Friday night, about 9:30PM, drunk and exhausted. I was watching the latest Pirates of the Carribean earlier (mostly on 2X DVD, which allows me to read the subtitles but pick and choose amongst the scenes) until I felt buzzed enough to get on the computer and write. I have to save my December entries, by the way. I have this fear that one day Blogspot will disappear, carrying off my entries into the ether.

Ok, I wanted to write about exhaustion. Maybe I'll look up the definition on one of those medical websites. I sometimes think I'm struggling with some form of exhaustion. Case in point...I have an intense inability to stay in meetings for extended periods of time. I swear, I experience something akin to a panic attack if I stay in the room of a gathering, esp. a work-related meeting, for more than thirty minutes or so, esp. if I'm not actively involved. I feel an absolute compulsion to get the hell out of the room. I guess I've always felt like I'd like to leave meetings (I doubt I'm the only one), and I tend to overload on stimuli in large groups, but I think my biological and psychological responses are growing immediate and overwhelming. I've worked really, really hard these last few years...I start to wonder if my cup is full, as far as stimuli is concerned, and I just can't take any more. As you can probably predict an inability to remain in meetings is a slight problem for an academic administrator. If I start a new job, and I need to establish myself in a new environment, I'm in trouble. I think of this guy I saw at a DPI thing a couple weeks back, a nerdy guy at one of those hotel ballroom presentations about assessment or whatever, and that poor bastard had to sit next to his dean and pretend like he was paying attention. I'd probably sit at the table and consider suicide. My friend Mary says she transcribes poetry while she spaces out. I don' know. I suppose I could find a coping device. I could not cut it as a company CEO. Anyway, today I left work at about 2:30, blowing off an Italy meeting, but, in all fairness, I didn't get home until eight or so last night, and I was loathe to stick M with the kids on her own two nights in a row.

This will be a successful weekend if I don't leave the house much. Tomorrow I might hit an art supply store. I saw this clay online that looked interesting, one that doesn't require a kiln but hardens after it dries. The material looked interesting. I know I'm not going to be super sculptor right off the bat. There's also this new-agey store in Sheboygan that looked interesting when we were up at the waterpark. So maybe I will go out tomorrow. I need a walk, too, and the temps are supposed to rise but the wind's intensity will also increase. We'll see.

Ok, starting to fade a bit, good night. One more beer.