Long Sunday. I’m in the corner, an eels mix running, a candle burning, most of the first floor clean. The boys have a few friends over, girls, and god knows what in goddamn hell is going on upstairs. Apparently S already took a shot to the head. I hope they clean up afterwards.

Books for the month…”Jane Eyre” (the second half, anyway), “Crooked Little Vein”, “Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas” (A re-read), “South of the Border, West of the Sun”, and I’m almost finished with “Soon I Will Be Invincible”.

Today was the first day in a while I didn’t know what to do with myself. The recent weather left me gunshy, like a wave of bitter cold would hit me as I walked out the door, but I guess the temps are in the upper twenties. I woke before six but fell asleep again and slept until 7:30. N and I decided to skip church since T and S were lighting the chalice. I showered and started laundry before the left. N and I played on the computer and on Wii while everyone was gone. I started cleaning the house after lunch then managed twenty minutes on the elliptical while watching the Office episode when Michael reveals Jim’s crush on Pam to his coworkers. M took the boys to McDonalds and I took advantage of the quiet house to read from “Soon I Will Be Invincible.” Later I tried to watch “Breaking and Entering” and cruised up and down both the channel and DVR lists but couldn’t find anything to watch. I read a bit more and finished cleaning. When M and the boys returned the two older boys left to play across the street. N and I collaborated on fruit salad. While we sat in the kitchen I thought of time. We sat next to each other, at the island, and I caught the moment and projected it back as far as I could then projected it forward as far as I could. I don’t know if I can explain it, but I wanted to spread the moment and touch the moment for as long as possible. I think the plan worked. He and I created a grape and banana fruit salad while I finished a dinner pasta salad. After we ate the boys and half the neighborhood visited. Cleo and I channel-cruised again before I turned on the computer to write. The girls are just leaving now.

I feel pretty calm, meditative, today. I suppose I could say I’m trying to hold time, but that description wouldn’t work. Better said I’m trying to let time flow me. Good night.