Not quite 9PM but the hour feels later. The dishwasher is running behind me and the noise would cancel out any subtle music, so I’m not ready to turn on the mp3 player. The boys sleep upstairs. M is on her way to bed.

I didn’t quite know what to do with myself today. I slept late, until 8AM, but I’m not sure why. After waking I showered, ate breakfast, and watched Sportscenter with a diet coke. Near 10 M declared we weren’t attending church. I wasn’t complaining, although I would have attended if she and the boys wanted to attend. M didn’t want to push the issue since two of the three boys had stayed up late last night watching football. She left with errands while I managed twenty minutes on the elliptical machine. After a shower I finished “The Crooked Vein.” Good book, like Vonnegut after doing acid and watching a lot of porn. Later S and I watched football through most of the afternoon. A friend of T’s visited. I made pasta for dinner, read some Hunter S. Thompson and played with Nathaniel until he slept. Where did the day go? Oh, C and I talked on the phone for a while, too.

I think I mentioned recently that I’m living through a period of personal transition. For thirteen of the last fifteen years I’ve attended graduate school. My doctoral studies are finished, my job has changed, and I’m facing more free time than I have had in years. Plus, my kids are older, minimizing the need for constant supervision, and I don’t have anything pressing (e.g. a dissertation) on my shoulders through long Sunday afternoons. I feel like I’ve retired. Suddenly my sense of purpose has shifted. I suppose I could sign up for another class or two, but that pattern sounds too familiar, and I’m not sure that’s the path I should take. My job has grown a bit rote and I don’t trust many of the people with whom I work. However, my job gives me a great deal of flexibility and I’ve earned solid respect from most of my colleagues. Plus, I’m told I’m kind of good at what I do. However, I’m not sure this is what I’m meant to do. I’d love to do something with my love of animals…run a non-profit or something like that. I don’t know. I’m reminded of Dante as he hit middle age. Maybe I should re-read “The Inferno.” It’s probably a better choice than buying a sportscar or fucking a teenager.

I’m not sure how to pass time. James mentioned some Seneca on goodreads…maybe I’ll check his work out. It’s been a while. I spend so much time with my kids, and I value every second. I know they won’t be around forever and our lives could change tomorrow.

I should probably take some melatonin. Chances are I won’t sleep well tonight. Ha.