Ooh, I need to stay in the journal groove. I thought I had written Wednesday. I hallucinated.

Saturday afternoon, approaching 1PM, sun and clouds alternating through the bedroom window. I'm grinding my teeth, but when I realize I am, I can breathe and relax. My legs are pleasantly tired after the first workout since Wednesday, I think, because I was off work and exhausted through the last few days of the week. The two quiet days at home worked wonders...I watched the excellent Social Network and the very good The Town. I made cupcakes using King Arthur flour. I read a lot. No complaints. This morning after working out we dropped the two older boys off at hoops, hit the library, and read with N at the Java Dock.

Last night I read a little more about PTSD and the associated guilt. That's true, very interesting, the fact that so many with PTSD feel guilty for not being strong enough, for not getting past the flashbacks, etc. That's true for me. I need to read more on the topic. I also need to reframe PTSD as an illness, and when I have flashbacks and break down, like I did mid-week, I can take a day off of work and not feel guilty.

Other notes...

The cacti are doing well. I'm not sure why I'm so attracted to them. Their resilience, their self-sufficiency, attracts me.
Classes start Tuesday. I'm ready. I'll need a few hours in the office first...either Monday or tomorrow morning. Probably Monday. I'd go tonight but the Packers are playing, I'd go tomorrow afternoon but the Bears are playing. Maybe tomorrow night.
I'm mildly obsessed with this track from The Social Network:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SBNCYkSceU

I'm putting down The Melancholy of Resistance for a bit, since I lost the thread about mid-week, and reading The True Deceivers and Reworked instead. Both are short and pretty easy. I wouldn't be surprised if I finish both by early in the week and can return to The Melancholy of Resistance with a clear head.

Ok...more later. Suddenly tired. Have a good Saturday.