So this is my first entry in March? What is today? March 5th? No, technically March 6th, because it’s 12:53. I have been up for twenty-two hours, and I could be up a while more.

And how are you, dear readers? I’m ok. Why am I up in the middle of the night? Transitions, I guess. I made a major decision today. I decided, after a tense meeting, to not pursue a promotion at work. I could have done well but I felt like I was getting set up for future conflicts that would be…well, I guess the best way to say it is “not worth my time”. And I also told the powers that be that I’m considering dropping the chair gig next year. I’ve been chair for six years. That’s a hell of a stretch. But I’m fucking tired. I can feel it in my teaching and just about everything I do. A colleague described me today, with empathy (not in that tense meeting) as projecting an “extremely fatigued energy”. I concur.

I also need to say that I went to the doctor about the insomnia/sleep issues. The doctor recommended a psychologist. The psychologist thinks I may have post-traumatic stress syndrome connected to growing up in a violent, intense household.

A lot of these symptoms fit me well:

http://www.aafp.org/afp/20000901/1035.html

So that’s it for now. Hoping to sleep soon. I’m on my way, I think, to getting healthier.