Long day. For the first time in a few months I woke in the middle of the night and couldn’t fall back asleep. I woke at two, having slept about hours, at least, and hit the living room couch. I read a little from “Little Children” and channel surfed but my heart wasn’t into the media. I don’t know if it was the melatonin or what but I felt an intense, cellular depression for a few hours. I recognize depression. However, I also recognized that I don’t get that completely dehabilitated often anymore. I hit the second floor with a waking N near 4:30AM. We chatted in bed until five then watched “The Magic School Bus” together until the other boys woke. Once all the boys were up I crashed upstairs until 6:30AM or so. I reached work by 7:45AM. Class went well, as well as a small class (seven students) goes, anyway. P and I took in lunch in the cafeteria. We sat way in the corner and exchanged U gossip. Maybe we’ll make this a weekly deal, although next week I’m out of town. I spent most of the afternoon answering email and gathering material for the UG revision. I’ll send it all out Monday. I left work near 2:45PM and picked up T and S from school by 3:15PM. After I finished crunches/sit ups I managed twenty minutes on the elliptical while watching the “Office” Valentine’s Day episode. A shower and a tofu sandwich later and I’m ready for bed.

January’s in the books. Good night.

The boys’ school closed today due to cold. I was kind of surprised, honestly, to hear the news this morning. The worst of the weather passed last night but the temperatures were low and the winds strong enough (-40F wind chill) to warrant (in the eyes of the local districts, anyway) the closing. Last night I sitting in the rocker (where I am now) and I swear the goddamn house was moving in the gale force weather. I looked out the window and thought there was no way in hell anyone could drive through a blizzard like the one whirling down my street. I couldn’t see the houses on the other side of the road.

So, anyway, last night and today I finished E’s “Things The Grandchildren Should Know.” I ordered the book about a week back from Amazon UK but thought the order hadn’t passed through the system. The box on the kitchen table surprised me. Late at night, when I couldn’t sleep, I read the first half, and I finished the second half this morning. It’s not a tough read, but I enjoyed the book immensely. I’m not sure a non-fan would get much out of the text, but eels message board nerds like myself will deconstruct it for years. I appreciate E’s pure drive, honesty, and desire to hide in his room.

This morning the boys and I hung out on the couch for a while before they dispersed to play on the computer, with legos, whatever. I read on the couch or in the Wii room (at least the sun was out, by the way) then picked up books and films at the library and the ingredients for sweet potato burritos at the supermarket. Usually Wednesdays are “work at home” days but I wasn’t going to get much work done with the kids around and I wasn’t too pressed for productivity as it stood. I finished the E book, read the first 50 pages of “Little Children.” The latter is good so far. I liked the movie a lot, too, and not just the naked Kate Winslet shots (although those certainly did not hurt). While some neighbor kids visited I watched “The King of Kong.” Wow, that movie was weird. In case you don’t know it’s about a rivalry between two guys aiming for the world record on the video game “Donkey Kong.” One rival seems like a pretty nice guy but the other is stunningly oblivious of anything outside his self-image and off his rocker with self-importance. Wow. Seriously. Here’s a link. You might think it’s a comedy, but I didn’t laugh much. Somewhat worthwhile.

http://www.amazon.com/King-Kong-Fistful-Quarters/dp/B000XQ4HR8/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=dvd&qid=1201737734&sr=8-1

After twenty minutes on the elliptical and some sit-ups I showered and started dinner. The boys were watching game shows (don’t ask) so I strapped my mp3 player onto my arm, donned the headphones, and listened to NPR while working in the kitchen. I haven’t listened to NPR at home much since the kitchen radio’s antenna snapped. The mp3/headphones strategy worked well.

I’m tired tonight. Once I’m done with my root beer here I think I’m going to take some melatonin and hit the books. Good night.

Today was busy but productive. I arrived at work just before eight but didn’t need to meet with anyone until 1:00PM. The morning passed returning emails and phone calls, planning for classes, preparing for the UG revision, and catching up on last week’s leftovers. At 12:10PM I took in mass in the chapel. I was in the area, and the presiding priest is the same guy who supervised the Assisi planning, so I thought I’d sit in on the service. I was reminded as to why I don’t attend mass very often. The chapel was hot and stuffy, the readings a bit confusing, and I didn’t get much out of the experience. I cut out at communion. Since I was set to meet in the library at 1, and I was already in the big building, I sat in one of the comfy library chairs and read for a while before the meeting started. My two afternoon meetings were pretty easy, the first on electronic portfolios the second on the UG revision. After the meetings I returned to my office. A slew of students visited. Nothing too exciting. I left by 4:15PM. Upon my return Shadow and I walked the cemetery. The temps were in the forties today, the slightest smell of spring, and Shadow needed to stretch her legs before the mercury plummets tomorrow evening. Apparently tomorrow night we’re facing wind, snow, and falling temperatures.

I’m suddenly very tired. Maybe the boys and I will read for a while before bed. Good night.

I have recurring dreams about an college instructor who looks curiously like Bob Marzano. He’s a math instructor, and I keep skipping his class, and he keeps informing me that I’m going to fail. The institution is similar to NEIU (in fact, I pass through a basement lounge area similar to theirs). I try to transfer out of the class by talking with a pretty registration employee but at this point the dream breaks down into a weird Spiderman-oriented battle. Later I crawl across the ground in an open, dusty field trying to hide from detection in a land when all human beings are supposed to be plants in the ground.

More later.

Long Sunday. I’m in the corner, an eels mix running, a candle burning, most of the first floor clean. The boys have a few friends over, girls, and god knows what in goddamn hell is going on upstairs. Apparently S already took a shot to the head. I hope they clean up afterwards.

Books for the month…”Jane Eyre” (the second half, anyway), “Crooked Little Vein”, “Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas” (A re-read), “South of the Border, West of the Sun”, and I’m almost finished with “Soon I Will Be Invincible”.

Today was the first day in a while I didn’t know what to do with myself. The recent weather left me gunshy, like a wave of bitter cold would hit me as I walked out the door, but I guess the temps are in the upper twenties. I woke before six but fell asleep again and slept until 7:30. N and I decided to skip church since T and S were lighting the chalice. I showered and started laundry before the left. N and I played on the computer and on Wii while everyone was gone. I started cleaning the house after lunch then managed twenty minutes on the elliptical while watching the Office episode when Michael reveals Jim’s crush on Pam to his coworkers. M took the boys to McDonalds and I took advantage of the quiet house to read from “Soon I Will Be Invincible.” Later I tried to watch “Breaking and Entering” and cruised up and down both the channel and DVR lists but couldn’t find anything to watch. I read a bit more and finished cleaning. When M and the boys returned the two older boys left to play across the street. N and I collaborated on fruit salad. While we sat in the kitchen I thought of time. We sat next to each other, at the island, and I caught the moment and projected it back as far as I could then projected it forward as far as I could. I don’t know if I can explain it, but I wanted to spread the moment and touch the moment for as long as possible. I think the plan worked. He and I created a grape and banana fruit salad while I finished a dinner pasta salad. After we ate the boys and half the neighborhood visited. Cleo and I channel-cruised again before I turned on the computer to write. The girls are just leaving now.

I feel pretty calm, meditative, today. I suppose I could say I’m trying to hold time, but that description wouldn’t work. Better said I’m trying to let time flow me. Good night.

Saturday night, a little past 8:30PM, and I’m too broke to go out and too wired to fall asleep. I sound like a The The song.

I’ve got a beer and a half in me, but I’m not feeling up for solid drunkenness, so I’m not sure what I’ll do. A slight hyperactivity pulses through me. Maybe I’ll throw on my jeans and drive down to Borders. I can afford the gas, right? We’re kind of hilarious with money, honestly. We’ve got a decent amount in the bank but we live like we’re destitute, esp. if we owe anyone (e.g. the dentist, pre-school) money. We’re a couple hundred behind the curve at the moment so we’re not spending any money. It’s not like there’s much I’d want to buy anyway. Today I was thinking that sooner or later everyone’s house gets cleaned out by a friend or relative courteous enough to claim the responsibility. I’d like to leave my loved ones an easy task.

This morning M took S to basketball while I hung out with T and N. Before they left they played with their action figures on the dining room table…see the previous post’s picture. After M returned I mailed a few packages and walked Shadow through the cemetery. Although the temperatures have moved into the twenties, a definite improvement, about an inch of snow covered the ground. I thought Shadow could use the walk after staying mostly indoors for the week. Her feet, however, grew cold, and I almost had to carry her home. Once I got her settled on the couch T and I drove to the library. I picked up a movie and another Vonnegut book (Bluebeard, which I remember as his strongest, I’ll read it on the plane) while T cruised the first floor. He picked out a couple books and three movies. When we returned home I watched an Office episode (the “booze cruise” one) and knocked out twenty-five minutes on the elliptical. I probably should have showered afterwards but I threw caution to the wind and stayed smelly all day. The shower would have helped revive my energy. Oh well. Most of the afternoon passed with me on the upstairs bed with “Soon I Will Be Invincible.” The boys watched “Mulan”, M ran errands, and we caught an hour of the X-Games. I probably should have taken up T’s offer to play chess but I so wasn’t in the mood. Later I ate a quick tofu sandwich dinner and read upstairs again with T. We caught some of the two Thursday night “Chuck” episodes after the boys fell asleep.

I wonder if the barometric pressure or something is changing. Wired, I tell you, wired.

Saturday morning, 8:30AM...the dining room table becomes a kingdom at war...

Whoo, tired today. I hit work at 7:45AM and stuck around until close to five. I was in full-on push mode the entire time. You know what’s a problem? I don’t think I’d be very good at working outside, but I don’t sit in meetings very well. I’m fucked. Luckily I like my job.

Today was long. After I arrived at work I watered the plants and answered email until my 9:00AM chairs meeting started. The meeting was comparatively productive but long and intense. Terry and I did the cafeteria lunch thing. I stuck around for forty-five minutes, longer than usual. Maybe that’s how people with normal jobs survive. They take long lunches. Anyway, I thought the balance of the afternoon would pass slowly but a student visited about a directed study and I refined next week’s planning so the time passed quickly. Oh, I also ordered Stars of the Lid tickets for J, M, S, and me. I couldn’t believe the tickets were so cheap. Who goes to a concert for 15 bucks anymore?

We had faculty senate at 3:15PM. God, that meeting was boring. Funny enough, right as I left (4:30PM) someone in the meeting bitched about people leaving early. Fuck you, bitch. You come to these day in and day out.

T returned from school sick the second day in a row. I’m not entirely convinced he’s sick. The boys’ report cards arrived today. Some minor behavioral concerns emerged but none seem too serious. T and I watched the end of a game show and some “Sportscenter” before heading upstairs to read. N is already asleep. M isn’t feeling well and will most likely head to bed soon. T and S can watch a movie until 7:45 then head off to bed.

Did I mention I finished Murakami’s “South of the Border, West of the Sun”? It’s a great book, probably my second favorite Murakami after “Wind-Up Bird Chronicle.” I’m not sure what to read next. I checked Vonnegut’s “Breakfast of Champions” out of the library, but you know, Vonnegut sucks now that I’m out of my teens. Sorry, Mr. V. I’m working through the Seneca and still have a couple Murakami’s ready, so don’t cry for me.

Quiet weekend ahead…I’m looking forward to rain and forties Monday. The economy sucks, the sun is hiding, and the upper Midwest seems mired in depression. We’re ready for spring.

Whew, just finished about forty-five minutes (two episodes of “The Office”) on the elliptical machine. I probably could have doubled the duration. Two days at work have left me with way too much excess energy. Man, the workout felt great, though. I needed that.

Last night M had a church meeting so the boys and I hung out on our own. I was tired, a bit under the weather, so after N fell asleep T, S and I read in our room. T was in spaz mode so I sent him to bed fifteen minutes early. I’m not sure what’s up with him. Maybe winter’s getting to him first. He doesn’t get a chance to release much physical energy. I feel badly for Shadow, too, who is bouncing off the walls, but the temps are too cold to safely or comfortably take her for a walk. After the boys fell asleep I crashed myself. This morning the Saturn needed gas, so I filled up the car while freezing my fucking ass off in thirty seconds I stood next to the pump. I hit work, despite some traffic, just before eight. I spent the first hour or so answering email before teaching a small but satisfying assessment class. Paul and I met at the cafeteria for lunch. We traded U gossip and talked through his department’s (English) hiring process. He and I get along well, I think, and I like visiting the cafeteria. Since the students are back I checked in with a few at their tables (probably embarrassing them to high heaven) before leaving. I also saw a woman from the Assisi trip. She seemed mad at me, probably because I blew off the last Assisi dinner. Oh well. I can pay that price. After putting out a couple of fires I sped through action research chapters before leaving for the day just before 4PM. I stopped at Blockbuster and picked up “The Game Plan” and visited Borders for a new atlas (huge but on sale for 15 bucks) for S. C and I, then D and I, spoke on the phone on the highway. The library had a book on reserve I wanted, so I stopped once more before returning home.

M wasn’t feeling well, so I moved her van into the garage and helped make dinner. After we ate we watched “The Game Plan.” T and I saw the movie in the theatre, but I knew M would like the film and S would at least watch the football parts. N managed to stay still throughout most of the movie as well. T was spazzy again afterwards, but I felt guilty about ragging on him, so I crashed on his floor and we chatted just as he fell asleep. He’s a good kid.

Tomorrow will be a long day. The first meeting runs from nine to noon, the second from 3 to 5. Oh well. I’ll survive. Good night.

Cold, cold, cold. The weather channel indicates the current temperature reads -1 with a -13 wind chill. Lovely. I can handle these days in small doses but after a while the breathless, unreal cold wears me down. Oh well. I’ll survive.

Yesterday was the first day of the semester. You know, I’ve turned into a good teacher. I’m natural in front of the class. Students don’t scare me. I treat them with respect. If a student said, “You’re a stupid motherfucker” I’d still keep my cool. I’m proud of my craft. I never expected to get that good. The students’ presence in the building energizes me even if the students take all the parking spaces. I parked illegally yesterday. Didn’t get caught. The rest of the day was decent. I woke fairly early, meditated, worked out, finished the Orlando presentation, and made lasagna rolls for lunch before leaving for class. I taught from 1-3 and 4-6. Dumbass registration didn’t tell the students they needed to be available during the day three times over the semester for clinicals. We’ll work it out. After class we watched “American Gladiators” and read. I love my family. After everyone fell asleep I continued with the Murakami. Great book.

More later. Potential sick kid.

I heard on today’s news that said the third Monday of January is supposed to be the most depressing day of the year. Here’s an article about the issue from Time:

http://www.time.com/time/business/article/0,8599,1704887,00.html

Now, if I’m not mistaken, the third Monday in January is also always MLK day. Combine the holiday with the linked news story and I can’t imagine how depressing today must be for racists. Anyway, I found the 2008 third Monday in January more exhausting then depressing. I was up late last night, celebrating the Giants’ stunning upset of the Packers. The game ended near ten but the outcome excited me so much I didn’t fall asleep until near one. Plus, I kept hallucinating sounds from the kitchen and back yard, freaking myself out, and slept on edge. This morning I woke by seven. I thought of heading to work early but decided to wait until the boys’ babysitter arrived near ten. M planned to visit student teachers up north and assume (rightly so) my availability would be questionable the day before the semester starts. I drove to work and settled into my office by 10:30AM. Yes, I know today’s a day off, but I’m workaholic, shoot me. Terry, one of my colleagues, talked about the game before I answered emails and organized my paperwork. I don’t feel as if tomorrow is the first day of the semester. Throughout the area students are dreading or anticipating their first day of classes. Me? I practically forgot. I’ll get excited tomorrow when I see students milling in the halls. I teach at one and four.

This afternoon I felt as if I might grow seriously ill. Vomit creeped up my throat. I took a long, hot bath and settled under the sleeping bag on the couch. I bounced between Sportscenter, the local news (bad traffic) and “America’s Top Model.” Slight sidebar…I’m always amazed at how unattractive the girls are on “America’s Top Model”, and I have nothing against models. After a quick dinner I’m ready to curl up with Murakami and an early bedtime.

I feel like I’m on the verge of something important. A poem is forming in my mind called “Never Going Back.”

Sunday morning, the kids are watching “Sky High”, M is back to sleep after waking early with N. I already worked out (just twenty minutes, but on a higher resistance), showered, ate breakfast, and read some of the paper. The temps are still obscenely low, below zero, but the sun is shining through the curtains. I like the morning light in winter.

Last night N and I stayed home while M and the others attended a fundraiser for a local playground. N played Crusaders on the computer before dinner. He and I ate (fake chicken nuggets for him, salad for me) before heading upstairs to play. We built with legos and read a few books before he fell asleep. He was kind of wired so we lay in bed for a good thirty minutes, chatting, looking up through the skylights. After his eyes closed I moved to the other room and read Murakami until I fell asleep. T and S woke me when they arrived home, excited about winning a couple options, but I fell back asleep without a problem.

I’m looking forward to a quiet day. Football later. Books and poetry.

I’m in the upstairs bedroom, door locked, while M and the boys are downstairs. M is watching CSI and the boys are playing on the computer. I’m hung over after four or five Heinekens last night. Plus, I haven’t worked out since Thursday morning, I sat in meetings most of the last three days, and today’s temps barely reach zero. Bleh. Maybe I’ll sweat the alcohol out later on the elliptical.

This morning has been ok. S and I hung out at basketball this morning. I wanted to read Murakami while he played but ran into a friend and did the dad-chat instead. After hoops S and I hit the supermarket. We picked up sun chips (I could eat two bags in a row if left unchecked), tortillas, etc. We also hit snagged cat food at the pet store. M and T left for his turn at hoops after we returned. Dan and I talked on the phone while S and N lego-played upstairs.

The last couple days, however, sucked. I can’t imagine how people sit in meetings all day. I’d kill myself. Thursday morning we had a three hour speech on transitions. I know the presenter, he’s a decent guy, but his presentation could have been summed up in about fifteen minutes. Yesterday I sat in on a workshop on mentoring new teachers through the certification process. I thought the presenter was pretty strong, actually, but I wasn’t in the mood. Since the presentation ran in my building I snuck upstairs to my office about every fifteen minutes. Last night I needed the beers. Trust me.

Ok, more later, when I’m not hung over. At least the sun is out.

I’m in the corner, about 4:30PM, in my pajamas, practically ready for bed. T is watching an old Smurfs episode on television. N and S are playing Star Wars Wii upstairs. M is making dinner. Why does the hour feel later?

Today was my first “real” day back at work for the spring semester. Of course, last night I feel asleep by seven with a fever, woke at ten, read, slept fitfully from 1-6, rose, and got ready for work. Still, I wasn’t that out of it today, so I guess I managed enough sleep. The morning meetings played painless. I positioned myself near the back of the room and cruised the net on my laptop. Later I hid in my office, answered email, and generally f—ked around. A couple tech guys inserviced the school on wiki development, but I knew the wiki material already, so I cut out early. Terry and I food-fought in the hall with crème filled donuts and potatoes. Good times. I bought T a new Archie comic book at Borders on the way home. The house stood empty, when I reached Port, so I rode the elliptical (fifth day in a row) for an Office episode (“Sexual Harrassment”). The boys ran in the house at 3:30 and have kept themselves busy every since.

Whoo. Feeling tired all of a sudden. I think I’m going to turn down the differentiation class that guy from the archdiocese wants me to teach. The scenario gives me bad vibes, if I may sound like a hippy for a moment, and they seem to want me to teach on Friday evenings. Fuck that…I cut my rate for them, and I can walk away if I want to walk away. I’ve been reading my Seneca. Good night.

I felt like I ran from pretty much when I woke until dinner today. Of course, I’ve sat on my ass for most of the four days, so my perceptions are likely skewed.

This morning I dropped the boys off at school. We left early, for once, and I had time to drop books off at the library and pick up some cash before drop-off. I returned home with time to spare before Stein’s opened. I drove backroads while cranking the new DBT. Stein’s was in the midst of their huge clearance sale, so I picked up a new table fountain for work and five plants. After I arrived at work I set up the new fountain and repotted the plants. I’ve moved all the plants from the lower floors to the main classroom. The dumbasses who kept opening windows next to the tropical plants killed off too many of my charges. While my hands worked the dirt Mary visited. We chatted for a while about heliotropic breathing and her trip out west. Mary always calms me. After she left I did the office-rounds, organized my steno, and answered emails. At 12:30PM I tore out of the office, stopped at the library to pick up the Seneca I requested, and got my hair cut. I don’t know if I can sound like a bigger idiot than when I’m trying to describe how I want my hair cut. I might as well just say “do whatever you want, just don’t make me look stupid.” Anyway, the haircut person was friendly, although young and frail, and we got along fine. I don’t feel obligated to small-talk while someone cuts my hair. I don’t want them to feel obligated, either. I’m ok. Cut away.

After the haircut I worked out while watching the “Office Olympics” episode of “The Office.” I showered, checked email, then tore off again to pick up the boys from school. After a brief return home T and I left for drum lessons. While he was in the drum room I hit Target for M’s weights and an exercise ball. We had fake burgers for dinner. I had to taunt S into eating his corn…kind of fun, actually.

Ok, three days of meetings ahead…I forgot to mention, Stars of the Lid are playing Chicago in April. Can’t wait.

I feel like I’m gutting out winter. The temperatures are far from unbearable (about 30 during the day) and the sun shining more often than not. We’re heading into a cold streak, however, by the weekend. The forecasters are predicting highs in the single digits Saturday. My dad asserted, when I was a kid, that the worst of winter took place between January 15th and the 15th of February. Bring it on. I can gut it out.

This year will be easier than usual. I’m in Orlando four days the first week of February. I’m ready to work again. I’ve left the house for all of an hour through the last three days. I need to leave the house tomorrow. Maybe I’ll work on poetry tonight. I’ve been reading HS Thompson’s “The Great Shark Hunt” but my eyes are starting to glaze over with all the text I’ve absorbed over the last month. Good night.

I have a few minutes to write before the kids arrive home, so I thought I’d take advantage of the window and update the journal. I’m not sure where the day went. After riding the elliptical and taking the boys to school I had the house to myself. I started drafting my chairs presentation, but the words didn’t feel right, so I answered emails and looked up teacher education research until noon. After lunch I returned to the presentation and knocked out thirty or so slides. The presentation isn’t perfect but it’s on its way.

My brain is fried. I’ve hardly left the house for three days. I was thinking of staying home again tomorrow, but maybe I’ll drive down to work. M and N will be home all day. I’ll just get in their way. We’ll see. More later.

Not quite 9PM but the hour feels later. The dishwasher is running behind me and the noise would cancel out any subtle music, so I’m not ready to turn on the mp3 player. The boys sleep upstairs. M is on her way to bed.

I didn’t quite know what to do with myself today. I slept late, until 8AM, but I’m not sure why. After waking I showered, ate breakfast, and watched Sportscenter with a diet coke. Near 10 M declared we weren’t attending church. I wasn’t complaining, although I would have attended if she and the boys wanted to attend. M didn’t want to push the issue since two of the three boys had stayed up late last night watching football. She left with errands while I managed twenty minutes on the elliptical machine. After a shower I finished “The Crooked Vein.” Good book, like Vonnegut after doing acid and watching a lot of porn. Later S and I watched football through most of the afternoon. A friend of T’s visited. I made pasta for dinner, read some Hunter S. Thompson and played with Nathaniel until he slept. Where did the day go? Oh, C and I talked on the phone for a while, too.

I think I mentioned recently that I’m living through a period of personal transition. For thirteen of the last fifteen years I’ve attended graduate school. My doctoral studies are finished, my job has changed, and I’m facing more free time than I have had in years. Plus, my kids are older, minimizing the need for constant supervision, and I don’t have anything pressing (e.g. a dissertation) on my shoulders through long Sunday afternoons. I feel like I’ve retired. Suddenly my sense of purpose has shifted. I suppose I could sign up for another class or two, but that pattern sounds too familiar, and I’m not sure that’s the path I should take. My job has grown a bit rote and I don’t trust many of the people with whom I work. However, my job gives me a great deal of flexibility and I’ve earned solid respect from most of my colleagues. Plus, I’m told I’m kind of good at what I do. However, I’m not sure this is what I’m meant to do. I’d love to do something with my love of animals…run a non-profit or something like that. I don’t know. I’m reminded of Dante as he hit middle age. Maybe I should re-read “The Inferno.” It’s probably a better choice than buying a sportscar or fucking a teenager.

I’m not sure how to pass time. James mentioned some Seneca on goodreads…maybe I’ll check his work out. It’s been a while. I spend so much time with my kids, and I value every second. I know they won’t be around forever and our lives could change tomorrow.

I should probably take some melatonin. Chances are I won’t sleep well tonight. Ha.

S and I are watching the Pats/Jaguars. The stupid fucking Packers won this afternoon so we’ll have to hear about the goddamn game for the entire week. I really hope they lose next week so people will shut the fuck up. I hate the Packers.

Today was a pretty good day. I woke by six, after sleeping a solid twelve of fourteen hours. Last night I woke at 8:30PM, after sleeping for four hours, ate leftover pizza, and read from “Crooked Little Vein” until I fell asleep on the couch at ten. I needed the sleep.

After waking I ate breakfast, cleaned a bit then rode the elliptical for thirty-two minutes while watching old “Office” episodes. I showered then accompanied T to basketball, where I continued reading the Ellis. The book is sick and hilarious. The rest of the afternoon passed quickly. I transferred some music from CD to the mp3 player, cleaned old files off the computer, and read while the boys spazzed out on the second floor. After a quick dinner (salad, pretty healthy) and the first half of the Pack game S got in trouble for punching T while playing. I was kind of wired, after watching football, so I cleaned upstairs and hung out with T until the Pats game started.

I think I’m staying home Monday and Tuesday. I can’t think of a pressing reason to drive into work. Plants? I don’t know. More later. I’m on the couch. Good night.

Friday night, 8:30PM. Did I mention I just woke?

This morning N came into our room at about 1. He has another ear infection, and I was worried he might be up for a while, but he fell back asleep without a problem. Of course, my concern caused me to wake to the point where I couldn’t fall asleep again. I revised an article, watched tv, read, tried, to get back to sleep, and finally gave up at about 4:30AM. T woke at five, so he and I watched Sportscenter until S and N woke. I left for work a little after seven. After twelve hours in the office yesterday and four today I’m hard-pressed to be more prepared for the semester. I may stay home until Wednesday on general principle. I have a weird-ass job.

Anyway, I left the office by about 11:30AM. I combined a $5.00 Borders rewards certificate with a 25% off coupon and picked up another Hunter S. Thompson book for eight bucks. I so don’t need any more books but I thought some HST in the arsenal would be wise. I’m greatly enjoying a re-read of “Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.” After Borders and a brief Best Buy consideration of “Guitar Hero” (too expensive) I drove west to Holy Hill. The basilica parking lot stood empty. The gift shop carried some awful Christian trinkets (e.g. God Bless American bumper stickers), so after a quick perusal I rode the elevator to the sanctuary. Fear of heights, similar to those I felt about every ten seconds while in Italy, flooded my body. Holy Hill causes you to look both up and down. Once my equilibrium adjusted I sat in a back pew and prayed for a few minutes. I didn’t quite reach a Laverna peace but the meditation seemed worthwhile. The side chapel fascinates me. Apparently former invalids leave their crutches lined up outside after they’re healed. The crutches stand in racks near the door. I wish I had my camera with me as the winter trees stood like postcards along nearby roads.

N was on Wii when I returned home. I sat on the bed and watched him play until about 4. My eyes fluttered shut and I slept until eight. M had friends over, so I didn’t miss much besides pizza. Sorry, James, about the aborted Chicago excursion. I’ll catch you next time. Good night.

I failed to write in the journal yesterday for the first night in forever. I fell asleep early with the boys and slept the entire night through. What did I do yesterday? Think back…ok, in the morning N and I hung out while M visited the doctor. N didn’t want to go anywhere so he and I stayed home. He played on the computer and I caught up on email and took notes from a couple teacher education books. After M arrived home (everything clear at the doctor’s office) I drove to Blockbuster, picked up a couple movies, and drove into work. The afternoon passed without my getting much work done, honestly, but I was glad to stay at the office. I’m sick of sitting around. Last night M was in a bad mood because the doctor didn’t tell what’s wrong with her (apparently “nothing” isn’t a good enough answer) so the boys and I steered clear. This morning I dropped the boys off at school, considered going out, then spent most of the afternoon watching “The Naked Mile” or reading “Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.” I haven’t worked out because my body still aches from the winter rain run. Maybe tomorrow.

I’m wired tonight. I feel like I should shave and do some laundry. I’m looking even more bum-like than usual and from me that actually means something. More tomorrow. Can you see I have nothing to write when I stay home all day?

I did pray for a few minutes felt good. I think M and I are both going through transitions, post-little kids for her, post-doc for me. Bring it on.

I think I’ve read about thirty days in a row. Some people can work out. I read. Tonight I might take off, though, except for a quick run-through of Spaulding Gray or something. I suppose a weightlifter, on an off-day, might just work his glutes. I read monologues when I can’t tackle the heavy texts.

We had a full-on thunderstorm today. Perhaps I should start at the beginning.

This morning I woke about seven after some late-night melatonin. Maybe I shouldn’t take melatonin after 9PM, but I didn’t know what I could do to fall asleep, and I wasn’t tired. The drug, unfortunately, didn’t kick in until about 10 and lasted until way later than I wanted to rise. I ate and showered quickly and left the house by 7:30. Oh, I busted N playing Wii when he wasn’t supposed to play. He was upset when I unhooked the system, but he’ll learn. A thick fog covered the roads, the temperatures warmer, and minor traffic caused a rare post-8:00AM arrival at work. The morning passed with emails, paperwork, repotting plants, and a couple co-worker visits. I didn’t mind. I considered hitting the 12:30AM mass but got busy. I’m drawn towards prayer lately, whether it’s Buddhist, Christian, whatever. After lunch I started prepping for my courses, none of which start for two weeks, but I’ll be well ahead of this semester’s schedule. By about 2:00PM my brain was fried. As I left the building I noticed the air’s warmth and decided to run when I returned home. I threw on some shorts, a sweatshirt, and the mp3 player (eels on random) and hit the pavement. Whoo, I could tell I hadn’t ran in a couple months. Within half a mile I was breathing heavily. By the time I reached the bike path’s intersection with the playground I had caught a pace. Of course, by then the rain had started, a cold, penetrating rain, but I still managed about twenty minutes before I reached my front door. A quick shower later and N and I watched “Bob the Builder” while M picked up the boys from school. D and I talked on the phone (our mutual hatred of Eric Clapton was a major topic) before dinner. After dinner the boys finished their homework and I read the paper. Later M, T and I had a rocking time watching last night’s “American Gladiators” premiere. I swear we had a ball. S and N came downstairs because we were making so much noise. We had a touching family moment in which all five of the humans, both the cats and the dog were on the couch watching American Gladiators’ “Eliminator” finale. Yes, dear reader, a tear sliding down your cheek, spurred by the scene’s tenderness, is permissible.

After reading N asleep I spent a Amazon gift certificate, a Christmas present from M’s mom, on the new eels sets and three Murakami books. The other boys want me to tell them a story. Upstairs I go. Good night.

I’m a bad mood because the second floor of the house is a mess and no one seems to care. Oh well. I cleaned most of the first floor (I’ll do the kitchen near dinner) and some of the upstairs, but like I said, I just don’t think anyone cares about the shit all over the place. I finally had enough with our bedroom and the kids’ books fucking everywhere and lost it today. Oh well. I don’t lose it much.

This morning was ok. I woke later, just before eight, after dreaming of a cross-continent bike ride. Shadow was running next to me for the whole ride. Somewhere out west, late at night in the mountains, I fell from fatigue and almost slid down a mountainside. I awoke in a hotel, worried about my dog, but I found here. Different U people were around. I don’t remember much more. After I woke I worked out for twenty minutes while T watched “Around the World in 80 Days” (Jackie Chan version). I always feel better after I work out. T, S and I drove to church in my (extremely loud and messy) car. We took the backroads through thick fog. M and I sat together in the sanctuary for the first time in six months. Usually she’s downstairs or I feel like walking the lobby. Our minister announced her retirement. I guess I was surprised, although I don’t know why, in hindsight the signs were present. The service was ok. The first service of the year usually features birth/death talk, and today was no exception. Although, now that I think about it, we do a death service around Halloween, too, so maybe we talk about death too much. I don’t know. People lit candles for the deaths and births. No big deal. We sat in the back, where the latecomers are supposed to sit, and we were slightly late, so perhaps we’ll continue to show up slightly late and get the good seats.

T and I drove to Half-Priced Books after the service. He chose some Harry Potter knock-off. I picked up the first book from the “His Dark Materials” trilogy. Maybe I’ll try to read the Pullman and “Thus Spoke Zarathustra” concurrently. We dropped ten bucks (the slacker clerks at the store took fucking forever). We also picked up fast food afterwards. Cheap weekend, all told, which is good, as we’re low on cash.

Oh, a little on yesterday…Shadow and I walked to the snow hill to watch the boys sled. I looked forward to the warm temps but the air was so cold and clammy that we couldn’t enjoy the walk much. Plus the snow hill was slow as hell. Last night I watched “Shoot ‘Em Up.” The movie was better than I expected. You can’t lose with Monica Bellucci and a whole lot of guns. I had fallen asleep early, about seven, but woke by eight, watched the film, and read some Nietzsche before bed.

Ok, more later. I’m calming down.

I’m slightly hungover after a couple Friday night shots of Knob Creek. I coughed like a fourteen year old girl after the first one, but I tackled the second like a man. Then I watched the last episode of “Zoey 101” with my kids. Rock and roll.

Yesterday was a long day. My sleeping pattern continued to be messed up, and I’m not exactly sure why. I don’t think stress, at least highly negative stress, is a factor. Allow me to explain. I honestly feel as calm and happy as I have in many years. Perhaps that’s throwing me off, you know? I have to retrain my physical form in its own calm. Winter and the habit of falling asleep early may be factors as well. Anyway, yesterday morning I woke by two and watched “American Pie: Beta House.” The movie bordered on soft-porn but had a few good scenes. I exercised to an “Office” episode and hit the local Alterra a little after 6AM. The Alterra is better than the smaller shop in town when you need to spread your crap out. I didn’t get much done, however, as I was still pretty tired. I answered email and screwed around on the computer for an hour.

When I returned home the boys were almost ready to school. I sent them on their way and channel-surfed on the couch, catching a brief nap in the warm morning sun. C and I met for lunch at Subway. He seems well and I always appreciate the latest school district gossip.

M called while we were eating. I called her back on the way to the office. She told me her MRI results had some inconsistencies. I can’t talk about it now, I guess, in the blog, but we think she’s ok. Still, I had that sick, dangerous feeling that comes along with “I saw something on your MRI.” More on that as it develops. I don’t mean to be cagey, but it’s M’s issue, not mine, and she probably wouldn’t want me writing much about it on the blog.

At work I finished the computer file project and answered a few additional emails. F and I talked for a long time. I sat in on the first twenty minutes of a tech meeting, planning for course integration, then cut out and slipped back into my office. I watered the plants, swept up the dead leaves from the basement vines, and chatted with a student. I picked up dinner at Jimmy Johns and headed home by 4:30.

I finished “Jane Eyre” in the bath after dinner. Man, I loved that book. I didn’t realize Bronte could be so funny. Anyway, while this book felt like two or three different books combined into one, and the narrative style can be somewhat over the top, I still found the book amazing. Bronte was remarkably psychologically insightful.

Ok, more later. M’s watching some stupid, distracting episode of CSI. The boys have basketball later in the morning. The weather is improving.

T is sitting at the dining room table, reading his third grade text on Science, while I hang out in the rocking chair. M is watching “The Bourne Ultimatum” and N and S are playing with N’s new Indiana Jones legos set upstairs. The sun is down, of course, and the air is still cool (20F). The weather people are promising higher temperatures, in the upper forties, even, over the weekend. We could use a break from the cold.

Last night M, recovering from her MRI-induced sedation, was totally out of it, so she fell asleep early while T, S and I read on the first floor. They were off to sleep by 8:00PM and I was asleep by 8:30PM. Sometimes I wonder if the neighbors notice our lights are off by 9:00PM. Anyway, I woke by about two, read “Jane Eyre” for thirty minutes, and fell asleep again on the couch. N woke me after five. I thought I’d be up for good, but I fell back asleep until near eight. F from work called, right after I woke, and she and I talked through work issues until about nine. I couldn’t see much use in driving to work, when I was due at the dentist at 1:00PM, so I showered and revised a syllabus before lunch. N returned home and wanted to play, so he and I hung out upstairs until I left to run errands. I filled up the car ($2.99 a gallon), picked up and downed my dental penicillin, hit Blockbuster for films, and mailed two packages to Chicago. Maura wanted her movie so I swung home, dropped it off, and hit the dentist.

I need to take a minute to describe my death-obsessed dental hygienist. She’s older, probably sixty, and she will talk about the most depressing subjects imaginable while cleaning my teeth. Plus, I’m sort of vulnerable, you know, with sharp implements jammed into my mouth, so I can’t exactly protest. Today I tried, and mostly succeeded, in keeping her off accidents, death, and tragedy. Instead, I steered her into discussing:

A) Her trip to New York over the holidays. She saw “Wicked” for $110 dollars.
B) The new hospital going up in her town and various real-estate related subjects.
C) How to get snow off of roofs.

I say I was mostly successful because she did bring up the huge teenage accident from a few weeks back, but I was able to change the subject quickly. Whew. My very cool dentist rescued me. I was out of the office within forty-five minutes of my arrival. My long-standing wisdom teeth issue looms, so I might get them removed this spring. I’ve run out of excuses.

Ok, looks like we’re eating dinner. More later.

Today I was Mr. Mom. M’s MRI appointment was interesting. I spent most of the appointment in the lobby checking out old people on the way to the doctor. I guess that’ll be me in a few years. The waiting room retained a limited magazine selection (SI, Newsweek, etc.) but I read through the available publications rather than delve into “Jane Eyre”. You have to take magazines where you can get them. M, who was worried the drugs wouldn’t sufficiently sedate her, survived the MRI experience unscathed. She was pretty toasted, too, afterwards. We hit Bed, Bath and Beyond to return some curtains I bought (wrong size) and order the right curtains. Maura talked through the ordering process with the clerk. I had no idea the process would take fifteen minutes, so I wandered through the kitchen utensil section. Some of them were cool, but I have no idea why someone would need such food-specific tools as an avocado slicer or a mango coring device. Who eats that many avocados and mangos? Use a knife, people. Still, I should admit the kitchen tools filled me with jealousy. I love those huge pizza rollers but I can’t justify dropping fifteen bucks on one.

We ordered egg mcmuffins at the McDonalds drive-thru after leaving Bed, Bath, and Beyond. M decided she didn’t want hers, so I ate two. I immediately felt like I should drive at least 500 miles. I only eat McDonalds breakfast food when I’m traveling. M crashed on the couch with “Reign Over Me” once we arrived home. I picked up N at school and dropped “Naked Weapon” on its way back to Netflix. I should mention that the temps were low, below twenty, all day. N tried to teach me Wii Star Wars and seemed highly amused by my incompetence. Yes, my five year old son knows his way around the levels. D and I talked on the phone (might see him Friday) until N had speech at the boys’ school. We gathered our things and drove over to school. I dropped him off with his speech teacher and planned to read in the lobby but ran into one of S’s friend’s dads. This dad has invited us out a couple times but I always decline. He seems like a nice enough guy, though, and today we talked for about twenty minutes. Maybe he and I will hook up sometime. After the school dismissed T and S (and we found each other out front) we drove home. I let the boys play video games and watch television until dinner. M had planned on attending a church meeting, but as she’s still under the weather she cancelled the meeting and stayed home. I think she might be asleep now. The boys are reading on the couch. Good times. Good night.

I’ve been up since four, but as I fell asleep by nine (yay melatonin, my lovely drug of choice), I happily rose early. In fact I’d like to pick up my early morning discipline again after a couple weeks of winter break slacking. I need to create prayer/meditation time.

The new year started well. Yesterday T and I hit my office. He drew comic strips (“The Adventures of Snippy and Snappy”) while I neared the end of my computer file cleanup project. We considered a coffee shop visit but decided to drive straight home since we were moving a plant from work to the living room. Both T and S had friends over after lunch. I sat in the corner with my laptop and wrote a couple of letters. Then Cleo sat on my lap and I read the last couple weeks’ worth of “Education Week” an “The Chronicle of Higher Education.” I felt like working out, but I can’t get all sweaty in the living room with Maura’s friends around, so I made burritos for dinner and listened to NPR while laying on the couch. Later we left the television/video games off and relaxed. The boys fell asleep by eight. “Jane Eyre” wore me down, so I switched to “The Girl With The Curious Hair” before bed.

M has an MRI today. The doctors have to sedate her into small spaces, so I’m driving her back and forth to the appointment. I might hit work this afternoon, if she’s feeling ok, but as I’m pretty much caught up on my prep my office presence isn’t necessary. The boys start school again today. Christmas season is officially over. The thermometer read seven degrees F this morning. Wear something warm.

Last week we had a snowstorm, so Shadow and I hit the graveyard...