I’m home after teaching down beneath the city. I always have a hard time getting to sleep after teaching at night. Mondays are turning out to be long days. Today I arrived at work at 8:30AM, and I arrived home a bit before 9:30PM. At least tonight’s class went well. I don’t feel as if I have much fun teaching very often, now that I’m more of an administrator than a teacher, but I’m starting to connect with this class. I’m hitting a groove.
Yesterday was ok. I forgot to mention something about Saturday night, so I should address that first. On Saturday night, on the couch, I started to feel that intense wave of depression I know a bit too well for my liking, and, as I was falling asleep on the couch, M placed a blanket over me. I don’t know quite how to explain this, but that simple gesture meant the world to me. I was never that close to my mother, and (thank God) M has never been a mother figure, but I appreciated her caring enough to cover me, so I’d be warm, more than I can express. I need to think about that more. I don’t like feeling as if I need people, I don’t like feeling as if I can't live on my own, but just feeling like someone was there for me, someone I could trust, man, that’s more rare than I realized. I do know that I need to get into therapy, though. A couple of good days, after a breakdown, do not mean I have my shit together.
I can’t quite remember most of Sunday. I went out in the morning for a while, standing in the back yard as the snow melted. The boys played in the back field with friends while I channel-surfed basketball and read further into Gatsby. Late in the afternoon I drove to the plant store, bought eight plants, and hit my office. I repotted the little plants into larger pots and watered all the building’s plants. I like my office on the weekends. The building is so quiet and yesterday’s light, the first sunset after daylight savings, was a clean brown straight line. I played hoops in the intramural league (the captain missed everything on a free throw, I mocked him in a meeting today, probably shouldn’t have done that, felt like an asshole later) and arrived home just in time to tell the boys a story. A few quick bullet points:

1) Today the temps reached sixty and tomorrow the temps are supposed to be a bit warmer, even. Shadow and I MUST walk through the woods, even if my shoes get all muddy. I adjusted my schedule so I could be home. I’ll try to work on the dissertation when I can, then maybe I’ll sneak out at lunch for a walk.
2) I’ve been listening to Regina Specktor’s “Begin to Hope” non-stop. I like her quite a bit. I hate her video, though. Stupid VH1, stupid record companies, trying to turn every woman into Norah Jones. I like Norah Jones, but, c’mon, Regina Spektor is different.
3) I need to either order or buy seeds soon. I can’t wait to get into the garden.

Good night. More later.