Exhausted. What's wrong with me? Sometimes I think the cumulative impact of the last forty-one years catches up to me all at once. I'm not in a good place tonight, so I'm glad I wrote about positives yesterday because I read those and calm down a little.

Ok today I was up by five and at work by seven. From seven to 12:30 I graded, answered email, etc., with brief walks/visits every hour or so to keep my brain from overloading. I failed, and by the time I left to observe a student at a local middle school, I was pretty fucking fried. The student did ok, I guess, and I cut out by 1:20 and was on the stairmaster at the Y by 1:50. I don't know how people who work normal jobs, seven to five or whatever, survive. I'd fucking die. Maybe I'd adjust and take lunches, breaks, etc., more often. Or not work as intensely. I don't know. Anyway, I needed that workout. Then I returned home and lifted weights to the Bourdain Ozarks episode, took a shower, ate scrambled eggs, and finished a Bones. It's 5:36PM. The sun is still out. I should clean a little and then I'm going to read and fall asleep. Tomorrow I need to be up by four so I can work out at five because I'd rather work out early because I'm picking M and the boys up at the airport in the afternoon. Then I'm staying up late tomorrow night so I can eat and drink before crashing and waking late, I hope, before heading more or less directly to the wisdom teeth extraction appointment.

Bones said something interesting today. She repeated a Zen Koan that said, “If you want to find something, you've got to stop looking.” That made sense to me. Thank you, network tv. Must practice.