tournament outside Madison all day. Here are the notes.
3/4/11 Sunday 8:19AM
I'm in the Deerfield Elementary School gym, east of Madison, waiting for the start of T's basketball tournament. The space is tight, a large gym divided by a curtain so two games can run concurrently. A few players are warming up. We're forty minutes early. I'll probably write until the game starts then put the laptop away lest the device catch a ball or diving player.
So I haven't written in two weeks. The grey, useless February weather dragged on. I read both a history of west coast punk and Rollin's A Preferred Blur. I continued working out, five days a week cardio and three days a week weights. Classes lacked energy but picked up this last week. Little office drama. I saw Waiting for Superman and caught up on Castle, Community, and Modern Family episodes. Coffee's been good. After a week of nightmares I took Dr. B. up on her additional anti-anxiety option. The spelling, which I'll probably botch, and can't look up, since the gym is wireless-free, is hyproxosine or something similar. The first time I combined the h-word pills with lunesta I was flying, like the way my memory conceptualizes the first stages of high-quality LSD. The ceiling fan shadows were a deep, rich brown. I watched them spin for ten minutes or so before I fell asleep.
The additional quality sleep gets me through the day, maybe even more than gets me through the day. Yesterday M and I talked about the fall schedule and I stayed calm and even. I don't know that if I'll ever get past the guilt associated with PTSD but I sometimes can breathe and put the past in the past. The judgment of others matters less, although I tell myself and mostly believe that judgment never mattered much in the first place. I'm less combative about their judgment lately. Let them do what they want. I'm doing ok. So yesterday I felt pretty good, out of nowhere, and didn't feel like I should be working or cleaning while I read upstairs.
The next couple weeks set up well. I'll pay for my students' inability to schedule observations early but I'll benefit with an easy two weeks. I don't teach for sixteen days. Tomorrow I'll stay home. I'll start the sabbatical application. I'll do laundry. Maybe I'll hook Netflix up to the television and watch a movie. My breathing is improving. I'm not on a manic high. I'm so unaccustomed to feeling together that when I do my mind reacts as if something is out of the ordinary and in turn in need of repair. The challenge is to create a state when this calm is habitual. I'm getting there.
Ok, basketballs are flying everywhere. I'm shutting down the laptop. More later.
10:25AM
I'm sitting at a cafeteria table designated as a “peanut-free zone”. The nearest tables are fifteen feet away. I wonder if the kids with peanut allergies look across the divide and wish they could sit with the other kids. I wonder if motion alarms activate if someone carrying peanuts gets too close.
We lost the first game 27 to 19, I think, but we were within shooting distance until the last few minutes. T manages to collect fouls quickly, like I do, I guess. H needs to keep his hands straight up and his feet on the ground. He's better every game. I sat in the far corner of enemy fandom territory. I assume the other parents find me antisocial but I hope they don't think I'm unfriendly. Wanting to sit off by myself and maintaining a friendly demeanor are not mutually exclusive concepts. I can't worry about it. I'll say hi when I pass.
M, N, and S are visiting Discovery World. That should work well, good planning on M's part, as N and S will want to stay much longer than T. He starts in with the “Can we go?” script within forty-five minutes of our arrival. After the next game T and I have three free hours. We might hit an outlet mall fifteen miles back east. We visited Cambridge briefly but besides a coffee shop T would dislike there wasn't much in town. I could use new clothes and Tristan is at the middle school age where a shot at a couple new shirts is worth a ride. I'm not eating McDonalds, though. I'm at least making him upgrade to Subway and hopefully conning him into a local place.
During the game I decided Ms. Woolf wasn't getting the undivided attention she deserved so I switched to Bryson's Thunderbolt Kid. I also watched the game.
I'm in the mood for good coffee but I'll stave off that desire until the next game ends. Today's been passable. The drive south and west from Port was great, T listened to his mp3 player and I thought through the silence. Ninety minutes in the car passed like a ride to work. The skies are bright and the air cold.
2:12PM
I'm sitting on the floor now. All the tables are filled with pre-teens and their parents. No sweat. I can plug in the laptop and save my charge. Across the room T is playing chess. His team starts their final game in forty-five minutes. The best part of losing prodigiously in tournament games comes with the early departure time. I hope they win this game because 1) a win would keep them from last place and 2) whether we win or lose we go home at four.
T scored, by the way, a sweet right handed half-layup from the middle of the key. His team looked strong early but faded and ended with a serious ass-kicking. We hustled out at the buzzer and drove to the Johnson Creek outlet mall. I don't like today's air; the car gets overtly warm while the temps outside hover just below freezing. I'll live. T picked out two cheap (around five bucks) shirts at the Gap, while I got one shirt at the Gap and a tight pullover at Columbia. We ate lunch at a crowded Subway. T wanted to get back early to hang out with his friends. And here we are. A dad and his son are sitting a few feet from me and I think the dad is weirded out by my floor-presence. I didn't ask him to sit near me. I was here first.
We should be home by five-thirty. I need a shower and I should shave as well. My stubble shows gray. I told T he was responsible.
3/4/11 Sunday 8:19AM
I'm in the Deerfield Elementary School gym, east of Madison, waiting for the start of T's basketball tournament. The space is tight, a large gym divided by a curtain so two games can run concurrently. A few players are warming up. We're forty minutes early. I'll probably write until the game starts then put the laptop away lest the device catch a ball or diving player.
So I haven't written in two weeks. The grey, useless February weather dragged on. I read both a history of west coast punk and Rollin's A Preferred Blur. I continued working out, five days a week cardio and three days a week weights. Classes lacked energy but picked up this last week. Little office drama. I saw Waiting for Superman and caught up on Castle, Community, and Modern Family episodes. Coffee's been good. After a week of nightmares I took Dr. B. up on her additional anti-anxiety option. The spelling, which I'll probably botch, and can't look up, since the gym is wireless-free, is hyproxosine or something similar. The first time I combined the h-word pills with lunesta I was flying, like the way my memory conceptualizes the first stages of high-quality LSD. The ceiling fan shadows were a deep, rich brown. I watched them spin for ten minutes or so before I fell asleep.
The additional quality sleep gets me through the day, maybe even more than gets me through the day. Yesterday M and I talked about the fall schedule and I stayed calm and even. I don't know that if I'll ever get past the guilt associated with PTSD but I sometimes can breathe and put the past in the past. The judgment of others matters less, although I tell myself and mostly believe that judgment never mattered much in the first place. I'm less combative about their judgment lately. Let them do what they want. I'm doing ok. So yesterday I felt pretty good, out of nowhere, and didn't feel like I should be working or cleaning while I read upstairs.
The next couple weeks set up well. I'll pay for my students' inability to schedule observations early but I'll benefit with an easy two weeks. I don't teach for sixteen days. Tomorrow I'll stay home. I'll start the sabbatical application. I'll do laundry. Maybe I'll hook Netflix up to the television and watch a movie. My breathing is improving. I'm not on a manic high. I'm so unaccustomed to feeling together that when I do my mind reacts as if something is out of the ordinary and in turn in need of repair. The challenge is to create a state when this calm is habitual. I'm getting there.
Ok, basketballs are flying everywhere. I'm shutting down the laptop. More later.
10:25AM
I'm sitting at a cafeteria table designated as a “peanut-free zone”. The nearest tables are fifteen feet away. I wonder if the kids with peanut allergies look across the divide and wish they could sit with the other kids. I wonder if motion alarms activate if someone carrying peanuts gets too close.
We lost the first game 27 to 19, I think, but we were within shooting distance until the last few minutes. T manages to collect fouls quickly, like I do, I guess. H needs to keep his hands straight up and his feet on the ground. He's better every game. I sat in the far corner of enemy fandom territory. I assume the other parents find me antisocial but I hope they don't think I'm unfriendly. Wanting to sit off by myself and maintaining a friendly demeanor are not mutually exclusive concepts. I can't worry about it. I'll say hi when I pass.
M, N, and S are visiting Discovery World. That should work well, good planning on M's part, as N and S will want to stay much longer than T. He starts in with the “Can we go?” script within forty-five minutes of our arrival. After the next game T and I have three free hours. We might hit an outlet mall fifteen miles back east. We visited Cambridge briefly but besides a coffee shop T would dislike there wasn't much in town. I could use new clothes and Tristan is at the middle school age where a shot at a couple new shirts is worth a ride. I'm not eating McDonalds, though. I'm at least making him upgrade to Subway and hopefully conning him into a local place.
During the game I decided Ms. Woolf wasn't getting the undivided attention she deserved so I switched to Bryson's Thunderbolt Kid. I also watched the game.
I'm in the mood for good coffee but I'll stave off that desire until the next game ends. Today's been passable. The drive south and west from Port was great, T listened to his mp3 player and I thought through the silence. Ninety minutes in the car passed like a ride to work. The skies are bright and the air cold.
2:12PM
I'm sitting on the floor now. All the tables are filled with pre-teens and their parents. No sweat. I can plug in the laptop and save my charge. Across the room T is playing chess. His team starts their final game in forty-five minutes. The best part of losing prodigiously in tournament games comes with the early departure time. I hope they win this game because 1) a win would keep them from last place and 2) whether we win or lose we go home at four.
T scored, by the way, a sweet right handed half-layup from the middle of the key. His team looked strong early but faded and ended with a serious ass-kicking. We hustled out at the buzzer and drove to the Johnson Creek outlet mall. I don't like today's air; the car gets overtly warm while the temps outside hover just below freezing. I'll live. T picked out two cheap (around five bucks) shirts at the Gap, while I got one shirt at the Gap and a tight pullover at Columbia. We ate lunch at a crowded Subway. T wanted to get back early to hang out with his friends. And here we are. A dad and his son are sitting a few feet from me and I think the dad is weirded out by my floor-presence. I didn't ask him to sit near me. I was here first.
We should be home by five-thirty. I need a shower and I should shave as well. My stubble shows gray. I told T he was responsible.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
I'm sitting on the couch while the boys watch Get Smart. They think the movie is funny, I get to drool over Anne Hathaway. Everyone wins! Snow is falling, great big flakes, and although I'd like to drive over to Alterra's to clear my head, I don't think traveling on a day like today is worthwhile. Maybe later. I've packages for the automatic post office machine, too, although they won't leave town until Tuesday because of tomorrow's holiday.
The last part of this week sucked. I pulled a twelve hour day Thursday then turned around and drove to Appleton Friday morning. Well, I didn't drive, I was one of seven van passengers on the way to a potential development meeting up in Fox Valley. At least I got the front seat on the way back. The weekend, however, has been pretty good. We've watched a slew of Castle episodes. Yesterday T and I sifted through Borders' remains and I picked up Murakami's After Dark and a cool book on west coast punk. Right now brownies are baking. You know what's fun? Melting chocolate squares. That's what's fun.
I'm working on my breathing. In through the nose, out through the mouth. Breathing calms me down, really, like washing my hands with warm water. I still feel tense nearly all the time. I'm not sure what to do with it. Meditate more, sure. My discipline with meditation is suspect. When should I meditate? Night? Morning? After work? Maybe after work would go well.
I've been listening to Jonsi's solo album and I finished the Great Plains review. Maybe I should go for a walk.
Ok, more later. The boys are laughing at the movie, Mack is sleeping next to me, and I smell brownies. In about an hour I'm going to drizzle melted butterscotch on the brownies. Later I'll lift weights. Life is good.
The last part of this week sucked. I pulled a twelve hour day Thursday then turned around and drove to Appleton Friday morning. Well, I didn't drive, I was one of seven van passengers on the way to a potential development meeting up in Fox Valley. At least I got the front seat on the way back. The weekend, however, has been pretty good. We've watched a slew of Castle episodes. Yesterday T and I sifted through Borders' remains and I picked up Murakami's After Dark and a cool book on west coast punk. Right now brownies are baking. You know what's fun? Melting chocolate squares. That's what's fun.
I'm working on my breathing. In through the nose, out through the mouth. Breathing calms me down, really, like washing my hands with warm water. I still feel tense nearly all the time. I'm not sure what to do with it. Meditate more, sure. My discipline with meditation is suspect. When should I meditate? Night? Morning? After work? Maybe after work would go well.
I've been listening to Jonsi's solo album and I finished the Great Plains review. Maybe I should go for a walk.
Ok, more later. The boys are laughing at the movie, Mack is sleeping next to me, and I smell brownies. In about an hour I'm going to drizzle melted butterscotch on the brownies. Later I'll lift weights. Life is good.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
I'm at the dining room table, 4:38PM. I just watched another Fairly Legal episode...felt like the first time I sat down all day. Before that I lifted weights, before that I made a cake (I need to get better at getting the round ones out of pans without breaking them) and frosting, before that...not sure what I did, just busy. Oh, laundry, too. I want to take a bath soon. I'll have to make sure S and N don't argue about Halo while I'm in there, though...nothing worse than being in the bath and getting out early to mediate a dispute.
Well, from what I can tell the Frank Lloyd Wright show was good but I saw it at about 400 miles an hour because of the boys. N was the only interested child. They had magnifying glasses you could use to inspect the drawings up close, then models of the drawings nearby, and N had fun looking at the drawings under the magnifying glass then figuring out which part of the model matched the drawing. The other two were in "can we go?" mode pretty much from the start. Oh well. We also went in the basement because the boys didn't see that last time. Oh! And the suitcase with the dreams is back on the floor. I got S to take a picture of me before cliffs of Dover, too. Maybe I'll make that my facebook pic. I need a new one. Anyway, we were maybe there an hour, tops. At least the weather is great...mid-forties and sunny, a near fifty degree swing from a week or so past.
This weekend has been fine. Friday night I crashed early. Saturday morning T was over at a friend's house, recovering from a sleepover, while N and M were at some boy scouts event. S and I hit Dockside Deli for breakfast (he doesn't want to go to Harry's, he finds old diners creepy) then read at Smith Brothers until the bright sunlight drove us out. We drove around the neighborhood until T was ready for pickup. The rest of the day was fine...I read a lot, watched Fairly Legal with M, and cleaned the house. Later M and I got dinner at the Milwaukee Ale House. I had to talk a waitress into giving us a good table. Apparently the restaurant takes reservations and the Valentines traffic was heavy. Well, the traffic was supposed to be heavy but the space was pretty much empty while we ate. We were early, though. I'm renewing M's Health magazine subscription, by the way, and I made her a cake, so, well, double presents. She got me headphones. I needed them.
Tomorrow the boys are off of school (not sure why) so I'm planning on hitting a coffee shop early, working until M has to leave, then hanging out with the boys until I need to leave myself for an 11:30 meeting. After that I promised a colleague I would go to mass, then I have a 1:30 meeting. Then I'll hang out later, I think, and get things done. I've been staying later at work lately. Often I'm hellbent on getting on the road not long after class ends but the calm, quiet hours past 3PM have been productive. Plus, the boys usually want to play video games right after school so there's no reason for me to tear ass home.
A few bullet points:
I'm enjoying Frazier's Great Plains. I probably won't travel much this summer but I'd love to get back to the Badlands or maybe even hit the North Dakotan set.
I'm on a big Velvet Underground kick.
I've spent less time online lately. That's been good, I think.
Ok, more later. The bath is calling. Good night.
Well, from what I can tell the Frank Lloyd Wright show was good but I saw it at about 400 miles an hour because of the boys. N was the only interested child. They had magnifying glasses you could use to inspect the drawings up close, then models of the drawings nearby, and N had fun looking at the drawings under the magnifying glass then figuring out which part of the model matched the drawing. The other two were in "can we go?" mode pretty much from the start. Oh well. We also went in the basement because the boys didn't see that last time. Oh! And the suitcase with the dreams is back on the floor. I got S to take a picture of me before cliffs of Dover, too. Maybe I'll make that my facebook pic. I need a new one. Anyway, we were maybe there an hour, tops. At least the weather is great...mid-forties and sunny, a near fifty degree swing from a week or so past.
This weekend has been fine. Friday night I crashed early. Saturday morning T was over at a friend's house, recovering from a sleepover, while N and M were at some boy scouts event. S and I hit Dockside Deli for breakfast (he doesn't want to go to Harry's, he finds old diners creepy) then read at Smith Brothers until the bright sunlight drove us out. We drove around the neighborhood until T was ready for pickup. The rest of the day was fine...I read a lot, watched Fairly Legal with M, and cleaned the house. Later M and I got dinner at the Milwaukee Ale House. I had to talk a waitress into giving us a good table. Apparently the restaurant takes reservations and the Valentines traffic was heavy. Well, the traffic was supposed to be heavy but the space was pretty much empty while we ate. We were early, though. I'm renewing M's Health magazine subscription, by the way, and I made her a cake, so, well, double presents. She got me headphones. I needed them.
Tomorrow the boys are off of school (not sure why) so I'm planning on hitting a coffee shop early, working until M has to leave, then hanging out with the boys until I need to leave myself for an 11:30 meeting. After that I promised a colleague I would go to mass, then I have a 1:30 meeting. Then I'll hang out later, I think, and get things done. I've been staying later at work lately. Often I'm hellbent on getting on the road not long after class ends but the calm, quiet hours past 3PM have been productive. Plus, the boys usually want to play video games right after school so there's no reason for me to tear ass home.
A few bullet points:
I'm enjoying Frazier's Great Plains. I probably won't travel much this summer but I'd love to get back to the Badlands or maybe even hit the North Dakotan set.
I'm on a big Velvet Underground kick.
I've spent less time online lately. That's been good, I think.
Ok, more later. The bath is calling. Good night.
Wednesday, February 09, 2011
Why hello, loyal blog readers. I'm on the bed in a messy room (the boys', not mine). T is resting his head against my legs while he watches Netflixed (is that a verb?) Psych episodes. S is on Xbox. M and N are at N's swimming lessons. In a couple minutes I'm making dinner but I thought I'd write as the journal has been on my mind but I seem about five feet and ten minutes away from writing just about all the time.
By the way, today's one of the coldest days of the year, take two, if you will, as we thought the coldest day of the year would be a couple weeks back. Tonight's wind chills are meant to hit negative twenty-five. Yay. I picked a good week to get sick and take time off from the gym because walking through the yard at 4:45AM would suck. At least the sun was out today, so bright I had to close my office blinds.
The week has been pretty good, despite the Packers' super bowl win. I'm breathing, trying to meditate, etc. My students are a tougher this semester. Or maybe I'm reading them wrong. It's a good test for me, I guess, you know, to remember what real teaching is like, with students talking on the side and questioning field experience placements or whatever. I'm way ahead as far as planning is concerned. This morning I wrote up an activity for a student teaching seminar that doesn't take place for eight days. I'm already pretty much planned for next week's ASL one, too. I've picked up a few long-term projects that have been in the back of my mind and I should get down to the students' classes just to check-in with some I haven't seen in a while. I know the spring semester is a long, evil stretch. Anything I can do to head off problems early will be to everyone's advantage.
Did I mention Corey and I got coffee Friday night? I don't leave the house much but that was fun. He was running late so I hit the small Mequon bookstore for twenty minutes or so before we met at Panera's. I like Friday nights at bookstores. No rush. Then we work-gossiped for a couple hours and I drank way too much coffee and probably could have stayed until 2AM.
I finished a book on librarians called This Book Is Overdue. Eh. Review forthcoming. Now I'm reading Frazier's book on the great plains. We finished another Castle disc and, assuming accurate Netflix math, we should get another Saturday. Good timing. My sinuses are going bonkers but I've salvaged enough energy every day to rise, teach my ass off, and return home. I know I'm sick because I don't feel like working out even though I haven't visited the gym or lifted a weight since Sunday. I'm feeling the first waves of the desire to move. Maybe Friday. Friday morning I have a doctor's appointment before I drive down to MAM for the members' preview of the new Frank Lloyd Wright exhibit. Here's a link.:
http://mam.org/frank-lloyd-wright/
Maybe I'll work out after the museum. Or I could drive to the Milwaukee Public Market, always lovely on cold, sunny days, for lunch. Or I could return home, crawl into my pajamas, and prepare for a slow weekend with books. And I need Cacti soil, too. Whatever works. I'm ok with being alive today, even though the sky feels about three feet above my head and I know I'm in a precarious place.
Time to make dinner. Good night.
By the way, today's one of the coldest days of the year, take two, if you will, as we thought the coldest day of the year would be a couple weeks back. Tonight's wind chills are meant to hit negative twenty-five. Yay. I picked a good week to get sick and take time off from the gym because walking through the yard at 4:45AM would suck. At least the sun was out today, so bright I had to close my office blinds.
The week has been pretty good, despite the Packers' super bowl win. I'm breathing, trying to meditate, etc. My students are a tougher this semester. Or maybe I'm reading them wrong. It's a good test for me, I guess, you know, to remember what real teaching is like, with students talking on the side and questioning field experience placements or whatever. I'm way ahead as far as planning is concerned. This morning I wrote up an activity for a student teaching seminar that doesn't take place for eight days. I'm already pretty much planned for next week's ASL one, too. I've picked up a few long-term projects that have been in the back of my mind and I should get down to the students' classes just to check-in with some I haven't seen in a while. I know the spring semester is a long, evil stretch. Anything I can do to head off problems early will be to everyone's advantage.
Did I mention Corey and I got coffee Friday night? I don't leave the house much but that was fun. He was running late so I hit the small Mequon bookstore for twenty minutes or so before we met at Panera's. I like Friday nights at bookstores. No rush. Then we work-gossiped for a couple hours and I drank way too much coffee and probably could have stayed until 2AM.
I finished a book on librarians called This Book Is Overdue. Eh. Review forthcoming. Now I'm reading Frazier's book on the great plains. We finished another Castle disc and, assuming accurate Netflix math, we should get another Saturday. Good timing. My sinuses are going bonkers but I've salvaged enough energy every day to rise, teach my ass off, and return home. I know I'm sick because I don't feel like working out even though I haven't visited the gym or lifted a weight since Sunday. I'm feeling the first waves of the desire to move. Maybe Friday. Friday morning I have a doctor's appointment before I drive down to MAM for the members' preview of the new Frank Lloyd Wright exhibit. Here's a link.:
http://mam.org/frank-lloyd-wright/
Maybe I'll work out after the museum. Or I could drive to the Milwaukee Public Market, always lovely on cold, sunny days, for lunch. Or I could return home, crawl into my pajamas, and prepare for a slow weekend with books. And I need Cacti soil, too. Whatever works. I'm ok with being alive today, even though the sky feels about three feet above my head and I know I'm in a precarious place.
Time to make dinner. Good night.
Wednesday, February 02, 2011
2/2/11 Wednesday 4:40PM
Today's Groundhog Day but I think most people forgot because of the snow. Starting Sunday night the forecasters predicted a hellacious storm of the “snow combined with high winds equals zero visibility” kind. Honestly, I can't speak one way or the other for the peak conditions because they hit in the middle of the night. Campus was wired yesterday with news of the potential closing and I had fun interrupting meetings and walking through the halls with the news that we were shutting down at 2. Then I drove home, stopping at Costco on the way, and settled in for the night. I had a couple beers but didn't get drunk because last time I I needed thirty-six hours to recover and I didn't want to waste a snow day on a hangover.
This morning N and I were up by six-thirty. We watched some of the early snow coverage (don't you think that must get boring for the newscasters after a while, pretty much repeating “it's snowing, stay inside” for eight hours in a row?) before I made cinnamon rolls, took a shower, and started laundry. I made fudge/oatmeal bars. By nine the sun was out, full power, and the reflection off the bright white snow left the landscape glowing. I walked downtown past people shoveling or snowblowing. The northeast wind traveled hard and fast but I wasn't cold, really, and definitely not in the “I need to get out of this weather now” state. The walk was fun, really. I didn't expect the library open, and they were closed, but Java Dock and Tello's were both staffed. I tied my shoes while a teenage girl made me a JD latte. She said the morning was slow and earlier, before dawn, visibility was difficult. I finished the latte on the return trip then helped M shovel out the stretch from the garage door to the alley. After lunch I decided I was trying to cram too much into the snow day so I took a long bath with the Siberia book, finished Machete, and here I am.
In a couple minutes I”m going to meditate. More later. Tomorrow we're due for the post-storm cold front, near zero. Long day at work. I'm ahead, however, with planning, so I need to breathe and stay calm and change the “always tense” pattern. Meditation. Now. Good night. Stay warm. Within a couple hours I'll be under the blankets with a book, the way winter nights should pass.
Today's Groundhog Day but I think most people forgot because of the snow. Starting Sunday night the forecasters predicted a hellacious storm of the “snow combined with high winds equals zero visibility” kind. Honestly, I can't speak one way or the other for the peak conditions because they hit in the middle of the night. Campus was wired yesterday with news of the potential closing and I had fun interrupting meetings and walking through the halls with the news that we were shutting down at 2. Then I drove home, stopping at Costco on the way, and settled in for the night. I had a couple beers but didn't get drunk because last time I I needed thirty-six hours to recover and I didn't want to waste a snow day on a hangover.
This morning N and I were up by six-thirty. We watched some of the early snow coverage (don't you think that must get boring for the newscasters after a while, pretty much repeating “it's snowing, stay inside” for eight hours in a row?) before I made cinnamon rolls, took a shower, and started laundry. I made fudge/oatmeal bars. By nine the sun was out, full power, and the reflection off the bright white snow left the landscape glowing. I walked downtown past people shoveling or snowblowing. The northeast wind traveled hard and fast but I wasn't cold, really, and definitely not in the “I need to get out of this weather now” state. The walk was fun, really. I didn't expect the library open, and they were closed, but Java Dock and Tello's were both staffed. I tied my shoes while a teenage girl made me a JD latte. She said the morning was slow and earlier, before dawn, visibility was difficult. I finished the latte on the return trip then helped M shovel out the stretch from the garage door to the alley. After lunch I decided I was trying to cram too much into the snow day so I took a long bath with the Siberia book, finished Machete, and here I am.
In a couple minutes I”m going to meditate. More later. Tomorrow we're due for the post-storm cold front, near zero. Long day at work. I'm ahead, however, with planning, so I need to breathe and stay calm and change the “always tense” pattern. Meditation. Now. Good night. Stay warm. Within a couple hours I'll be under the blankets with a book, the way winter nights should pass.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
I'm in the office, I mean office at work, 1:49PM, Sunday. I love the office on weekends. I'm cranking Taylor Swift (shut up) and finished more in the last few hours than I could do in a week of eight hour days others in the offices around me. I answered a slew of emails, both work and otherwise related, and planned way ahead. I'm ready for the week. The shades are down because the sun is so bright. Don't worry, cacti, I'll open them before I leave.
When did I write last Wednesday? Thursday was fine, teaching went well, actually, esp. with the afternoon group. I was concerned about them at first. They've got their rough edges put they're pushing hard. Friday morning I stayed home, I was busy, I don't remember doing what, then bought a Steelers hat at Bayshore and attended a meeting that felt like a baby shower all afternoon. Friday night M and I watched Castle. My pajamas were on by 7 and I was asleep by eight. Saturday was unexpectedly busy. That morning I hit the library (cute librarians and pages upstairs, score) with M and the oldest and youngest boys. S was off at a chess tournament. At 12 M and T left for a basketball tournament. N and I visited Sendik's for baking supplies and 100 calorie tortillas. We ran into the neighbor who dropped me from facebook (not sure why, mildly curious, but not entirely...she was weird at Sendik's, too) and almost ran into two other colleagues but we hid behind stacks of wine crates until the coast was clear. Then we stopped at Target so Nat could buy these...I don't know how to describe them...spinning lego guys. You're supposed to spin them at each other and see who gets knocked over first, kind of like rock 'em sock 'em robots but with spinning legos. You with me? Then we drove home, assembled the lego spinning guys, and competed on the wood bedroom floor until N was satisfied with his winning streak. Then he played video games and I watched another Castle. Later he and I read upstairs until S returned from chess. We had Apple Jacks for dinner (Saturday night, I'm not making a big deal out of dinner) and watched Wipeout, too. M and T didn't get back until close to eight, so the other boys and I read upstairs until they arrived home. I read a solid hundred pages from the Siberia book and fell asleep, believe it or not, without lunesta, but I woke at eleven and downed a little blue pill anyway. This morning I woke by seven, later than usual, and discovered that half the neighborhood was coming up over at eleven. That's why I'm here, listening to Taylor Swift. In a few minutes I'll change into workout gear in the bathroom and drive to the Y.
I'm doing pretty well. The sun helps. My dad always said the worst of winter were the last two weeks of January and first two of February. So far, so good. Within a month the coldest stretch will definitively pass. I'm feeling good. Yay solitude. More later.
When did I write last Wednesday? Thursday was fine, teaching went well, actually, esp. with the afternoon group. I was concerned about them at first. They've got their rough edges put they're pushing hard. Friday morning I stayed home, I was busy, I don't remember doing what, then bought a Steelers hat at Bayshore and attended a meeting that felt like a baby shower all afternoon. Friday night M and I watched Castle. My pajamas were on by 7 and I was asleep by eight. Saturday was unexpectedly busy. That morning I hit the library (cute librarians and pages upstairs, score) with M and the oldest and youngest boys. S was off at a chess tournament. At 12 M and T left for a basketball tournament. N and I visited Sendik's for baking supplies and 100 calorie tortillas. We ran into the neighbor who dropped me from facebook (not sure why, mildly curious, but not entirely...she was weird at Sendik's, too) and almost ran into two other colleagues but we hid behind stacks of wine crates until the coast was clear. Then we stopped at Target so Nat could buy these...I don't know how to describe them...spinning lego guys. You're supposed to spin them at each other and see who gets knocked over first, kind of like rock 'em sock 'em robots but with spinning legos. You with me? Then we drove home, assembled the lego spinning guys, and competed on the wood bedroom floor until N was satisfied with his winning streak. Then he played video games and I watched another Castle. Later he and I read upstairs until S returned from chess. We had Apple Jacks for dinner (Saturday night, I'm not making a big deal out of dinner) and watched Wipeout, too. M and T didn't get back until close to eight, so the other boys and I read upstairs until they arrived home. I read a solid hundred pages from the Siberia book and fell asleep, believe it or not, without lunesta, but I woke at eleven and downed a little blue pill anyway. This morning I woke by seven, later than usual, and discovered that half the neighborhood was coming up over at eleven. That's why I'm here, listening to Taylor Swift. In a few minutes I'll change into workout gear in the bathroom and drive to the Y.
I'm doing pretty well. The sun helps. My dad always said the worst of winter were the last two weeks of January and first two of February. So far, so good. Within a month the coldest stretch will definitively pass. I'm feeling good. Yay solitude. More later.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
I thought I'd do a quick entry since I've started a few but haven't managed to finish. How are you on this fine, endlessly gray Wednesday afternoon? I can't remember when the sun last appeared. Sunday, I think. I will spend some high-quality time underneath the full-spectrum light later.
Insomnia is back, the first time insomnia has won the “insomnia vs. lunesta” cage match in a while. I woke (nightmares) at one and didn't return to sleep. At four I ran 4.32 miles, up to to the middle school, across to Wisconsin St., and back through downtown. The temps were in the mid-20s but I was heavily layered and pretty warm, actually, except for my face. Since winter started I've usually hit the gym at 5AM but I didn't want to wait for the Y's opening and I like running early. The streets are mine; I run straight down the center except for the stray car's interference. After breakfast, etc., I reached the office by 6:30. For all the lack of sleep I got a shitload done. Yay empty offices.
The last couple weeks have been decent. The semester started without too much of a hassle and my students are strong. This is my fourth semester with ASL1 and each session gets smoother. The new office space is perfect, really, more quiet than not.
What else? Last night I saw S score a goal and his soccer (indoor) team won 7 to 2. I'm reading a way cool on Siberia. M, T and I are catching up on Castle's second season.
When I'm tired I get that insomniac social paranoia. At least I can go meta with it and know what's happening. Tonight I'll be asleep early. More later.
Insomnia is back, the first time insomnia has won the “insomnia vs. lunesta” cage match in a while. I woke (nightmares) at one and didn't return to sleep. At four I ran 4.32 miles, up to to the middle school, across to Wisconsin St., and back through downtown. The temps were in the mid-20s but I was heavily layered and pretty warm, actually, except for my face. Since winter started I've usually hit the gym at 5AM but I didn't want to wait for the Y's opening and I like running early. The streets are mine; I run straight down the center except for the stray car's interference. After breakfast, etc., I reached the office by 6:30. For all the lack of sleep I got a shitload done. Yay empty offices.
The last couple weeks have been decent. The semester started without too much of a hassle and my students are strong. This is my fourth semester with ASL1 and each session gets smoother. The new office space is perfect, really, more quiet than not.
What else? Last night I saw S score a goal and his soccer (indoor) team won 7 to 2. I'm reading a way cool on Siberia. M, T and I are catching up on Castle's second season.
When I'm tired I get that insomniac social paranoia. At least I can go meta with it and know what's happening. Tonight I'll be asleep early. More later.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Good day after a rough weekend. I accomplished more today than I expected...laundry, cleaning, reframed an Assisi print, wrote a couple letters, burned some CDs, watched some of the suprisingly boring Inception and made cupcakes for the first day of the semester. I also worked out. I sound busier on paper.
At the moment, by the way, M is helping T with math homework. S is...somewhere, probably working on his homework, he rarely needs help, and N is reading one of the Bone graphic novels. I'm finishing the frosting in a couple minutes, doing some crunches, and hitting the showers before crashing early with a book. Last night nightmares kept me from sleeping much. I woke maybe four or five times and finally rose at four. Tonight I'm doing some high quality sleeping medication and sleeping hard, I hope.
Ok, back to the weekend. A neighbor invited us to watch the Pack game Saturday night, but he didn't invite us until the last minute. I don't handle last minute plans well, and ninety percent of the time I'd rather watch football at home, anyway, so I can channel surf when I get bored. M wanted to get out of the house. She needs that more than me. So she was mad that I didn't want to go, I was mad because I didn't feel like she understood that last minute social activity throws me, esp. when I'm flatlining. I focused on the “what do both of us need?” question. She took the boys to the neighbors' and I drove to the office and finished prepping for the semester's start. Everyone wins, eventually, I guess, although I should start actually, you know, interacting socially in safe environments.
I also saw Black Swan this weekend. Natalie Portman was amazing, although, uh, when you're struggling to stay anchored after fighting with your wife you might want to see, I don't know, True Grit or something. I'm also reading more the last couple days, True Deceiver and Rework.
Today's snow is beautiful but I'm sick of shitty roads. This afternoon I had to gun the Subaru up the hill behind the police station and nearly fishtailed onto the sidewalk. Yay. Ok, that's it for now. I'm exhausted. Maybe I'll finish the frosting, drop T off at hoops, and crash. Winter is magic on evenings like tonight, even if the roads are shitty. Good night.
At the moment, by the way, M is helping T with math homework. S is...somewhere, probably working on his homework, he rarely needs help, and N is reading one of the Bone graphic novels. I'm finishing the frosting in a couple minutes, doing some crunches, and hitting the showers before crashing early with a book. Last night nightmares kept me from sleeping much. I woke maybe four or five times and finally rose at four. Tonight I'm doing some high quality sleeping medication and sleeping hard, I hope.
Ok, back to the weekend. A neighbor invited us to watch the Pack game Saturday night, but he didn't invite us until the last minute. I don't handle last minute plans well, and ninety percent of the time I'd rather watch football at home, anyway, so I can channel surf when I get bored. M wanted to get out of the house. She needs that more than me. So she was mad that I didn't want to go, I was mad because I didn't feel like she understood that last minute social activity throws me, esp. when I'm flatlining. I focused on the “what do both of us need?” question. She took the boys to the neighbors' and I drove to the office and finished prepping for the semester's start. Everyone wins, eventually, I guess, although I should start actually, you know, interacting socially in safe environments.
I also saw Black Swan this weekend. Natalie Portman was amazing, although, uh, when you're struggling to stay anchored after fighting with your wife you might want to see, I don't know, True Grit or something. I'm also reading more the last couple days, True Deceiver and Rework.
Today's snow is beautiful but I'm sick of shitty roads. This afternoon I had to gun the Subaru up the hill behind the police station and nearly fishtailed onto the sidewalk. Yay. Ok, that's it for now. I'm exhausted. Maybe I'll finish the frosting, drop T off at hoops, and crash. Winter is magic on evenings like tonight, even if the roads are shitty. Good night.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Ooh, I need to stay in the journal groove. I thought I had written Wednesday. I hallucinated.
Saturday afternoon, approaching 1PM, sun and clouds alternating through the bedroom window. I'm grinding my teeth, but when I realize I am, I can breathe and relax. My legs are pleasantly tired after the first workout since Wednesday, I think, because I was off work and exhausted through the last few days of the week. The two quiet days at home worked wonders...I watched the excellent Social Network and the very good The Town. I made cupcakes using King Arthur flour. I read a lot. No complaints. This morning after working out we dropped the two older boys off at hoops, hit the library, and read with N at the Java Dock.
Last night I read a little more about PTSD and the associated guilt. That's true, very interesting, the fact that so many with PTSD feel guilty for not being strong enough, for not getting past the flashbacks, etc. That's true for me. I need to read more on the topic. I also need to reframe PTSD as an illness, and when I have flashbacks and break down, like I did mid-week, I can take a day off of work and not feel guilty.
Other notes...
The cacti are doing well. I'm not sure why I'm so attracted to them. Their resilience, their self-sufficiency, attracts me.
Classes start Tuesday. I'm ready. I'll need a few hours in the office first...either Monday or tomorrow morning. Probably Monday. I'd go tonight but the Packers are playing, I'd go tomorrow afternoon but the Bears are playing. Maybe tomorrow night.
I'm mildly obsessed with this track from The Social Network:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SBNCYkSceU
I'm putting down The Melancholy of Resistance for a bit, since I lost the thread about mid-week, and reading The True Deceivers and Reworked instead. Both are short and pretty easy. I wouldn't be surprised if I finish both by early in the week and can return to The Melancholy of Resistance with a clear head.
Ok...more later. Suddenly tired. Have a good Saturday.
Saturday afternoon, approaching 1PM, sun and clouds alternating through the bedroom window. I'm grinding my teeth, but when I realize I am, I can breathe and relax. My legs are pleasantly tired after the first workout since Wednesday, I think, because I was off work and exhausted through the last few days of the week. The two quiet days at home worked wonders...I watched the excellent Social Network and the very good The Town. I made cupcakes using King Arthur flour. I read a lot. No complaints. This morning after working out we dropped the two older boys off at hoops, hit the library, and read with N at the Java Dock.
Last night I read a little more about PTSD and the associated guilt. That's true, very interesting, the fact that so many with PTSD feel guilty for not being strong enough, for not getting past the flashbacks, etc. That's true for me. I need to read more on the topic. I also need to reframe PTSD as an illness, and when I have flashbacks and break down, like I did mid-week, I can take a day off of work and not feel guilty.
Other notes...
The cacti are doing well. I'm not sure why I'm so attracted to them. Their resilience, their self-sufficiency, attracts me.
Classes start Tuesday. I'm ready. I'll need a few hours in the office first...either Monday or tomorrow morning. Probably Monday. I'd go tonight but the Packers are playing, I'd go tomorrow afternoon but the Bears are playing. Maybe tomorrow night.
I'm mildly obsessed with this track from The Social Network:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SBNCYkSceU
I'm putting down The Melancholy of Resistance for a bit, since I lost the thread about mid-week, and reading The True Deceivers and Reworked instead. Both are short and pretty easy. I wouldn't be surprised if I finish both by early in the week and can return to The Melancholy of Resistance with a clear head.
Ok...more later. Suddenly tired. Have a good Saturday.
Sunday, January 09, 2011
I'm at the dining room table, listening to Andrew Bird's Useless Creatures, the humidifer pumping out wet air and the house blissfully free of noise. M, who gets bored inside easily, took the boys to the coffee shop for books and board games. Knock yourself out. I take them to the coffee shop often, too. My kids are growing up in coffee shops.
I'm tired after seven straight cardio days, all high-intensity Y days, along with three upper body weight sessions and the usual bike crunches. I timed the last few days around tomorrow. In the morning I'll rise, decide whether or not to do weights, and either way be out the door by 6:30 at the latest, possibly earlier. I hope to get much done before a 9AM meeting. Then I can maybe stay all day, hit Trader Joe's on the way home, and feel set for the week.
What else is going on? Let's see...I'm reading...what the hell is it called...Melancholy of Resistance. Thank you, medication, for knocking relatively unimportant facts out of my short-term memory. The novel's good but slow-going. I'm maybe ninety pages into the text and sometimes fall asleep after reading just a few more. The insomnia and exhaustion play a role, I think. The intense dreams don't stop. They're not always nightmares, but they're intense. Last night I fell asleep around 8 and slept until 6:30. I don't think I even rose to pee. Whatever you need, physical form. I'm with you. Yesterday the sun was bright, too, and I took off my shirt and basked in the bright rays upstairs. The sun has never been my thing but I'm learning to appreciate the power of light.
Ok, let's put some order to this post. I worked both Thursday and Friday, got a lot done, the office is all set up except for wall hangings, and took the evenings easy. N and I read next to each other at night. He's becoming a voracious reader. Lately he's way into tall tales, e.g. Paul Bunyan, because of a series of graphic novels from the library. Yesterday morning I hit Stein's for cacti. I'm fascinated by cacti. The self-control associated with leaving them waterless attracts me. I just ordered a couple cacti care books from the library. I wonder if they're short books. How much can you say? “Don't water them! Leave them alone!” We'll see. Cacti pics to follow. Then S and I worked out in the afternoon while watching the Seahawks trounce the Saints. The Saints bug me, and although Pete Carroll bugs me too, I was ok with the Seahawks win. Last night I read and fell asleep early while the kids watched Despicable Me. You know, this post is making me sound like I'm never with the kids, totally not true. We're together a lot. Just to make that clear.
What else? I saw the crazyass Executive Koala on Thursday:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=09SAiBiD0ak
The movie was fun, much more fun than I expected, even if a little gory. Tonight I'm making cookies since all the basement people are moving into their offices in the morning. 2:23PM. Feels later. Have a good rest of the weekend.
I'm tired after seven straight cardio days, all high-intensity Y days, along with three upper body weight sessions and the usual bike crunches. I timed the last few days around tomorrow. In the morning I'll rise, decide whether or not to do weights, and either way be out the door by 6:30 at the latest, possibly earlier. I hope to get much done before a 9AM meeting. Then I can maybe stay all day, hit Trader Joe's on the way home, and feel set for the week.
What else is going on? Let's see...I'm reading...what the hell is it called...Melancholy of Resistance. Thank you, medication, for knocking relatively unimportant facts out of my short-term memory. The novel's good but slow-going. I'm maybe ninety pages into the text and sometimes fall asleep after reading just a few more. The insomnia and exhaustion play a role, I think. The intense dreams don't stop. They're not always nightmares, but they're intense. Last night I fell asleep around 8 and slept until 6:30. I don't think I even rose to pee. Whatever you need, physical form. I'm with you. Yesterday the sun was bright, too, and I took off my shirt and basked in the bright rays upstairs. The sun has never been my thing but I'm learning to appreciate the power of light.
Ok, let's put some order to this post. I worked both Thursday and Friday, got a lot done, the office is all set up except for wall hangings, and took the evenings easy. N and I read next to each other at night. He's becoming a voracious reader. Lately he's way into tall tales, e.g. Paul Bunyan, because of a series of graphic novels from the library. Yesterday morning I hit Stein's for cacti. I'm fascinated by cacti. The self-control associated with leaving them waterless attracts me. I just ordered a couple cacti care books from the library. I wonder if they're short books. How much can you say? “Don't water them! Leave them alone!” We'll see. Cacti pics to follow. Then S and I worked out in the afternoon while watching the Seahawks trounce the Saints. The Saints bug me, and although Pete Carroll bugs me too, I was ok with the Seahawks win. Last night I read and fell asleep early while the kids watched Despicable Me. You know, this post is making me sound like I'm never with the kids, totally not true. We're together a lot. Just to make that clear.
What else? I saw the crazyass Executive Koala on Thursday:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=09SAiBiD0ak
The movie was fun, much more fun than I expected, even if a little gory. Tonight I'm making cookies since all the basement people are moving into their offices in the morning. 2:23PM. Feels later. Have a good rest of the weekend.
Wednesday, January 05, 2011
Up, 3:19AM, listening to the coffee maker percolate in the kitchen while I sit at the dining room table with the laptop. I want to describe a dream before I lose the memory. I dreamed that Tristan and I were driving around in a large old car, like the LeSabre I drove in college, on a warm late spring/early summer day. He was traveling in a city like Chicago with me to observe two student teachers but the city wasn't Chicago because on our left was a sandy, sleepy lake with a few old tourist hotels and lots of fishing net/fake lobster decorations. We were searching for a school at which I was supposed to observe the first student teacher but I couldn't find it and, after some consultation with the student teacher (who didn't believe I was lost) on the phone, realized the school was across town and we were never going to reach the site on time. The dream then morphed into a job interview scenario in which three aggressively optimistic but dangerous teachers interviewed me for a position and I was trying to figure out what they wanted me to say. One, a younger male, asked me if I thought student council supervision should be a paid position and I said that depended on the nature of student council supervision as that's different across schools but there would have to be equity in that if you paid someone to supervise student council you'd have to make sure other similar positions were paid, too. I could tell he just wanted me to say “yes” and I wasn't sure how to continue.
These are my nightmares. And they're coming fast and furious lately. Insomnia is back, kind of out of nowhere, and I don't want to fall into that “fall asleep at 7PM, wake at 3” pattern again. I miss the kids and ditch M too much then. Yesterday was a Dr. L. session day, which usually leads to nightmares, so maybe they'll pass.
Otherwise, really, life is pretty good, although N's having a difficult transition back into school after Christmas break. He's reading like crazy, which is wonderful, but I don't think he has many close friends and would rather stay home. At recess he'd rather stay in the classroom. During the fall he played soccer a lot but I don't think the kids play as much in the winter. I wonder if I should email his teacher. She says he gets along fine with everyone in class and the other kids like him, etc. So I think (and we always knew this, really) that he's going to be N, really, in the same way that T (who went through a lot of these issues when he was N's age, too) is going to be T and S will be S. I will love them however they turn out. Last night N and I read on the bed until I fell asleep. I told him a few times that he was safe here, and he could be whoever he wanted, and I think he felt better.
Did I mention I moved into the new office? The facilities guys won't have time to put pictures on the wall for a while but the space is beautiful and I don't feel worthy. I have a window for the first time since office #2 (the new office is #5). To be fair I gave up the window voluntarily after #2, to get away from the busy hallway (now I sound like N, eh?), but the southern sunlight yesterday was awesome and eventually so bright I had to close the blinds. I can grow plants in my office again! Yay!
Were the temps a bit warmer I might run outside this morning, but they're hovering around fifteen, according to my phone, and fuck it, the Y opens in ninety minutes. I'll answer email and catch up online until then. Good morning. Breathe.
These are my nightmares. And they're coming fast and furious lately. Insomnia is back, kind of out of nowhere, and I don't want to fall into that “fall asleep at 7PM, wake at 3” pattern again. I miss the kids and ditch M too much then. Yesterday was a Dr. L. session day, which usually leads to nightmares, so maybe they'll pass.
Otherwise, really, life is pretty good, although N's having a difficult transition back into school after Christmas break. He's reading like crazy, which is wonderful, but I don't think he has many close friends and would rather stay home. At recess he'd rather stay in the classroom. During the fall he played soccer a lot but I don't think the kids play as much in the winter. I wonder if I should email his teacher. She says he gets along fine with everyone in class and the other kids like him, etc. So I think (and we always knew this, really) that he's going to be N, really, in the same way that T (who went through a lot of these issues when he was N's age, too) is going to be T and S will be S. I will love them however they turn out. Last night N and I read on the bed until I fell asleep. I told him a few times that he was safe here, and he could be whoever he wanted, and I think he felt better.
Did I mention I moved into the new office? The facilities guys won't have time to put pictures on the wall for a while but the space is beautiful and I don't feel worthy. I have a window for the first time since office #2 (the new office is #5). To be fair I gave up the window voluntarily after #2, to get away from the busy hallway (now I sound like N, eh?), but the southern sunlight yesterday was awesome and eventually so bright I had to close the blinds. I can grow plants in my office again! Yay!
Were the temps a bit warmer I might run outside this morning, but they're hovering around fifteen, according to my phone, and fuck it, the Y opens in ninety minutes. I'll answer email and catch up online until then. Good morning. Breathe.
Saturday, January 01, 2011
Happy New Year, everyone. I'm not sure if there is a weaker or more embarrassing common holiday greeting then “happy new year”, but I'll say the phrase anyway. No, maybe I'm wrong. The start of the year carries a sense of possibility, of rebirth, although the date seems misplaced in winter Wisconsin. Spring feels more like new year to me. But we're off of work and school, the boys are playing Xbox, and the Badgers play in the Rose Bowl later, so we're in holiday-mode.
I'm upstairs on the bedroom floor. A fan is running but I wonder if I should turn off the device because I was cold when reading on the bed. Yesterday the temps were curiously high, near fifty, unheard of for late Decembers of recent memory. Two years back I remember, when Shadow was fading, the heavy cold. But since the weather was walkable, and the fog kind of pretty, S and I drove down to Bayshore and walked around the mall. He found a Tom Brady calendar for 50% off. We weaved through the crowds but didn't see anything else worth purchasing so after an Italian soda (cherry/strawberry, for S) and double shot skim latte (me) at a busy Alterra's we stopped at Little Caesar's and returned home.
(Oops, sorry, a couple hours later, got interrupted by T so we could watch Mentos/Diet Coke videos.)
Last night I had every intention of staying up until midnight but I haven't slept well lately and the coffee I drank in an attempt to stay up late fucked with my sleep. So lose-lose, I guess, on NY Eve, including N kicking me about 100 times while sleeping next to me. This morning I made donuts. The donut making...contraption...is easy but I'm not convinced the donuts are that great. After that M and I worked out. The gym was lousy with resoluters. They'll give up soon. Later I read further into Ubik and opened the blinds to let the sun pour into the room. I should probably close the blinds soon. We're just past 3:30 and the lazy, taunting sunset signals another cold, windy winter evening. I'm ok. We'll watch the Rose Bowl and I'll read before, hopefully, turning in early. Tomorrow I might run outside, covered in cold weather gear, so I can hit mass at 8AM. Or maybe I'll sleep later and skip everything. We'll see. I could use a couple hours in a coffee shop, too. Stay warm. Winter's halfway over.
I'm upstairs on the bedroom floor. A fan is running but I wonder if I should turn off the device because I was cold when reading on the bed. Yesterday the temps were curiously high, near fifty, unheard of for late Decembers of recent memory. Two years back I remember, when Shadow was fading, the heavy cold. But since the weather was walkable, and the fog kind of pretty, S and I drove down to Bayshore and walked around the mall. He found a Tom Brady calendar for 50% off. We weaved through the crowds but didn't see anything else worth purchasing so after an Italian soda (cherry/strawberry, for S) and double shot skim latte (me) at a busy Alterra's we stopped at Little Caesar's and returned home.
(Oops, sorry, a couple hours later, got interrupted by T so we could watch Mentos/Diet Coke videos.)
Last night I had every intention of staying up until midnight but I haven't slept well lately and the coffee I drank in an attempt to stay up late fucked with my sleep. So lose-lose, I guess, on NY Eve, including N kicking me about 100 times while sleeping next to me. This morning I made donuts. The donut making...contraption...is easy but I'm not convinced the donuts are that great. After that M and I worked out. The gym was lousy with resoluters. They'll give up soon. Later I read further into Ubik and opened the blinds to let the sun pour into the room. I should probably close the blinds soon. We're just past 3:30 and the lazy, taunting sunset signals another cold, windy winter evening. I'm ok. We'll watch the Rose Bowl and I'll read before, hopefully, turning in early. Tomorrow I might run outside, covered in cold weather gear, so I can hit mass at 8AM. Or maybe I'll sleep later and skip everything. We'll see. I could use a couple hours in a coffee shop, too. Stay warm. Winter's halfway over.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
