Rare that ten days pass between entries, but I haven’t written because I’ve been writing in other ways. I’ve finished a draft of my dissertation chapter four, including an analytical framework I quite like, which means my committee will probably want me to change everything. I don’t know. I’ve also been reading a lot. I feel like I’m starting to understand Buddhism on a higher level than before. Of course, that doesn’t mean my behavior has changed. Well, I can’t say that across the board. Yesterday in the post office I practiced standing meditation instead of steaming about the goddamn woman in front of me paying for a two dollar shipment by check. I did manage to calm down some. However, earlier in the day M and I fought over how to best approach purchasing a new washing machine and I grew tangibly angry for the first time in a while. I hate when my opinion gets dismissed, or even worse, feeling when my opinion is entertained in only the most token manner possible. I raised my voice for the first time in at least a year, if not longer. I get tired of having to defend my perceptions all the time. Anyway, I hear that expressing anger is good for you or whatever, I’m not so sure that’s true on my part, as I felt like I was going to have a heart attack afterwards. Sometimes I don’t think I’m meant to live very long. I don’t mean to be a drama queen. My body’s gone through a lot of stress.
Anyway, now I’m up, 1:40AM, after falling asleep around 8PM. I’ve already caught five hours of sleep. Maybe I’ll catch a couple more before I hit basketball. We’ll see. I suppose I could work on my dissertation. I took three days off of work this week to focus on academia, and while I didn’t use every moment to the best of my ability, I did manage, as I said, to finish a chapter four draft that doesn’t completely suck. Writing is hard, though. While I can appreciate the solitude that accompanies writing, my brain is fried after I’ve stared at a computer screen for six hours in a row. I rarely, if ever, go eight hours in a row without doing something on the computer. Maybe I should cut back on computer usage.

Ok, ten point post, first one in a while:

T has been in trouble at school lately, more than he has been all year. He’s got a new teacher who’s trying to figure out the ropes. Both T and the teacher will eventually figure out the scenario. Last night T and I hit Harry’s for dinner before picking up books at the library. I had to explain tipping to him, which was pretty funny (he wanted to take the cash off the table and hand the money directly to the waitress), but I’m glad we went out. He and I don’t hang outside of the house or library enough. A developmentally disabled woman behind him “creeped him out” (his words). I’m trying to avoid doing what my father did to me, e.g. coming down like a ton of bricks every time I did something wrong at school. Of course I want to set limits as well. If T’s school sends another note home this week no new Wii game and no sleepover at a friend’s on Friday. I also have told T I believe in him, and I know he’s a good person. We’ll see what happens.

I’ve been listening to the latest Shins CD a lot. That “Sea Legs” song, in particular, is excellent.

I’ve been skipping around, bookwise, after running into the brick wall that is the African-American dialect halfway through “Cloud Atlas”. “Awakening the Buddha Within”, a book that seems to be more or less an introduction to Buddhist practice and history, has been great. Last night I also started Ha Jin’s “The Crazed”. I liked the first ten pages or so. The book is about an academic who has a stroke, so I feel like I can relate.

The temperatures have risen above thirty, close to forty, over the last two days. Thank God. This winter has worn me down. I’m starting to understand why people move south. However, I don’t like alligators or evangelical Christians. Is there somewhere in the middle we can move? I’m afraid we are in the middle, if you include Canada, anyway.

The new coffee shop in town seems to be doing well. I hope the shop survives. Yesterday I met a student at the space to talk through action research. I like the space because, if you get the right table, you can watch traffic move in all four directions. Maybe I’ll work there today instead of working at home.

I finished “This Film is Not Yet Rated” this weekend. The second half of the film turned out to be pretty strong. I can’t complain. I just sent back that and “The Last Kiss” (M watched most of that movie, I just walked in and out of the room) with “Shut Up and Sing” and the latest Sofia Coppola film next in my queue.

Yesterday I picked up bird seed and filled the bird feeder for the first time in a couple of weeks. My apologies, birds. I feel horribly guilty when the birds have nothing to eat.

I also ordered seed/flower catalogs online. I know the serious gardeners already have theirs, but I’m not a serious gardener. However, I do want to acknowledge that I would not be surprised to see daffodils in a little over a month. Right?

A few hours ago I dreamt that a football player was dying on the field and his friends were crying. This intense dream hurt my chest.

M has been working with N on his letters lately, and the work seems to be paying off. He’s doing well. Last night he and I took up the whole couch and chatted about school. His hair, all long and curly, makes me happy.