Oh, dear readers, I should write more. The blog is on my mind often but I haven't had time. I'll make time. I get much out of writing.

M and the boys are in Florida. T just posted a pic of a gecko on a sprinkler. I'm glad they're having fun. Later in the afternoon they'll take some boat cruise dangerously near alligators, my inter-species archenemies. I've asked M to text as soon as they get back in the car so I know they've survived the ordeal.

These stretches without the family are emotional minefields. If I'm not careful I'll break down. Last summer was the worst and I think the similarity between that situation and this weekend is both a challenge and a sign of progress. In other words, a silent house is a silent house, and the space feels familiar in its quiet. However, I've planned and implemented strategies (how very clinical, eh?) that have made the first twenty hours or so not only tolerable but, at moments, pleasurable. And I don't feel pleasure very often. Pleasure feels decadent in a giddy way.

So what's the difference? First, I didn't take the wrong medication. That helps. Second, I'm much more cognizant of the rhythms of isolation and how to harness these patterns positively. For example, I know that if I stay inside all day I increase the risk of breaking down. Same with getting very drunk. And I have to balance staying busy with leisure. And M and I are planning when we're going to talk so we don't fight when either of us interrupts the other or doesn't return calls. Also, if that were to happen, we're aware of the pattern and can short-circuit the conflict. And the weather, while cold, at least is tolerable with a later setting sun.

Let me outline the last twenty hours and maybe this will make more sense. Yesterday I dropped M and the boys off at the airport near 12:30. Although I usually hang out in the airport with them and say goodbye at security, this time our late arrival (everyone had morning school) and full parking lots made this impossible. My kids are awesome, by the way. They'll still hug me and talk about missing me and wishing I could come along. I couldn't ask for more. After they entered the check-in area I drove under a gunmetal grey sky and a huge-flake snowstorm (the white flakes and gunmetal sky left a cool contrast) to the south side Borders. This store is bigger than the one on Brown Deer, and I almost bought a couple Diaz and Murakami books for 50% off, but I decided that they'd sit on my shelf since I've already read both titles. If I ever want to read them again I'll check out library copies. After that I cut through a south side detour back to 43. Milwaukee's south side is foreign to me but reminds me of the area in which I grew up, so I felt strangely at home, really. Then I stopped at the Bayshore Trader Joe's. This was also a little weird as I was only buying for myself and trying to consolidate trips because I was sick of driving. I bought bread, ice cream, and a few other higher-quality than usual items I never get at Trader Joe's. The checkout girl was rattled because the guy before me in the line was an asshole so I tried to be extra friendly. Then I stopped at Pick and Save because I had a jones for Lienenkugel's light in cans. M had finished off the last twelve pack. Sometimes I have beer in the fridge but want a different kind of beer, so the Sam Adams can wait until summer or something. I also could have bought cheaper food at P and S than at Trader Joe's but no sweat, I didn't need much. After I arrived home I lifted weights (nothing good on tv), ate scrambled eggs, and watched a little Castle before getting bored and switching over to North Carolina ass-whooping Marquette. I watched a Bones, took a shower, and read The Basketball Diaries until I fell asleep. Oh, the dogs slept upstairs with me. That was fun except tonight I need to sleep more in the bed's middle because both Mack and Pete unintentionally (I hope) lay close and leave me little room.

This morning I drank a little coffee, caught up on Sportscenter, and showered. Showering and getting dressed early helps too, by the way. If I sit on my ass feeling gross all morning depression could get triggered. So I got ready and out of the house by 8:40 or so. I stopped at the dry cleaners to drop off a pair of suit pants I accidentally washed with the other clothes. Then I quick-inspected the lame indoor farmers market before walking across the street to the library just as the doors opened. Excellent timing. I picked The Fighter up from the new releases video shelf. I already had a Redbox copy but now I can return it and not pay the daily buck. After that I quickly cut through P and S for baking supplies. I decided to make a oats and honey granola pie this morning and a fairly complicated chocolate cake (more on that in a couple days) Tuesday. After P and S I hit Costco for more baking supplies, etc. I don't think I need any food except maybe more eggs until after M and the kids return. Then I came home, put everything away, started the pie, and here I am, in a good mood that doesn't feel normal to me. Yes, I can be in a good mood and not feel guilty. It's weird, but I have to remind myself of that.

Ok, the pie's almost ready to come out of the oven. More later. I still need to talk through last week's Chicago visit, the sabbatical application, etc. I've got time. Have a good Saturday.