Saturday morning, near eleven, although the hour feels earlier. I’m in the living room listening to The Tired Sounds of Stars of the Lid and wondering if I should move the fan from the front porch to the living room. T is across the street, helping the girls wash another car, while N plays with his guys and S lobbies M to move her car out front so the boys can wash that as well. Will the neighbors mind if we use their water? I wonder if M considered the issue. Hm.

This morning S and I woke near 6:30. He and I talked about his dreams. Apparently he’s dreamt of a huge white rabbit, bigger than me, who wants a ring that S is wearing. S says in the dream he and the rabbit wrestle all through and around the house while S protects the ring. We drove over to the West Bend farmers market, arriving by seven, but the teenagers working the mushroom booth told us they could only sell to vendors until 7:30AM. We hit the West Bend coffee shop where S chose a Jolly Rancher Italian soda and cinnamon muffin. I stuck with green iced tea. We sat inside, since S was cold, until 7:30. After picking up mushrooms, honey, corn, and potatoes we returned to Port. Everyone was up then, of course, so I took T and S over to the Grafton park with the running track and workout stations. Both boys have recently asked to rotate the stations so I let them do their thing while I ran the half-mile track. I lasted two miles before collapsing and although I was somewhat dehydrated (should have drunk more water beforehand) I’m still not back at full strength. Still, the run and post-run bicycle crunches felt pretty good. After we returned home I showered, ate breakfast, and hit the living room.

I should mention last night as well. M picked Jake the babysitter up at five and once he and the boys were settled M and I drove over to the Milwaukee Ale House in Grafton. We were lucky to snag a booth as the restaurant was crowded and not long after our arrival a line snaked out the door. If we in Port Washington has a shot at this restaurant and the city planners fucked it up screwing around with those jackass investors who fucked up Smith Brothers and the M and I building I swear I will attend a city council meeting and kick everyone in the balls as hard as I can. M liked her skewers and I love the blue cheese potato salad. I also downed a great beer (Louie’s Demise) before we walked Cedarburg. The main drag wasn’t crowded. The theatre features Get Smart until next Friday, which I considered checking out later in the week, but I doubt I will as the last show starts too early (7PM). We found a cool candy store with candy cigarettes and cheap chocolate pretzels. M bought a bag of the latter and I snuck some while we waited in the Starbucks drive-thru line for iced green tea. We had a spare hour before J needed to leave so we sat on a bench in the harbor park in Port and let the breeze wash over us as the sun set. Beautiful. Sometimes I take this town for granted.

More later. The kids are across the street, and I don’t trust that asshole fuck down the street not to send his girls over and then bitch when they cry. Have a good Saturday.

Free child labor! The neighborhood kids volunteered to wash my car. I'm all about that.

I’m sick! Sick, I tell you, and I’m sick in a weird way. My legs feel as if they’ll give out at any minute. My throat is all messed up. Is this what exhaustion feels like? I don’t know. I want to work out lest I weaken my habits but perhaps my habits are what caused me to get sick. Do normal workout people take weekends off? Maybe I’ll take the weekend off, or at least until I feel like working out again, and try to modify my lifestyle so this, you know, works.

All the boys are up, by the way. M is still sleeping. I think she was up in the middle of the night.

So how was the first of class? Rule #1: The students stare at you the first week of class. They’re not comfortable enough to speak up much, so don’t even bother with full-group interaction. I tried with the juniors, the assessment class, and even they were hardly up for conversation. Oh well. They usually get better. I’m behind on prep because I feel like I’m rushing home to cover the kids while M attends meetings. The worst should be past. Next week the boys are in school and M’s working her 60% schedule.

On Wednesday the boys and I drove up to the Green Bay Zoo…see below for pictures. I didn’t want the kids sitting on the computer or television all day, because they do a lot of that with the babysitters, so I loaded them into the van near 9:30AM and headed north. I didn’t tell the boys where we were going so they guessed (e.g. “Canada”) the entire way. We saw about 500 (I’m not kidding) motorcycles on the other side of the highway. Terry at work later told me that Harley organized rides that met in the UP before turning south for Milwaukee. We arrived at the zoo a bit after eleven but parking sucked. Apparently there was another parking lot a little off the zoo but we couldn’t find it so we parked (somewhat) illegally in spot reserved for people using the county park and walked across the street to the zoo. Our entire combined admission totaled 14 bucks. N gets quite excited at zoos, running ahead, so he picked the directions and we checked out the baby tigers (very cool), llamas, etc. The highlights seemed to be the giraffes (the zoo is so open and the crowds so sparse we walked right up and fed him/her), the prairie dogs, and surprisingly, the trumpeter swans. Oh, and the moose. I suppose we walked around for close to two hours. The boys spotted a tower, the kind that park rangers use to monitor forest fires (I think), in a reforestation project next to the zoo. We took a path through the woods and the two oldest boys climbed to the top of the tower and took some cool pics. Maybe I’ll post those later. N at first wanted to climb the tower but changed his mind, saving me the “fear of heights” indignity in front of my children. On the way back to the car T showed N yellow finches in a tree. He’s a good oldest brother.

The ride home was fine except for 1) the stupid motorcycle people who do not get out of the way, and 2) the fact we got off the highway for an A and W restaurant, which was not a real A and W restaurant, with carhops and frothing mugs of root beer, but instead a typical hovel tacked onto a gas station. Disappointing. We ended up at stupid McDonalds because the kids, you know, were getting hungry.

More later. I should take out the garbage before the 7AM deadline.

So the boys and I drove up to the Green Bay Zoo today. More later, great trip, but some quick pics and comments:

1. Hanging out with Llamas.
2. T and S tackling a bear, N running away.
3. and 4. That's a moose in the background...I like the fact that one is posed and the other is natural, when they didn't think I was ready with the camera.
5. Boys feed giraffes!

Where the hell is everybody? They left for the pool three hours ago and they’re not back yet. Oh well. Hopefully they’re wearing each other out. T has been hell-bent on hanging out at the pool since he knows this weekend is the last opportunity to hit the water before the space closes for the summer.

This week sucked. Goddamn, I don’t know how people with desk/meeting jobs survive. I tell you, I was bouncing off the walls. I couldn’t sit still. Thursday was the worst, since I failed to work out in the morning due to leg fatigue. Big mistake. I drove home and practically dove onto the elliptical. Let this last week pass into history and let us never speak of it again. The semester starts Monday. Thank God.

Today was ok. The morning started off pretty well. I worked out to “Sportscenter”, showered, and took T and S to the West Bend farmer market. We picked up corn, apples, string cheese, red onions, and Yukon gold potatoes. When we arrived home I organized the closet so the “Got Junk” people could see the air conditioner when they arrived. M and N were at some kindergarten playground event until eleven so, when my mom arrived at ten (always exactly on time if not early), M wasn’t present to run interference. My mom and I sat on the deck and chatted for an hour until M arrived home and walked the Got Junk guys through the house (we passed). Dan called while my mom and Maura talked. He informed me that Drive-By Truckers and The Hold Steady were playing together in Chicago in November. I immediately jumped onto the computer to get us tickets. Unfortunately, M let her mom use our ticketmaster account to order Blue Man Groups last year so I had to open a new account through work to order the tickets. I was already close to meltdown but the tickets came through so I calmed down. Still, M could see my patience worn thin so she took my mom and the boys out for lunch while Dan and I talked through gig details. After my mom left the boys and I watched Olympic kayaking while I lifted weights. Now, I haven’t watched much of the Olympics but the kayaking was cool. Who knew Belarus was good on the kayak circuit? After lifting I took the computer onto the front porch and watched videos on proper sit-up/crunch technique. I knocked out about fifty of those bicycle crunches and, well, I could feel it in my abs, so I guess they’re working. The boys rallied for the pool and I hit Costco for eggs, milk, peanut butter, etc. When I arrived home I watched Veronica Mars (the cult one…I have to get M to watch the first episode, she’ll be hooked) and knocked out another thirty minutes on the elliptical. After a quick shower I ate a veggie cheeseburger and some yogurt before settling onto the couch.

I feel better having written. Hot tonight. More later.

T flips!

About twenty to eight, the kids are home, M’s upstairs doing…something. I’m not sure what. The air is warmer and the air conditioners hum upstairs.

So today turned out pretty well. I woke near seven and decided against working out. I want to keep myself from getting burnt out. Still, cleaning kept me busy throughout the morning. I also tried to shatter the rest of the garage window S broke with a baseball but it looks like unscrewing the entire window would probably better serve my purposes. Of course I don’t have the right tools so maybe I’ll swing by HD tomorrow on the way home from work. I also picked up fish cookies from the bakery before sweeping and mopping all the floors in the house. The space looked damn good, I must say in all modesty. After running my change through the supermarket machine (41 bucks) I drove south to pick up the family at the airport.

Goddamn, it’s hot. I’ll write more tomorrow. You should know everyone is home. That is all.

So this morning at 3AM one of the computerized scam phone banks rang my number with a “your bank account has problems” message. Motherfuckers! 3AM! I fell back asleep, much to my surprise, and woke at seven. Immediately after waking I jumped in the car and drove over to the West Bend farmer’s market. The boys and I usually arrive later, around 9AM, and the early morning market has a different feel than the later morning market. First off, the space is surprisingly crowded at 7AM. Second, you see fewer kids and more older people. I picked up leeks, onions, garlic, Yukon gold potatoes, and string cheese for tomorrow. When I arrived home I skipped working out, checked my email, showered, then ate breakfast. I called Jim across the street and invited him to the Milwaukee Ale House for dinner. He called me last week so I felt I should reciprocate when his wife and kids were out of town. So we’re good to go at 6PM. I putzed around until about 10:30, when I decided to make that Greek lentil soup I read about on GR. I chopped everything up and cooked up the meal, really a curious mix of soup and salad. Despite its non-soupish feel I liked it. Must remember to post a thank you on GR.

After lunch I talked with Dan on the phone and decided to lift weights while watching some dumbass travel channel show about Disney cruises. I changed the channel to “This Week in Baseball” and finished lifting. Now, I was thinking of skipping cardio but I had eaten a lot already so I thought I’d knock out thirty minutes on the elliptical. Well, after about twenty-five minutes I felt pretty good and I thought I’d push a little farther to see if I can jar my body out of complacency. In turn I knocked out sixty minutes on the most challenging elliptical setting. The elliptical calorie counter, in case you were wondering, gets stuck at 999. The last few minutes were hard on my burning feet. I noticed my feet turn outward on the elliptical. I tried to refocus them forward. I wonder if my feet directions make a difference. Afterwards I was pretty much shot. I took a quick shower, shaved badly, and called M. She and T were about to visit M’s mom’s grave. I don’t think T is too keen on coming home. Oh well. I miss them.

More later…nice out today.

Why, it’s bullet post Friday! Yay!

• The state of Wisconsin sent me new license plates late last month and today I put them on my car. The new license plates have different numbers/letters. This surprised me. I can understand sending new plates every decade or so, but why the different letters and numbers?
• I’ve listened to Apples in Stereo’s “New Magnetic Wonder” pretty much non-stop the last couple of days. Great record…the music sort of sat on my mp3 player until I got around to hearing it. Stupid me.
• Lentil soup from a GR recipe tomorrow night. I’ll hit the farmers’ market (the good one, not the local one) in the morning for supplies.
• I filled my car up at a gas station today where the owner pledged money for a new playground and tried to help local businesses by giving gas discounts if people bought in receipts from downtown stores. I like the owner. I’m buying my gas from him from now on.
• It’s Maritime Weekend here in Port. Shadow and I may walk down later to check out the tall ships.

http://www.portmaritimefestival.com/

• I’m about 150 pages into the Virgil. I’m digging the translation. You know what’s weird? I’m so used to reading late at night that I almost forget to read during the day when my wife and kids are gone.
• Everyone arrives home Sunday. I’m looking forward to their return. T has a new D and D adventure book waiting for him, S has the new Wii Madden, and N has a Clone Wars jetfighter or whatever. I’ll probably put the gifts on the boys’ beds.
• As usual I bought the Friday Wall Street Journal and NY Times. Today they cost a combined four bucks and twenty-five cents. What the fuck? Too much, too much, too much! Maybe I’ll alternate newspapers instead of buying both.
• I am scheduled for godfatherhood. Cool.
• I should ask that neighbor if he wants to hit the Ale House tomorrow.

More later!

A beautiful hour before dawn. I had an interesting dream in which the priest from St. Ailbe’s was trying to bless something in the house of a former student. The boy’s name was Ade. James, Melissa and I were trying to find the house in which the Wizard of Oz was written and we thought Ade’s house might be the place.

That dream sounds much stranger written down.

Anyway, the air is cool and I’m glad to be up early. I’ve been worried that I won’t get in a proper groove before school starts. The other, hidden worry revolves around whether or not I’m losing self-discipline. But today’s early rising is a good sign. Plus, I hit a new low on the scale this morning so I’m sure that news put me in a good mood as well.

Yesterday was more productive than Tuesday. I drove into the office and fine-tuned syllabi while students revised hallway bulletin boards. I drove home, ate lunch, and knocked out more paperwork at the dining room table while listening to Apples in Stereo’s latest record. Then I lifted weights but skipped the second elliptical session. After a hard rain I drove over to Target (they didn’t stock the Veronica Mars season I wanted to purchase), the hobby store (D and D modules are expensive), and the new Best Buy. The store sent out pre-opening invitations to “reward zone” club members, of which I can count myself, so I thought I’d check out the store and maybe pick out a Wii game for the boys’ return. Goddamn the store was crowded, like, day after Thanksgiving crowded. Apparently the reward zone does not have difficult admission requirements. I picked up the new Madden football game, waited in line for ten minutes, then bought the game from a cute teenage girl who gave me the hard sell on the game replacement package (I didn’t bite, but nice try). When I arrived home I was somewhat wired so I took a bath with the Aeneid, read another fifteen pages on the front porch, and fell asleep. Not a bad day.

This afternoon two meetings are in the works but I’m hoping the day passes well. More later. Good day.

So out of nowhere I finished a poem tonight:

Melatonin Gives Me Bad Dreams

After I take the pill
I taste chalk

And when I rest my
Heart buzzes
And snakes circle
My heart

And I’m covered in loose gauze
And I can’t move
Very well.

Melatonin gives me bad dreams;
Like when I
Stabbed a prostitute
With a cartoon cigarette
On the sidewalk by
A pharmacy.

And I wake to
Round stones
Like eggs
On my chest
And I pull myself
From a gravel bed

Discompose the white dust
Lick my lips
And push into the mist.



I’m not entirely happy with the ending but the poem needed release. So there it is.

M and the boys are still out east. I haven’t written since Thursday. What did I do? Friday I hit Chicago with friends. Saturday I didn’t work out for maybe the fifth time all summer but instead sat on the couch and watched baseball. Sunday…what did I do Sunday? I don’t remember. Yesterday I drove down to the office. The first few hours were fine, checking email and catching up with colleagues, but by noon I grew intolerably bored and drove over to half-priced books to browse. I considered some Delillo (Names) but decided against the purchase. I hung around for a boring meeting into which I got suckered (hiring a new instructional tech person) then drove home, worked out, and read the Aeneid (Fitzgerald translation) until I fell asleep. This morning I worked out again (Bourdain’s new Tokyo episode) and decided against driving into the office. Instead I half-worked on syllabi, ate, and screwed around on GR and the net in general. By noon I was fairly disgusted with myself so I talked with D and M on the phone then gathered up enough energy to check out Pineapple Express at the multiplex. The building was deserted. I gave my money to the ticket taking guy who then both ripped my ticket and hustled behind the concessions counter to sell me a soda. Now that’s multitasking. For a while I had the theatre to myself, a kickass prospect, but within a few minutes maybe five or six others arrived. I found the movie better than watchable but I’m starting to recognize Rogen’s voice behind his dialogue. Movie theatres spur my energy and creativity, so after working out again I ate a quick dinner, cleaned the house, and settled down to burn CDs and work on the above poem. So the day wasn’t a total waste. We’ll see about tomorrow.

I miss my family. I think I’ll sit on the backyard steps for a while before catching up with Virgil. Good night.

The weather is perfect today…breezy, going down to 60, no humidity of which to speak. Chopin’s Nocturnes play while I finish cleaning the first floor and wait for 9PM so I can fold clothes to the “My Boys” season finale. Then I’ll read Murakami and sleep on the front porch. I’m burning a few CDs for tomorrow’s Chicago trip as we speak…The Mountain Goats “We Shall Be Healed” burns now.

This morning I worked out (Veronica Mars again), ate breakfast, watched some of the wall to wall Favre coverage, and hit the backyard with Shadow. I cranked The Hold Steady from the garage (hey, if my neighbor can play sports radio at 120 fucking decibels, I can listen to The Hold Steady) while raking up the last of the apples. Afterwards I cut the grass and managed to get the trimmer working enough to trim around all the trees and gardens and all that. Then I filled the bird feeders, dug out one of those sticky weeds, and sprayed weed killer between the sidewalk cracks. Not a bad morning. I hit Target for a scale (I wanted one that showed discreet digital numbers) and the supermarket for ranchero beans and one of those huge yogurt containers so I don’t have to open two little ones for smoothies. Then I came home, worked out again (more V. Mars), sent some emails, and ate dinner. After that Shadow and I walked downtown. I stopped at Dawn’s on the way home to ask her to let Shadow out tomorrow. I watched a bit more Sportscenter then loaded the non-food (I don’t want the raccoons attacking the bags overnight) garbage out front. A few of the basement bags are near bursting but they should make it onto the truck tomorrow morning. After some television I’ll hit the porch with Murakami.

Tomorrow I’m driving south. More later. Good night.

I just looked at the clock and realized 9:00PM has passed already. I’m surprised.

This morning I woke near six and worked out by 7:30 or so. I answered a few emails, etc., then hit the basement cleaning hard at nine, setting up my mp3 player and boom box to play Stars on random. By 11 I had generated fifteen or so bags of garbage, thrown some crap into the garage that won’t fit in a garbage bag and may require a dumpster later, and bagged up about ten bags of clothes for the Salvation Army or whatever. Goddamn my basement is gross. I took a break for lunch then hit the basement again (this time to Sparklehorse). The second cleaning wave was harder and more exacting. Toys and books spread were spread all over. I organized M’s books into storage tubs and divided toys between the “garbage bag” and “keep for a while” categories. I threw out a lot of baby-type toys, esp. they electronic ones that’ll never work again. By three I showered and hit Target for storage tub reinforcements. After a quick dinner I hit the weird corner of the basement with the makeshift bookshelves. Although I’m still in “mess up the space while cleaning” mode I’m making progress. I’m sick of spiderwebs in my hair. Someday I’d like to put an extra room in the basement. We’ll see.

Dawn, our neighbor, walked past while I was out front so we talked for a while about reading (she’s in a book club) and neighborhood girl drama. Later her husband called to ask if I wanted to hit the bar for a beer. I was already in my pajamas but I didn’t want to be an asshole so I met him downtown. We talked mostly of work (his supervisor sucks) and local gossip. Since I had been alone for the better part of three days I had to relearn how to use my voice and, you know, converse with people. That’s not easy.

As you probably know I don’t deal well with free time. Projects beget projects and I’m sort of feeling like I should get a ton done, too. We’ll see what happens. Tomorrow I’d like to finish as much of the basement as I can without M’s input. It’ll still look messy until all the garbage bags (up to about thirty!) and clothes bags are gone. But it’s progress. More later…off to read Murakami. Good night.

I want to get down a dream before the images fade. I was house-sitting at a large house for a wealthy family (a recurring theme in my dreams). Outside of the back of the house was a body of water of some sort where rain always seemed to fall. Instead of a lush setting (common in previous dreams) this house featured wet concrete walkways and a small canal over which one had to walk makeshift bridges. Tourists rode their bikes or walked with their families along the beach and seemed excited to be there. Apparently you could dig for clams as I remember a woman excited about how many could collect if she had the proper gear. The house was in northern Michigan. People were buying blueberries but not at this spot. A series of stone tunnels were accessible through intermittent staircases. The tunnels ran beneath the house and beyond. I found a tiny restaurant run by Mexicans, with a chalkboard for posting menu items (very cheap) and cramped tables with unmatched chairs. I decided to eat breakfast there in the future.

Not much else. More later.

So the last couple days were rough. Yesterday (Monday) near 2AM I woke to find Cleo stuck on the stairs. I took her downstairs and watched television while she slept on my lap. When I put her on the ground she couldn’t walk. She and I hung out for a while but it was clear she didn’t have much time left and she was in pain. She peed on the floor, trying to get to the litter box, I think, so I called the emergency vet on the top of town. A huge, windy thunderstorm broke out, the perfect weather for catharsis. I wrapped my little girl up in my Stritch blanket and drove with her on my lap to the vet’s office. I ran through the storm to the lobby and told the clerk I wanted to put my cat to sleep. The clerk was quite nice. I filled out a few forms while the clerk fit Cleo with a catheter. He and the vet gave us a few minutes to say goodbye. I stoked her head, thanked her for being so good, and told her I’d see her on the other side. I will miss her. I remember the way she curled up behind the desk, next to the heating register, back in Chicago. I remember her sleeping in my laundry basket. I remember her catching mice and proudly displaying them on the living room floor. And mostly I remember the hours she spent sleeping on my lap. Go in peace, little girl. The vet came into the room and a brief shot later she was gone. I sat on the bench outside the office, before dawn, in the rain, and cried my eyes out. Two cats in two days. Goodbye, my friends. Goodbye.

I slept until ten when I returned home and couldn’t get moving all day. M and I talked, of course, and I think she was both sad and relieved. After a couple hours of doing nothing I watched “Street Fight” (a great documentary about a Newark, NJ mayoral race) and worked out. The clouds appeared spent so after Shadow and I walked our Netflix envelopes to the mailbox I drove down to Borders with a 40% coupon and picked up the new Murakami. The purchase felt decadent as the book is small, less than 200 pages, and still cost 12 bucks with the coupon. But I love Murakami and I’d end up buying the book sooner or later (how much cheaper could it be in paperback?). I also picked up the first season of Veronica Mars (Dan highly recommended the series) for fifteen bucks at Best Buy. When I returned home I curled up with the Murakami and fell asleep early.

This morning I worked out to Bourdain’s Southwest episode, talked with the boys on the phone (they’re having fun out east), and half-cleaned the kitchen. After meditation I’m hitting the second floor for cleaning. I’m ready. The Mountain Goats’ “Cotton” keeps running through my head. Have a good day. Carry on.

I don’t know if today could have been shittier. I’m not one to complain or sound like a country song but today sucked. One of my cats died. The other is going to die soon. My wife and kids left today for two weeks at her mom’s. The house is a fucking mess. A part fell off the elliptical we bought two weeks ago because something was on eh track when I started to work out. At least the elliptical still seems to work fine. The part seems like a wheel cover. The house is messy, the air hot and sticky, and I’m gritting my teeth. How do you get past this? Meditation? Tai Chi? I have no fucking clue. Plus Cleo just knocked over my diet coke.

Ok, at about 10, after playing some baseball in the back field with the boys, we left for the airport. M and I decided to wait to tell the boys about Mars. Hell, I think it’s a safe bet Cleo will pass on by the time they return. The ride to the airport was uneventful, at least, after I had to lean on S for fucking with his little brother right before we left. M checked in the boys while I parked the car. Ok, here’s a good thing about today. The Milwaukee airport rocks. I pull up, drop off my wife, drive to the parking garage, walk the ten feet to the door, enter the terminal, and there you go. No crowds. Yay Milwaukee. M caught up with us upstairs. The shoeshine guys fascinated N. I don’t think he ever noticed them before. We inspected the small airport museum, taking special care with the international money display. M wanted to check out the used bookstore so the boys and I settled in the lobby chairs near the television until takeoff. I waved to the kids as they passed through security (no line!) and headed north.

The first day after the boys leave is always the hardest. I stopped at work, watered a couple of plants, sent a few documents through interoffice mail, and dropped off a movie at Blockbuster. For a moment I thought of hitting Target and Costco but the post-church crowds may have sent me into homicidal territory. I drove home and watched the Sheets suck it up for the Brewers while I fucked around looking for curtains on the computer. Then I decided I could either sit around all day and get pissed off (I think this is how I deal with my sadness) or I could go out. Oh, I also wanted to eat everything in the house. Think food is stress relief? Heh. I didn’t, though, driving back to Coscto and Target instead and navigating the somewhat more manageable late afternoon Sunday crowds. When I returned home I worked out (stupidass elliptical now missing a part, which really isn’t a big deal, and I doubt I’d be pissed off about it any other day but today) to Weeds. I’m almost finished with season one. After a quick shower I started laundry and began pasta for dinner. Oh, I also called the vet a hundred times to see when he could pick up Mars’ body for cremation but he’s been out of town and I think his answering machine is full. Mars, in case you’re wondering (and I would if I were you) is in a big plastic tub in the basement. I miss you already, big guy. I’m waiting for you to come upstairs any second. Cleo misses you more, I think. She’s been meowing all day.

M called to let me know everyone arrived safely out east. I also cleaned some of the first floor and might continue after I finish writing. The act of getting this down leaves me feeling a bit better. I’m trying to breathe. More later. Good night.

This morning we woke to find that Mars, one of our cats, had died in his sleep. He was curled up in a box where he often slept. His eyes were closed and he appeared calm, as if he passed in his sleep. He was sixteen, with kidney issues, so his passing wasn't a surprise, although he had been healthy (much healthier than his blind twin sister) until just a few months ago. He was sixteen.

My wife adopted Mars (and his sister, Cleo) when they were kittens just as she and I met. Mars was part of our family as my wife and I first lived together, young and broke, then got married. Mars rode with us on a six week tour of America in an RV. He moved with us to Wisconsin eleven years ago. He was one of us. Mars was jet black until the day he died, the kind of cat who watched you very closely and took care of his smaller sister. He was a guardian. Mars and Shadow, our dog, started as mortal enemies but grew to tolerate each other over time. Just this past week they slept next to each other on the ottoman.

Mars, like most cats, was largely independent but hung out in the shadows and loved to sit on the couch armrests where you could pet him but where he could also make a quick getaway. He loved to sit on windowsills and watch the birds but he wasn't too keen on going outside. The basement was his true playground. When I took laundry down the stairs he would often appear out nowhere happy with his mouse hunt.

Last night he sat on my lap and purred while I watched tv. I glad I had that last chance to be with him, and I'm glad he passed in his sleep. He was a good cat.

I will miss you, Mars. Tonight I will raise a glass in your honor.

There has to be an afterlife. There has to be.

Five pics!

1. N recreates the Great Wall of China with toilet paper rolls on our front porch.
2. The clematis looks good, eh?
3. T and S play catch in the parking lot before the game.
4. T and S tailgating.
5. RA tailgating.

Later Friday evening. How late is Borders open tonight? I’m in the mood for a drive.

So I’m on vacation and I’m not feeling too workaholic-ish yet. I’ve checked email and messages once or twice but nothing serious. Perhaps I’m getting healthier.

Yesterday the boys and I attended the last Cubs/Brewers game. The Brew got swept but we’re close (even, maybe? I’m not sure) on the season series since we won both Wrigley series. After Jake the babysitter arrived (maybe 10:30AM) T, S and I left for the game. Earlier T stocked the cooler with turkey (for him), cream cheese bagels (for S), bananas (for me) and diet cokes (for all of us). Traffic wasn’t bad until right near the park but we still snagged decent parking in the nearest lot. We played baseball for thirty minutes or so, ate out of the back of the van, and cut through the tailgaters to the park. The boys wanted to go straight to the seats. The Brewers lost, of course, but we still had a good time. We wandered most of the last couple of innings, checking out the gift shops a couple times, but the boys couldn’t decide upon anything reasonable to purchase so we cut out and hit Bayshore. A couple of observations about the game before I continue:

• There are a lot of female (I think) Cub fans with mullets and sunglasses. Fat women. The kind that, were they in the Olympics, would need chromosome gender testing before entering competition.
• There were a lot of frat boy Cub fans. What a surprise.
• I saw one guy decked out head to toe in White Sox gear. Huh? While I appreciate the sentiment as a Sox fan…what the hell?
• The Brewers fans supported the team well. No complaints. We already made up a game tonight with a win over Atlanta and a Pittsburg victory over the Cubs. We’ll be fine.

After leaving the game we hit Bayshore since I promised the boys they could buy something for once. I’m usually a cheap bastard so I decided to open the wallet and let the kids get something cool. The problem, of course, is waiting for them to decide. I guess I should be happy they’re weighing all the options. T is attracted to the kinds of hats inner city kids wear sideways (e.g. weird graffiti skylines on the brim) but decided to save his cash for the D and D Players Guide. S bought a board that allows him to track and display the baseball standings by moving helmets into different slots. He has a similar football board with which he’s obsessed so the baseball version makes sense.

M says orientation was fine, by the way. She’s still looking forward to the new gig. Her confidence is up. We’ll run into slight logistic problems but nothing too scary.

Last night I was dead tired (a lot of walking at the game, plus I worked out in the morning) so I crashed on the couch and channel-surfed until the computer and the promise of a new mix CD attracted me. This one has decent flow. I stayed up until near midnight then collapsed into bed. At three or so I had a nasty nightmare in which something was floating above my bed. I was trying to hit the apparition and swearing at it in my sleep. T woke me, probably thankfully, as N was stealing both his covers and crawling into his bed. My adrenalin was pumping to heart attack proportions. I wonder if nightmares cause people to die in their sleep. Maybe. I slipped onto the front porch and slept until after dawn when N woke me because he wanted me to taste a cheeto. Thanks, buddy.

After waking I checked GR and worked out again (this time to a Weeds episode, M and the kids were gone). I cleaned and rearranged the home office. God, that space was messy. M has a nasty habit of storing crap in crevices between and behind furniture. Talk about garbage…gross. Anyway, I was pissed off and muttering through most of the process but the office looks great now. The file cabinet is in the basement, I moved the table against a different wall, and the room appears to have doubled in size. I’ll post pictures later. Over the course of the day I hit the gas station for the Friday NYT and WSJ (some woman in front of me paid for her gas by check…what the fuck? She took ten years) and Costco (blueberries). Later I roasted Yukon gold potatoes while lifting weights, pulled the potatoes from the oven, and knocked out another twenty elliptical minutes while T and I watched a cool Samantha Brown episode on the Chinese city with the terra cotta warriors. The skies turned grey and a torrential and much needed hour-long downpour moved through town. I sat under the gazebo through most of the storm. You could see the change in wind direction by following the rain threads’ direction. After that the boys and I watched some of “Streets of Fire”. God, the dialogue in that movie is laughable but I find myself strangely attracted to the film (despite the presence of much more swearing than I remember, I think my kids learned some new words). About halfway through the movie N and I ditched upstairs and read a couple books before bed. I shaved and talked with T about the new Player’s Guide. He and I will create some characters tomorrow. They leave on Sunday, so we’re down to the last few hours and I want to do something he wants to do.

Farmers market in the morning. More later this weekend. Goodnight.