I was falling asleep on the couch, watching another Bergman film, when a second wind took hold and now I can’t fall asleep. A beer is in order. Hold on.

Ok, back. Thank you, Rolling Rock, on the nights when the hour is too late for melatonin.

Today was a good day, although for some reason I’m clenching my jaw and pissing about work. What’s wrong with me? This morning I woke early, about four, but I can’t complain because I fell asleep last night with Greek history by 8:30PM. You can’t take my Saturday nights, people. Don’t even try. I played on the computer until the boys woke at five. After some discussion we decided they could watch tv and eat breakfast while I went back to sleep and their mother slept later. Of course that lasted all of fifteen minutes until S and N started beating the shit out of each other on the couch. Lovely. I was pissed. They lost computer for the day. Oh well. They’re on the computer too much. Just like me. Later, by the way, M and I checked out the street level google maps of our neighborhood. While going around the block we discovered you can clearly see our next door neighbor drinking in his backyard. Very cool. I read the paper while M hit Kohl’s clearance sale. Later M took the boys to church while I cleaned and listened to Stars’ “Set Yourself on Fire.” When the boys arrived home the skies had cleared and the neighbors were out in the back field. I stood with the boys and the neighbors and pitched while the boys practiced their hitting until they got bored and I went back to the neighbor huddle. Later I snuck inside but grew restless watching television. N, a child after my own heart, wanted to stay inside as well but after a while I kicked him out since I knew he would have fun once he realized all the kids were playing together. D called soon after. We talked for a solid forty-five minutes and decided, amongst other things, that we all should have dancers like that guy in Happy Mondays follow us around wherever we go.

I snuck out of the house, filled one of the Saturn’s leaky tires up with air (the motherfucker in front of me took ten years to fill his up…don’t mind me in line, psycho air tire guy) and drove down to my office. Within two hours I had completed more work than in the past week. Maybe I’m back in the groove. The building was deserted and I missed, slightly, the years when I would work just about every Sunday. After leaving work I stopped at half-priced books and bought the boys another Atlas. I realized that the kids Atlases suck, and my boys are too advanced for them, so I picked them up a detailed road atlas for a couple of bucks with a 50% off deal. After a brief and necessary Taco Bell stop I drove home. The boys and I watched some Zoey 101 and I crashed on the floor between their beds and talked them to sleep.

Ok, I’m done with text for the night. More tomorrow.

Atlas On Easter

March flurries circling
Like so many excited children
On sidewalks brown
With meltwater

I check branches;
No buds.

Too cold, a young wind
Sprints over saturated grass

My boots sink further

Winter blood pouring
Through my fingertips
From my mouth
Current splashing from holes in
My heels

The sun feels dry
For the first time
In a while

I see I haven’t posted a journal entry since Monday. Quick week. Ok, where did I leave off? Ah, back in Galena. Ok, let me catch up.

The trip really went well. The kids had fun and for once we weren’t traveling to see M’s relatives. On Tuesday T and S woke near six. I was up already so the three of us hit the breakfast room in the hotel while M and N slept a little later. After breakfast we hit the pool with a vengeance. You want the pool to yourself in a hotel? Show up at 6:45AM. I went down the waterslide with the boys and hung out on the lounge chairs, reading the paper, until near 9:00AM. We got ready and hit the road for the fifteen minute drive to Dubuque. The boys crossed the Mississippi for the first time. Dubuque looks like a toy city that’s been left out in the rain for a long time. We found the River Aquarium/Museum and entered just as the doors opened. The set up is pretty cool and bigger than I expected. We walked through all the exhibits/tanks (fucking alligators), watched a twenty minute movie about the river, and walked through a modern riverboat. I wasn’t bored, not much, anyway, and we stayed for a solid couple of hours. After we left we considered doing lunch in Dubuque but headed back to Galena. Since our options were few and the kids were getting cranky we hit Culvers and ate in the suite. After that we hit the pool again until dinner. The boys voted for pizza but the pizza place we chose was really a bar so M ordered the pizza and we hung out in a park along the river and played football and Frisbee while we waited. We had a blast in the park. Afterwards we inhaled some pizza in the room, swam a bit more, and fell asleep. I didn’t sleep well either night, unfortunately, but everyone else seemed fine. On the way home I snagged a speeding ticket, my second in ten months, in goddamn motherfucking Monroe, Wisconsin. I hate you, Monroe, Wisconsin. Fuck your city. We took the backroads. Besides the ticket and passing through the depressing city of Beloit I was glad to be off the highway. A couple bullets on the trip:

The suite was cool but airless in the front room. I couldn’t figure out how to work the fan for the life of me. I pushed that “cooler” button 100 times.

My kids can trash a hotel room with the skill and tenacity of a metal band on Jagermeister.

Galena is cool, I agree with you, James, but I can imagine how crowded the city must be in the summer. We were there on a March Tuesday and struggled mildly with parking. I can’t imagine a summer weekend.

The kids were excellent. They really played with each other well.

Ok, after we arrived home I pretty much collapsed into bed and woke ten hours later. Our U spring break extended through Tuesday, and I took off Wednesday, so Thursday morning was my grand re-entry into the profession. Do you want to hear something cool and somewhat scary? I wasn’t looking forward to returning. I think that’s because I actually felt as if I left on a real break. More on that, as it’s a very important topic, after I let the ideas bounce around my head. Thursday morning’s class was sleepy but workmanlike. I caught up on email, etc. Thursday afternoon. There really wasn’t much to do as I’ve tried to stay out of the work loop and not create my own work. Today was a little worse. I so didn’t feel like working. At least I managed a half hour on the elliptical before I left or I would have bounced off the walls. I guess I wasn’t entirely useless but I wasn’t particularly productive, either. I have a few small catch-up responsibilities left for this weekend or Monday. Today I took in two long meetings and ran into a few fires later in the day. I’ll survive.

Ok, I’m feeling caught up. More this weekend.

I’m in the breakfast room of a Galena, Illinois Country Inn and Suites, near 11PM, and I should write quickly so I get some sleep. Tonight I’m crashing on the floor of a suite so T and S could have one bed and M and N could have the other. Rock and roll! The suite is cool, though. When you have three kids, go with the suite, whatever the cost. Or two rooms. I guess two rooms would work.

This morning we drove from Wisconsin to Galena. The kids were fine in the car. They’ve never seen mountains so they were fascinated by some of the western Illinois hills. Imagine when they see the Rockies, eh? Although they had to pee way too often we still reached the hotel by four. T wanted to watch television. For some reason he thinks watching tv in hotel rooms is cool. Whatever works. After some quick tv we hit a local restaurant for some decent pizza. N was slightly wired, but it’s hard to complain when he’s been in the car all day, and S, on whom I can usually count, blew water through his straw onto the table twice. However, that was the worst of the restaurant behavior, and we hardly ever go to restaurants, so I can’t complain. Later we hit the hotel pool. Everyone had fun. T and S rode down the waterslide together about 100 times. N played on the pool stairs.

Galena is an interesting town. I can’t imagine how desolate the town must feel through full-on winter, but some beautiful houses remain and the main drag is pretty cool.

Ok, Dubuque tomorrow…need some sleep. Good night.

Elementary School Family Dinner

The hands, the hands, the ubiquitous hands
Pawing at brownies and salad
Bright talk and admonishments
Children in overbright hallways

Heavy coats strewn on long tables
I fold and sweat
Slightly rude then
Disappear into the Principal’s office
Lights down
Still to the Knocks and calls.



Ok, onto the regularly scheduled journal entry.

Last night I fell asleep early, reading West, on the couch. I love sleeping on the couch.

This morning M took the boys outside for what will certainly be one of their last days in the snow. Yesterday’s blizzard is already melting away. The path-grass and sidewalks are clear and dark grey with runoff. While everyone was outside I watched Bergman’s “Winter Light.” Now, I had never seen any of Bergman’s films before, but E mentioned “Winter Light” as an influence in a recent interview and I was intrigued enough to check it out. I was not disappointed. The film is almost entirely black, grey, and white, like a Joy Division album cover, and the exploration of doubt and God is most challenging. It’s not often a film makes you think, you know?

After the film T and I hit the library. He wanted more Time Warp Trio books. I thought I might have time to read some West but T was in and out of the stacks too quickly. After we returned home I cleaned the refrigerator. All these little tasks for which I never had time are getting done this break. Remember, last year I hardly moved from the dining room table, my face buried in my laptop ten hours a day as I shaped the last of my dissertation. I remember one stretch in particular, at the kitchen island, on a grey, dead weekend. I’m glad that fucker is finished.

Later I worked out to the Duke/West Virginia game (I hate Duke). S and T got into the game too, as I’ve trained them to hate Duke as well, and we were all thrilled when WV pulled off the upset. I took a bath and read some West before making potato/vegetable/cheese burritos for dinner. M said they were good but I would rate them only ok. The Costco vegetables brought down the quality. I’ll get better vegetables next time. New Order’s “Power, Corruption, and Lies” is playing on the stereo while T reads, M writes recommendation letters, S plays upstairs, and N wanders the house aimlessly. I might start drinking soon. Although I’m tired tonight is the only night of the next four or so for a beer.

Ok, the Hopper/Homer show was excellent. I’m a huge Hopper fan, have been for years, and I’m currently sitting in a dining room surrounded by twelve different Hopper prints. To stand in front of so many of his masterworks in the space of an afternoon is a religious experience. I’m not engaging in hyperbole. The experience is religious, transformational in the best and highest sense of the word. I especially loved seeing “House at Dusk” in person. The painting is one of my favorite Hopper pieces, definitely in the top five, and I stood in front of it and took in its heightened colors. Here’s the painting.

http://etext.virginia.edu/railton/enam312/gallerys/amart12a.html

The Homer exhibit was strong as well. The continuity between the two artists was strong, esp. in the manner both handled light.

I don’t feel as if I’m doing a very good job at describing the show. Words don’t work well when portraying art shows, esp. when they’re coming from my lack of artistic experience. Go see the show.

We’re in the midst of a raging, full-on snow storm. The weatherpeople predicted a couple inches, then six inches, and now they’re saying we’ll get a foot or more. Wow. I thought we were going to miss the front but no such luck. I had predicted a dusting at most but this storm is as intense as any we’ve had this winter. Today is Good Friday, too, by the way, and many of the local churches are canceling the traditional stations of the cross. Lucky kids!

This morning I woke at 3 and watched the first episode of Thursday’s “Miss Guided” hour. I think the show is decent but M seems to disagree. After that I answered yesterday’s messages and emails and caught up on tournament highlights. T was up a little before six. He and I watched one of his shows together until I decided to take out the garbage and head over to the Citgo for the Friday NY Times and Wall Street Journals. Tradition is tradition.

Later in the morning the snow started to fall. M had a doctor’s appointment so I downloaded some music and caught up on cleaning while the boys spazzed out upstairs. After M returned home T and I hit the hardware store (full spectrum lamp, it kicks ass) and the supermarket. You know, it’s not the snow that’s dangerous, it’s the dumbass drivers who go five miles per hour…then thirty…then five again…then stop…then go. F—king idiots. T was in hyper mode but we had fun. After returning home I put together the lamp and helped S experiment with his new keyboard. We had fun. I also worked out to another “Office” episode (the one where Michael threatens to jump off the roof) and took a shower. I’m starting to feel some of the fatigue now.

Oh, I haven’t talked much about yesterday yet. P and I drove down to Chicago for the Hopper/Homer show. Now, I usually do Art Museums alone but I like P, and he seems like the kind of guy who would be patient with splitting up and maintaining different museum paces, but no such measures were necessary. I thought we had fun. We met at the U at 8:30AM and drove straight to my hometown. He’s not familiar with the city, so I got to play tour guide, a role I secretly relish. We hit Reckless and Powell’s. P might be even quicker in bookstores and record stores than me, a rare bird, so we left both quickly and snagged lunch in Roscoe Village. I had hoped the Village Tap was open but the bar doesn’t open until five. Oh well. After lunch (veggie sandwich) we hit the Art Institute. Both the Hopper and Homer exhibits were excellent. I think I’m going to wait a day or two before I comment further. Were I to comment now, when tired, I’m afraid I would fail to capture what I want to say. P wanted to look for more bookstores up near Northwestern, so we drove around a while in Evanston but failed to find anything interesting. I’m not surprised. Evanston is overrated. We headed north and, on a lark, I called M to check on Giordano’s up in the northern suburbs. As luck would have it there’s a branch in Gurnee not far from the tollway. We quickly toured Gurnee Mills (yuck) before searching out an outpost of the best thick pizza I’ve ever had. They needed twenty-five minutes to half-bake our pizzas so we hit a local Borders. P felt badly because I had paid for parking so he bought me a decent edition of a couple of West’s novels. Once we got our pizzas we headed up north. I think we hit the U by about 6:30PM. Good day. I checked my office phone messages (mistake) and arrived home by seven. Thirty minutes later I was gorging myself on way too much pizza. Shoot me. Life is short.

I’m going to start posting a poem every Saturday. Keep your eyes open. Stay warm. Enjoy the last of winter.

The sun is out, early evening, and today definitely smells of spring. I hear snow may arrive tomorrow night. We’ll see. Despite the fact snow may kill the spring buzz perhaps it will be a bittersweet experience since the temps will be high enough to melt the snow in a day or two. Spring is relentless. It can’t be stopped.

So today I switched the living room and the dining room. Pros: The rooms seem bigger for some reason. I’m not entirely sure why. I can lay on the couch in the living room and not be sort of in the middle of the room. The dining room table is closer to the kitchen. Cons: We’re farther from the television in the new room. Cleo can’t find her way around as easily.

We’ll leave the rooms like this for a couple weeks and see if we like them in this arrangement. The change is welcome, anyway. It’s spring.

I also did laundry, cleaned the first floor, and oh, I cleaned my car. I vacuumed it out and everything.

More later. Cleo’s on my lap.

My whole body feels like it’s shutting down today. My stomach has roiled since I woke, my back is thrown, and now a slight headache has arrived. Some call Dr. House.

The two oldest boys are watching “Enchanted.” M, N, and I watched some of the movie this afternoon, and I’m waiting for the two oldest to catch up before I start watching again. This morning I hit the coffee shop to read Nathanael West but found a free NY Times on the table and perused the newspaper instead. The coffee shop is operating in a construction zone so I feel morally obligated to support them. The coffee shop girl had “I Love Hiro” on her wrist. I asked her why and she told me she just got a cat named Hiro. I asked why the name “Hiro” and she said he was her little hero. I stopped asking questions then so she wouldn’t think I was hitting on her.

After I arrived home M left for observations. N and I planned on visiting the zoo but the skies were rainy and overcast. Instead we picked up the movie at Blockbuster. I tried to get him to agree to hit a few stores in search of M’s birthday present but he wanted to return home. He likes hanging out at home, esp. on his days off of school, so he can play video games without fraternal interference. I watched some Bourdain (Indonesia) while he played on the computer. I finally yanked him off the games for pasta. After M arrived home we watched the first hour or so of the film. Later I read more West while T attended his drum lesson. I sat on a straight-backed chair in a messy music room and delved further into “Day of the Locusts.” West was funny. I like his style.

The vacation is going well. I feel I’m growing every day. Of course today I feel an angry, bitter old man with back and stomach problems. Maybe I’ll brew some tea. More later.

Sunday morning, 10:58AM, I’m feeling sort of blah. Maybe I’m sitting around too much on break. I don’t know.

Last night M and I saw “Juno.” I liked the movie quite a bit, and I had sky high expectations, so kudos to the filmmakers. I wouldn’t mind seeing it again on video. The movie apparently garnered some criticism for promoting teen pregnancy. What the hell is that? Did the critics actually see the movie? I can name at least three incidents when the movie went out of its way to frame teen pregnancy in a negative light. Morons.

After the movie M and I hit Jalisco’s in Cedarburg for Mexican food. The restaurant was Saturday-night crowded but I conned the waitresses into cleaning up a booth instead of sticking us at a table. I was extra-nice afterwards so hopefully no one spit in our food. Plus I left a five dollar tip. Anyway, M had a sort of gross looking steak salad but I had a decent gordita and something that started with a Z that was kind of like a torta. We had fun. Some guy with the worst mullet ever ate at the table next to us. Welcome to Wisconsin. He had a mustache, too.

After we arrived home the boys were wired, from playing dart-guns with the babysitter, but S and I still fell asleep in the big room fairly quickly. I don’t feel quite rested. I’m not sure why.

This morning I drove to Kohls and picked up a few things from their clearance sale. The old Kohls is closing and clearing out all the clothes they don’t want to move to the new store. I picked up a set of Guinness (like the beer) flip flops for a buck fifty, a black t-shirt for 5 bucks, and ear warmers for five bucks. Not bad. Later I worked out while watching the painful “Phyllis Wedding” episode of “The Office.” The boys are just hanging out, looking bored, so I’m thinking of taking T and maybe N to Whole Foods.

I’m also jonesing for some serious bakery. Back in Chicago, where I grew up, we had real bakeries, the kind run by fat Polish women with entire glass cases full of cakes and other desserts. Where could I find a real bakery? Does everyone just buy their cakes from supermarkets now? They had good bakeries in Assisi, but I suppose those were more for the tourists then the locals. I don’t know. I need to find a bakery.

23 hours off of work email. I’m staying strong. More later.

I have not checked my work email for three hours. Six days and 21 hours to go.

The last few days have been fine. I’m slowly easing into spring break mode. After an exhausting, running on fumes Thursday I collapsed by eight. Yesterday morning I sent out CDs and hit Costco. In the afternoon I had to make an unscheduled visit to the office. A student who f—ked up needed some counseling. I was harder on her than usual, but I think she needed to hear a somewhat harsh message. I stopped at Borders, but I didn’t see anything worth buying, so I skipped the purchase and arrived home early. Last night the M and the boys attended movie night at the kids’ school while I stayed home, read, and fell asleep early again. Twelve hours later I woke. Yes, I’m definitely getting into vacation mode.

Shadow appears to be slightly better but still somewhat lethargic. Maybe she and I will go walking tomorrow.

I’m starting to work through some poems but the hours are passing quicker than I would like. In an hour a babysitter arrives and we leave for “Juno.” Maybe I’ll stay up late tonight.

Thursday morning, near 3:00AM. I probably would have slept later but Shadow, while scratching her claws on the ottoman, caught one of her nails in the fabric and screamed for a solid thirty seconds before either she or I extracted the nail. The incident scared the shit out of me. My poor dog. I thought she was going to die. Well, the adrenalin coursing through my veins pretty much guaranteed I won’t be asleep again anytime soon. I love my dog so much. It’s funny, I believe Shadow and I met in my second year at Ailbe’s, which would make her coming on fourteen years old this fall. We have been together through so much. She has slept next to me 360 out of 365 days a year that entire time. When she was little, for about a week, she slept in a box in the bathroom. She pretty much demanded, over time, though, to sleep on the bed. She cheerfully kept trying to sleep next to us until we gave up and let her. After the nail incident I carried her upstairs and put her on the low bed in the Wii room. She’s sleeping next to me now. You know, I almost feel like we’re in a hospital and I’m telling someone “she’s resting.” Someday somebody’s going to say the same thing about me. “He’s resting.” While I sleep and everybody knows I’m going to die sooner or later.

Yesterday was a wash. I didn’t do much of anything. Within about 12 hours, though, I’ll be done with work for a solid week. Ok, here’s a goal. I may not check work email for a solid week. I haven’t done that in six and a half years. Even when I was in fucking Italy I walked over to the internet café and checked my email. I’ll have to set Corey up to email me separately, because he and I talk a lot through work email, but other than that I’m leaving the email alone. I’m also going to try to stay off the computer for everything but journaling and a couple message boards. I want to see how it feels.

Oh, yesterday I did manage to find a few minutes in the library corner chair. Although the heater or security system (I couldn’t decide which) buzzed while I read, I still felt safe and calm in the corner. I didn’t feel beat down. Good morning.

What the hell am I still doing up? I woke at 3AM this morning and I’m still up past 9PM. Oh well. I’m on my third beer, chasing two Heinekens with a Corona. Coronas taste strange in the early spring. I’m not sure about drinking the brand outside of summer. The poor marketing bastards who shill Corona in the winter. Now that’s a tough job. No wonder I got a case cheap at Costco.

Today was a long day. I arrived at work fairly early, around 8, but I didn’t get much early paperwork finished. A slew of student and floor issues emerged that needed immediately attention. Plus I stayed home on Monday and needed to catch up on U gossip. At 10AM I scuttled into the arts building for a photo shoot. That’s right, ladies and gentlemen, RA will potentially show up in the U’s marketing campaigns. Of course, I dress like shit, and I can hardly comb my hair, so perhaps my image will remain on a hard drive in public relations rather than a billboard in downtown Milwaukee. The photographer woman had me pose like a goddamn Sears catalog model. At one point I had to sort of cross my legs and put my hand on my hip. If that image sees the light of day I’m in serious fucking trouble. She also took close-ups and kept saying “big smile.” I felt like Wednesday Adams forcing my facial muscles into an artificial grin. I tried to think of funny things but the best I could do was how asinine I looked at the moment. That worked.

After a quick lunch (cheese sandwich on a decent baguette) I attended a meeting on the revision of our math methods course. The floor felt tense; apparently a few different entities have been on a tear, pacing up and down the halls, so I retreated to my office and closed the door. Later I found out a couple of my clinical sites ran into problems but I handled both scenarios without too much difficulty. This is my business. I’m not afraid of things breaking down. I can handle the pressure.

I rushed home at 3:45 to cover for M while T hit his drum lesson. A few student issues around the clinical problem trickled into my box. On the drive home I had already started composing an email to the group so I had my words framed and ready for the reply. After a quick conversation with Tina about her new gig and a quick ravioli dinner I collapsed on the couch with the boys. We watched some Anthony Bourdain. That episode where he returns to his NY restaurant for a double shift is awesome. Well done.

Off to bed soon, maybe with the mp3 player. I need some sleep.

Just past 5:00AM, Tuesday morning, and the hour actually feels earlier, if that’s possible. I guess it is possible since daylight savings time passed Saturday. I’ve been up for an hour or so. I’m not due at work until ten. I could go back to sleep. Nah. I’m up.

Last night I took some melatonin before bed since I wanted to sleep early and rise early. I guess I slept fine but I had nightmares for the second night in a row and woke to that cellular depression I know pretty well. Hello, old friend. Welcome back. You know, I find return trips to the land of depression interesting, when I can step back and observe them intellectually, because they provide insights into both my past and who I have become. When I feel that deadening desire to stay perfectly still, well, I remember that from my adolescence and early twenties and to an extent even a few years back. The sense of hopelessness diminished significantly over time. But I can’t say the effects are minimal. I assume the cumulative impact of years of depression will kill me sooner rather than later.

I also read that melatonin can cause nightmares. Bad drug! Bad drug!

Ok, I should probably work out but I don’t know that I’m in the mood. Perhaps I’ll get dressed and hit work. Photo shoot this morning. Meeting at 11:30. Home early afternoon. Why do people work normal hours?

M is finishing “The Darjeeling Express” while the boys play football upstairs. I’m drinking an ill-advised diet coke which melatonin will probably chase. Although we’re nearing 6:30PM I wouldn’t call us near dusk. This afternoon Shadow and I walked through the cemetery. The edges of the fields reveal grass that hasn’t seen the sun in months. Spring draws closer every day.

This morning I woke near 3:00AM. After an hour on the computer I fell asleep. The boys woke me near eight. After everyone left for the day I wrote up two AACTE proposals, worked out to an episode and the half of “The Office” and ate huevos rancheros for lunch for the second day in a row. Later, on a roll, I wrote up a third proposal, this one for a faculty development grant, and send it out to a colleague for a potential collaboration. By then my brain was fried but I had knocked out a solid ten pages of academic writing so at least I felt like I accomplished something. I cruised the net, letting my intellectual faculties return, before picking up the boys from school for their dentist appointments. I had planned on reading “Sputnik Sweetheart” while the boys took their turns in the chair but I read old magazines instead. The boys did well, by the way, but may be headed for braces. Oh well. Afterwards we hit the library before returning home.

Tomorrow will be a long day but I have a finite list of responsibilities to address before spring break. Once I’m in the clear I’ll put the “not available” messages on my phone and email and read the week away. I still feel guilty when I encounter free time.

Ok, time to dial down the evening’s energy. Good night.

I’m discovering I have more creative energy lately. I have two poems forming in my mind. The first is about the lady with the dog I saw outside the coffee shop window yesterday. I think the thrust of the poem revolves around the weightless, unencumbered happiness evident in the eyes of both the dog and the woman. The second poem revolves around reading in the coatroom at work. Words are coalescing in my mind. I’ve been so tired for so many years. Grad school and administration wrecked my creative end. Years pass too quickly. I may be set now. Even if I were to take another job, I think I could now separate my work/home scenarios and reserve some strength to write.

This morning, after finishing today’s earlier journal entry, I watched the last hour of “Blade Runner.” Goddamn brilliant movie. Ridley Scott was leaps and bounds ahead of his time. Go watch that goddamn movie again. Get the new print. You won’t be disappointed. Dawn approached but I decided to catch some sleep. S woke at 5:30 (new time). I wanted him to sleep a little longer so he and I crashed, but he was still awake, so I asked him football questions until he asked to go downstairs for “Sportscenter.” I managed a couple hours of sleep until Cleo’s meows tore me from sleep. The door was still open. My fault.

After a quick shower and a huge huevo ranchero breakfast we hit church. I locked myself in the coatroom again and read “Sputnik Sweetheart” instead of sitting in on the service. The online schedule said the minister would be speaking about some controversy surrounding the UU General Assembly, and I just didn’t care, so I found a comfortable coatroom chair and spent a quiet hour with Murakami. Hell, reading is just about the same as church to me anyway.

M’s friend B and her daughters visited in the afternoon. I answered email upstairs until I grew hungry for lunch. The boys and girls played next door, in the boys’ room, so I moved downstairs, ate, and watched the last hour of “Beowulf.” Now, the first thirty minutes of the film disappointed me (why is the screen so dark?) but the last workmanlike hour did its job. The movie is definitely not for kids, definitely not, with Angelina Jolie’s cartoon boobs poking out your eyes. Did they show up bigger on the 3-D screen? I’m curious. After Beowulf and the girls’ departure the boys continued to play upstairs. I threw in “The Office” DVD set and knocked out thirty minutes on the elliptical. Afterwards I took a bath without books. Since I had eaten so badly earlier in the day I thought I’d have an orange for dinner, but I felt an intense hunger and ate fake chicken nuggets and quesadillas instead. The boys and I watched some of the Bulls/Pistons before coming upstairs to read. Yes, I know I “viewed” a lot this weekend, but that’s ok. Everyone needs a weekend like that now and then. More later. Good night.

Awake before 2:00AM, I’m cognizant that many people, you know, just stay up all the from 8:00PM to 2:00AM then go to sleep instead of sleeping for six hours and waking in the middle of the night. But not I. I seriously need to drink some diet coke or something at about 7:00PM so I can see what life is like past the wild border between single and double PM digits. I someday aspire to that adventure.

Yesterday was an ok day. T, S and I left the house before seven. Port appeared windswept; the wind pushed fine snow granules back and forth across the streets like sugar crystals on a kitchen counter. The red neon coffee shop sign was lit no one sat at any tables we could see from the car. After pulling money from the ATM we stopped at the donut shop, picked up six St. Patrick’s Day themed donuts, and returned home. M and I watched the first forty-five minutes of “The Darjeeling Express.” A friend of S’s later visited so T and I the coffee shop. We needed to get out in part because he gets bored quickly and in part because I had ragged on him earlier in the morning because he f—ked up the computer. We had fun at the coffee shop. He sat near the fireplace and read the last “Harry Potter” book. The cute emo girl brought us Italian sodas. I framed T in my mind, the way he sits in the huge wicker chair and concentrates, and took a mental picture. He’s a beautiful kid with a good heart. I need to save the image of him reading in the coffee shop. I tried to keep that moment alive for as long as I could. The sun streamed through the tinted windows and I saw a woman unhook her Irish setter from the railing (she had left him on the ramp while she procured coffee). Both the woman and the dog looked so happy to see each other again. What a beautiful late morning.

Later I worked out for 30 minutes to “The Office” and made cookies while M slept off a hangover. I also finished “The Darjeeling Limited.” Eh. You do get to see Natalie Portman’s ass in the short film included on the disc but I was unimpressed. Later I read “Sputnik Sweetheart” and wrestled with T after I farted on him. He wanted to punch me in the balls, a retaliation I feel too harsh for a mere fart, so I had to immobilize him and threaten another fart attack before he stopped.

The daylight savings time moment just passed. The cable box clock jumped from 1:59AM to 3:00AM in a single tick. Back in Chicago I often worked the overnight radio shift on daylight savings time night. Since the event took place later in the spring then Easter was often near. I would play Gregorian chants and put away my records. Working the radio station in the middle of the night carried with it both a pleasant fatigue and a deserted creepiness. I often locked the door. Good night.

Saturday morning, before 6AM, I’m on the couch with S as he watching “Sportscenter.” S is in first grade, smart, and mildly obsessed with sports. A couple days ago he ran in the door after school and said, “Can I get on the computer and check the free agency updates?” That’s my boy.

I’m not sure why I didn’t add to the journal this week. In fact, I’m surprised to see I haven’t written since Monday. My nights ended early this week; I don’t think I reached 10PM once despite my desire to see “Juno” at 9:40PM.

So what happened this week? Let me think. Monday I stayed home and graded papers. Tuesday was a long day, 7AM until 6PM at work, but I felt like I taught as well as I had in a long time. I mean, I felt like I was “on”. After fifteen years teaching I don’t get that feeling very much. Administrative crap usually precludes energizing teaching. Now that some of the administrative crap is off my plate, and I can rest occasionally before I teach, I find that I teach with an energy I haven’t felt in years. Wednesday I took off save for email and paperwork. Thursday morning I taught, Thursday after we had seminar (guest speaker from career services), Thursday night the M and the boys watched that toy store movie with Dustin Hoffman and Natalie Portman. Yesterday I worked all day, paperwork and meetings, but I didn’t mind, as the floor was calm and I could play the Mountain Goats in my office without fear of disturbing anyone. After work I hit Kohl’s for some new clothes. The U wants me in some new marketing materials so I had to buy clothes that fit the specifications, e.g. “bright, bold colors.” I don’t wear “bright, bold, colors” so I had to buy some. I snagged a couple cheap sweatshirts, too, and considered a Hawaiian shirt but decided against it. Maybe next time.

I finished “Kitchen Confidential”, which I enjoyed immensely, and started “Sputnik Sweetheart.” More later. T needs computer help.

I’m off in the corner, in the rocking chair, Monday afternoon. The sun is out, at least, a welcome respite after the weather people predicted crappy weather. One of the neighbor is girls is over, whining about how none of the boys want to play what she wants to play. Toughen up, girl.

Today was a good day. I woke near seven and hung out with the boys until they left for school. I paid particular attention to making sure the boys were ready for school early. I hate when they’re rushing around at the last minute. After the house quieted down I answered some email and listened to Eno’s instrumental boxed set. My juices weren’t flowing, as far as writing was concerned, so after a while I worked out to “The Office” (the pretzel day episode) and took a shower. Once Maura, N, and his friend Jessica arrived home I hit the coffee shop. My iced tea was fine, much better than last time, but the weird light rendered my computer screen difficult to read. I couldn’t find the mouse for shit. I gave up and visited the supermarket. On a lark I picked up Maura Hawaiian pizza and snagged a Gino’s for myself. Maura said she was tired and not feeling well so I thought I’d keep her from cooking tonight. We watched an episode of “House” while N played on the computer before I picked up the boys and the neighbor girl from school.

I’d like to get to sleep early tonight so I can hit the ground running tomorrow. If I stay focused through a 7AM to 7PM day I should be able to take Wednesday easy and finish an article or two.

James or Sean, I think I forgot to put a letter in one of your packages. My apologies. Let me know who I missed and I’ll send it on its way.

I’m slightly wired and probably should leap out of bed, drive to the theatre, and check out “Juno.” I never go anywhere after 9:00PM. I hear there’s a whole world out there after dark! Is it true?

Actually, today was a pretty good day. This morning I woke a four, sent some messages then fell back asleep until eight. I ate breakfast and cleaned the first floor until taking a shower and heading to church with the boys. Rather than attend the service (something about homosexuality in the Bible…remember, folks, I’m a Unitarian Univeralist, so this was the liberal argument) I hit in the coat room with “Kitchen Confidential.” I’ve been reading in coat rooms all my life. The trick is to find a comfortable chair, but you know, coatrooms often double as chair storage, so you should be good to go. After the service T and N rode home with me. I played some music (Feist, Mountain Goats, DBT) while cleaning and grading papers. Yes, I know I said I was going to stay away from work this weekend but I lied. I seriously had nothing else to do but read and maybe watch television but I was in the mood for neither. Ok, I could have found something else to do, of course, like a week’s worth of laundry piling up on the hallway floor or the reorganization of the upstairs closets but…nah. Instead I graded papers while the boys played with friends. Later Cleo sat on my lap while I caught some basketball and the underrated deleted scenes from the third season of “The Office.” Poor Cleo. She’s starting to fade. I love that cat.

I was restless after grading so I ran to Walgreens for drugs. N was whiny all day. I think his health is getting to him. He tries to be a good kid. All three played too many video games and ate too many girl scout cookies this weekend. Curiously, they didn’t watch too much television. I kicked everyone off of the electronics at 5. During dinner I had to lean on N for arguing back too much but he’s improving. T and I hit Target. I could tell he was bored at home and I wanted to scope out mp3 player adaptable boomboxes for the kitchen. We were unsuccessful in our quest but T picked up a cheap chess set. Our pieces were spread all over the house and he needed new ones. The streets were deserted. I have this reoccurring dream about dying in a car crash on a strip mall road with lots of streetlights during winter. You read it here first, ladies and gentlemen. RA predicts his own death.

I missed T a lot last night. He was at a friend’s for a sleepover. He’s a good kid, too.

Ok, tomorrow is wide open. I didn’t work out today. Maybe I should go down and hit the elliptical. Good night.

Welcome to the first day of March. The sun is shining, the Mountain Goats’ “Heretic Pride” is playing, and T’s running around the house preparing for a sleepover at his best friend’s house. M and the two oldest boys are leaving for a tubing gathering at 3. N and I will probably take it easy at home. I thought of taking him out of the house but he seems pretty happy, so I don’t see a reason to go anywhere. He and his brothers have played all morning, so I don’t mind him watching television or playing video games on his own for an hour or so. When we’re alone in the house he doesn’t have to compete with his brothers for game or channel choices.

This morning the alarm went off at 3:30AM. I have no idea who set it. Anyway, I woke, watched the first 30 minutes of “Blade Runner” and drank a diet coke before returning to bed. The boys woke me with their Wii noise around eight. I cleaned the house and wrote a couple letters before M and T returned from hoops. After gathering together a couple of packages I hit downtown Port. The ATM car-line was long due to people actually wanting to speak with the drive-thru bank tellers. Who goes to a bank teller anymore? Learn how to use the machine, people. Luckily the post office takes debit cards. The last second Saturday post office rush wasn’t bad (I was fifth in line) but a lot of people were on the street. Wisconsin is thawing and everyone wants out of the house.

When I returned home I worked out to an episode of “The Office” (the one where Ed Truck dies) and made scrambled egg pitas for lunch. After that I read yesterday’s NY Times and WS Journal, including a fascinating article in the latter about successful Finnish schools. Maybe I’ll see if I can snag the article online and use it in my classes. Oh, I’ve also played music most of the day, Kaki King, Los Campesinos, Chopin, and the aforementioned Mountain Goats.

More later…I’m feeling ok today.