I’m on the couch, a little after eight, looking down at Shadow. I’m worried one of these nights I’ll go to sleep and wake to find her dead. Perhaps that’s the best way for her to go. She’s fading quickly, I fear, after a few weeks of shoulder problems and a quickly disappearing appetite. I keep looking for a reason, something I can do, but I’m not sure if one exists. You know that phrase, “keep her comfortable”? That’s what I’m trying to do tonight. This morning Shadow ate a little bit of egg, but not much, and she’s hardly moved from the futon since. She never ate a lot anyway but it’s strange that she doesn’t want to move at all. My poor little girl. I love her.

M and the boys are in Florida. Yesterday I drove them down to the airport. We arrived early and completed our pre-flight rituals with time to spare. The boys and I checked out the small airport museum while M checked the bags. Then we snagged pizza and let pennies spin down the circle-spinning thing near the bookstore. I stood near the security entrance and watched until my family was out of sight. I miss them already.

Since I was in the city I decided to consolidate commutes and made a few stops on the way home. First, after a frustrating parking search, I found a spot on third and snuck into Downtown Books. Goddamn, that building is amazing. I’m not sure how many floors it contains (four?) but books are crammed twelve feet high across every imaginable space, and these are large rooms, like narrow warehouse spaces. I ran into my neighbor Jim, a structural engineer, and he said I should get out as soon as possible because the building could fall at any minute. He might have a point. I cruised the stacks quickly, but despite the presence of hundreds of thousands of books I couldn’t find anything worthwhile I didn’t already have. The selection was interesting, to say the least. Most of the cheaper paperbacks were dead novels and forgotten genre fiction. I stumbled on a couple funny sections, e.g. an entire shelf devoted to the same remaindered “Lord of the Rings” edition and a box of Toni Morrison novels which someone appeared to (wisely) abandon at the foot of the “M” shelf. I need to take my friends to see this place.

I hit Whole Foods next, where I picked up more quinoa and Indian simmer sauce. Then I stopped at Borders, uselessly, and finished errands with a reserve shelf pickup at the library. What did I do next? I don’t remember. I drove home, worked out, showered, ate dinner, and read a while (Architecture of Happiness). A quick beer and some Beethoven later and I was asleep.

Shadow and I rose early. I worked out to a creepy history channel program on the nature of lust. After a shower and breakfast I hit Kohls with a “return credit” card for a new coat, massively cheap pajama pants (five bucks!) and two pair of special athletic underwear, one of which is orange and of a highly questionable sense of fashion. I also stopped at the Grafton post office, where most of both mailing packages and buying stamps is automated. I'm nerdily excited by 24 hour access to the post office. I stopped at the library again for a movie (Smart People) before returning home. After lunch I cleaned the kitchen cabinets, disposing of ancient prescription medicine and moving some food and dishes into basement storage. The kitchen looks great. Later I braved the grey, lightless afternoon for a new drill at Home Depot (necessary) and three films at Blockbuster (not necessary, but helpful since I’m staying inside the next few days). I watched “The Footfist Way” after a bath. The film was smart and funny, just what I needed. I followed the movie with another “Architecture of Happiness” session. Now I’m half-writing and half-wondering if Shadow has to pee. Snow is falling.

More tomorrow. I’m locking the doors and staying inside. Good night. I miss my family.