M is already asleep. She’s not feeling well. The other boys are either asleep or on their way.

I ended up skipping work today although I’m sure the plants need watering. I graded, graded, and graded. By the end of the day I completed almost all of the semester’s grading but fried my brain in the process. This morning I worked at home and in the afternoon I sat at the coffee shop with my computer. I also ordered an Italian soda, but the sticky-sweet feeling did nothing for me, so I ordered an iced tea as well. Yay coffee shop. Stay open!

Later I went for a run but the wind blew harsh. I’m not sure what I’ll do tomorrow. The temps are supposed to plunge below thirty but I need some exercise before I go to work. Oh well. I can hack it. I need to embrace the cold spring air.

Tonight I read under the full spectrum light for a solid hour. I’m down to the last hundred pages of “Know It All.” I’m digging the book but ready to finish. More tomorrow. Good night.

Sunday afternoon, Brewers down by one in extras (again), the house somewhat clean.

Yesterday I drove to Chicago for the Stars of the Lid concert at the Lakeshore Theatre right on Broadway. The afternoon turned out mellow, just light cleaning and hanging out with the boys and their friends. I snagged something to eat at four and got on the road Traffic wasn’t bad, just a bit of a backup on the Edens, so I got off at Peterson and threaded my way east. I suppose I could have jumped on Lake Shore Drive early but I crawled down Clark instead. The sidewalks were crowded with yuppies on their way to dinner. I slipped on Lake Shore Drive at Foster and fell south to Belmont. Although James didn’t believe I’d find parking I snagged a spot in front of the new Taco and Burrito House a couple blocks from the venue. Walking Broadway was cool. Remember, I used to walk this route about once a week from the time I was eighteen until we moved to Wisconsin. The party girls in their pretty dresses were starting out early and couples held hands, blocking the sidewalk. I hung out around Borders, waiting for James to return my call. He was at a bar out on Lawrence. He and I agreed to meet down near Wrigley so I took Clark back south, checked in at a couple bookstores, and slipped into James’ car. We found parking on Belmont and walked over to a waffle place Melissa and her friend wanted to check out before getting into line near 9:30PM. The show was supposed to start at 10 but some comedian at an earlier show ran late so the doors didn’t even open until 10:30. The first act (a guitarist running his strings through a computer…it was actually really cool) played from 10:45 to 11:15. SOTL played from 11:45 until 1. They were great. I was really tired, practically closing my eyes, but they were fantastic. Here’s a youtube clip from a show earlier in the month that will show you a bit of what it was like better than I can describe it:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=0wb...

I bought a poster, too. The drive home was ok until the last half hour, when I started hallucinating cop cars and hitchhikers. Oh, I also grabbed Taco and Burrito House as I was leaving and had the torta when I got home.

This morning I woke near 10. Now, I’m normally up about the time I arrived home so I’m totally thrown by sleeping late. The hour is past five but I feel as if I should be eating lunch. S, T and I played baseball, the Brewers lost, and the house is somewhat clean. Could be worse. Tomorrow I’ll be busy at work all day. More later.

I’m in the rocking chair while the boys watch television. The elliptical is broken. I may run outside later but a fierce, cold wind is blowing and I don’t imagine the run will be too relaxing. I’m driving to Chicago in, oh, four hours. T wants to hit the library so we’ll head out in a few minutes. I could use a little quiet.

Last night sucked. M was going out with her friends, but end of the semester paperwork weighed heavily on my mind, so I let the kids play on their own while I sat at the dining room table and graded papers. The computer shut down twice while I worked. I f—king hate that. At least a storm blew through town and brought some interesting weather into Port. Anyway, I managed to grade ten papers, leaving me nineteen left to finish by Tuesday. I knocked out a couple more this morning, so I’m down to seventeen. Not bad. I can handle that. M and the boys are attending a birthday party tomorrow so I’ll have time then. The last few weeks of the semester suck.

After the boys fell asleep I read on the front porch until M arrived home. We talked for a bit. Oh, I also moved the futon on the front porch so I can sleep in the open air. Last night I didn’t sleep well, though. The wind kept the bird feeders and wind chimes moving all night.

I sound a bit bitchy. More later. I don’t want to slip on the journal.

Up early but not too early. I slept from about 8:30 to 3:30. That should be enough to get me through the day.

Yesterday was productive, probably the most productive day I’ve had in a while. I woke before seven and worked out before eight. After a quick shower I dropped the boys off at school and left the car at the mechanic. My rear passenger tire was leaking slowly and I decided to be a grown up and have it fixed rather than filling it up at the local gas station every three days. Plus I’m driving to Chicago on Saturday and I didn’t want a leaky tire messing up the Stars of the Lid gig or the late night ride home. After walking home I started laundry and cleaned the house. When M, N, and his friend J returned home I gathered my things and hit the coffee shop. A weekend worth of emails waited on my laptop. I spent a couple hours listening to “BLAOR” and answering messages. I also took a couple phone calls. The coffee shop was dead. I probably should have ordered something besides iced tea. They could use the money. But I felt pretty good, clearing out the emails, and I returned home near 2:30PM. After picking up the kids from school I walked over to get the car. C only charged me 20 bucks. Apparently a screw fucked up the tire. Oh well. The car should run well now. Later I returned to the library and finished my UG revision notes. I hardly ate anything all day, and I was spacing out, so I ate dinner and crashed on the couch with a Corona. Later I took half a melatonin, too. Alcohol and sleeping pills. Is that allowed?

I was thinking about work this morning and I realized yesterday was the first day in a while in which I liked my job because of what I was doing rather than what I didn’t have to do. That was a bit of a revelation. I want to think on the issue more. The birds are singing. Have a good day.

Wow, mid-spring has arrived in Wisconsin, and this time the season was courteous enough to land on a Sunday. The sun is out, the neighborhood kids are playing in the back field, the moms are lined up on their lawn chairs, gossiping about whomever isn’t present, and the Brewers are on the television.

What did I do this weekend? Not much. I can’t even remember Friday night. I think I read for a while and fell asleep. Did I drink? Don’t think so. Yesterday T and I hit Target in the morning for smoke detectors and batteries. The great Midwestern 2008 earthquake knocked one of ours out of commission. After that he and I hung out at home while S, N, and M were at a birthday party. T and I don’t get to hang out on our own very often and I think he liked having both the computer and television to himself. Usually he’s quite polite, almost too polite, about deferring to his younger brothers. After that I worked out, watched “Heroes”, read a bit more, and stayed up a little later than usual talking with M about her mom’s upcoming visit. I think I’m leaving town for the duration. I’m serious.

This morning I woke at seven, later than usual, showered, and drove to work. I cleaned my office, caught up on email, and cut out at ten so I could hit church. T was in an earth day play. He was a lumberjack who was thinking of cutting down a tree but decides against it after the animals invade his dreams and tell him to back off the tree. Was a horror movie based on that premise? Anyway he did a great job. A couple comments on the first thirty minutes of a Unitarian Univeralist Earth Day service.

Expect acoustic guitars.
Expect rainsticks.
Expect to have to sing something that is supposed to represent weather, e.g. “boom boom” for thunder.

If you’re like me you’ll sneak out halfway through the service. N and I cut out early and drove home. D and I talked on the phone for a while. I worked out, another twenty-five minutes of “Heroes” and ate lunch. The Brewers are winning. I should hit the coffee shop. I think I’m staying home tomorrow. More later.

Let me write a quick note before I force myself back to sleep. A couple minutes ago I woke upstairs and walked into the hallway. The clock (one with hands) indicated, in my eyes, that 4:10AM had arrived. Pleasantly surprised I slept all night I walked downstairs only to find that the time was actually 1:20AM. Joy. So I’ve been up for a little less than an hour. After I finish writing I’m crashing on the couch.

Yesterday was a weird day. I alternated between sleep and working on the computer all morning. I nuked a couple of problem computer programs and answered email. I finally got around to eating and taking a shower (whoo, bet I was smelly) around noon. Then I watched another “Heroes” episode and read. I think I needed a day like that. The sun was out and the still air warm but a cold wind blew with some intensity. I opened the windows anyway. Later, after a bath, I closed the windows and tried to relax before N’s preschool “Dad’s Night.” I hate fucking Dad’s Night. You get twenty pained dads in what appears to be excruciating social awkward situations with twenty spazzy little kids. Last night was ok, though. N was so happy to be at his school at night, much happier than he is during the day. We had Olympic themed fun, jumping over blocks, walking the balance beam, and shooting baskets. The straw throw was the hardest. N kept it together for the entire hour. When we left school the wind had died. I swear the night felt like mid-July. Unfortunately by then bedtime neared so we read for a while and fell asleep. Oh, I felt badly because I bitched about the library giving my wife my copy of “Unaccustomed Earth” (I wanted to check it out on Sunday so I would have more time with it) but it turns out T checked it out and thought he was helping. After some damage control he seemed ok. Sometimes I feel like a total prick. Sometimes I feel like I’m way too easy on my kids. Welcome to parenting.

More later, I need some sleep. Good night.

Monday morning, 3:43AM. I didn’t get a poem up this weekend but should have one ready for next week. This morning I draft a decent poem about waking up after taking melatonin that should serve my purposes well.

This weekend was a bit of a wash, one of those weekends that, were someone to ask me what I did between Saturday morning and Sunday night, I would have to think hard before I answered. Saturday afternoon I read from “Vurt” and slept. Saturday night I hung out with the kids and fell asleep. Sunday morning T, S and I went to Stein’s, Borders, Best Buy, and Michael’s. Sunday afternoon we watched some of the Brewers game and I cleaned the house. Last night we read and fell asleep. I felt like the kids wanted all of my attention this weekend and I was a bit harsh on them. That line between attention and encouraging independence is very hard to draw.

So I’m up, near four in the morning, not sure what I should do. I’m afraid that a workout would send me into cardiac arrest. Should I shower and go into work? I don’t know. Maybe. I could get a lot done. But I’ll be wired as I haven’t worked out yet. Hm. Maybe I should meditate. Read. Go back to bed. We’ll see. Good morning.

Saturday morning, living room, the house messy but almost pleasantly so. A few blankets rumple on the floor, the week’s newspapers sprawl over tables, and orange peels grace the edge of the couch. Shadow sleeps on a pillow. I can hear S and N playing with their legos upstairs. M and T are off at Target and Home Depot. The skies are grey and rain mists through town.

Yesterday was decent. I woke earlier than I wanted to hang out with the boys before they went to school. Two of three days saw me busy in the evening, a rare phenomenon, so I paid attention to my time with the kids before they left for school. Instead of attending what sounded like a rather boring meeting I called in a marker and skipped in favor or errands (post office, library, oil change) and a coffee shop stint. The town construction (I’d show you a webcam view but the city turned the webcam away from the construction zone, sneaky bastards) is decimating downtown businesses. I felt guilty because I hadn’t visited the coffee shop in a while so I bagged the laptop and made the counter near the door my afternoon office. F and C called from work, so I stepped outside for calls, but otherwise I answered email, drank iced tea, and dug the atmosphere. I love our coffee shop. Survive, coffee shop, survive!

Here’s the current webcam view, by the way:

http://www.ci.port-washington.wi.us/WebCam.htm

Later I picked up the boys from school (no playground incidents this time). When M returned from a doctor’s appointment I drove down to my office to meet D for the Hold Steady gig. We worked through some of his grad school data before driving through the rain to half-priced books. D is the cheapest motherfucker I know as far as books are concerned. He won’t even buy normal used books. He has to go to the “clearance” section of the bookstore and find the cheapest used books amongst the cheapest used books. Anyway, I walked the bookstore while he looked through the clearance racks. Friday night at the bookstore. Go twenty years back, move 120 miles south, add the CTA and subtract most of the money in our pockets and you’d see us in a bookstore on a Friday night. Cool. Afterwards D wanted Taco Bell so we stopped at a sauna of a Taco Bell (second time in a week, gross) before driving to the gig in downtown Milwaukee. We found parking on a side street after ten minutes of circling in the rain and walked through the mist to the venue (Turner Ballroom). The Turner is almost hidden across the street from the Bradley Center. You have to walk up two flights of narrow stairs past what appears to be a German beer hall before you arrive at the ballroom. We entered and the ticket girl told us “to your left.” The bar was on our left. Apparently we looked ready to drink. I got a bottle of water. We found table seats (yes!) and settled in for the gig. Ok, I’m going to review the concert with bullet points.

The chairs were normal hotel ballroom chairs, like at a wedding. I felt like someone should bring me pasta before the chicken dance.

The opening band were a bit sad but kept their end brief. Well done, boys!

The Hold Steady were great. I don’t know how they maintain their energy night after night. Truly inspiring.

D pointed out that the “guys wearing glasses” crowd percentage hovered near 75%.

Craig Finn is shorter and thinner than I expected.

The security guards scared no one. They looked scared. Back in Chicago we were TERRIFIED of the security guards. I don’t know how many times I saw ponytailed musclemen kick the living shit out of concertgoers. If the security back then came near you you’d best lower your eyes and get very polite.

The Turner Ballroom has promise. I hadn’t been at a gig with an open floor space since maybe Nick Cave at Metro.

After the gig Dan dropped me off at the car and I drove home while listening to the excellent new Nick Cave disc. I net-cruised for a while before reading about two pages of “Vurt” and falling asleep.

Will I get a poem posted today? Not sure. News at eleven.

Late at night, near eleven, I’m writing in the living room. A cold, hard rain has fallen all day, the kind of rain that clears out the last of the dead snow clinging to the grass in shaded areas. Good riddance. Were the temperatures a little colder this downpour would be snow. Thank God for spring.

Tonight I felt as if I wasn’t mentally present for the kids. T wanted to talk through a diorama, and the other boys wanted attention pretty much constantly, and I just wanted to go in a dark room and sit by myself. I’ll try to make it up to them in the morning. Normally I think I’m a pretty good but my head hasn’t been in the game lately. I’m not sure why.

Last night T from work, a couple of his friends and I took in the Reds/Brewers game. The Reds kicked the Brewers’ asses, unfortunately, but we had a good time anyway. Our tickets (snagged free from a friend) placed us about ten rows behind the home dugout. I liked hanging out with the older guys. They had a peace, a contentment with whom they are that I’d love to embody when I hit their age. When I walked the stadium on my own I noticed that Miller Park has become a major pick-up market for Milwaukee teenagers. Boys wearing baseball caps backwards and girls with painted-on jeans flirted on the concourses. I watch teenagers closely these days. Soon my boys will wear baseball caps and hit on girls with painted-jeans.

By the way, yesterday, when I picked up the boys from school, a teacher on the playground informed me T and S teamed up against some kid who was picking on Skylar. T punched the kid in the face. I suppose I should give them a stern lecture but I think I’ll let their transgression slide this time in honor of their collaboration. Oh, who am I kidding, I’m proud of the fact they backed up each other. I want the town to know if you fuck with one of them you fuck with all of them.

Tomorrow Dan is driving up for The Hold Steady. Should be fun. I need some sleep. Good night.

A bright but cold and windy Sunday afternoon. Yesterday was much warmer. I stood in the backyard and felt warm, dry crackling grass for the first time in eight months. The last of the stubborn snow piles have nearly disappeared.

This weekend has been decent. What did we do Friday night? I don’t remember. I think I read from “Sputnik Sweetheart” and fell asleep early. That’s right, I fell asleep by seven and woke again at eleven. Then I fell asleep again at three and woke at eight. My mom visited Saturday morning. She was tolerable, I guess, while M took T to baseball practice. S wanted to shoot hoops so my mom and I sat in the alley and watched him shoot. Afterwards S and I crashed on the couch and watched the Brew game together. Later T and I hit the pet store (new collar and brush for Shadow) and the sports store (new baseball glove) before stopping at the library quickly just before the doors closed. I tried to stay up a bit later last night but after finishing “Sputnik Sweetheart” I fell asleep on the couch. M was pissed, I think, and I can’t entirely blame her, but I slept pretty well, waking at four or so and reading and writing until N woke just before six. This morning S and I hit Costco. I’ve been inside since, burning CDs for friends while the Brew game ran (complete game shutout for Sheets, series sweep) in the background. N and I watched a bit of “Lord of the Rings.” I edited out the scary parts. Tonight I may pick up “Hard-Boiled Wonderland and the Edge of the World”, which I’ve started twice and never finished, in the pursuit of the complete Murakami canon. I’m already tired. Hopefully I’ll last a couple of hours.

Oh, I also lifted and worked the elliptical today. Tomorrow I need to work out before the meetings start. We have a hellish chairs meeting scheduled for nine, followed by paper grading and some planning for Tuesday’s classes. I could conceivably stay home both Wednesday and Thursday. Hm. Intriguing idea. Good night.

weekday night, dead cars

She needs a jump,
Stopping me in the lobby
Beneath the security lights.

I pull my cables from the trunk as we
Talk through which teeth
Go where

Long black hair
Waiting for her dad to call back
She says
Thank you
Too much
And speaks of classes and boyfriends and
Babysitters and
How her dad knows all about cars.

Can’t leave young mothers to the
Darkest of winter

Won’t leave young mothers to the
Darkest of winter

We stand before the open hood
And talk of children.

I’m in the rocking chair, all lights off except for the…what in the hell is it called…full spectrum light. My memory is fading lately. I’m not sure why. Yesterday afternoon I ran into one of my former students at Target and for the goddamn life of me I couldn’t remember her last name. The name just won’t pop in my head. Kempfer! There it is. Ok, maybe my memory isn’t so bad.

Today was another long day in a long week. Student issues, assessment class, assessment interviews, and student teaching seminar left me with all of fifteen minutes between 7:30AM and near 4PM. I also called a donor from the car this morning, thinking he lived in Florida, and discovered he lived in California. So…guess I called him about 5:30 his time. Sorry, sir. Days like this are few and far between, thank god, but they still wear me out. I’m skipping a noon meeting tomorrow to clean up my office, grade papers, and set myself up for a good weekend. The temps are supposed to rise into the fifties. I hope the sun comes out. I’m looking forward to sitting in the sun on the deck.

Shadow is sleeping under the full spectrum light. She’s beautiful. If I could find the camera I’d take her picture.

Not much to write tonight. I have a poem ready for Saturday. Yesterday I rented “Sweeney Todd” and I still have “Through the Glass Darkly” to finish. The onset of spring jostles my reading and viewing habits but in a good way. More later. Good night.

I’m sitting in the rocking chair, after kicking Mars out, while the boys put on their pajamas before watching part of Alvin and the Chipmunks. Maybe I’ll go upstairs and write. Hold on.

Ok, I’m back. Today was a weird day. This morning I took the boys to school then half-worked on the computer until about 10:00. After a quick shower Shadow and I walked the cemetery. She needed to stretch her legs. Most of the snow is melted, since the light reaches just about every grass surface, and the sun was shining bright. The walk was short but needed. Afterwards I jumped into the car and drove into work. I hardly ever hit the office on Wednesdays but I wanted to see my friend Floyd at his dissertation defense. When I arrived at work a couple of student issues hit the fan and took up most of my afternoon. Also, since I hadn’t worked out, I was bouncing off the walls. Yesterday my students turned in a set of observations so I graded about ten and caught up with a few colleagues before saying hi to Floyd and sticking around for the start of his presentation. On the way home I picked up a couple movies (“Sweeney Todd” and the aforementioned chipmunk film). The boys and their friends were in the back field. We played some quick hoops. I desperately needed a workout, probably due to work tension, so I knocked out twenty minutes on the elliptical while watching Samantha Brown take her first cruise. The cruise looked boring. M has a meeting tonight so I’ve got the kids to myself in about fifteen minutes.

I think spring is getting to me in a good way. Change of seasons and all that. I haven’t felt like reading much and my energy is high, almost too high. Tomorrow will be hell on wheels. I need to sleep tonight. I’ll clean the room so the order can lull me to sleep.

I want a good camera. I’m thinking of adding some photographs to the book of poetry.