What day is today? March 27th? Wow. I’m at the dining room table, drinking tea, the first official day of spring break. An empty mug of French press coffee sits next to me, and I napped this afternoon for the first time in forever. Will I ever sleep again?

These last few weeks have been among the most trying of my life. Let me explain as much as I can in public.

Both a psychologist and a psychiatrist indicate that, as far as my brain chemistry is concerned, I’m flatlining. Well, that’s my term. Let me illuminate the scenario a bit with a conflation of the questions they’ve asked:

1. Do you feel rested when you wake?

No.

2. When are you happy?

I don’t know that I’m happy more than in brief glimpses but usually I stay between 0 and 5 on a ten point scale. I’m calm when I read, but that’s not quite happy.

Ok, add the idea that I’m tired all the time and feeling totally burned out at work, and there you go. So I’m going to continue with my crack team of mental health professionals (they really are cool) and see what happens. I’m sleeping a little better and I’m a little happier. It’s all about changing behavioral patterns on a neurological level and, when push comes to shove, kick-starting my brain chemistry. Maybe I’ll go into more detail later, but this blog was never intended to be a whiny description of my descent into hell and ascent back, so I’ll go on to other topics. Bullet points!

• I finished both Let The Right One In (excellent) and Beat The Reaper (pretty good) this past week, the latter in a marathon 90 minute session on the hallway floor outside the high school gym while S went through baseball tryouts.
• I’m about halfway through Zombieland and have a slew of movies set for spring break week.
• Work is sending me to Louisville for two days in a couple weeks. Bleh. On the positive front, however, I bought a cheap plane ticket to Seattle in mid-May. I can’t wait. I’ve only been to Seattle once, and that was brief, on the honeymoon. All I remember is rain, a supermarket, and approaching over the hills (this may be my memory coloring in details) from the dead zone that is eastern Washington. So I want to hike, maybe ride a ferry, and check out the forests. I do not want to climb the Space Needle or catch hurled fish. But I’m looking forward to the trip.
• My shoulder hurts like a motherfucker. S and I have played baseball some this week, and I’ve been lifting as usual, but I don’t know the exact cause. Oh, the psychologist told me to cut back on working out. That feels decadent, but I’ve cut back to five days a week and sometimes four days a week. My body needs a break.
• People at the U don’t seem sure how to treat me now that I've turned down the A.D. position. I’m separating, effectively, from work drama, but when work drama has been a huge part of your existence pulling back feels like slowly ripping an arm-length band aid from your skin. I have to own the idea that not everyone is going to consult with me on every project; why should they care, you know? I’ve made clear that I want less stress, and in turn, I shouldn’t expect to get involved in every conversation. Time will help.
• Cold here, the grey cold that would be so much better with pouring rain, but I don’t know that any is forecast.
• Ok, I’m going to microwave this muscle-heat pad thing and hit the humidified bedroom with To The Lighthouse. Have a great night. More this week.