I woke thirty minutes ago from a strange dream, a dream that will keep me from sleep for a while, and I must write it down before I forget. Shadow, Cleo (the smaller of my two cats, blind) and I were sleeping on a sort of raised roof, and a ferret/river otter (I’m not sure which) slept near us, close enough to touch us. The pastor of my church was there, talking in her usual Xanax cheery way (that’s mean, and I like her, but I’m sure you understand) about that “darn little critter and all I’m asking is that he move over a bit and not wreck the new addition”. I was alarmed for my animals’ safety, so I moved them off the roof, but the ferret/river otter followed us and somehow Cleo lost half her paw. This didn’t seem to hurt her, though. Then I woke. I’ll be up for a while. However, as soon as I woke I realized the snake in the dream from a couple days back probably symbolized some element of my sexuality. Duh. Whack me over the head with it.
Let me talk about the Xanax comment a bit. I don’t like overtly optimistic people at all, if the optimism seems to be covering for an unwillingness to face problems head on. I don’t know. I shouldn’t be such an asshole, though. There’s no good reason for hate to possess me in these scenarios. I think they go back to my mother, now that I think about it, and her desire to smooth everything over and pretend everything is alright. I feel a responsibility to bring things out on the table because I spent a lot of time with people telling me not to speak about what was wrong, how to keep my mouth shut and it will just go away, all of that. Hm. I need to think about this more, but I think I’m onto something. Good night. Maybe I’ll listen to Magnetic Fields for a while in the dark. I need to walk/run tomorrow. My body is totally out of sync.