Once again at the dining room table. I’m listening to Explosions in the Sky. I wonder if Mau ever heard this band. He would have loved them.

T is off at Aaron’s, M is picking him up at six, while S and N are across the street playing with Jess and Abigail. They should be home soon, don’t you think? Dusk has fallen and, unless Dawn made them something, dinnertime has passed. The dogs are crashed on the couch/ottoman. Welcome to Saturday night. I can’t remember the last time I went, you know, outside on a Saturday night. I’m not bemoaning that fact. What’s the big deal about outside, esp. during February in Wisconsin? I guess I could drive to Borders or something, or even deeper into the city, and feel the time well spent. I remember driving around Chicago at night, just to drive, especially in the summer. But I’ve already driven up and down 43 today. So I think I’ll take a bath and crash early. Maybe I’ll drink a beer.

So what have I done since waking? I rose near 5:30, watched some Ace of Cakes with N, and caught on the idea of putting in a couple office hours. Now, I know, I know, I’m trying to avoid the workaholic thing, but I’m not in denial when I say the 180 calm, productive minutes I spent at work today were equal to an entire day during the week. I get more done when I can play Mogwai or Tift Merritt (both part of today’s soundtrack), clean my shelves, and answer email uninterrupted. By 11:30 I was ready to return home. After a shockingly unhealthy lunch of tater tots and fake chicken nuggets (I had an orange too, don’t yell at me) I got online to look at baking supplies. On a lark I looked up the cookie store in Cedarburg and discovered they sold baking supplies as well. I tossed N and S in the car (T was at a hoops tournament) and drove over for a look. We scored a cool castle mold I was going to buy online but found a couple miles from my house:

http://www.amazon.com/Nordic-Ware-Cast-Castles-Cakelette/dp/B000QYJQIW

S and N had fun checking out all the weird pans and decorations. We snagged a couple cool sprinkles varieties, too, and we’ll probably experiment with castle cakes tomorrow. Stay tuned. I like listening to the boys talk in the car. They debated the pros and cons of summer while N read the passing signs (“speed limit…Pizza Hut…Mint Chocolate Chip”). We stopped at a candy store where, inexplicably, both boys chose Now and Laters. Now and Laters are gross. The boys hustled upstairs to play Wii as soon as we got home but within a couple minutes Dawn called and invited the boys across the street. I watched the first 45 minutes of The Hurt Locker, ate eggs in pita bread, and here I am.

Ok, I want to write about something hard to articulate. I realized, after how happy I was getting so much done in the office, like a total weight off my shoulders, and how wonderful I felt searching out baking decorations with the boys, that, well, I don’t feel that happy very often. Maybe I need prescription drugs. But I spend a ton of time enduring my existence until I can get to a calm, quiet place, both emotionally and physically. I want to think on this more. Calmly. Quietly. Maybe in the bath. Have a rocking Saturday night. I’m trying not to grit my teeth. Why I would, now, is beyond me.