This seems as good a time as any to write in the journal. S and T are off somewhere, the plaza, I think, while N and a new friend are playing cops and robbers up and down the street. M is watching from the porch. I was falling asleep reading an hour ago so I drank coffee and now may be up until 2:00AM. I’m ok with that.

Today was decent. I woke near 6:30, cold morning, and creaked downstairs and drank Folger’s because that’s all I could find in the kitchen cabinets. Raz the cat and I watched Sportscenter, first just us, then with S, who bundled under a blanket and put his head on my lap. I decided, since the grounds were quiet and T and N were still sleeping, to leave S to the television and leave the grounds for a supermarket run. The Mayville Quality was deserted and much too white and barren of anything interesting but the nice checkout girl helped me get a new discount card for the coffee, diet coke, and two chocolate chip cookie packages (we cleaned out Nana last night).

I decided to hit the first UU Sunday service because I have been a bad, bad Unitarian Universalist over the past year. I hijacked a back row pew and read Handke’s A Sorrow Beyond Dreams and kept to myself until the service started. A woman began by introducing her grandson and extolling his gifted music ability for a good five minutes. Fuck it, that’s exactly what I hate about Unitarian Universalism in practice; there are too many affluent white people showing off their purchased advantages and privileged lives. The minister mentioned he had to speak quietly because the Quakers were having a silent service nearby and I thought, well, you know, that sounds better than this bullshit and walked over to the small octagonal building in the direction the minister earlier pointed. A woman with a brace on her hand waved me into the building or else I might not have entered. I sat at a small wooden desk in the outer row of two concentric circles. A card on the desk explained the service. Apparently Quakers sit silently in a circle (the circle symbolizes the lack of a minister and the equality of those present) and pray however they choose. Every now and then someone gets up, if the spirit holds them, and speaks about what’s inspiring them or a subject related to their prayer. I sat and looked at the grey floor in the grey light and felt at home. Silence is very hard work (I’m paraphrasing from someone I’ll mention in a moment) for me. I prayed, let my thoughts wander and focus, considered anger, how much is inside me, found moments of peace, and basked in the quiet. The card said that everyone contributes whether they speak or not. I love that. A woman rose and spoke of some friends who usually visit and heal themselves after a long year and extolled the importance of journeys. I get that. After a while another guy talked about how engaging in mindful living is hard work (I’m paraphrasing here) and how we’re all here to support each other. The service was beautiful. I sat quietly for nearly an hour. I left before the ending handshake. I’m not ready for that yet. But the Quaker ceremony was by far the most meaningful religious experience, coupled with visiting Bear Butte, I’ve encountered in many years. A service without words, without ministers, without grandstanding—I need that. I looked up the Milwaukee Quakers early this afternoon. Perhaps I’ll check them out.

Later T and I hit the bookstore (or what the boys call “the underground library” after one of N’s first evaluations of the space). He chose a book and I fingered a book on Quaker spirituality but decided to hold off since I brought so many books with me and I didn’t know if better Quaker texts exist. My research mind kicks into gear for better or for worse. I ate a little, read while the boys developed a pulley system for the second floor porch, and walked over to the gym for a workout. The ellipticals (at this gym, there are two on the grounds, one near a north gate, one near the lake) have individual televisions attached. I watched CNN. After the cardio I lifted in a no-nonsense bench/free weight setup. When I returned home I showered. M’s mom was back from Rochester, so we talked a bit before I took the boys to the basketball court. T knocked off my glasses, so we cut the one-on-one game short, then T and S caught fly balls on the baseball diamond. I had tofu sandwiches for dinner. M’s mom and I conflicted twice but nothing major. I can’t remember one of the conflicts, so perhaps I should say we conflicted once. T sat with me on the Bestor Plaza porch while he ate ice cream and I drank coffee. Cute, dressed up girls kept walking past us. I’m not sure why.

I’ll post a few pics. Happy Sunday.